Title:           SARchasm 2
Author:          picklehead42
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/s1kK4nsb
First Edit:      Friday 15th of February 2013 08:12:37 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Friday 15th of February 2013 08:12:37 PM CDT

>Day irony in Equestria
>You are Anon, and you’ve been sitting in this fucking hole for three fucking hours.
>At least you think. You’ve been drifting in and out of consciousness due to blood loss.
>And that’s just PERFECT.
>As you shake off your blood loss educed coma for the umpteenth time today, you stare up towards your dwindling source of light.
>As the day had gone on, the sun had sank lower and lower in the sky. Fuck astronomy.
>It would soon be dark, and who knows what kind of creature would fall in here after dark.
>”I think he’s this way gir-AAAH!”
>Speak of the devil, looks like they showed up. Fluttershy seems to have forgotten where the hole was though, and has unceremoniously hit the floor with a hard thunk.
>”Ohhh…I TOTALLY meant to fall into that hole…” she groans, and sits up.
>You see the rest of the mane 6 stick their heads through the hole and peer in.
>”Fluttershy, are you alright darling?” Rarity asks. Groaning, she stands back up and looks at the opening.
>”Oh YEAH. I TOTALLY didn’t just fall down this big mean hole. At least Anon was here to CATCH ME.” She glares at you.
>You sluggishly motion towards your broken leg and small puddle of blood surrounding you.
“Oh YEAH. I TOTALLY don’t have a broken leg, and havent been passing out due to blood loss. You DEFINITELY left me some medical supplies.”
>As you both glare at each other, the rest of the gals file into the hole. Twilight immediately begins to tend to your wounds with magic.
>Feels tingly, but not unpleasant.
>Struggling up to stand, you lean on Twilight for support. “Alright girls,” she says, “I know you all would just LOVE to stay here, but Anon just HAS to go get real medical attention.”
>Everyone groans, and begins to file back out.
>As you and Twilight near the hole, it’s suddenly closed off, and you’re all plunged into darkness.
>You hear Fluttershy squeak in mock terror. “Oh GOD, the DARK. SOOOOO SCAAAARY.”
>A blue glow fills the room as Rarity magicks up some light
>”Don’t hurt yourself DARLING, such a COMPLEX spell might hurt your little head!” Twilight says grinning
>Rarity sneers back. “Oh, you’re right! This spell is just SO complex, I should’ve just left it up to the PRINCESS’ little protégé!”
>”Now now, let’s just focus on getting Anon his MUCH NEEDED medical attention,” Applejack says as she steps in-between the two unicorns
>Rainbow Dash darts up to the hole and puts a hoof against it. “What the fuck? This thing is furry! And,” she sniffs loudly. “Oh god, it smells like shit!”
>Fluttershy snickers. “Oh NO! Rainbow’s nose has been violated! I’m SURE that takes precedence over Anon’s life threatening injury!”
>You hobble over to Fluttershy and lean onto her back, wincing as your leg grazes her side
“I’m sure a STRONG pony like yourself could fly me up to the top and see what’s up, right?”
>She smiles sweetly. “I do HOPE so! I just LOVE giving fat humans rides!”
>Floating up to the hole, she suddenly groans loudly.
>”Oh, PERFECT. I know EXACTLY who’s blocking the hole.”
>Going back down, you spy Applejack sitting in the corner staring at us all quietly. You limp over and sit down next to her as Fluttershy talks
>”Mr. Fuzzles just HAD to sit down on this hole because he likes to take naps out here. Of course, the hole he chooses HAD to be this one as well.”
>”So how do we get out of this LOVELY little home?” Rarity asks
>Applejack speaks up for the first time. “Ah could kick it’s ass.”
>We all stare at her. She’d never been one for swearing, and violence wasn’t her strongsuit either. Going 0 for 2 was shocking
>”Well I’m sure you’d just LOVE to kick it’s ass, but what if you HURT the little fella?” asks Fluttershy
>You point to the small puddle of blood on the opposite side of the cave, then to your skin, which had paled to a lighter mint green
“How about we get me a LITTLE help from the Nurse before worrying about our little FRIEND.”
>Applejack stands up and mounts RD, and they both fly up to the covered hole.
>You limp back to Fluttershy and sit on her once again.
“Once that hole is open, TAKE your time, I don’t need immediate HELP or anything.”
>”Aye aye, captain DickButt”
>Dash asks “You guys done FUCKING and ready?”
“Shut up and kick!”
>Applejack winds up, and kicks the furry wall with all her might
>A muffled yelp is heard, followed by a loud farting sound
>As the furry ass moves off, it’s green flatulence floods the cavern
“FUCKIN’ GREAT, EH GALS?”
>You exit the cave at the speed of light, coughing heavily and pinching your nose
>The gals are shit outta luck without fingers and suffer more
>Thank Christ you didn’t have a fart fetish, and you tell that to Fluttershy before she gets any ideas.
>Surprisingly, once out of the cave you don’t feel like laughing at them for having to smell bear farts either
>All you want is medical attention for the bone sticking out of your leg
>As the gals gallop/fly you towards the hospital, you turn and gaze at the hole you were just stuck in
>The bear that’s now stuck in it waves gayly, but glares at you with a death stare
>Neat