Scrunchin' with the Punch (AiE one-shot, Berry Punch)

>Day Unconscious Mimicry in Equestria

>Be Anon

>Be out on a picnic with best purplehorse, Berry Punch

>Lil' Pinch isn't with her

>It's a school day

>That would be truancy

>You're about halfway through the food

>Sunny day, gentle breeze, a few other happy pones in the park around you

>Feels good man

>Just chillin' here in hoersyland with your best bud, Best Purple

>Yeah, yeah -- Twilight's cool and all, but 1) you hardly ever see her anymore since she sprouted wings, and 2) bright purple is best purple

>That's all there is to it

>...

>Friggin' Sparklecorn

>A wild snickering appears

>Turn left, engage glare

"What"

>Berry's wearing her smug smile

>She does that a lot around you

"What!"

>"You're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

>"A very ponyish facial expression."

"'Ponyish'? Come on, even with the snout thing, our expressions are a lot alike."

>"Oh, sure..."

>Buuut...

>"I've just never seen you do scrunchface until this week."

>Huh?

"'Scrunchface'?"

>"Yeah, you've talked about it before."

>ORLY?

>Moment of recollection

>...Ya. Rly.

>With newfound self-awareness, you wipe yet another scrunch off your face

>Turn back to Berry

>She's still looking at you

>Still smug

>Why is your face hot

>She finally turns away to calmly regard her sandwich

>Go back to your own

>"And now here you are, doing it yourself."

"Hmph."

>Your nose twitches

>You can feel her looking at you again

>Stay focused on your sandwich

>"The circle is complete."

>Take an enormous bite of sandwich to disguise the scrunch that comes unbidden

>"You're a real pony now, Anon."

>It keeps happening

>Chew angrily

>"Welcome to the herd."

>That's it

>Throw your sandwich down

>...Gently

>You want to finish it later

"Berry, stahp. You're making me all self-conscious."

>She has herself a giggle

>You can't be mad at adorable little horse people

>Better switch tactics

 

>Look sad and gaze wistfully into the distance

"Not that I wasn't to begin with, being twice as tall and half as legged as most every other critter I meet."

>No reply

>Look over

>Berry's now wearing her best sadface, making like she's playing a tiny violin

>You can't help but chuckle

>This mare

>"I can't believe you still try to pull that 'I'm so alone!' act -- and with ME of all ponies!"

>Damn

"I know, I know. Sometimes I manage to forget that you're heartless."

>"Well, you're one of us, now. This changes everything."

>All attempts at concealment have failed

>Self-control?

>Forget it

>You cover your scrunched face with your hands in shame

>A soft hoof pats your shoulder

>"Just embrace it, my dear pony-faced friend. It is a gift -- perhaps from Celestia herself!"

>Time to go on the offensive

>Make ugliest hoers + scrunch face possible

>Give it to your friend

"THANK YOU SO MUCH PRINCESS CELESTIA! AT LAST I AM AS PRETTY AS A PONY!"

>...

>"...Yeaaah... That's definitely a human face."

>You've got her on the ropes

"You know what? I think you're jealous."

>"Ha! Right, jealous of... what, exactly?"

>She turns her hooves up and gestures to empty air

>That cheeky...

>...Horse.

"My scrunch face is cuter."

>"Pfft! Ain't nothin' cuter than a purple pony, and you know it."

>Ignore strong and sassy mare who don't need no stallion, press offensive

"Yeah, see, I've actually got a proper nose..."

>No shame now, only confidence

>Demonstrate textbook scrunch

>"Hmm, I give you an A for effort, but Anon, you just weren't born with it."

>Intensify your cuteness

>Berry scrunches back

>The duel begins

>Make best kawaii eyes

>...Berry's got you beat there, hands down

>Shit man, what else've you got?!

>...Hands

>Slowly and deliberately cup your face with your hands, fingertips resting daintily on your cheeks

>Berry moves to imitate...

>Softly drum your fingertips on your cheeks

>"Grrrr..."

>Victory is assured

 

>Berry rears up on her back hooves

>"YOU THINK YOU CAN SCRUNCH WITH THE PUNCH!?"

>ohshi

>"RAAAA!!"

>Brace for impact!

>*pof-pomfpomfpof*

>...

>A flurry of marshmallow hooves

>lol

>Your laughing only makes her attacks faster

>And more hilarious

>You have to stop this before you piss yourself

>Scoop Berry with one arm, start petting her mane with the other

"There, there, Berry. Sometimes other people are better than you at things. It doesn't make you a bad pony..."

>"Rrggh..."

"...Just not the best."

>She won't hold still

>Grip... breaking...

>You might have to use your other hand

>...For tickling

>Hmm, nah

>You're gonna need both hands for this

>Strategic release, fingers to her ribs

>"AAAaahahaha*gasp*NO FA-HA-HAAIR!*gasp*STOP! STA-Hahap! Haha-ANON! AIEEE! *gasp* Stop! Seriously! HAHhaha"

>All too easy

"Just accept the scrunch supremacy of the human master race, Berry, and all of this can be over."

>"ARRGH*gasp*NEVER!"

>Pony limbs flailing everywhere

>Things are getting dangerous

>At these speeds, if one of those hoov--

>*POW*

>...

>Like you were saying...

>But that wasn't a marshmallow hoof

>That was an iron hoof

>And those are pretty stars swimming in the sky

 

>"Ohmygosh Anon! I'm so-so-so sorry! Are you okay? Talk to me, Anon!"

"Nngh."

>It hurts

"Berry."

>"I'm here, Anon! Let me get you some ice, just hold on, okay?!"

"Berrry."

>"I know, I know! Just hang on a second!"

>Hear the tinkling of ice being fished out of the pitcher

>You can't feel your nose

>Where once was nose, now there is only throbbing

>And agony

>...But pain will not, CANNOT keep you from victory

"*cough* I'm afraid, Berry. *coughcough*"

>"Stop being silly. Here, take this ice."

"I don't... I don't think I can..."

>Berry looks at you, perplexed

"If I don't make it..."

>"Oh, please. Seriously, Anon, you need to--"

"--Just!... Please. Just remember me like this, Berry..."

>Take her face in your hands

>Look deep into her eyes, perhaps for the last time...

>Wait for it...

>...Keep waiting

>This is going to hurt

>...

>Scrunch

>OH GOD IT HURTS SO BAD

>Suppress tears and choice vocalizations

>"Pfff. You're such a dork, Anon."

>Play dead

>Berry puts the ice down your shirt

>Today was a victorious day