Title:           The Return of the Picklemancer
Author:          picklehead42
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/eDRcVpUE
First Edit:      Wednesday 22nd of January 2014 06:59:00 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Wednesday 22nd of January 2014 06:59:00 PM CDT

>Day wizard in Equestria
>You are an ancient wizard, forgotten by time and history
>Long ago you were a powerful mage, willing to do anything for a price. Pranks, parties, a genocide here and there. It was all fun and games
>Then Celestia got a little butthurt over a silly joke and thought it’d be funny to imprison you in your greatest tool after you pranked her for a new lava lamp and half a donut
>You’d tried to explain to her that it was jelly filled, but she didn’t care
>But once you’re released you won’t have to go on some stupid ass side quest to retrieve aforementioned tool and can just get back to business
>At least she had stuck you in the one jar that you had pimped out with magic. Who doesn’t want a swingin’ pad named Jeremy?
>Maybe they could even pay us for a job. You had been unemployed for…200 years now?
>All you have to do is be patient and wa-
>The bland brown background past the green tinted glass walls suddenly shifts an inch, and your wizard pad is tilted to the left
>A large assortment of potions, snow globes, and lava lamps slide off their shelves and smash into the ground
“Son of a bitch, who’s the dumb motherfucker who’s wrecking my wizard shit?!?!”
>Your home is jostled again, and suddenly pulled upwards
>The dank cool dirt wallpaper is suddenly replaced by a painful white light, and you have to cast a Level 12 Sunglasses spell to save your retinas
>The landscape around you had changed quite a bit. It was a dull yellow, with little tufts of fur poking out
>Looked pretty damn soft. Did the color of the grass change
>A giant blue eye suddenly pulls into view, and you jump back and raise your hands, green lightening crackling at your finger tips
“Back! Back I say you evil demon! Release me from Jeremy at once or face my wrath!”
>The eye suddenly gets smaller, and you’re cast into the air as the jar drops
>Slamming into the ground, you’re thrown roughly onto your couch as it crushes your alchemy table, potion shelf, and comic collection
“Hey man! Those were priceless collectors editions! You know how hard it is to find Colonel Corn comic nowadays! They’re only made in dimension Alpha Sub-Charlie 47!”
>The green tendrils now surrounding your home claw at you as you’re lifted back up to the giant blue eyeball.
>”Hello? Is there somep0ny in there?”
>You dust off your wizard cloak and adjust your wizard cap
“Yes, there is someone in here man! Now would you mind unscrewing the cap so I can stop being tumbled around! You know how uncomfortable it is being inside a jar for 2 centuries? The AC sucks and the TV only gets BET!”
>The eye flies upwards, and the green tendrils that you now recognize as the real landscape grasp Jeremy’s ass again
>The ceiling is suddenly turned, and with the hiss of depressurization it’s pulled away
>Blue sky and white clouds sit high above, and fresh air floods your home
>Casting a level 42 Teleportation spell (outlawed at most major wizard schools for multiple incidents of illegal activity involved with said teleportation) and a Level 7 growth spell, you’re full size once again and released from your home
>Wiggling your bare feet into the grass, you breathe deeply as a cool breeze blows through your bright green wizard hair
“Oh, you have no idea how wonderful it is to be out of that jar! Jeremy can get a little stuffy after 50 years, so these last 150 seemed to just drag on forever!”
>Turning to your savior, you find a tiny horse staring up at you
>Crouching, you scratch it behind the ears
“Where did you come from? And how on earth did you get such a great color scheme?”
>The horse seems to blush, and mutters a “Thank you”
>You quickly cover your mouth with one hand and cast a level 56 Calm the Fuck Down It’s Only a Talking Horse Spell
“Say, could you tell me where I am? I’ve been locked in ol’ Jeremy for a long time.”
>”W-well, I think I could tell you…but information d-doesn’t come cheap mister!”
>You snicker.
“Oh, so you know how to handle a wizard then, eh? Afraid I’ll cast a spell on you before world domination?”
>She laughs with you. “No, it’s just been a while since a human has been around. I’ve used the last one all up.”
>You immediately stop laughing
“What.”
>She turns and presents her yellow folds, dripping loudly like a faucet, and right on her button is a glowing metal ball
>The aura coming off it hits you like a freight train, and you immediately recognize the mind control enchantment on the clit piercing
>The warm orange glow seems to draw your eyes, and your mind grows numb
>”Go on Mister Wizard…take a lick.”
>You attempt to cast a Level 106 Anti-Rape Spell, but your mana has been drained by the powerful aura pulsating from this yellow horse’s vagina
>You fall to your knees and prepare to service this tiny horse
>It seems that Rape is indeed Magic