Baseball Anon [One Shot]

>Day Something

>It is a beautiful sunny day in Equestria

>You are Anon.

>And you are tired of this bullshit.

>Every day it’s the same.

>You wake up to birds chirping, bright colors, friendly ponies ponying pony.

>There was 0 conflict, 0 drama, and not a care in the world.

>Well today that’s changing.

>You’ve tried to take your mind off how endlessly goddamn cheerful this place is in a number of ways, including your favourite sport, baseball.

>But of course, the ponies had to ruin that too.

>They never won, but never got angry.

>They always encouraged you, and they ALWAYS sucked.

>The only competitive one you’ve played with was Rainbow Dash, and that bitch is a dyke.

>Today you decide you’ll give baseball one more go, with a little twist, so you leave your little home with your ash bat and your trusty baseball.

>You walk to ponyville, ball in hand and your bat slung over your shoulder.

>It’s a short walk, and despite the headachingly bright colors and the sickeningly sweet atmosphere, no human alive can resist the warm sun on their shoulders.

>Heartened a little, you whistle as you go.

 

>You reach ponyville in good time.

>Most ponies know of your affinity for sports, particularly baseball.

>Since they’re all so damn friendly all the time, you know it’s only a matter of time before someone offers to join you for a game.

 

>Case in point, here comes your first competitor.

>Strolling past Carousel Boutique, the pony with perhaps the most grating coat and mane color in the whole town spots you.

>She brightens up immediately upon seeing you, her face filling with delight as she bounces over.

>You know she’s gonna offer herself up like the ADHD riddled whoremare she is.

>“Hi ‘Nimo!”

>Her stupid pet name for you that she somehow derived from Anonymous.  

>She leans in close, this mare had no concept of personal space.

>“You here to play some.. Uh.”

“Baseball, Pinkie.”

>She thrusts a hoof skyward in glee, her ridiculous mess of a pink mane bouncing with her every move. >“Yeah!! Baseball! Are you gonna play right now? Ooh, I’ll play too! Maybe Rarity will want to play too, I don’t know though she never wanted to play before but we could ask her! And Rainbow Dash will definitely want to play too she loves games, and Applejack--

“No Pinkie, we don’t need all of them yet. I thought of a different kind of baseball. It’s faster, should only take the two of us.”

>You drop the baseball and and lower the bat from your shoulder.

>“Baseball with two ponies? How does it work? Don’t we needs more people for bases and stuff?”

“No Pinkie, we just need a batter and a catcher. I’ve already got the bat--”

>You windup with a dramatic flair, striking a grizzled batter’s pose. Pinkie grins widely, amused at your theatric stance.

“So you catch.”

 

>“Okay! I love catching!”

>She looks startled a moment, realizing what she’d said.

>But then beams sheepishly.

>“That sounded wrong, heehee~, I didn’t mean it like that, I just meant to--”

>Fuck what she meant, you swing the bat in a wide arc and connect with the side of her face.

>There’s a loud thwack! The sound of a ball being hit outta the park.

>Soundlessly the mare goes sideways and hits the ground like a sack of potatoes.

“Fuckin’ homerun, crowd goes wild! Yanks win.”

>You are about to leave the unconscious mare where she is when you hear a little hiss of exhalation.

>“Hhh.. Nh-Nhimoo?”

>One side of her face is swelling rapidly, blood oozes from a nostril and one of her eyes are swollen shut.

>Her chest rises and falls with a feverish shudder.

>Her one good eye dazedly rolls up to look you in the face, and she smiles at you, quite a feat for an undoubtedly shattered jaw.

>“Dhh-Dhou aye get twoo bwat now?”

“Fuck off Pinkie.”

>You stroll past her, feeling better than you have in weeks.

>Yeah the place was still bright.

>And colourful.

>And full of happy ponies who would never know a moment’s hardship.

>But at least for today, not EVERYWHERE in this world was all sunshine, sugar and shit.

>After only a few steps, the door to Carousel Boutique opens.

 

>A well groomed, white unicorn sticks her head out.

>She gives a melodramatic gasp as she spies the bubblegum mare lying bleeding on the ground outside her shop.

>Her shock turns to anger as she spies you meandering away, baseball in hand, bat once again lazily slung over your shoulder in an easy, devil-may-care fashion.

>“WHAT have you done to Pinkie you brute! I never thought Anonymous could be such an evil colt, but now I see your true colors! You have a lot of explaining to do! To me, to the guards, and ESPECIALLY to Pinkie Pie! But first--”

>Her horn begins to glow

>nope.avi

>That familiar glow is abruptly cut short when a thrown baseball bat slams into her door frame, mere inches away from the unicorn’s face.

>Rarity gives a little shriek, eyes shocked and wide at how close she just came to having her face rearranged in new and exciting ways.

>You stare at her, casually tossing your ball up and down in your hand.

>A long moment hangs caught in time, when the two of you just look at each other.

>Then you wind up, limber and ready to put a 90mph fast ball into this haughty cunt’s face.

>She gives another shriek and slams the door shut, and an instant later there’s a loud crack as a baseball puts a rather large hole in her door before rolling harmlessly into the grass.

>You saunter over, and pick up your ball and bat, both a little scuffed but otherwise none the worse for wear.

>Without a look back at the beaten pink mare, you head on home.

>The sun was still warm and you felt a contentedness you haven’t known in weeks.

>Smiling a little, you begin to whistle as you walk.