- File: 1330473296.jpg-(55 KB, 500x334, 3923063171_495f99e609.jpg)
- 55 KB Anonymous 02/28/12(Tue)18:54 No.285383
- >I awaken to the soft blow of sand on my face
- >The sun light enters my eyes as I get up
- >I exit my sleeping bag, and remove my clothing from the backpack
- >I put my survival gear on, and throw the gas mask on
- >"Well, back on the trail"
- >I walk down the desert trail for what seems to be hours, no Ponyville
- >Another day of endless sand
- >The wind begins to pick up
- >It's time
- >I tighten the gas mask, and stand perfectly still
- >The cloud is coming, closer and closer
- >The sound of speeding ponies in the distance
- >The cloud soon passes over me
- >The the dried out bodies of ponies run past me
- >If I move, I'll be taken away like the horses
- >Eventually, the damned ponies pass
- >Back on the trail
- >> Anonymous 02/28/12(Tue)19:01 No.285492
- File: 1330473680.jpg-(142 KB, 500x439, 2886320940_62346b5571.jpg)
- 142 KB
- >>285383
- >Eventually I need to rest, much to my dismay
- >I sit in the sand, and unscrew the cap of a water bottle
- >"I feel bad for the ponies, they can't open a water bottle with hoofs"
- >I laugh at my own joke, it helps keep my sanity
- >I remove my mask, and realize how dry my mouth really is
- >I chug the water
- >Need to spit it out
- >I pull out my map
- >Almost out of the Everfree forest
- >There aren't trees anymore
- >I get up, and continue
- >> Anonymous 02/28/12(Tue)19:04 No.285544
- File: 1330473882.jpg-(33 KB, 500x375, i-am-monitoring-this-thread-50(...).jpg)
- 33 KB
- >> Anonymous 02/28/12(Tue)19:06 No.285570
- File: 1330473983.jpg-(39 KB, 600x350, 4sandstorms.jpg)
- 39 KB
- >I fall to my knees when I see it
- >The buildings of Ponyville are in the distance
- >I run towards my destination in joy
- >It's almost over
- >The wind picks up
- >The cloud of the damned is speeding towards me
- >I stop in my tracks, turn towards the cloud, and stand still
- >The winds are strong, the ponies look at me as they run past
- >They want me to fall, to be taken away with them
- >I won't give them the pleasure
- >The cloud passes
- >I continue
- >> Anonymous 02/28/12(Tue)19:13 No.285679
- File: 1330474405.jpg-(98 KB, 640x426, 3553276269_9be215e830_z.jpg)
- 98 KB
- >I'm surrounded by abandon houses, stores, and buildings
- >This place was once so full of life
- >Not anymore
- >I find a few barrels, crates, and boxes, and stack them on top of each other like a makeshift staircase
- >I climb them, and jump onto a nearby building
- >I remove the large flair from my backpack
- >I stab it into the roof
- >I set it off
- >Red smoke spurts from it, floating up into the sky
- >Now I wait
- >> Anonymous 02/28/12(Tue)19:19 No.285764
- File: 1330474754.jpg-(78 KB, 1600x1200, desert-night-img_4084-by-le-je(...).jpg)
- 78 KB
- >>285679
- >It's now nightfall
- >No pony has been sighted
- >I fall asleep
- >I should have gone inside, where the cloud had less of a chance to capture me
- >But I was tried, wasn't thinking straight
- >I dream of a farm
- >A farm full of apples
- >The apples soon dried out, and turned into sand
- >The ponies there, once kicking trees, collecting apples, were now statues made of dust
- >The cloud came
- >It took them away
- >I woke up in the middle of the night, sweating
- >The flair has gone out
- >No one has come
- >> Anonymous 02/28/12(Tue)19:27 No.285904
- File: 1330475265.jpg-(83 KB, 500x375, 1191425822_c003439026.jpg)
- 83 KB
- >>285764
- >The sun is up
- >I have already packed my supplies
- >I walk through town, looking for another potential spot for survivors
- >Suddenly, a stinging pain runs up my spine
- >I feel my back, and pull out something
- >A dart
- >"Oh no..."
- >I fall into the sand
- >The next thing I know, I'm in a dimly lit, crumbling room
- >The shelf is lined with packages
- >It's incredibly difficult to breath down here
- >I can't find my gas mask
- BOO
- >I fall to the ground, and turn towards the voice
- >A pink pony is wearing my gas mask
- >She giggles, removes the mask with her hoof, and throws it to me
- >> Anonymous 02/28/12(Tue)19:41 No.286101
- >>285383
- >"Sorry about shooting you, but I thought you might-"
- >I pull a smoke grenade from my backpack
- >"What are you doing, silly?"
- >I put the gas mask
- >I throw the smoke grenade
- >The smoke emits from the grenade
- >The pinkie pony soon falls over, and turns pale
- >She is drying out
- >In a matter of minutes, she is dead
- >I put a few supplies in my backpack, and leave
- >One pony down, 5 to go
- >> Anonymous 02/28/12(Tue)19:43 No.286129
- File: 1330476192.jpg-(9 KB, 177x278, oh.jpg)
- 9 KB
- >>286101
- >> Anonymous 02/28/12(Tue)19:50 No.286273
- MOAR
- >> >rope 02/28/12(Tue)19:53 No.286324
- File: 1330476803.jpg-(29 KB, 360x495, wtf.jpg)
- 29 KB
- >> Anonymous 02/28/12(Tue)20:26 No.286872
- Ok, is OP even here?
- Don't hold out!
- >> Anonymous 02/28/12(Tue)20:34 No.287048
- File: 1330479281.jpg-(28 KB, 413x309, stillwaitingonOP.jpg)
- 28 KB
- >> Anonymous 02/28/12(Tue)20:39 No.287150
- the fuck
- >> Anonymous 02/28/12(Tue)20:43 No.287234
- File: 1330479823.png-(115 KB, 277x266, applejack-TANGERINES!.png)
- 115 KB
- What am I reading?
- >> Anonymous 02/28/12(Tue)20:48 No.287316
- File: 1330480088.jpg-(80 KB, 625x376, 36d884.jpg)
- 80 KB
- >>287048
- >>287048
- >>287048
- >> Ponygon !Gi8l6ezzXk 02/28/12(Tue)20:51 No.287413
- >>286101
- Pinkie is gone?
- Damn you OP... Continue
- >> OP 02/28/12(Tue)21:20 No.287965
- Hey guys...how far are you willing to go...for me to continue
- >> OP 02/28/12(Tue)21:32 No.288154
- >I head outside, and open a package I have taken
- >Cupcakes
- >"I haven't had these in so long"
- >Eat it slowly, savor the flavor
- >Stop eating
- >A strange sight is in front of me
- >A yellow pony riding a bear
- >"Oh, hi, I didn't know, um...hi"
- >Look at the pony, then back at the bear
- >"Um...so...what are you doing here? I mean-"
- >I stop her
- >"I'm looking for survivors. I'm trying to save as many people as I can. Do you know where I can look?"
- >"Well, Applejack said I shouldn't bring anyone to the farm without telling her, but, um, well, um, you can come if you want"
- >She waits for me to get up, and I jump onto the bear's back with her
- >She's going to lead me right to another. Kill two ponies with one stone
- >> OP 02/28/12(Tue)21:46 No.288395
- File: 1330483619.jpg-(39 KB, 400x314, abandoned-farm.jpg)
- 39 KB
- >>288154
- >I'm taken to a large farm
- >The trees are all dead
- >The barn is falling apart
- >It reminds me of my dream
- >I hope off the bear, and lead into the barn
- >I'm greeted by two hooves to the chest
- >I fall over, my vision blurs
- >"What did I tell you, Fluttershy, you can't bring anyone here, especially humans!"
- >"I'm sorry Applejack, it's just-"
- >"Just what? Do you want to starve to death? We have enough food for us, and us only!"
- >The yellow pegasus squeaks, and remains quite
- >The orange pony approaches me
- >"Ok pal, what are you doing here?"
- >I don't respond
- >"Well?"
- >I don't respond
- >She kicks me again, breaking my gas mask
- >I really liked that gas mask
- >I punch her
- >I shouldn't have done that
- >> Anonymous 02/28/12(Tue)22:01 No.288610
- File: 1330484511.png-(1.08 MB, 980x1270, 1326256051212.png)
- 1.08 MB
- And then?
- >> OP 02/28/12(Tue)22:28 No.289040
- >>288395
- >"Applejack" chases me around the barn
- >My body would only let me run, I could reach for a grenade
- >The pony was faster then I was, and kicked me straight into a wall
- >Blood streamed down my face
- >"Alright, now. I'm gonna give you one chance to get off of my land, or so help me, I'll, I'll..."
- >The wind is picking up
- >The pony doesn't notice
- >"Alright, you asked for it!"
- >I held me mouth and nose closed, stayed completely still
- >She sped towards me
- >The cloud burst into the barn
- >I close my eyes
- >Screams, all I hear is scream, and eventually those screams become silent
- >I open my eyes
- >She's gone, but "Fluttershy" is still here
- >She cowers in the corner, hacking and wheezing
- >I have the urge to cough too
- >I throw a smoke grenade at Fluttershy, then leave
- >While outside, I fall to my knees, and vomit
- >> OP 02/28/12(Tue)22:38 No.289248
- (I think I'll have to stop posting for a while, so if you guys could keep this thread alive for a while, that would be great. In case you can't, then you can find me with a desert as my thread picture)
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)07:36 No.296757
- for op
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)10:33 No.298742
- Bumping
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)10:40 No.298823
- bump a ;lump a deep dop baldump baaaauuuump bump
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)10:47 No.298912
- Who else is reminded of the gas mask pony from blackjacks visions in project horizons?
- This seems really similar to that
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)11:33 No.299467
- Op will never return
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)15:09 No.302727
- >>299467
- I return
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)15:20 No.302868
- File: 1330546801.jpg-(29 KB, 761x504, desert3_OPT.jpg)
- 29 KB
- >>289040
- >Looking for the other three
- >Hacking and coughing
- >I'm lucky I didn't suffocate in the cloud
- >I pull out a water battle, and unscrew the cap
- >I hate wasting water, but I need to sooth my throat
- >Feel something drop on my head
- >Another drop on my hand
- >I look closely, observing the wet residue
- >"It can't be"
- >Rain is falling
- >Rain hasn't fallen in a long time
- >It isn't much, but it's something
- >I look up
- >One cloud above me
- >I hear a faint noise
- >"I did it! I did it!"
- >I move away from the cloud, and look up
- >Something blue is standing on the cloud
- >I put the water bottle down, and pull out a smoke grenade
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)15:26 No.302965
- bump
- this is good shit
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)15:48 No.303248
- File: 1330548514.jpg-(9 KB, 500x375, duststorm1.jpg)
- 9 KB
- >>302868
- >My finger is around the pin
- >Need to be careful
- >Without my gas mask, I could breath too much of this smoke
- >Line up the target with the grenade
- >Cock arm back
- >Throw
- >In an instant, the blue pegasus turns around, sees my grenade, flies towards it, and hits it away
- >She has balls
- >The grenade bashes into my chest
- >Fall over
- >Smoke emitting from grenade
- >Can't breath
- >Look down at my arms, they are becoming a pale
- >I crawl away from the smoke, unable to get up, and grab the water bottle
- >Water is spilling out as I lift it towards my mouth
- >I chug it down as fast as I can
- >The pain is unbearable
- >I drink it all
- >I can breath, but only slightly
- >Still feel like I'm going to die
- >The pegasus is flying straight towards me
- >She's seething with rage
- >She flies right through the smoke
- >She's blinded, and slams into a nearby building
- >She's out cold
- >I reach for my backpack, and empty it
- >I pull all of the water bottles towards me, and chug each one down
- >I now know what it's like to suffer like my victims
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)16:13 No.303559
- >>303248
- >Eventually drink all the water
- >Still feel terrible
- >I pull myself up from the ground, stumbling from side to side
- >I grab another grenade from the pile of equipment from the backpack
- >Only two more grenades after this
- >Slowly walk closer to the pegasus
- >She's still unconscious
- >Throw the grenade, and stumble away
- >She'll die in her sleep, it's better this way
- >Pack my backpack
- >"Hopefully I won't need a drink for a while"
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)16:43 No.304093
- File: 1330551837.jpg-(745 KB, 864x4440, IAwakenToTheSoftBlowOfSandInMy(...).jpg)
- 745 KB
- I unfortunately have to go now, hopefully someone else can put the rest into this.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)16:51 No.304229
- >>304093
- No OP! you must finish this, even if it is later!
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)16:52 No.304264
- >>304229
- I'm not the OP, silly, I was just screenshotting the story.
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)17:03 No.304418
- >Carousel Boutique
- >I hope the next pony is in here
- >Traveling to this place was a nightmare
- >The effects of the smoke are still around
- >My skin has gained some color back, but still remains quite pale
- >"Hey, maybe I can pass for one of the damned"
- >I laugh
- >I enter the store
- >It's dark
- >Clothing scattered around on the ground
- >Slight murmurings in the distance
- >I follow the noise
- >"Now darling, this just looks fabulous on you"
- >I crouch down, looking into another room
- >The white unicorn is surrounded by mannequins
- >She doesn't notice me
- >"Now stay still, I need to get these measurements right."
- >She's clearly gone insane
- >I think to myself "maybe if she just laughed at her own jokes, she'd be as sane as I am"
- >I chuckle out loud
- >The unicorn freezes, and a look of shock appears on her face
- >She probably hasn't heard anyone's voice in years
- >Might as well put her out of her misery
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)17:07 No.304483
- *feel free to comment on the story when you're waiting for more of the story. It will add some life to this dry thread.*
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)17:10 No.304534
- File: 1330553450.jpg-(26 KB, 450x429, Ed-Byrne.jpg)
- 26 KB
- I like reading this. commented
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)17:11 No.304536
- >>304483
- I can't wait for for the interesting part.
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)17:23 No.304694
- File: 1330554182.jpg-(389 KB, 1024x768, yemenite-desert-sand-brown.jpg)
- 389 KB
- >I go into the room
- >The unicorn doesn't say a word
- >I pull out a grenade
- >"Wait!"
- >I don't know why I waited
- >"You can't go around like that. I mean your outfit's good, if you're going for a dirty survivalist, but it's missing something."
- >She runs towards a drawer
- >She opens it, and pulls out a gas mask
- >She uses magic to bring it towards me
- >"It's the best I can give you. I wish I could help more, but my other customers need me."
- >I put the gas mask on
- >"Thanks"
- >I throw the grenade
- >She's dead minutes later
- >One more left
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)17:29 No.304774
- >>304483
- Come on Op, you caught my interest.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)17:34 No.304848
- File: 1330554881.jpg-(74 KB, 600x600, 1330549124028.jpg)
- 74 KB
- Delicious OC!
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)17:34 No.304851
- File: 1330554884.jpg-(30 KB, 474x356, 1264985934705.jpg)
- 30 KB
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)17:35 No.304855
- >>304694
- Now that's just pure mean. Please continue OP.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)17:35 No.304867
- I'm going to draw this man later.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)17:38 No.304893
- File: 1330555087.jpg-(20 KB, 400x242, what the fuck am i reading.jpg)
- 20 KB
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)17:38 No.304903
- >>304867
- Oh wow, that's awesome.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)17:39 No.304909
- File: 1330555149.jpg-(96 KB, 630x712, Sniper_by_alexiuss.jpg)
- 96 KB
- >>304867
- Would he perchance look like this?
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)17:42 No.304946
- >>304909
- I like to leave a character's visual description to a minimal, letting the reader decide what they look like. Feel free to draw him as you wish.
- (ps, I like that comic)
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)17:43 No.304966
- >>304909
- Ooo, romantically apocalyptic. Awesome.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)17:45 No.304997
- Best viewed with
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xoH5MPIgM7c
- >> Anonynomus 02/29/12(Wed)17:46 No.305003
- Start off with a stampede of "dried out" ponies, then go around Ponyville killing the mane six one by one with smoke grenades.. Is there a point to this or is it just surreal randomness?
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)17:47 No.305024
- File: 1330555659.jpg-(797 KB, 774x1037, IMG_20120223_214038.jpg)
- 797 KB
- >>304903
- Well, I'm going to work and when I get back I'll draw him. Pic is my style.
- Also I love Romantically Apocalyptic.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)17:49 No.305051
- >>305003
- Who cares, its a good read.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)17:53 No.305100
- bamp
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)17:58 No.305179
- File: 1330556280.png-(352 KB, 900x675, 1330110108059.png)
- 352 KB
- Oh, hai there OP.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)17:58 No.305180
- I have no idea what any of this is, and frankly I'm not one to look lightly upon someone killing off ponies, but I'm interested as hell.
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)17:59 No.305194
- File: 1330556340.jpg-(10 KB, 447x285, africanduststorm.jpg)
- 10 KB
- >outside
- >the sun is setting
- >"I should just get to the library and get this over with"
- >walking normally now
- >feeling much better, physically and psychologically
- >Gas masks have become a bit like a security blanket for me
- >the wind is picking up
- >nervous, but ready
- >stand still
- >the cloud is coming
- >It just gets faster and fast
- >tighten the gas mask
- >the cloud rushes over
- >the stampede is just as fast as the wind
- >struggle to keep balance
- >They're angry
- >It's angry
- >I begin to slightly shake, but remain in place
- >I see something familiar
- >It's Applejack
- >She's dried out, dark veins covering her body
- >I swear she is looking at me
- >If only she let me kill her
- >the cloud disappears
- >I need to keep moving
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)18:00 No.305226
- >>305194
- >If only she let me kill her
- interesting...
- so are you killing them out of mercy or malice?
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)18:01 No.305247
- Archive this shit, I need to leave soon and I don't wanna miss the end.
- >> Anonynomus 02/29/12(Wed)18:01 No.305248
- >>305051
- >a good read
- Considering it's a typo-ridden greentext story about a pony massacre, I sincerely want to disagree with you, but I can't stop watching this thread. Fuck.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)18:03 No.305269
- >>305226
- The cloud must be poison, but only one that kills horses.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)18:03 No.305276
- >>305247
- Threads can last up to 12 hours on here
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)18:04 No.305284
- >>305248
- Well... that's kinda what I meant. It's attention - grabbing and you want to find out the rest.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)18:04 No.305293
- >>305269
- It has to kill everyone. Why else would he need a gasmask?
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)18:14 No.305391
- >Running
- >The sun is down
- >The cloud appears more often then ever before
- >The time between each encounter is getting shorter and shorter
- >The winds are getting stronger too
- >I run whenever I have the chance
- >It may just be the fear getting to me, but I think I feel sick whenever it rushes over me
- >Just a little while before I make it
- >My arms suddenly snap backwards
- >I scream
- >I'm thrown to the ground
- >No one is near me
- >This is the work of magic
- >She has found me
- >I float up, and slammed into the ground
- >I black out
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)18:18 No.305442
- >>305391
- twi is the smartest and the strongest.. dont think you're gonna have much luck if she already got the drop on you first
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)18:19 No.305451
- File: 1330557548.png-(161 KB, 448x650, 1300924152959.png)
- 161 KB
- >>305391
- oh dis is guna be good
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)18:22 No.305499
- File: 1330557765.png-(417 KB, 640x530, 74594 - duplicate epic twiligh(...).png)
- 417 KB
- Oh shit
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)18:38 No.305704
- Moar
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)18:40 No.305735
- >I wake up
- >My arms and legs are chained to an examination table
- >The walls are lined with pages from books, news articles, pictures of fog, icy mists, and sand storms, with pins and string connecting one thing to another
- >In the center of it all is a large map of the world, with red X's over most of the land masses
- >"Well it looks like you're awake! The examination is going to be so much more beneficial with you conscious"
- >My final target approaches me, holding a scalpel in mid air with her magic
- >But first, I would like to ask you some questions
- >I don't respond
- >"Let's start with I basic one. What drove you to kill my friends?"
- >I don't respond
- >"Of all the ways you could have killed them, why did you use smoke grenades? My research tells my that dying from these things is a horrible experience"
- >I don't respond
- >"Maybe you just wanted them to suffer"
- >I respond
- >"I didn't want to do this"
- >"Then why did you?"
- >I don't respond
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)18:43 No.305770
- This is the best fucking thing ever made.
- Someone please ungreentext it and make it into a fic.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)18:43 No.305773
- I am monitoring this thread.
- /)^3^(\
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)18:46 No.305808
- >>305770
- I'm actually thinking of doing that
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)18:46 No.305813
- >>305770
- i could if i wasn't writing my thesis right now.
- fuck, i want to do this so bad too..
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)18:47 No.305825
- >>305808
- Give it a narrator, like Bastion.
- Holy shit I'd pay money for it if you alter the story enough.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)18:47 No.305838
- >>305808
- that would be amazing, i prefer reading story in proper writing prose. this storyline has great potential, and you'd do a better job than I could.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)18:52 No.305902
- wow op thank you for making my first real visit to /mlp/ entertaining. Also for getting me to post.
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)18:52 No.305907
- >>305825
- Kid pulls out a smoke grenade, his most trusted weapon
- He flings it up in the air, a fine throw
- Kid wasn't expecting a game of catch with a smoke grenade, now was he?
- lol
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:02 No.306096
- File: 1330560179.png-(71 KB, 200x224, Rucks.png)
- 71 KB
- >>305825
- >>305907
- Kid knew it would come to this sooner or later.
- After the sky came alive with the fury of hell itself, he knew something had to be done.
- Kid wanted to save the ones he loved, no mater what it would take.
- He got his trusty gas mask, given to him by someone who was always helping others. Even though it was one of her last, she still gave it to 'em. Kid cherished it.
- Kid snatched up the supply of smoke grenades from the one who was always cookin' up new things, thought he would benefit the most.
- Kid remembered how to avoid the plague from someone who taught him every move he knew, they never left each others back before it was too late.
- Kid thought hard of never seeing any of them ever again, but he knew deep in the back of his mind the storm wouldn't stop it from happenin'.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:04 No.306115
- File: 1330560269.jpg-(10 KB, 259x194, images.jpg)
- 10 KB
- >>306096
- >>305907
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:05 No.306132
- File: 1330560321.png-(148 KB, 376x358, Please stop.png)
- 148 KB
- COME ON OP, I MUST READ THE THRILLING CONCLUSION
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:05 No.306140
- >>306115
- :(
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)19:08 No.306174
- >The unicorn seems upset
- >"No matter. If you don't wish to cooperate, that's your choice. Let's just get on with the examination"
- >I'm terrified, but I refuse to show it.
- >"Now as you know, when ponies breath in too much of the cloud, they turn into dried out monsters, and run away with the other mindless beasts. But it's not the same with other creatures, including you. Other creatures show signs of becoming like the 'infected', but eventually die."
- >"Your point?"
- >"I want to figure out why. I want to open you up and see what makes you tick"
- >I'm enraged
- >"Go to hell"
- >"I'm already there"
- >She plunges the scalpel into my chest
- >I let out a cry in agony
- >Blood begins to seep out of my wound
- >But something's wrong
- >My blood is black
- >The unicorn is fascinated
- >"Very interesting"
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:10 No.306217
- >>306174
- OP you glorious bastard
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:11 No.306237
- >>306174
- >Black Blood
- Methinks OP is "like the infected"
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:12 No.306248
- >"Go to hell"
- >"I'm already there"
- >She plunges the scalpel into my chest
- read in twilight's voice and mine.
- goosebumps.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:14 No.306283
- File: 1330560848.jpg-(160 KB, 960x601, hitwilight.jpg)
- 160 KB
- All hail op !
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:17 No.306322
- >>306283
- Oh god, thats just so relevant
- http://vocaroo.com/i/s0mt5ilQD24M
- I read Twilights lines and just heard this in my head. I have nothing to do, I'm waiting for OP and stuff.
- So that's my excuse.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:19 No.306358
- File: 1330561181.png-(205 KB, 471x513, 141-(n1299258414577).png)
- 205 KB
- This thread is so fucking tasty.
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)19:21 No.306374
- >>306322
- This is wonderful
- >>306096
- And so is this!
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:25 No.306443
- I WANT THIS STORY INSIDE OF ME!
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:30 No.306517
- bumping to spread this.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:31 No.306536
- cool story, bro. And I mean that in a non-ironic manner.
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)19:34 No.306597
- >The unicorn takes out a small test tube, and collects the leaking blood
- >"I'll save this for later, just so I have something in case you...expire."
- >I look at her with disgust
- >I wish I could just get off of this table and hurt her
- >But then an idea pops into my head
- >I can't hurt her physically, but what about emotionally?
- >"How is the dragon?"
- >She stops
- >"What?"
- >"How is your dragon?"
- >She starts to get aggravated
- >"Do you mean Spike?"
- >"Yes, your little assistant, how is he?"
- >She's quiet
- >"Well come on. You've just stabbed me, I think the least you can do is tell me about Spike"
- >She now seems a little sad
- >"Spike...got really sick. I treated him the best I could but..."
- >"He's dead? Did you experiment on him before he 'expired'?"
- >"I would never do that!"
- >She is yelling now
- >"How dare you even say that!"
- >"You know, I've been through the cloud a lot of times. Your little reports may say what it's like to encounter the cloud, but you don't get the true picture without experiencing it for yourself. You can't breath, your lungs burn, you only want the pain to end. It's a living nightmare."
- >I see tears in her eyes.
- >"And you tried keeping Spike alive? Letting him live through that? At least I kill my victims. You keep them alive to suffer."
- >"Shut up!"
- >She's crying now
- >"Who's the real monster here?"
- >The unicorn bashes the side of my face with her hoof.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:36 No.306623
- This is working really well. For those of you wanting to convert it into fanfic, if you do it well, more power to you- this just feels like a "Hollywood-says-translate-this-foreign-film-into-American-style" type thing. Sure, it could end up awesome (Let Me In, Dragon Tattoo), but it could be awful too (Quarantine and countless others). Assuming OP doesn't do any of this as he closes the story, then you'll need to add a whole backstory, explain this cloud thing, et cetera. It works fantastic in short-form as greentext, but to elongate it, it needs more substance.
- If you can do it well, though... I'll be waiting. :D
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:38 No.306661
- File: 1330562326.png-(121 KB, 422x360, 24-(n1302686297688).png)
- 121 KB
- >>306597
- Jesus the guy reminds me of someone out of Stalker, no mercy, does whatever he can to live and wipe out all opposition, his order/task is absolute and he will stop at nothing to carry them out, guy is fucking brutal, I wonder why he is doing it though? Need answers, come on OP!
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:38 No.306667
- >>306623
- Is it possible to publish a screenshot of 20-30 4chan posts with uneditable text?
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:40 No.306694
- oc? what the fuck is that?
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:41 No.306703
- >>306667
- Clever. Story with no interruption of posts (not that they're bad) would be pretty cool to see. Someone wanna make it happen? :p
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:44 No.306739
- oh god please post more for the love of god poooooooooooooost
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:44 No.306748
- File: 1330562674.png-(146 KB, 640x360, 130302890188-(n1304097894013).png)
- 146 KB
- >>306667
- I have the entire story currently pasted into a google doc, I plan to make something of this if the OP ever completes the story, I would love to add how it began, dammit I love this stor, it's inspirational for a writefag.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:44 No.306749
- this better still be here in 8 hours time..........
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:45 No.306755
- >>306703
- maybe I'll try my hand at what another anon had started. Never done this kind of thing before, so no guarantee of quality.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:45 No.306764
- >>306748
- inb4
- >wirtefag
- >stor
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:50 No.306830
- File: 1330563031.png-(166 KB, 381x288, 1315674700389.png)
- 166 KB
- bump bumpity bump bump bump
- >>>mfw this thread
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:51 No.306841
- File: 1330563069.png-(176 KB, 650x650, TR.png)
- 176 KB
- waiting for op
- pic unrelated
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:51 No.306852
- >>306748
- I'm waiting to see what happens with the rest of this story. If it wraps up with a good ending (and I mean good, not a half-assed end of the world scenario), then I too might try my hand at writing. If I do it, it'll be my first "fanfic" (even though it isn't technically mine) and I would only release it if it were on caliber with this in short form.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:53 No.306888
- File: 1330563189.png-(534 KB, 1800x1700, 1313248358780-(n1325744483410).png)
- 534 KB
- I need more of this hoars story
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:54 No.306902
- File: 1330563248.jpg-(24 KB, 400x273, 1330487838760.jpg)
- 24 KB
- >>306888
- cool trips, bro
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:54 No.306907
- cmon op!! i'm almost there...
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:55 No.306911
- >>306852
- I'm looking forward to a grueling ending. I'm not sure why, I always love stories that just take people to the edge. Will be interesting what OP chooses. I've already got a prediction.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:58 No.306966
- >>306911
- Yeah, I'm not exactly seeing happiness coming out of this one. It's not a sadfic though, which makes it awesome to read.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)19:58 No.306972
- Link to google docs :)
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)19:59 No.307000
- >I can taste blood in my mouth
- >"I'm no monster! I'm trying to stop the cloud! I've been trying to stop it for years! I'm nothing like you! You're a murderer!"
- >She's suddenly silent
- >"And pretty soon...I'm gonna be a murderer too."
- >She moves the scalpel towards my heart
- >She looks up at me
- >"Any last words?"
- >I spit in her eye
- >She screams, and covers her face
- >She slams her hooves into my chest, revealing a now bloodshot eye
- >"I'll kill you!"
- >I can see black veins in the corner of her eye
- >Her body spasms, and she falls to the ground, holding her eye in pain
- >I didn't expect this
- >Her horn glows, and she rips me off of the table
- >I'm now floating in the air
- >"It burns!"
- >She slams me onto the table
- >My legs then twist into unnatural angles, breaking them
- >She flings me across the room, and I slam into the wall
- >My entire body is in pain
- >I see my backpack next to me
- >One chance
- >I use what little strength I have to pull out the last smoke grenade
- >I throw it at Twilight
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:00 No.307008
- OP... We're humbly sorry for all the pressure.
- Someone shouldn't have to think in these conditions
- >> Anonynomus 02/29/12(Wed)20:00 No.307013
- >>306911
- So far it's pretty good, I feel like we're close to the edge now, but there's no need to actually go over the edge just to be "grueling". The most disappointing ending I could think of right now is that the guy manages to kill Twilight and then either dies himself or just leaves Ponyville.
- Rainbow Factory comes to mind. That ending was just bullshit.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:01 No.307033
- File: 1330563710.jpg-(10 KB, 318x298, 1303407439188.jpg)
- 10 KB
- >>307000
- So, you leave us on a cliffhanger, you menace!
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:02 No.307048
- Holy shit, this is amazing.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:05 No.307086
- inb4 main character dehydrates twi and feeds on her pone jerky
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:05 No.307091
- >>307013
- >broken legs
- >infected
- >Killed twilight
- lol
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:06 No.307105
- >>307013
- Right. Don't be grueling for grueling's sake. I want a good story, not a needlessly violent one. I want a good resolution here. Pressure's on, OP- good luck.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:07 No.307127
- File: 1330564057.jpg-(57 KB, 600x389, 1300593036519.jpg)
- 57 KB
- >>307091
- We don't know if she's dead, part of me wants her to live because I am biased as fuck when it comes to TS. I would really like to see him ally with a pony that is like him, instead of just going around laying waste to everything.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:09 No.307152
- >>307013
- >>307000
- welp
- "Grueling" has been found my friend. Fortunately, 4chan has allowed me to take even the most terrible scenes into a manageable view. Perhaps that's how I built a tolerance for that..
- >>307105
- True, unnecessary violence is terrible. Looks okay though, it's anger so it means something. I do sense a small blood bath incoming though.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:09 No.307168
- inb4:
- >The smoke grenade detonated, leaving Twilight to turn into the cloud she tried to stop
- >Legs are broken
- >Have to crawl back out
- >Look at the sky
- >Cloud is nowhere in sight
- >No ponies anywhere
- >See Canterlot in the distance, start crawling
- >Both princess are dead
- >I am the new prince
- >Realize I'm finally there
- >Take my spot on the throne as the Prince of Bel-Air
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:10 No.307181
- >>307168
- *clap clap clap*
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:10 No.307184
- File: 1330564259.png-(58 KB, 187x182, 1301079282080.png)
- 58 KB
- >>307168
- oh man, this nigguh
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:12 No.307197
- >>307168
- Somehow, I'm satisfied by this ending..
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)20:12 No.307201
- >I drag myself towards the door
- >I don't expect to live through this, but I'm not dying down here
- >The smoke is shooting out of the grenade
- >I can taste it going down my throat
- >Just as I'm about to leave the room, I'm tugged away from the door
- >Twilight, chocking on smoke, is able to scream
- >"I won't let you leave! You die now!"
- >I dig my nails into the ground, trying to hold back
- >I see the scalpel on the ground
- >I quickly grab it, and am pulled farther back
- >I turn around.
- >Twilight is right behind me, the smoke is all around us
- >I shove the scalpel in her eye
- >She is dead
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:13 No.307225
- >>307201
- >anon, will u luv me 4ever?
- >no
- >she iz ded
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:13 No.307226
- File: 1330564414.jpg-(66 KB, 452x347, 1-(n1297532158073).jpg)
- 66 KB
- >>307201
- >She is dead
- I lol'd, could have done better with that description there, but i'm not complaining, it's still a good read, just don't let the quality degrade
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:13 No.307231
- >>307201
- Rather emotionless and bleak. Which is good, it's different. What happens now though? o_O
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:14 No.307246
- can't.. go to sleep... must know... how it ends....
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:14 No.307247
- File: 1330564481.png-(145 KB, 399x475, 1304449657971.png)
- 145 KB
- >>307201
- Oh dear.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:14 No.307249
- "Soap... Soap..."
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:15 No.307267
- File: 1330564543.png-(274 KB, 640x480, 979879879879.png)
- 274 KB
- oh........my......this is...like...a bright black rainbow, so beautiful.....
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:17 No.307293
- ooh, we're almost concluded!
- keep it up OP, this is amazing!
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:17 No.307300
- God dammit OP, quit fucking up the grammar. I'm gonna unponify this and submit it for my creative writing class and I'll be damned if i have to correct it.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:18 No.307319
- >>307300
- That's a mighty bold statement right there son.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:19 No.307335
- >>307300
- Dude, if you're gonna plagiarize someone's work, then at the very least you can afford to grammar check.
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)20:20 No.307349
- >After that, everything becomes hazy
- >It's as if I'm living through a memory, or a dream
- >One minute, I'm crawling away from Twilight's corpse
- >The next, I'm crawling through the library
- >Then, I'm outside
- >I'm not in pain anymore
- >I wonder if this is what death feels like
- >I can feel the wind on my face
- >The cloud is coming
- >I'm not wearing my gas mask
- >I'm too weak to cover my mouth
- >I think I'm going to die
- >The cloud envelopes me
- >There are no damned horses
- >I don't feel the cloud seeping down my throat
- >I hear something in the back of my mind
- >"My champion"
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:20 No.307361
- >>307335
- Inspired by: Anonymous
- Proper Credit: [x]
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:20 No.307365
- >>307300
- Submitting a greentext for a CW class? You're gonna have to alter it more than you think.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:22 No.307386
- File: 1330564934.png-(195 KB, 496x564, 1304345917666.png)
- 195 KB
- >>307349
- The only thought in my mind is Celestia and the whole thing was some kind of crucible for him to become her champion.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:22 No.307391
- >>307349
- That sounds like an ending!
- BUT WHY CAN'T I HOLD ALL THESE QUESTIONS!?
- >> PO 02/29/12(Wed)20:24 No.307423
- >>307349
- >Suddenly, you realize you are Dragonborn
- >Boethiah grants you Ebony Mail as a reward
- >Drink health potion to remove dryness
- >Shout Lydia off a mountain
- The End
- >> SSS 02/29/12(Wed)20:24 No.307427
- File: 1330565076.png-(298 KB, 1280x720, Pinkie_Pie_S2_E13_About_to_cry.png)
- 298 KB
- Is it over? D:
- >> Anonynomus 02/29/12(Wed)20:25 No.307441
- >>307423
- >PO
- Why would you even do that
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:25 No.307450
- Love it so far op, you did good for such a quickly done spontaneous thing, would love to see it expanded on even in a less pony atmosphere.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:26 No.307458
- >>307441
- Maybe I could anger some dyslexiafags.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:26 No.307465
- >>307441
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WiX7GTelTPM
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:26 No.307470
- >>307427
- I will be massively disappointed if it is. OP clearly has a good story, and that is not a resolution.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:26 No.307474
- >>307349
- *slow clap*
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:32 No.307561
- Not even a comment from OP? Assure us that it's over, or continue it! D:
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)20:35 No.307618
- >I can't talk
- >I can only rest, and listen
- >"You haven proven your worth to me, child of man"
- >I lift my hand in the air, as if I am reaching for the voice
- >I don't understand my own actions
- >"Rest now, my champion. You are willing of my blessing."
- >I force myself to sputter out a faint attempt at words
- >"You shall become my vessel, the bringer of rebirth"
- >I look towards the sky, but it's as if I can see my own body changing, filling with something
- >"But I...you...can't"
- >"You underestimate my power. I've had a plan, my champion, and you will become the greatest part of it."
- >Deep down, I feel like I know what is happening
- >"Now wake up, child of man. Wake up and return"
- >I find myself in a desert
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:36 No.307624
- >>307618
- Endless time loop?
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:36 No.307632
- File: 1330565801.png-(121 KB, 800x1010, 1300814004110.png)
- 121 KB
- >>307618
- wot
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:37 No.307650
- File: 1330565872.png-(720 KB, 1600x900, 2-(n1298357652092).png)
- 720 KB
- >>307618
- You motherfucking know I was right about it being a crucible and he becomes a champion
- >Nigger please
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:38 No.307657
- >>307618
- reminds me of the end of The Dark Tower
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:41 No.307694
- >>307657
- YOU BITCH
- I never finished that book
- >> Anonynomus 02/29/12(Wed)20:42 No.307700
- >>307618
- If that's it, I'm going to feel like I've been cheated out of an ending.
- The story so far was interesting however, so I'll be ok with it.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:43 No.307720
- OP, you are a brilliant writer. Excusing the typos and other things, this piece is brilliant so far.
- You should be proud, OP. Maybe make a trip and give us some storytime every once in a while?
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:44 No.307740
- >>307694
- it's not the exact ending, just thematically similar.
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)20:45 No.307750
- >I pull myself up from the sand
- >My legs are fixed
- >There is no pain
- >My backpack is next to me
- >I open it, and pull out the device
- >I activate the signal
- >I wait
- >Time passes
- >I've fallen asleep
- >I am awoken by a massive wind from above
- >I open my eyes
- >The ship is here
- >It shoots out its tractor beam, pulling me up
- >I'm going home, back to earth
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:46 No.307759
- File: 1330566368.png-(540 KB, 1280x720, vlcsnap-2011-02-28-20h51m44s21(...).png)
- 540 KB
- >>307750
- Holy tits wat
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:46 No.307773
- File: 1330566400.jpg-(127 KB, 1024x1138, 968763456576.jpg)
- 127 KB
- Whyyyyy OP??? Finish this Fic, the suspense is killing me! I need to work tomorrow!!!
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:46 No.307778
- >>307750
- Er... starting to enter the realm of the absurd, but it's good so far, so I'll stick to the end.
- >> Anonynomus 02/29/12(Wed)20:46 No.307781
- >>307750
- Dat twist after making us think that the story was stuck in a loop
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:47 No.307787
- Ending could've been a lot better.
- Like, A LOT better.
- Would've been more touching if the protagonist knew all of the ponies beforehand and knew that killing them this way was better than if they got sucked into the cloud, etc
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:47 No.307790
- >>307750
- dis nigga...
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:48 No.307810
- >>307750
- Stardate 4356.447: Leonaed Nimoy lives to tell the tale
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:48 No.307820
- >>307750
- Is this someone pretending to be op?
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:49 No.307823
- File: 1330566547.jpg-(105 KB, 400x400, dohoho-(n1303425736488).jpg)
- 105 KB
- >>307787
- THANKYOU, this will make turning this into a fic much, much better, I cannot thank you enough.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:50 No.307830
- >>307750
- wat. Although I guess it can make sense.
- In my mind now, humans brought the cloud, it's the darkness living in us normally. But when it mixed with ponies, they had no tolerance to it, turning it into an infection. The ponies' own nature mutated it so that it could affect humans as well, but we're already resilient to it, so it only kills.
- that's my theory.
- >> TotesNotMix 02/29/12(Wed)20:50 No.307833
- File: 1330566605.jpg-(49 KB, 500x382, tumblr_lzax9l90zD1qftlmc.jpg)
- 49 KB
- My mind exploded.
- Twice.
- How is this still going? Oh mai gawd.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:51 No.307867
- File: 1330566696.gif-(157 KB, 483x479, 1330486007559.gif)
- 157 KB
- Mfw OP stopped here
- >>307000
- and some other anon took over.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:52 No.307889
- File: 1330566767.jpg-(76 KB, 314x360, 1313016547774.jpg)
- 76 KB
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:52 No.307890
- >>307618
- my fucking face when
- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KGgm03ckMRg
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:53 No.307900
- >>307750
- So, clearly, the protagonist is Fry from futurama, sent Equestrion 9 to assassinate the 6 rulers of the planet, who have grown angry with the Earthicans for dumping radioactive waste on their planet and destroying it's environment.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:53 No.307907
- This should have been done one section ago.
- "I find myself in a desert"
- This should have been the connection to the start making it a loop. He is Death, bringer of the End.
- Ya, this last portion >>307750 doesn't have the same feel. Seems someone else is OP. I'm going to just ignore this last part.
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)20:54 No.307921
- >I am greeted with open arms by the crew
- >"Look who we have here! I told you, guys, I told you! You said he wouldn't make it, but I know him. He gets shit done!"
- >My friend pats me on the back, and I am lead up to the massive cockpit
- >"Look out the computer, friend. You're going to like this"
- >A map of the planet is on screen, quickly zooming in
- >The cloud is in sight
- >"Thanks to you, all of the ponies are gone. The cloud has no one else to enter."
- >I look out the window, and see the massive lasers of our ship firing at the planet
- >"Once we kill all of the infected in the cloud, the planet will be saved"
- >I look at my friend
- >For some reason, I am upset
- >"What is there to save? The world is destroyed, all sentient life is gone! And what will killing the infected do?"
- >My friend chuckles
- >"You know the plan! With the cloud gone, we can terraform the planet, and make it habitable again. We set up a few colonies, help repopulate some of the animals, and boom! The planet is saved"
- >I'm still angered
- >"But all sentient life is gone!"
- >"It was for the best! With them gone, all possibility of the cloud coming back is stopped. They may be dead, but soon the world will be alive!"
- >I can only look in silence as the lasers fire onto the endless hoard of infected
- >> Anonynomus 02/29/12(Wed)20:55 No.307936
- >>307867
- Mf whenever someone posts a story over multiple posts without a tripdcode
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:56 No.307946
- >>307921
- oh humanity, you so silly with your imperialistic tendencies.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:56 No.307950
- >>307921
- I get the plot, but seriously, this has got to be one of the biggest quality nosedives I've ever read. And I saw Ghost Rider 2.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:57 No.307968
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- >>307950
- I'm re-writing all of this ending, shit has degraded, this will turn out to be a great fanfic though
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:57 No.307969
- >>307921
- >sending one man to commit genocide when clearly the forces exist to have a small army
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:57 No.307973
- >>307950
- No tripcode, so there's no guarantee that "OP" is actually the OP.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:58 No.307981
- Hey OP, can you retcon everything back to >>307000 then make it better?
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)20:59 No.307990
- >>307921
- Why didn't they kill the ponies with lasers?
- Why only send one guy?
- How do the infected travel in a cloud?
- When and where did the infection start?
- Why give him only a few smoke grenades when they have laser technology?
- WHY OP WHY
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)21:00 No.308015
- >I return to my sleeping chamber
- >I don't want to talk with the others
- >I lay on the bed, and look back on everything
- >The cloud, the ponies, the destruction.
- >And the voice
- >Trying to remember its words becomes hard
- >I decide to rest
- >I slowly drift into sleep
- >I dream of a desert
- >and endless desert
- >and as I walk, the sand behind me grows larger
- >I walk upward, walking into the sky
- >The sand follows me
- >I walk over the world, covering it in sand
- >And then, I wake up
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:00 No.308017
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- >>307990
- >op is a stoner
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:00 No.308018
- >>307968
- As am I now. I'm just too disappointed in this ending. Unfortunately, thread will likely 404 before we're done... so best of luck to you.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:01 No.308028
- Because HoneyOP don't give a shit. He writes what he wants.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:01 No.308038
- >>307921
- Oh god, it's next weeks episode of doctor who
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:02 No.308043
- It's like watching the rise and all of a fanbase all over again. Starts out, everyone loves it, begs for more, then as it comes to a close nothing but hate and booing, I feel like this is some sort of enclosed social experiment op is proving.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:02 No.308057
- He. Don't. Give. A. Shit.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:03 No.308061
- >>307921
- Here is a better fucking ending than that shit, relate back to him just being revived and he is in a desert.
- >He gazes around the wasteland, wondering how all of this had ever happened
- >He had become the true champion of Equestria, Celestia had sent him on this mission to prove his worth and to clean up the remaining infected so that the world could once again be remade.
- >With all of the ponies in ponyville dead, there was no longer the possibility for infection and the cloud would eventually cease to exist as it could no longer drain life from the living
- >The Wandered remained at Celestia's side for years to come and carried out her work as she saw fit.
- >The Wanderer was never the same after this, committing genocide to the only ones he loved and knew left a scar, one that could never heal.
- >The story of the Wanderer
- Something a little like this, I don't know it was a quickie 5 min job, i'll write something much better in the actual fic.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:03 No.308064
- >>308028
- Of course I'm not saying he doesn't have the right to write what he wants. We just have a standard of quality, and when storytelling doesn't meet that threshold, because it's the Internet, we'll be vocal about it. Can OP turn it around? Sure. Is it likely?
- ...not very, in my opinion.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:04 No.308074
- >>307000
- >The grenade lands across the room next to Twilight, it goes off right in her face
- >She screams as the smoke engulfs the room
- >The smoke is getting to thick to breathe easy any longer
- >I attempt to crawl over to door next to me, and open it up
- >The slight drag lets me live a little bit longer
- >I begin to cough up black blood, almost like tar my skin begins to turn pale
- >No one believed me when I told them the storm was coming, they called it a human folk tale
- >No one believed me when I told them that killing yourself was easier than living throughout the storm
- >No one believed me when I told them that the cloud was alive
- >Then, just like that, no one was left to believe in me
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)21:04 No.308076
- Ok, OP here
- Yeah, I kind of agree that ending it at >>307618
- is the better choice
- Let us consider >>307618 to be the canon ending
- Everything else after that is just an alternate, very silly ending
- Well, thanks for reading guys. It's been a blast writing this, and I hope you had fun too.
- *hugz*
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:04 No.308086
- Hoping it ends with OP killing of all of the douchey team mates when the Wanderer magically grows a horn.
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)21:05 No.308111
- I am now open for discussion
- Let's chat
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:06 No.308112
- >>308076
- I'll accept that.
- Good job, OP.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:06 No.308118
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- >>308076
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:06 No.308124
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- come on OP, you just hit a writers block and tried to shoehorn the ending in, you can obviously do better. i know because i read the beginning and middle of this story.
- i see this as nothing more than a rough draft. if you wrote it in FC form without the pressure of anons on you, im sure this would be the greatest thing since rainbow cupcakes.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:06 No.308126
- >>308061
- >drain life from the living
- So, this is halo, OP is master cheif, and ponies are the phlud?
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:06 No.308128
- >>308076
- I love this guy
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:07 No.308134
- I have found myself in a sad place, with a lack of ponies and a lack of love...
- -The Kid
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:07 No.308139
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- >>308126
- No silly, this is sunshine of israpony!
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)21:08 No.308147
- >>308074
- I like that ending, it's a nice ending>
- >>308028
- >>308057
- ha
- >> Anonynomus 02/29/12(Wed)21:08 No.308151
- >>308076
- Well OP, you made me stay up past 4am to read your story, I'd say it was fun. It was interesting for the most part, and the silliness of the ending was entertaining in a different way.
- Nice work. Best greentext apocalyptic scifi grimdark pony fanfic with a twist ending that I've ever read.
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:09 No.308160
- >>Just going to accept this shit and move on?
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:09 No.308161
- yeah it was great except the ending, take it as a draft and go work on it maybe
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:10 No.308168
- So, OP, how do you feel that a few of us are going to individually try to expand this into a full fic?
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:10 No.308173
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- >>308147
- >OP says my ending is good
- Oh god this smile
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:10 No.308174
- >Shot of passed out guy (does he have a name) lying in the sand
- >Zooms out
- >Morgan freeman voiceover
- >Evolution niggaz
- >Giraffes take over equestria
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:11 No.308185
- >>308168
- Or a graphic novel. Graphic novel, anyone?
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:12 No.308213
- >>308185
- You find an artist and I'll collaborate the fuck out of this with him and whoever else wants to join. o_o
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:12 No.308222
- >>308139
- It made sense to me. the only way to stop the cloud was to kill the things the cloud consumes
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:12 No.308225
- >>308185
- Speaking of which, what happened to that drawfriend who said he would draw the dude?
- >> OP 02/29/12(Wed)21:13 No.308231
- >>308168
- I'm flattered that others want to work with my story
- It's like making a fan fic of a fan fic to me
- I mean, I would like some credit (I don't know, maybe a link to an archived version of this thread of something, or at least 'inspired by Anonymous')
- But I'm very pleased I was able to influence people like this
- >> Anonymous 02/29/12(Wed)21:13 No.308235
- Ended like a bad Ridley Scott Film / Good M. Night Shyamalan film.