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Goodbye Zer0 Day 2013

By: picklehead42 on Jan 18th, 2013 | syntax: None | size: 7.71 KB | hits: 53 | expires: Never

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>Day inner monologues in Equestria.
>It was a dark and rainy day in p0nyville.
>The kind that could wash the sin away from the damn town.
>If only it actually had any. But everything here was shiny, happy, and only wanted to cuddle.
>And an old grizzled PI like you just couldn’t take it. You had to play by your own rules to get by.
>Even if it meant setting up shop in the center of town, where any low-life scum could get you.
>If only this damn town had any.
>It was an average day. And by average, you mean hitting the booze at 9 in the morning.
>As you sit back in your chair, nursing a hard glass of scotch, you hear a knock at your door.
>No one came to visit you, so it could only be…
>You had been waiting for this moment for weeks, and work quickly.
>You pull all the blinds on your windows shut, and turn the radio to the local noire station. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itaV--Hggsc&list=SP0B80EA34DA09E5C4&shuffle=325)
>Finally, you pull out a cigarette, and light it. Taking a deep drag, you prop your feet up on your desk.
“Come in.”
>You hear the door open, and yellow mare walks in.
>She was a quiet dame. Not much to know about her. But that long pink mane that hid that look in her eye, that was something interesting.
>It was a look you had grown accustomed to. It was a look of longing. Back on earth, you had seen peoples longing for the truth, for what’s right.
>This look was different. This was a look of want, of lust. Something that this dame needed, who would do anything to itch that scratch.
“What seems to be the problem toots.”
1/?
>She shyly takes a seat. “Um, h-hello. I’m F-fluttershy, and I think someone’s trying to kill me.”
>You choke on your cigarette, and lean forward. Wasn’t too often you got a case like this.
>If you ever got one at all from this damn town. Plus you needed the bits.
“Alright. I’ll take the case.”
>”Really? You will?” she says, her demeanor instantly changing.
>Almost too quickly. Better keep an eye on this broad.
“Yeah yeah, let’s go. As long as I get paid, I’ll make sure you’re safe.”
>She gets that look in her eye, and nuzzles your leg. “Don’t worry m-mister, you’ll get paid VERY well.”
>You push her away. The mares in this town just couldn’t stay away, could they?
“Ugh. Come on, I think I know someone who could get us some information.”
>You throw on your trench coat and fedora, and tuck your trusty revolver into its holster near your shoulder.
>And by revolver, I mean water gun.
>I hate this town as much as it hates me.
>You step out onto the street, the rain pouring down hard, instantly soaking you and your meal ticket.
>You head towards Sugar Cube Corner.
>Time to get some answers.
-
>As you enter the door, your clothes dripping more than a mare in heat, your sense of smell is assaulted by sugary sweets and confections that only one mare could make.
>Pinkie Pie, your mare on the inside. You needed info, she had it.
>You walk up to the counter, and ring the bell.
>She pops out from under the counter faster than a speeding bullet.
>”OHHEYTHEREANONIDIDN’TSEEYOUTHEREWHATCANIDOFORYOU!”
“Hello Pinks. I need…”
>You casually slide a small packet of salt across the counter.
“A favor.”
2/?
>She pockets the salt inconspicuously, opens the tray of snacks next to her, and begins to say “Well I have cookies and cake and cupcakes and brownies and pi-“
>You shove a cupcake in her mouth to get her to stop talking.
>She aggravated you more than a rookie cop who trying to save to whole world. He just needed to keep his head down, and get the job done.
“I need a lead, and you’re the best mare for the job.”
>She swallows. “Sure thing! What is it?”
>You grab Fluttershy by the scruff of her neck, and hold her up.
“Someone is trying to get rid of her. Tell me what you know.”
>Pinkie is suddenly very interested at the cake rack. “Oh, I don’t know anything about that.”
>You drop Fluttershy to the ground with an “Eep!”, and lean on the counter.
“C’mon Pinks, spill the beans.”
>She begins to back away towards the kitchen. “I-I can’t Anon. I’m sorry!”
>You hop the counter and grab her, and pin her to the counter.
“Tell me what you know, or so help me!”
>You grab the frosting spreader, and hold it near her face.
>”Okay okay! All I know is that they were gonna get her sometime today!”
>You squeeze a bit of frosting out.
“Who are they?”
>She squirms, trying to get away from the lethal sugary sweet weapon you have. “I don’t know! I swear!”
>You let her go, and she scrambles off.
“I’ll see ya same time tomorrow!”
>She may be a snitch, but god damn did she make good snickerdoodles.
>You grab a cupcake, and hop back over the counter.
“So *munch* Fluttershy, what were you planning on doing today?”
>She blushes a bit. “I didn’t know you cared so mu-“
3/?
>You shove the other half of your cupcake into her mouth.
“I need to know so I can find your would-be killer.”
>She swallows, and bashfully looks at the ground. “O-oh, of course. All I was going to do today was go to Twilights.”
“Then let’s go.”
-
>As you approach the house of the mare known as “Twilight”, you double check your water pistol.
>Still full of coom.
>You turn back towards the door to see a sign nailed to the front. The rain made it hard to tell, but you could make out:
Library is Closed Until Librarian Returns from Canterlot
>”She must be out, but I’m sure she won’t mind us if we hurry.” Fluttershy says, nosing open the door.
>You quickly move her out of the way, and check the entire library, gun ready.
>And by check, you mean look up and down.
>This library was smaller than a Philippian transvestite’s penis.
>You always were great with analogies. One of the many reasons you became a private investigator.
“Coast is clear Fluttershy. Whoever was here to kill you isn’t here now.”
>She trots in, and grabs a book off the shelf. Almost at random…
>Nah, this dame is too innocent.
“Alright toots, let’s go. Nobody’s takin your life tod-“
>A noise comes from the basement. Sounded like a body hitting the ground.
>You grab Fluttershy who was walking outside, and toss her back in.
“Whoa whoa whoa doll. Sounds like our would be killer is downstairs.”
>She becomes flustered, and stutters out “W-what d-do you m-mean?”
>You move next to the door, and open it, drawing your pistol.
“I mean, we can catch the crook right now!”
>You lean out, and point your gun down the stairs.
>Seeing no movement, you begin to descend, Fluttershy right behind you.
4/?
>”B-b-but no one should b-be h-here!” she says, getting a little hysterical.
“Woman would you be quiet!”
>You reach the bottom of the stairs, survey your surroundings.
>The dank basement was barely lit, and was littered with old texts.
>A lone surgical table stood in the center of the room, with leather binds for restraining someone.
>Fluttershy is shivering in fright behind you, and is barely able to talk.
>”B-but there n-never was a k-killer after me. I j-just wanted to spend t-time with you.” She blushes hard, and looks down at the ground in shame.
>You whirl around, fury burning in your soul. You hated being lied to.
“Wait, so if there’s no killer, then why are we here? Why would Pinks lie to me? Who’s really down here?”
>”That would be me.” a voice says, right before the lights cut out, and you both are plunged into darkness.
>You whirl around, raise your gun, and desperately search the darkness for any sign of whoever was down here.
“Who the hell are you?”
>A face peers with black pupils with blood pouring out rushes at you, and you flinch as it rasps out.
>”How could you forget your [MOTHER]?”
5/5

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>Day inner monologues in Equestria.
>It was a dark and rainy day in p0nyville.
>The kind that could wash the sin away from the damn town.
>If only it actually had any. But everything here was shiny, happy, and only wanted to cuddle.
>And an old grizzled PI like you just couldn’t take it. You had to play by your own rules to get by.
>Even if it meant setting up shop in the center of town, where any low-life scum could get you.
>If only this damn town had any.
>It was an average day. And by average, you mean hitting the booze at 9 in the morning.
>As you sit back in your chair, nursing a hard glass of scotch, you hear a knock at your door.
>No one came to visit you, so it could only be…
>You had been waiting for this moment for weeks, and work quickly.
>You pull all the blinds on your windows shut, and turn the radio to the local noire station. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itaV--Hggsc&list=SP0B80EA34DA09E5C4&shuffle=325)
>Finally, you pull out a cigarette, and light it. Taking a deep drag, you prop your feet up on your desk.
“Come in.”
>You hear the door open, and yellow mare walks in.
>She was a quiet dame. Not much to know about her. But that long pink mane that hid that look in her eye, that was something interesting.
>It was a look you had grown accustomed to. It was a look of longing. Back on earth, you had seen peoples longing for the truth, for what’s right.
>This look was different. This was a look of want, of lust. Something that this dame needed, who would do anything to itch that scratch.
“What seems to be the problem toots.”
1/?
>She shyly takes a seat. “Um, h-hello. I’m F-fluttershy, and I think someone’s trying to kill me.”
>You choke on your cigarette, and lean forward. Wasn’t too often you got a case like this.
>If you ever got one at all from this damn town. Plus you needed the bits.
“Alright. I’ll take the case.”
>”Really? You will?” she says, her demeanor instantly changing.  
>Almost too quickly. Better keep an eye on this broad.
“Yeah yeah, let’s go. As long as I get paid, I’ll make sure you’re safe.”
>She gets that look in her eye, and nuzzles your leg. “Don’t worry m-mister, you’ll get paid VERY well.”
>You push her away. The mares in this town just couldn’t stay away, could they?
“Ugh. Come on, I think I know someone who could get us some information.”
>You throw on your trench coat and fedora, and tuck your trusty revolver into its holster near your shoulder.
>And by revolver, I mean water gun.
>I hate this town as much as it hates me.
>You step out onto the street, the rain pouring down hard, instantly soaking you and your meal ticket.
>You head towards Sugar Cube Corner.
>Time to get some answers.
-
>As you enter the door, your clothes dripping more than a mare in heat, your sense of smell is assaulted by sugary sweets and confections that only one mare could make.
>Pinkie Pie, your mare on the inside. You needed info, she had it. 
>You walk up to the counter, and ring the bell.
>She pops out from under the counter faster than a speeding bullet.
>”OHHEYTHEREANONIDIDN’TSEEYOUTHEREWHATCANIDOFORYOU!”
“Hello Pinks. I need…”
>You casually slide a small packet of salt across the counter.
“A favor.”
2/?
>She pockets the salt inconspicuously, opens the tray of snacks next to her, and begins to say “Well I have cookies and cake and cupcakes and brownies and pi-“
>You shove a cupcake in her mouth to get her to stop talking. 
>She aggravated you more than a rookie cop who trying to save to whole world. He just needed to keep his head down, and get the job done.
“I need a lead, and you’re the best mare for the job.”
>She swallows. “Sure thing! What is it?”
>You grab Fluttershy by the scruff of her neck, and hold her up.
“Someone is trying to get rid of her. Tell me what you know.”
>Pinkie is suddenly very interested at the cake rack. “Oh, I don’t know anything about that.”
>You drop Fluttershy to the ground with an “Eep!”, and lean on the counter.
“C’mon Pinks, spill the beans.”
>She begins to back away towards the kitchen. “I-I can’t Anon. I’m sorry!”
>You hop the counter and grab her, and pin her to the counter.
“Tell me what you know, or so help me!”
>You grab the frosting spreader, and hold it near her face.
>”Okay okay! All I know is that they were gonna get her sometime today!”
>You squeeze a bit of frosting out.
“Who are they?”
>She squirms, trying to get away from the lethal sugary sweet weapon you have. “I don’t know! I swear!”
>You let her go, and she scrambles off.
“I’ll see ya same time tomorrow!”
>She may be a snitch, but god damn did she make good snickerdoodles.
>You grab a cupcake, and hop back over the counter.
“So *munch* Fluttershy, what were you planning on doing today?”
>She blushes a bit. “I didn’t know you cared so mu-“
3/?
>You shove the other half of your cupcake into her mouth.
“I need to know so I can find your would-be killer.”
>She swallows, and bashfully looks at the ground. “O-oh,  of course. All I was going to do today was go to Twilights.”
“Then let’s go.”
-
>As you approach the house of the mare known as “Twilight”, you double check your water pistol.
>Still full of coom.
>You turn back towards the door to see a sign nailed to the front. The rain made it hard to tell, but you could make out:
Library is Closed Until Librarian Returns from Canterlot
>”She must be out, but I’m sure she won’t mind us if we hurry.” Fluttershy says, nosing open the door.
>You quickly move her out of the way, and check the entire library, gun ready.
>And by check, you mean look up and down.
>This library was smaller than a Philippian transvestite’s penis.
>You always were great with analogies. One of the many reasons you became a private investigator. 
“Coast is clear Fluttershy. Whoever was here to kill you isn’t here now.”
>She trots in, and grabs a book off the shelf. Almost at random…
>Nah, this dame is too innocent.
“Alright toots, let’s go. Nobody’s takin your life tod-“
>A noise comes from the basement. Sounded like a body hitting the ground.
>You grab Fluttershy who was walking outside, and toss her back in.
“Whoa whoa whoa doll. Sounds like our would be killer is downstairs.”
>She becomes flustered, and stutters out “W-what d-do you m-mean?”
>You move next to the door, and open it, drawing your pistol.
“I mean, we can catch the crook right now!”
>You lean out, and point your gun down the stairs. 
>Seeing no movement, you begin to descend, Fluttershy right behind you.
4/?
>”B-b-but no one should b-be h-here!” she says, getting a little hysterical.
“Woman would you be quiet!”
>You reach the bottom of the stairs, survey your surroundings.
>The dank basement was barely lit, and was littered with old texts.
>A lone surgical table stood in the center of the room, with leather binds for restraining someone.
>Fluttershy is shivering in fright behind you, and is barely able to talk.  
>”B-but there n-never was a k-killer after me. I j-just wanted to spend t-time with you.” She blushes hard, and looks down at the ground in shame.
>You whirl around, fury burning in your soul. You hated being lied to.
“Wait, so if there’s no killer, then why are we here? Why would Pinks lie to me? Who’s really down here?”
>”That would be me.” a voice says, right before the lights cut out, and you both are plunged into darkness.
>You whirl around, raise your gun, and desperately search the darkness for any sign of whoever was down here.
“Who the hell are you?”
>A face peers with black pupils with blood pouring out rushes at you, and you flinch as it rasps out.
>”How could you forget your [MOTHER]?”
5/5

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