Side Salad

>As the warm sun wakes you, you contemplate snuggling back into your blanket and becoming the human embodiment of pigs in a blanket, minus the eating part. 

>Sighing, you remember your agreement with your boss, Carrot Top, and roll out of bed. 

>You shit, shower, shave, brush your teeth, cut your nails, and brush your hair. 

>A man has gotta look at least half descent. 

>You munch on a light breakfast of Derpy-O's, and read through the daily paper.

>The only comic there was still some poorly drawn representation of you courting some mare, but failing every time. 

>Wasn't that funny.  

>You toss your bowl in the sink, and head out the door. 

>Passing a few p0nies you knew, you wave and say hi. You high hoof Lyra, pat Apple Bloom on the head, and even apologize profusely to Rarity for having to miss her fashion show. 

>She tells you it's fine, and you're back on track to work. 

>Or whatever you called what you were doing. 

>You worked for the aforementioned Carrot Top, at her stand. 

>It was good pay, relatively easy, and she was good conversation. 

>But yesterday she had asked something odd. 

>She had a cousin coming in, and she had wanted you to show her a good time. 

>It seemed a little too close to a blind date, but hey, it got you out of work, so you decided to roll with it. 

>Arriving at the familiar stand, you begin to sell your orange wares. 

>But not actual oranges. The asshole who sold those was across town. 

>After about an hour or so, you see the familiar orange mane of your employer in the crowd, followed by an unfamiliar green mane. 

>After fighting her way out, she reaches in and pulls out another mare. 

>She had the same manilla coat and eye color, but instead of a orange mane, it was long and dark green, with white stripes.

>"Hiya Anon! I want you to meet my sister, Cabbage Patch!"

>You hop the stand, bend down, and shake the hoof of the green mare. 

>"Charmed." she says. Her voice is deep and luxurious, and she blushes slightly as you bend down further and kiss her hoof lightly. 

>Carrot Top smacks you, and mutters "Watch it. She's still my cuz."

>You shrug it off, and stand back up. 

"So where are ya from, Cab?"

>She tells you she's from the country, never really had a chance to come into town just to relax. 

>You begin to make idle chat, answering the usual questions you receive about you and your home. 

>You can tell Carrot Top is getting a bit bored, so you interrupt Cabbage.

"Listen, before we continue chatting, what do you say I show you the sights of P0nyville?"

>So you spent the entire day with her, walking all over hill and Dale. 

>You showed her the vast collection of books in Twilight's Treebrary, and narrowly escaped a rape attempt on the way out. 

>You checked out Vinyl and Octavia's music shop, with their new patented "Walk-P0ny Cassette Player". 

>She had never heard of Hoofy Louis and the News, so you spent half the day just boogying out in the back room. 

>By the time night rolled around, you were laughing and chatting like old friends. 

>You left the jam shack, albeit sweaty and tired, and grabbed some food from Pinkie's bakery. 

>You nom on some eclairs as you walk her back to Carrot Top's place, and enjoy the quiet, which was occasionally interrupted by your chewing and burping. 

>You stop at the front door, and crouch down to eye level with Pat. 

>"Thanks for the great day Anon. I haven't had a friend who wasn't my family in a while." 

>She leans in, and you share a hug.

>You smile, and as you break apart you wipe some cream off her face. 

>She blushes a bit. You stand, and begin to walk away, when Patty calls out. 

>"Anon?" she says, and looks down at the ground blushing. "Carry left to grab some seeds out in Apploosa, and I have the house to myself tonight. Do you think...you maybe...wanna come in and spend the night?"

>You turn, and smile. You had a great day with this mare, so why not? 

"Sure."

>You plop down in her living room, and Patty roots around behind Carrot Top's tv. 

"What're ya...?"

>When she pulls out a jar of booze, you just shut up and grin. 

>Chilling on her couch, you both begin to polish off Carry's fine selection of hidden booze. 

>You found cider in a flower pot, some wine in a cupboard, and even some vodka behind a painting.

>Carrot Top sure was protective of her booze, but it was no match for a buzzed human looking for more. 

>By the time you had run the stash dry, you and Cabbage Patch were leaning against each other drunk off your asses. 

>"Hey Anoooooon?" she slurs. 

"What *hic* is it Carrabooboo?"

>"You wanna...maybe..." she turns, and leans closer to your face. "Have some more fun?"

>You think. You were drunk, and it had been a while. I mean, you had moved past the whole horse fucking thing ages ago, but all the mares here were crazy! 

>Fuck it. 

>You close the distance, and begin a steamy drunken make out session  

>She tasted like a fresh salad, drowned in alcohol, and you loved it. 

>She pushes off you, and stumbles to her hooves. "Lemme go grab somfin', just stay right there." 

>She stumbled off into  the bedroom, and you attempt to take off your pants. 

>By the tim she came back, you had managed to get off your belt, and was still battling with your zipper. 

>She seductively walks in front of you, waving her hips. 

>She had slid on a pair of panties, but....they were made out of lettuce?

>Before you can say anything, she crawls onto you, leans in, and whispers in your ear 

>"Lettuce fuck"

[spoiler]She tasted like balsamic vinaigrette[/spoiler]