Title:           Classic Rainbro
Author:          picklehead42
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/tpFsdrk0
First Edit:      Tuesday 3rd of June 2014 10:48:58 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Tuesday 3rd of June 2014 10:48:58 PM CDT

>Day detective in Equestria
>You’re Anon, out and about doing Anon things
>You’ve just left the grocery store, arms full of tasty snacks that’ll clog your arteries
>Who knew deep fat frying was cool down in Ponyville
>The sliding doors open, and Dinky, stuck in the wall directly above the doors after an uneventful spell, makes a whooshing noise as you leave
>Cute kid, might not actually want the D at some point
>Walking home, you try to ignore the brown flashes of color darting in and out of cover behind you
>You really didn’t feel like dealing with any rape related bullshit today, and usually ignoring the problem made it go away
>As the brown splotch of color, now identifiable as a pony wearing a fedora and trench coat as they crawled across the branch of a tree hanging above you, was really bad at sneaking
>They were even playing their own theme music off a tiny tape player. Snappy Tune, bad quality
>The branch suddenly let out a painfully loud “CRACK” and broke free of its mother
>The pony in the coat let out a scream as they fell, before landing on the ground with a sickening thud, and you place your groceries down carefully before strolling over
“Hey, you okay?”
>No response, only quiet snoring
>You squat down and pull the hat off, revealing your pursuer as Fluttershy
>Who would’ve guessed? Dummy didn’t even put holes in the back so she could fly
>Going through her pockets, you find a water pistol in the shape of a revolver, some tapes with noir music which you pocket, and a note labeled “The Dame’s Orders”
>Clearly, she really took her detective work seriously
>Opening it, in immaculate pink cursive, it read:
>”Fluttershy, follow Anon and find out his fetish for me. Being stuck in the friendzone has been too painful, I need to know how to get his rocks off so I can finally escape. Try to stick him up on the way back from the store tomorrow, see if you can interrogate it out of him. Find out his fetish, and I’ll give you some pictures of us. RD”
>Standing up, you collect your snacks and begin to walk home
>What kind of fiend would hire the town’s rapist for hire to find out your kink? And who do you know who would feel stuck in the friendzone?
>Unlocking the door to your house, you enter and head to the kitchen
>Sitting on the counter is Rainbro, digging into an exceptionally large peanut butter sandwich
>She jumps upon your entry, and tries to speak with peanut mouth.
>”Ahmom, ah di’int kno’ yew wash goink to be hom’ sho shoon!”
>You give her an odd look as you pack away the potato chips
“Why? It’s only like a five minute walk to the store?”
>She finally clears the roof of her mouth of peanut butter and speaks clearly. “Well yeah, but did anything…weird…happen on the way home?”
>The part of your brain that controls your common sense grabs the nearest blunt object and smashes the rest of your brain with it
>”You dipshit, Rainbow Dash is the one who told Fluttershy to stick us up.”
“Whaddya mean brain? Her name is Rainbro, not RD, and she isn’t stuck in the friendzone, we’re bros!”
>”You’re a fucking retard.”
“Nuh-uh!”
>While you internally debate with yourself, Rainbro had finished packing the snacks, and was staring you deep in the eyes while you’re frozen
>’She’s the one who wants the D! How can you be so blind?’ your brain says, frustrated
“C’mon! We’re friends!”
>Slowly, Rainbro had leant in, your noses millimeters apart, your lips almost touching
>’Oh yeah? Pay attention now you dimwit! That’ll prove it to ya!’
>Rainbro closes that tiny distance and kisses you lightly
>Shaking your head, you back up. Fast.
“What the hell bro?!?!”
>She panics and backs up into the cabinet. “Whaddya mean?!?!”
“Why’d you just kiss me?!?!”
>”I dunno man! You were stuck, I figured that’d snap you out of it!” she screams back, her cheeks redder than a BDSM addict
“By making out with your bro?!?!”
>She looks away, and you reach into your pocket and grab the note you found on Fluttershy
>Your brain was making too much sense, this needed to be brought up
“Rainbro, why’d you hire Fluttershy to interrogate me.”
>You barely restrain yourself, and manage a calm tone
>”Psh, what, me? C’mon bro, I w-wouldn’t do that! I’m just messing with you is all,” she stutters out, lying badly
>You point to the initials at the bottom of the note
“And this?”
>”C’mon, there’s gotta be a dozen RD’s in this town!” she sputters
>You walk forward and put the note down next to her
“Bro-Talk bro. Did you…did you tell Fluttershy to get my fetish?”
>She looks down at the jars of pickles situated between her hooves
“Bro?”
>You place your hand under her chin and lift her head so she’s staring into your eyes, her pink ones quivering
“Did you?”
>”N-yes. I did.”
>You sigh and step away
“Why?”
>She begins to tear up. “I just…I really like you Anon, I wanna be more than f-friends. I don’t wanna be your Rainbro, I wanna be your…your…”
>She stares into your eyes, tears streaming down her face.
>”I want to be your RainMare.”
“…that…is the dumbest pun I’ve ever heard!”
>She’s startled and falls out of the cabinet
“I gotta admit bro, this was a pretty good prank.”
>”A…a prank?” She struggles to get out of the act
“Yeah man, I did not see this coming! You got me good bro, you got me good! That kiss is what really threw me off!”
>She wipes the tears from her eyes and begins to chuckle, must be from the success of her great practical joke
>”Yeah Anon, a prank…”