- DeRankerDave: Alright, so as some of you may recall, last week I planned to go to my old high school
- JEWBOT: if he starts the story
- DONT SAY SHIT
- I NEED TO COPY THIS TO SAVE
- DeRankerDave: ^
- this guy
- JEWBOT: ONLY DAVE TALKS
- Linkisapony: >oops.jpg
- unconspicuous: EVERYONE SHUT UP
- DeRankerDave: ANYWAYS
- unconspicuous: DAVE ONLY
- Linkisapony: lol
- DeRankerDave: planned to go back to my high school for a wek
- >last week
- >typos
- Anyways, Wednesday was finals day
- Now, Im an asshole
- So I've got these sonic grenades
- They go off at 125 decibels, the pain threshold for most humans for hearing
- >you can see where this is going
- So I go to my school, get my visitor badge, and with my cargo of about 10 sonic nades, enter the school with my good friend, Dave II
- So Dave II and I had drawn up a map beforehand
- And we divided up the school in a way that we could be in an out in 5 minutes, hitting the classrooms with the hardest finals
- >officially buttfucking EVERYONE on their exams
- We split up
- >itBEGINS.jpg
- First stop, Calculus
- Open the door
- >no dinosaurs
- Toss a primed fucker into the room
- >interlude
- these things are little, disc-ish things
- this kid in the front looks at it
- >oh no, you poor bastard
- he gets up, and picks the damn thing up
- my internal timer is ticking down
- 3.
- 2.
- 1.
- BWEEEEEEEEEEEE
- this fucker goes off, im out the door on my way to my next taregt
- Down the hall, the Calc 3 (high level high school ftw
- anyways, pop that door
- toss and run, dont even pause this time
- I repeat this process several times, for AP physics, chemistry, and biology classes
- >3 nades at once into the Physics one just cause that shit was extra hard, gotta fuck with them super hard as well
- So at this point Im down to 3 nades
- Only one classroom remains
- >Special Ed Careers
- >DIS GON B GOOOOD
- I took a deep breath,calmly turned the handle, opened the door, and threw 1 nade in.
- >and it hits some tard's face
- >tard roar
- okay, not really a roar, just their weird outcry
- fucks given = 0, door already closing
- halfway down the hall, at a sprint, when I hear it go off
- >Oh gawd, the screams
- >Beautiful music
- If you're keeping tally at this point, I've still got 2 of the fucking nades stacked up
- I run to the student center, calmly walk into the reception area, and walk right past the secretary
- >i dont even hear what she's saying
- Door to principals office
- >Open
- >Toss
- >Close
- And walk the fuck away
- At this point, it's about time to evacuated
- Ive still got one left, and when I meet Dave II outside of the south lunchroom (our rendezvous point), he still had 2
- At this point we have no idea what to do with these things
- I GOT IT
- says the fuckwad friend
- Did you already hit the special ed room?
- >Yes
- How long ago
- >2 minutes
- Think they'll have calmed down by now?
- >Nope
- Let's hit em again
- >Same as before, 1 nade to the tard room
- >Screams again
- >ohlawdthehappiness
- Anyways, down to 2 nades between us, only about 6.5 minutes have passed
- >Cops are bound to be there soon, best be wrapping up
- We decide to hit up parenting class
- >background info
- Parenting class has only one test, and that is the final
- If you manage to keep the kid well behaved, fed, oiled, and generally alive, you pass the class
- We were destined to fail this class
- No finesse this time
- >Friend opens door calmly
- >We both jump in and start yelling cuss words at the top of our lungs
- the little kids' jimmies are thoroughly rustled by this, but not to the crying point
- I then take my two nades, pop the clips, and hand one each to two different kids (bothboys)
- Luckily, these things have a configurable 5, 15, or 30 second delay
- >I chose 5
- >dumbfuck Dave
- I realize this as the second nade is in the second childs hand
- >realization brought on by first nade going off
- >DAMNIT
- Out the door, with Dave II close behind
- sprint across the whole damn school, hit the doors running, in the car within 90 seconds of the last nade
- We drive off
- BUT THATS NOT THE END
- OH NO IT'S NOT
- unconspicuous gasps
- DeRankerDave: >We will now have a brief break for Q&A, the next part is a bit long
- JEWBOT: lol
- unconspicuous gasps again
- DeRankerDave: Goddamn too much typing
- Linkisapony: you are a dick, a magnificent dick
- Vitol: no on campus gaurds?
- CSRKhaine: Dave
- unconspicuous: okay, so where the fuck do you get these things
- CSRKhaine: I have a question
- WHY ARE YOU SO AWESOME
- DeRankerDave: there was one guard, but she was doing a health thing that day, the police deal is the final
- unconspicuous: also you are either the most cruel sadistic person, best bullshitter, or both, that i have ever met
- DeRankerDave: uncon, this shit happened
- Vitol: your lucky then
- JEWBOT: uncon, sonic grenades can be bought all over the place
- unconspicuous: so where do you get these sonic grenade things
- DeRankerDave: and trust me, the fun of this is eclipsed by the last 2 days of hell that I have had
- unconspicuous: link to example?
- JEWBOT: think geek seels them for way too much!
- Linkisapony: think geek has them, i believe
- JEWBOT: ill like
- unconspicuous: okay
- JEWBOT: *link
- DeRankerDave: @uncon well there are weak ones on geek
- Vitol: Our campus had atleast 5 gaurds on duty at a time with less lethal rubber rounds
- DeRankerDave: but the higher grade ones are sold up here in the cities at munitions dealers
- unconspicuous: my campus has one guard, but with a real gun
- DeRankerDave: >minneapolis weapon trade
- Linkisapony: yea, we had a few at our school too
- DeRankerDave: Ours only had a taser
- anyways, I digress
- >Onwards with the story
- Vitol: We had atleast one with a full lethal load if needed
- JEWBOT: ours had electric beat sticks
- DeRankerDave: >resuming now
- Alright
- JEWBOT: SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
- unconspicuous: >RESUME STORY
- DeRankerDave: So we drove away, thinking we had got off scot-free with our deed
- little did we know, my calculus teacher had recognised me
- >HEKNOWS
- I get home, happy motherfucker right here
- I turn on the T.V., and flip to Fox news
- >Headline:
- >LOUD DEVICES CAUSE DISRUPTION OF EXAMS
- oh gawd, I made the news
- >the suspect
- >wait what
- >the suspect window has my picture, as well as my friends
- >FUCK
- >FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUUUUUUUU
- Immediate action is necessary
- I grab as much food as I can, and Im out the door and back in the car
- >drive to Dave II's place
- he answers the door with a crazed look in his eye
- >DUDE THE COPS!
- Ik man, lets go!
- >into the car
- >down the interstate
- >Pass state border
- we drove 160 miles that day, not much, but enough to distance ourselves
- we both left our cells at home, for obvious reasons
- So at this point we're staying with one of my relatives, who lives in Iowa (the Iowa-Minnesota Border, near a town called Estherville)
- anyways
- We're laying low, and grandma (the relative) knows shit has hit the fan
- However, she does not ask why we are hunkering down
- >Coolest Grandma
- So, two days pass
- >Be friday
- Time to travel back, I guess
- we gotta head back to uni pretty soon, anyway
- >fuck the repercussions, brother
- so we drive back, and stop in at my house before Dave II's
- >Dad at door
- >oh shit he should be at work
- >oh shit
- SON
- >Yes, dad?
- DID YOU NOISE BOMB A BUNCH OF HIGH SCHOOLERS?!
- >Noise bomb = sonic nade
- >Um....yeah?
- Oh
- Well
- You shouldnt do that, you could hurt someone
- BUT WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?!
- >I dont know, just thought it'd be funny
- WELL YOU KNOW WHAT ISNT FUNNY? WE'VE HAD TO FIELD AN OFFICER
- >an officer
- >Dad, what do you mean by "officer"?
- Well, they only sent one around
- >Wait, so it wasnt that serious?
- No, you just have to pay a fine
- >Lolwut
- >Not like Jail time, or anything?
- No, just legal reimbursement
- >Oh
- >mfw Dave II and I were just pussies
- >well, damn
- Enter Dave II, who has been silent this whole time
- hey dave, I've got an idea
- >oh lawd, here we go.....
- We should turn ourselves in
- >Oh
- Out into the car
- Out onto the road
- just down the rod
- police station
- walk in like a boss
- ask for the chief of police
- >Why would I let you see him? says the bitchy secretary
- Because I grenaded a school. said the asshole Dave
- >hfw
- So the chief comes out, and we are cuffed
- >they call our parents
- >only like a $500 few for legal restitutions
- >500 from each, mind you
- Free to go
- No jail time
- >feelsgoodman
- BUT WAIT
- THERE'S MORE
- since we turned ourselves in
- the like 5 man police force thinks they dont have to search us
- Dave II wasnt going out without some style
- He still had a nade left, one that he had neglected to mention
- As we're walking out, he looks to me and says, "cover your ears" in a whisper, while showing me the nade in his hand
- >very subtle
- >too subtle for dave
- Dont get my hands up, he tosses the nade back over the secretaries desk
- >BREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
- SHIT
- 2 officers on us at once
- >another set of fees, only $100 this time
- Walk out free men (again)
- >go home
- >eat dinner
- >sleep
- >Be Sunday
- 'Fully recovered
- Have decent day
- >remember that I told Peanut that I would tell him how this went
- >mfw it's been 4 days
- Well, shit
- And here we are
- >END
- Linkisapony: lol
- JEWBOT: Vid related, its security footage of Dave from the school
- CSRKhaine: AO
- unconspicuous: dave
- CSRKhaine: SO
- unconspicuous: you are fukking crazy
- CSRKhaine: MUCH
- WIN
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DeRankerDave is a crazy motherfucker
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