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The Return of the Picklemancer

By: picklehead42 on Jan 22nd, 2014  |  syntax: None  |  size: 4.84 KB  |  hits: 8  |  expires: Never
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  1. >Day wizard in Equestria
  2. >You are an ancient wizard, forgotten by time and history
  3. >Long ago you were a powerful mage, willing to do anything for a price. Pranks, parties, a genocide here and there. It was all fun and games
  4. >Then Celestia got a little butthurt over a silly joke and thought it’d be funny to imprison you in your greatest tool after you pranked her for a new lava lamp and half a donut
  5. >You’d tried to explain to her that it was jelly filled, but she didn’t care
  6. >But once you’re released you won’t have to go on some stupid ass side quest to retrieve aforementioned tool and can just get back to business
  7. >At least she had stuck you in the one jar that you had pimped out with magic. Who doesn’t want a swingin’ pad named Jeremy?
  8. >Maybe they could even pay us for a job. You had been unemployed for…200 years now?
  9. >All you have to do is be patient and wa-
  10. >The bland brown background past the green tinted glass walls suddenly shifts an inch, and your wizard pad is tilted to the left
  11. >A large assortment of potions, snow globes, and lava lamps slide off their shelves and smash into the ground
  12. “Son of a bitch, who’s the dumb motherfucker who’s wrecking my wizard shit?!?!”
  13. >Your home is jostled again, and suddenly pulled upwards
  14. >The dank cool dirt wallpaper is suddenly replaced by a painful white light, and you have to cast a Level 12 Sunglasses spell to save your retinas
  15. >The landscape around you had changed quite a bit. It was a dull yellow, with little tufts of fur poking out
  16. >Looked pretty damn soft. Did the color of the grass change
  17. >A giant blue eye suddenly pulls into view, and you jump back and raise your hands, green lightening crackling at your finger tips
  18. “Back! Back I say you evil demon! Release me from Jeremy at once or face my wrath!”
  19. >The eye suddenly gets smaller, and you’re cast into the air as the jar drops
  20. >Slamming into the ground, you’re thrown roughly onto your couch as it crushes your alchemy table, potion shelf, and comic collection
  21. “Hey man! Those were priceless collectors editions! You know how hard it is to find Colonel Corn comic nowadays! They’re only made in dimension Alpha Sub-Charlie 47!”
  22. >The green tendrils now surrounding your home claw at you as you’re lifted back up to the giant blue eyeball.
  23. >”Hello? Is there somep0ny in there?”
  24. >You dust off your wizard cloak and adjust your wizard cap
  25. “Yes, there is someone in here man! Now would you mind unscrewing the cap so I can stop being tumbled around! You know how uncomfortable it is being inside a jar for 2 centuries? The AC sucks and the TV only gets BET!”
  26. >The eye flies upwards, and the green tendrils that you now recognize as the real landscape grasp Jeremy’s ass again
  27. >The ceiling is suddenly turned, and with the hiss of depressurization it’s pulled away
  28. >Blue sky and white clouds sit high above, and fresh air floods your home
  29. >Casting a level 42 Teleportation spell (outlawed at most major wizard schools for multiple incidents of illegal activity involved with said teleportation) and a Level 7 growth spell, you’re full size once again and released from your home
  30. >Wiggling your bare feet into the grass, you breathe deeply as a cool breeze blows through your bright green wizard hair
  31. “Oh, you have no idea how wonderful it is to be out of that jar! Jeremy can get a little stuffy after 50 years, so these last 150 seemed to just drag on forever!”
  32. >Turning to your savior, you find a tiny horse staring up at you
  33. >Crouching, you scratch it behind the ears
  34. “Where did you come from? And how on earth did you get such a great color scheme?”
  35. >The horse seems to blush, and mutters a “Thank you”
  36. >You quickly cover your mouth with one hand and cast a level 56 Calm the Fuck Down It’s Only a Talking Horse Spell
  37. “Say, could you tell me where I am? I’ve been locked in ol’ Jeremy for a long time.”
  38. >”W-well, I think I could tell you…but information d-doesn’t come cheap mister!”
  39. >You snicker.
  40. “Oh, so you know how to handle a wizard then, eh? Afraid I’ll cast a spell on you before world domination?”
  41. >She laughs with you. “No, it’s just been a while since a human has been around. I’ve used the last one all up.”
  42. >You immediately stop laughing
  43. “What.”
  44. >She turns and presents her yellow folds, dripping loudly like a faucet, and right on her button is a glowing metal ball
  45. >The aura coming off it hits you like a freight train, and you immediately recognize the mind control enchantment on the clit piercing
  46. >The warm orange glow seems to draw your eyes, and your mind grows numb
  47. >”Go on Mister Wizard…take a lick.”
  48. >You attempt to cast a Level 106 Anti-Rape Spell, but your mana has been drained by the powerful aura pulsating from this yellow horse’s vagina
  49. >You fall to your knees and prepare to service this tiny horse
  50. >It seems that Rape is indeed Magic
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