Title:           Scrunchin' with the Punch (AiE one-shot, Berry Punch)
Author:          ponescribe
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/d6KkNadS
First Edit:      Sunday 10th of March 2013 06:34:27 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Sunday 10th of March 2013 06:34:27 PM CDT

>Day Unconscious Mimicry in Equestria
>Be Anon
>Be out on a picnic with best purplehorse, Berry Punch
>Lil' Pinch isn't with her
>It's a school day
>That would be truancy
>You're about halfway through the food
>Sunny day, gentle breeze, a few other happy pones in the park around you
>Feels good man
>Just chillin' here in hoersyland with your best bud, Best Purple
>Yeah, yeah -- Twilight's cool and all, but 1) you hardly ever see her anymore since she sprouted wings, and 2) bright purple is best purple
>That's all there is to it
>...
>Friggin' Sparklecorn
>A wild snickering appears
>Turn left, engage glare
"What"
>Berry's wearing her smug smile
>She does that a lot around you
"What!"
>"You're doing it again."
"Doing what?"
>"A very ponyish facial expression."
"'Ponyish'? Come on, even with the snout thing, our expressions are a lot alike."
>"Oh, sure..."
>Buuut...
>"I've just never seen you do scrunchface until this week."
>Huh?
"'Scrunchface'?"
>"Yeah, you've talked about it before."
>ORLY?
>Moment of recollection
>...Ya. Rly.
>With newfound self-awareness, you wipe yet another scrunch off your face
>Turn back to Berry
>She's still looking at you
>Still smug
>Why is your face hot
>She finally turns away to calmly regard her sandwich
>Go back to your own
>"And now here you are, doing it yourself."
"Hmph."
>Your nose twitches
>You can feel her looking at you again
>Stay focused on your sandwich
>"The circle is complete."
>Take an enormous bite of sandwich to disguise the scrunch that comes unbidden
>"You're a real pony now, Anon."
>It keeps happening
>Chew angrily
>"Welcome to the herd."
>That's it
>Throw your sandwich down
>...Gently
>You want to finish it later
"Berry, stahp. You're making me all self-conscious."
>She has herself a giggle
>You can't be mad at adorable little horse people
>Better switch tactics
 
>Look sad and gaze wistfully into the distance
"Not that I wasn't to begin with, being twice as tall and half as legged as most every other critter I meet."
>No reply
>Look over
>Berry's now wearing her best sadface, making like she's playing a tiny violin
>You can't help but chuckle
>This mare
>"I can't believe you still try to pull that 'I'm so alone!' act -- and with ME of all ponies!"
>Damn
"I know, I know. Sometimes I manage to forget that you're heartless."
>"Well, you're one of us, now. This changes everything."
>All attempts at concealment have failed
>Self-control?
>Forget it
>You cover your scrunched face with your hands in shame
>A soft hoof pats your shoulder
>"Just embrace it, my dear pony-faced friend. It is a gift -- perhaps from Celestia herself!"
>Time to go on the offensive
>Make ugliest hoers + scrunch face possible
>Give it to your friend
"THANK YOU SO MUCH PRINCESS CELESTIA! AT LAST I AM AS PRETTY AS A PONY!"
>...
>"...Yeaaah... That's definitely a human face."
>You've got her on the ropes
"You know what? I think you're jealous."
>"Ha! Right, jealous of... what, exactly?"
>She turns her hooves up and gestures to empty air
>That cheeky...
>...Horse.
"My scrunch face is cuter."
>"Pfft! Ain't nothin' cuter than a purple pony, and you know it."
>Ignore strong and sassy mare who don't need no stallion, press offensive
"Yeah, see, I've actually got a proper nose..."
>No shame now, only confidence
>Demonstrate textbook scrunch
>"Hmm, I give you an A for effort, but Anon, you just weren't born with it."
>Intensify your cuteness
>Berry scrunches back
>The duel begins
>Make best kawaii eyes
>...Berry's got you beat there, hands down
>Shit man, what else've you got?!
>...Hands
>Slowly and deliberately cup your face with your hands, fingertips resting daintily on your cheeks
>Berry moves to imitate...
>Softly drum your fingertips on your cheeks
>"Grrrr..."
>Victory is assured
 
>Berry rears up on her back hooves
>"YOU THINK YOU CAN SCRUNCH WITH THE PUNCH!?"
>ohshi
>"RAAAA!!"
>Brace for impact!
>*pof-pomfpomfpof*
>...
>A flurry of marshmallow hooves
>lol
>Your laughing only makes her attacks faster
>And more hilarious
>You have to stop this before you piss yourself
>Scoop Berry with one arm, start petting her mane with the other
"There, there, Berry. Sometimes other people are better than you at things. It doesn't make you a bad pony..."
>"Rrggh..."
"...Just not the best."
>She won't hold still
>Grip... breaking...
>You might have to use your other hand
>...For tickling
>Hmm, nah
>You're gonna need both hands for this
>Strategic release, fingers to her ribs
>"AAAaahahaha*gasp*NO FA-HA-HAAIR!*gasp*STOP! STA-Hahap! Haha-ANON! AIEEE! *gasp* Stop! Seriously! HAHhaha"
>All too easy
"Just accept the scrunch supremacy of the human master race, Berry, and all of this can be over."
>"ARRGH*gasp*NEVER!"
>Pony limbs flailing everywhere
>Things are getting dangerous
>At these speeds, if one of those hoov--
>*POW*
>...
>Like you were saying...
>But that wasn't a marshmallow hoof
>That was an iron hoof
>And those are pretty stars swimming in the sky
 
>"Ohmygosh Anon! I'm so-so-so sorry! Are you okay? Talk to me, Anon!"
"Nngh."
>It hurts
"Berry."
>"I'm here, Anon! Let me get you some ice, just hold on, okay?!"
"Berrry."
>"I know, I know! Just hang on a second!"
>Hear the tinkling of ice being fished out of the pitcher
>You can't feel your nose
>Where once was nose, now there is only throbbing
>And agony
>...But pain will not, CANNOT keep you from victory
"*cough* I'm afraid, Berry. *coughcough*"
>"Stop being silly. Here, take this ice."
"I don't... I don't think I can..."
>Berry looks at you, perplexed
"If I don't make it..."
>"Oh, please. Seriously, Anon, you need to--"
"--Just!... Please. Just remember me like this, Berry..."
>Take her face in your hands
>Look deep into her eyes, perhaps for the last time...
>Wait for it...
>...Keep waiting
>This is going to hurt
>...
>Scrunch
>OH GOD IT HURTS SO BAD
>Suppress tears and choice vocalizations
>"Pfff. You're such a dork, Anon."
>Play dead
>Berry puts the ice down your shirt
>Today was a victorious day