Cloudchaser & Flitter

        Flitter sat in her room, at her desk, poring over her work. It was Saturday, and she just wanted to get it over with. She normally didn't mind paperwork that much, but she hated when everyone in the office was too lazy to do their jobs, and the responsibility fell to her. Flitter's train of thought was interrupted when the front door opened. She assumed that it was her roommate, Cloudchaser, returning, and her assumptions were confirmed when a horrible racket of opening and shutting cabinets came from the kitchen.

 

        Flitter had just gotten over the noise and gotten back to her work when Cloudchaser came busting into Flitter's room and flopped onto her bed. “Flitter, I'm hungry.”

 

        “Why is that my problem?” Flitter asked. She wasn't trying to be mean, but she really needed to concentrate on her work.

 

        “There are no clean dishes...” Cloudchaser replied, absentmindedly. Flitter continued writing, saying nothing. “It's your turn to clean them. Can you hurry, I really want to eat.”

 

        “It's your turn to clean them.” Flitter replied.

 

        “Is not.” Cloudchaser argued.

 

        “I'm sure it is your turn, I went last time.” Flitter stated.

 

        “But I went twice in a row before that.” Cloudchaser said.

 

        Flitter was getting frustrated. “Look, I'm really busy here. Can you just take care of it?”

 

        “I know!” Cloudchaser said. Her sudden excitement didn't bode well. “Let's have a contest! Loser does the dishes.”

 

        “I'd rather just do them myself.” Flitter said. Cloudchaser looked disappointed. She was always trying to compete with everypony. Well, Flitter needed a break from her paperwork. She might as well try to get a contest she could win. “Ok, what kind of contest? It can't be anything physically challenging, otherwise I don't stand a chance.”

 

        “Hmmmm...” Cloudchaser said. “What about... no... Well we could... not that either... How about a sneezing contest?”

 

        “What in the hay is a sneezing contest?” Flitter asked. She was legitimately curious. Cloudchaser was a pretty strange individual sometimes.

 

        “I'm not exactly sure...” Cloudchaser said. “How about... we each have five minutes. Whoever sneezes the most times wins.”

 

        Flitter looked at her roommate curiously. “Huh? What makes you think either of us is going to sneeze in the next five minutes?”

 

        “No, silly.” Cloudchaser explained. “We try and make ourselves sneeze. With pepper, or something.”

 

        “Or something?” Flitter asked. “We need to decide what we're allowed to use.”

 

        “I think anything is fair game.” Cloudchaser said. “Anything that can make somepony sneeze.”

 

        “How about this: each of us gets to choose what the other uses.” Flitter suggested. “I am not letting you get the feather duster.”

 

        “Ok, now we have to decide what's allowed. Otherwise you're going to make me use a shoelace or something.” Cloudchaser said. “So we have pepper, the feather duster... what else?”

 

        “Perfume.” Flitter added.

 

        “Perfect. And flowers.” Cloudchaser continued.

 

        “Flowers? That's stupid. Neither of us are allergic to flowers.” Flitter complained.

 

        “Thanks for telling me you aren't.” Cloudchaser said. “But I think they are fair. The rules were anything that can make a pony sneeze, and flowers fit the bill.”

 

        “Flowers are food. And we are making up the rules anyhow.” Flitter said.

 

        Cloudchaser shook her head. “Rules are rules, Flitter.”

 

        “What? Ok, well if we're allowing flowers, each of us should have to choose two tools for their opponent to use. Deal?”

 

        “Deal.”

 

----

 

        Flitter held the stopwatch. She had chosen pepper and flowers for Cloudchaser. Flitter still thought that including flowers was a dumb move, because she knew Cloudchaser was bluffing about not being allergic. But, 'rules were rules.' Perhaps Cloudchaser would be too stubborn or dumb to choose flowers for her.

 

        “Ready?” Flitter asked.

 

        “Ready.” Cloudchaser said. She held the pepper shaker in her hoof. Flitter started the timer. Cloudchaser lifted the pepper shaker to her nose and sniffed. She got a slightly faraway look, and her breath hitched. “Ehh.. Ehhehh...”

 

        The sneeze faded from her face. She took a larger sniff from the shaker, and her nostrils flared. Her head reared back as the sneeze came upon her. “Hehh.. Ehhh... Heeeeshhoooo! Heh... Ehhh..”

 

        Once again, the sneeze slipped away from Cloudchaser. She pressed the pepper shaker into her nostrils and sniffed sharply. As she pulled it away, her mouth opened, and her eyes squeezed shut. “Ehh... Hehhh... EHHH... Ehheeehh... Ehh... EHH...”

 

        Flitter chuckled. Cloudchaser looked really silly right now. “It's not fuhh... funny F-F-Flitter! It rehh... rehhHEHH... Ehh... Hehh... really burns!”

 

        Cloudchaser shook the pepper shaker vividly, causing a gray cloud to rise into the air. She sniffled three times, each sharper than the last. Her breath hitched. “Ehhehh... EHHEHH... How much tehhh... time?”

 

        “A minute and a half.” Flitter said. She had this in the bag. Cloudchaser had only sneezed once.

 

        Desperately, Cloudchaser pressed the pepper shaker into her nose, and cocked her head to the side, so as if to tilt the pepper in. She sniffed again, and the urge to sneeze became clear on her face. “Ehhehhehh... EHHH! EHHH! HEHHEHH! Oh...”

 

        With a minute remaining, Cloudchaser put the pepper down and picked up a single flower. She gave the petals a brief sniff, but then turned the flower around, inserting the stem into her nostrils. Her eyelashes fluttered shut as she twisted the stem around. Her nostrils were flaring wildly, and her mouth opened to draw in air. “Ehhehh... EHHEHHEHHEHH!”

 

        Cloudchaser yanked the stem out of her nose, and sneezed violently. “HEEEESSHHOOOOOO! Hhheeeee-TIIIICHHHHH-hooooooo! HEHHEHH... HEH-EHHEHHH! HEHHEHHEHH... EHHHHHH!”

 

        “Time!” Flitter shouted.

 

        “GGEERRRRIIIIIIIIISHHHHHEEEEOOOOOOO!!” Cloudchaser exploded. “That was fehh... four!”

 

        “That was three.” Flitter stated. “The third one was after I called time and you know it.”

 

        “Fehh... Heeeechoooo!” Cloudchaser sneezed. “Four!”

 

        “Three and a half.” Flitter haggled. “If I sneeze four times, I win, and if I sneeze three times, I lose.”

 

        “Fehh.. Ehhh.. Fine.” Cloudchaser agreed, breathily. The sneeze seemed to slip away from her. She looked at the bouquet of flowers and devoured it in a matter of seconds. Flitter looked at her, smirking.

 

        “What?” Cloudchaser said, with her mouth full. “I told you I was hungry.”

 

        “What are you going to pick for me to use?” Flitter asked. She wasn't nearly as sure of herself anymore.

 

        Cloudchaser swallowed quickly. “Eeehshhoooo! I'm picking pepper... and flowers.”

 

        “You just ate all of our flowers, remember? I do, because you just sneezed petals into my mane.” Flitter complained.

 

        “I didn't eat all of our flowers.” Cloudchaser said.

 

        “Yes you did. Who does the grocery shopping around here?”

 

        Cloudchaser didn't reply, and instead, flew up to the cabinet above the refrigerator. She pulled out the silver punch bowl, and out of the bowl, she pulled a bouquet of purple flowers.

 

        “My secret stash.” She explained.

 

        Flitter was too awestruck to answer. It was impossible. But there it was, in front of her. A full bouquet of azaleas. They didn't even grow around here. How did Cloudchaser... She must know. But how did she find out? Flitter's nose tickled just thinking about the flowers in Cloudchaser's grip.

 

        “Ok, are you ready?” Cloudchaser asked. Flitter hadn't even noticed her roommate set the azaleas and the pepper shaker down on the table.

 

        “Y-yes...” Flitter said, nervously. She heard the stopwatch beep, and she lifted the pepper shaker. She tried sniffing the top of it, not wanting to make the same mistake that Cloudchaser did and take in too much. With that proving ineffective, she sniffed, deeper, and deeper, until she felt a tickle in her nose. “Hihh.. hihh..”

 

        She just couldn't concentrate on sneezing with the azaleas in front of her. The irony. Flitter knew that she could end the contest right now if she sniffed the flowers, but she didn't dare. She tried the pepper again, not getting much of a reaction.

 

        “Only a minute left, Flitter.” Cloudchaser said.

 

        “Hihhh... Hih-HIH...” Flitter's breath hitched, but the sneeze kept giving her the slip. Finally, she set the pepper shaker down and admitted defeat. But she didn't touch the azaleas, instead keeping her nose as far away from them as possible.

 

        “Time.” Cloudchaser called. “You lose. Why didn't you even try the flowers? Are you that sure you aren't allergic?”

 

        Cloudchaser picked up the azaleas and shoved them into Flitter's face. Flitter's nose felt like it had caught fire. “Cuhh... Cloudchaser! Nnnihh... Hihh.. Hihh! Hihhihh! Giiitchhheeewww! GIIITCHHHOOOO!”

 

        Flitter sneezed, destroying the bouquet and sending petals and pollen everywhere. She was going to sneeze again. “Hihhihhh... Hiihh-choo! Hitchheeeww! Ha-Cheew! Hachoooiiie! Hihh.. Hihh...”

 

        Cloudchaser gaped at her in awe. “Don't worry about the dishes, I'll take care of them.”

 

        Flitter had no reply, only more sneezes. She knew that she would probably be going for the next twenty minutes or so. “Hittchhhhoo! Hiiiieechhheeeeww! Hiihh... Hihhh! IYYIIIITCHHOOOOO! Hih... Hitchoooo!”

 

        Why did Cloudchaser always have to be so competitive?