One Shot: Sarchasm

(Side note: any words in a sentence with all caps has extra emphasis on it. They aren’t screaming that.)

>Day sarcasm in Equestria.

>You are Anon.

>As the suns warm rays caress your cheek gently, you slowly wake, and roll over in an attempt to return to slumber.

>The grass itches your nose a bit, and your reach up and scratch your nose a bit.

>Wait, what?

>You scramble to your feet, and quickly scan your surroundings in search of the yellow menace.

>All you see are birds, squirrels, and a few deer.

>Looking back down at yourself, you find a small note taped to your chest.

>“Hey Anon, is sex in the wilderness your fetish?”

>Seeing no sign of Fluttershy, you crumple the paper and begin to mill around.

>No mares in sight around means no >rape.

>And all calm and no >rape makes Anon a happy boy.

>A rustle from the bush next to you stabs that happiness in the kidney and kicks it in the balls.

>A pair of teal eyes peers out, and you instinctively cover your crotch.

>Keeping eye contact, you slowly back away.

>Just don’t blink and you’ll be fine.

>Just don’t blink

*blink*

>Fluttershy is now hurtling towards you at breakneck speeds. For her.

>In reality, she’s putting towards you at about a walking pace.

>”Y-you’re going to love me! I-if that’s alright…”

“No Fluttershy. Just…no…”

>You turn and begin to jog away, leaving her behind. She attempts to catch up, but just ends up going slower.

>Bit sad really.

>As you continue on your way, you notice the scenery changing quickly.

>What was once mostly forest was not turning into large fields. Animals frolicked around, the birds chirping.

>Was quite peaceful.

“Ya know, this could actually be a worthwhile fetish attem-WOAAHHHHH!”

1/?

>You fall forward, and tumble into a large hole.

>Landing on your back with a thud, and your vision swims.

>You swat away the small Derpy’s flying around your head, and slowly sit up.

>Groaning, you take note of your surroundings.

>The walls are smooth stone, showing no clear way up. On one side however, is a 2x4 with the words “Welcome to the Sarchasm” burned into it.

>Groaning, you attempt to stand, but fall right back on your ass.

>Looking at your leg, you see a bit of bone sticking out of it. The flesh is parted around it, and blood has begun to leak out.

“Oh, this looks FINE. I’m SURE I won’t need medical attention!”

>Groaning, your slowly pull yourself towards the nearest wall, and lean up against it.

>Looking up towards the hole that you fell through, you see Fluttershy stick her head through, searching around for any sign of you.

“Oh boy! You’re JUST the pony I wanted to see!”

>She smiles a bit, and begins to flutter down to you. “Oh thank g-goodness mister! I thought you might’ve been hurt!”

>You motion towards your leg.

“Oh YEAH. I’m just FINE.”

>She touches the floor, and quickly moves to your leg. “Oh my gosh! Are you alright? Does it hurt?”

“Of COURSE I’m fine. I can TOTALLY walk!”

>She looks down, and hides behind her mane. “I’m sorry that I upset you…do you want me to kiss it and make it feel better?” Her eyes get a little spark of rape in them.

“Of COURSE! You’re my FAVORITE p0ny of all! I would NEVER reject your advances!”

>She frowns a bit, and steps back. “I’m not sure I like your tone mister!”

>You give her a dirty look.

2/?

“OH! Well I’m sorry! It’s all MY fault I fell into this hole in the middle of nowhere!”

>She flits upwards, glaring at you. “Well fine mister! You can just stay here while I go get help then!”

>You groan, and attempt to stand.

“Oh NO. Don’t leave without ME! Im SURE you could carry us both.”

>She gives a little “Hmph!” and flies back out the hole.

>Sitting back down, you contemplate your options.

>You could cry.

>You could contemplate the answer to life, the universe, and everything.

>You could make making man-pesto with a meat pestle.

>You give a sigh, and undo your pants.

“I sure do LOVE passing the time.”

3/3

I’m still alive, just writing real slow.

Remember: I’m always watching

[spoiler]All the homo[/spoiler]