Maroonfall (5)

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“Alone we can do so little; together when can do so much.”
-Helen Keller
“Power is the great aphrodisiac.”
- Henry Kissinger
> You are Sparks.
> And you love it here.
> The Bright Sky Ball has woken up and gone sleepies at least three times since you arrived at The Shacks.
> Everything is so green, so quiet. But not the bad, scary quiet.
> The good quiet, like when the sky cries but doesn’t get angry.
> When the Bright Sky Ball is awake, fluffies eat grassies, leafies and play.
> When it goes sleepies, they huddle together in one of The Shacks, tell stories or maybe sing a song before going to sleep on long, soft things.
> Just not in Peppermint’s shack.
> You asked Scruffy why.
> “Cuz Peppewmint need sweep awot. She owd mawe.”
> That seemed a strange reason. Shouldn’t old mares want to sleep in a fluffpile?
> The Good Smell is all around you.
> And Cuddles is here. Your Wifey.
> She makes the Good Smell too, even if she can’t have babies.
> You lay besides her under a small tree, while before you Dark Forest herd enjoys itself.
> She snores lightly.
> ‘Best Herd’ was never quite like this.
> While Best Herd fluffies would play and eat grassies, there would always, somewhere, be the sound of a fluffies getting biggest owwies, or a non unicorn mare getting bad special huggies, their babies to be made to sleep forever soon after.
> Not here.
> You feel a nudge on your flank.
> “Hey handsum.” Cuddles says.
> You look at her and smile before snuggling closer.
> Cuddles giggles lightly.
> “Smeww dat?...”
> She gets up.
> “Dat smeww is fow yoo, and yoo onwy.”
> She nudges your side again, and you roll over on your back.
> “Cuddwes know wat to giv stwong, bwave, handsum stawwions…”
> You open your mouth, but already she’s nuzzling your happy thing.
> Mouth Hugs.
> “enf…enf…”
> You can’t help but thrust your hips a little as she puts her tongue on it.
> Everytime she does this, you can’t help but think of one thing:
> “Best…enf… Day…enf… Evew!”
----------
> You are Peppermint, the light green alicorn with a white mane.
> And you are waiting.
> You’ve waited before, but unlike many fluffies, you are alright with waiting a long time.
> A few Bright Times ago, you sent Scruffy and Kali out to talk with the Aesir herd and the Fluffytown herd.
> You know Scruffy is a smart fluffy. He will probably be smarty when you sleep forever, just decide you don’t want to be smarty anymore.
> He was the one who bit your ear off, so the beepy-tag couldn’t tell humans where you were.
> So, since he is so smart, you sent him to talk to Precious.
> Kali you sent to the Aesir, because they like big, strong fluffies.
> You told Kazoo to play her toy when she sees any of them.
> You’re doing all of this because a few nights ago, Scruffy was talking to Atlas on the other side of Little River.
> He told Scruffy that as soon as the flowers open, Maroon is going to come for your herd.
> You also know now about The Home, and the fluffies living there.
> So, after you thought about it, you decided to try to give Maroon and his herd biggest owwies before they can give any other herd biggest owwies.
> But in order to do that, you need a lot more fluffies. Especially big fluffies. Tough fluffies. And your herd is small.
> When…if, Precious and Balder get here, you’ll talk to them.
> Balder will agree to your plan. He and his herd like nothing more than to be brave, and they hate bad fluffies, even though they used to be bad fluffies.
> Precious will only agree if there is something that her or her herd can get from it.
> You know Maroon has a shiny ring around his horn, or so Atlas told you. Maybe that?
> You thought about sending Kazoo to find the Feather herd, who always put the feathers from Feather Monsters in their fluff and manes, but the Feather herd and the Aesir herd don’t like each other.
> And they aren’t as big as the Aesir.
> They also make you nervous. They don’t really smile or give huggies. They’re brave, and they like to share nummies, but they don’t like other fluffies coming into their land.
> What makes you nervous about them is the noises they make when they give owwies. They almost sound like Feather Monsters.
> Their smarty, Kohana, is kind of scary.
> You shift on your blankie. Your leggies are stiff.
> Outside, you hear your herd, babbling, playing, laughing.
> You’d do anything for your herd.
> And if you must sleep forever to make sure they’re happy and safe, you will.
----------
> You are Atlas, the orange unicorn with a red mane.
> Currently, you are waiting until Darktime.
> You told Scruffy everything about Maroon’s herd, and The Home.
> You hope he will be on the other side of Little River tonight.
> You don’t like this herd.
> You don’t like what they do to poor wingies and earthies, just for being wingies and earthies.
> You don’t like being in The Home either.
> Stompy has decided to make fluffies into long soft things.
> Well, not make them, but he stomps and squishes them, their belly ickies and booboo juice are all over the place.
> He sleeps in them.
> And he keeps taking the teeth of fluffies, like how a Chatter monster takes acorns for nummies.
> Except he doesn’t eat them. He just plays with them. Or looks at them.
> He’s a scary fluffy.
> You keep thinking about the Slaves at The Rink.
> How bad they’re treated.
> Mummas with hurt babies.
> Or babies with hurt Mummas.
> Fluffies who have had meanies do bad things to them. Things you’ve never seen another fluffy do.
> It makes you sad.
>…but it also makes you very, very mad.
> You try not to puff your cheeks. If Stompy sees, he’ll try to give you biggest owwies.
> He does that sometimes. If a fluffy even looks at him wrong, he flattens them into a long soft thing.
> Or bites out their peepers.
> If you could, you’d free the slaves.
>…
> You’re beginning to think of a sneaky trick, one that you will do as soon as you return to The Rink.
----------
> You are Balder, the pure black earth pony smarty of the mighty Aesir herd.
> You, along with Gunnar and Rune, are following Kali.
> The going is slow. Old Gunnar, while always strong and tough, isn’t as fast as he used to be.
> And this mare…Kali is unsure of her footing.
> She is afraid. Scared to be in a strange place with strange fluffies.
> She was afraid of the Choo-choo monster track aswell.
> But she went ahead, was brave and found you and your herd, and told you that Peppermint wants to see you and Precious.
> You don’t like Precious.
> But you like her a lot more than Kohana.
> Real fluffies should laugh, and hug.
> He never does.
> And he never lets Aesir look for nummies where his herd lives.
> Precious might be a greedy fluffy, but at least she’ll give foodies. Just not shinies.
> “We be thewe soon! Kawi pwomise!”
> “Nu soon enough…” Gunnar grumbles, stretching out is back leggies.
> “awww, poow babbeh Gunnaw wan huggies and miwkies?” Rune snickers.
> He is lightly, playfully bucked by Gunnar. They both laugh.
> Rune and Gunnar are good fluffies.
> All the Aesir are good fluffies.
> And you are their good Smarty.
----------
> You are Scruffy.
> And you have arrived back from Fluffytown.
> “Hewe we awe!” you say.
> It’s never been so good to be home. There are friends here, fluffies you know and love. Fluffytown just smelled of old poopies, even if there were shiny things around.
> There is a snort from behind you.
> “dis pwace is poopies.”
> You turn around and look at Precious.
> Precious is a small deep yellow wingie. Her mane is black, though some of it is streaked red. Her nose has a silver, shiny thing in it that she calls her “sniffa shiny”.
> She is currently sitting on the backs of two stallions, one pure brown Unicorn and one earthie with blue fluff and a green mane.
> Beside her walks a big teal earthie stallion. His name is Rocky, and he is a toughie friend.
> Holding onto his tail with her mouth is another fluffy.
> You’re not sure if she’s a filly or a runt, but she seems kind of scary. She’s blue with a pink mane. Her eyes are both white like milkies.
> “dis pwace nu-ting wike fwuffytown.” Precious says as she climbs off of the two stallions and sniffs the air.
> “Nu boxes fow fwuffies to wive in. Nu dump to find nummies quick ow shiny tings. Jus big stoopid hoomin homes.”
> You’re about to call Precious a meanie, but before you do, the Little Fluffy speaks.
> “but it hav guud fwends and neaw guud wawa. Cassy heaw it. Cassy smeww it. Sissy nu be so mean to guud fwuffies.”
> She has a pretty voice.
> “Pfft. Fine. Down, wan downies.”
> Precious climbs off the two stallions and stretches her leggies.
> “So when we tawk to Peppewmint and…and…Bawdhead.”
> “Bawdew.” Cassy says.
> “Watevea!” Precious exclaims.
> Out of the forest, a group of big fluffies emerge.
> One is Kali, the others…
> “dey hewe.”
> You didn’t say that.
> Cassy did.
> You gulp.
> “heh, dem some big fwuffies.” Precious says. “Pwobabwy dummies.”
> “Weww. Wets go. Peppewmint waiting.” You say.
> You remember hearing from Sparks that Maroon has a shiny thing around his horn. That is how you got Precious to come along.
> You almost wish you didn’t tell her.
> You don’t like her. At all.
> But you love Peppermint. And she asked you to bring her here.
> So you won’t say anything mean to Precious. At least not yet.
> Though she really, really makes you want to puff your cheeks.
----------
> You are Prince, the red Unicorn with a black mane. Baby of Queenie and Maroon.
> And you’re not happy.
> You’ve been thinking for a long time about earthies and wingies.
> You used to play a game where a stallion, usually an Ash Horn, would take an earthie or wingie baby and hide it somewhere in The Rink.
> You and the other colts and fillies would have to find it, give it biggest owwies and bring it back to the Ash Horn.
> You would play this game a little while before the Bright Sky Ball went sleepies. Whoever found it would get some good nummies from the Nummie Room.
> It was a game you liked. Until a while ago.
> You began to notice how earthie and wingie mummas would talk to their babies.
> How they would give them huggies and tell them that they were good.
> It made you think about how your mumma and dada talked to you.
> Just like them.
> Just like the earthie and wingie mummas and dadas.
> And then you decided that you didn’t like that game anymore.
> You told Princess this. She just called you a dummy and hit your sniffer.
> You move about The Rink, thinking. You haven’t felt like playing much since last you saw Dada.
> A few Darktimes ago, he went missing. All the Ash Horns looked for him. It took a while before they found him.
> You were with the Ash Horns who did.
> You wish you weren’t.
> Dada was in the Hurty Place.
> He was throwing stinky, forever sleeping fluffies this way and that, screaming “Navy! Navy! Dun cwy Navy! Mawoon hewp, nu go ‘way dis time!”
> You think he was crying, but you weren’t sure.
> The Ash Horns tried to talk to him.
> He drove his horn right into the belly of one of them.
> “YOO NU HUWT NAVY!” he yelled as he did so.
> Then you saw him.
> Covered in poopies and old booboo juice, bits of different coloured fluff stuck to him.
> He limped, holding one of his leggies close to his body. He drooled and hissed with every step. His left peeper lid was drooping.
> He didn’t look like dada.
> “MAWOON HEAW NAVY! ANY DUMMY COME CWOSE AND GET DA WONGEST SWEEP FOWEVEW!”
> You ran after that.
> You told Princess what happened. She didn’t hit your sniffer.
> But dada and mumma have been in the Smarty Room for a few Brighttimes now.
> You miss them, even if you’re afraid of dada.
----------
> You are Maroon, best smarty of Best Herd.
> You sit in the Smarty Room. Queenie is with you. You two haven’t left.
> Ash Horns bring you nummies.
> There is a small pile of poopies and peepee in the corner.
> You don’t want to leave.
> So, you stay here.
> You get bored though. And sometimes those…those dummies, whoever keeps talking to you starts saying things.
> So, to distract yourself, you’ve thought up a new game. It’s a game you’re playing right now.
> Your happy thing doesn’t work so well anymore. However, you remembered the time you used your horn on a bad mumma who had a wingie baby. You put it in her peepee place. You liked that.
> So you made the ‘Feel Good Hurty Game’.
> Two lucky Ash Horns of your choosing bring in earthie and wingie fluffies. Some are babies, some are dadas and mummas, some are Poopielovers and Fluffmunchers.
> You make them have special huggies with each other while you watch.
> Dadas on top of their filly babies. Mummas forced to lick the no-nos of their colts. Poopielovers and Fluffmunchers give their special friends good feels infront of you while you make fun of them for being stupid, weak and stinky.
> Except, when it’s done, the Ash Horns put their horns in the fluffies.
> Up poopies places and peepee places, regardless of how much the slaves cry.
> This makes your happy thing work again. And when that happens, you make Queenie give you mouth hugs.
> She is so happy when that happens, she cries tears of joy. “nu…nu…nu.” She says, not wanting it to ever go away.
> You’re such a happy smarty fluffy!
> Now if only those dummies would shut up.
> And if only your left leggie still worked…

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“Alone we can do so little; together when can do so much.”
-Helen Keller


“Power is the great aphrodisiac.”
- Henry Kissinger 



> You are Sparks.
> And you love it here.
> The Bright Sky Ball has woken up and gone sleepies at least three times since you arrived at The Shacks.
> Everything is so green, so quiet. But not the bad, scary quiet.
> The good quiet, like when the sky cries but doesn’t get angry.
> When the Bright Sky Ball is awake, fluffies eat grassies, leafies and play.
> When it goes sleepies, they huddle together in one of The Shacks, tell stories or maybe sing a song before going to sleep on long, soft things.
> Just not in Peppermint’s shack.
> You asked Scruffy why.
> “Cuz Peppewmint need sweep awot. She owd mawe.”
> That seemed a strange reason. Shouldn’t old mares want to sleep in a fluffpile?
> The Good Smell is all around you.
> And Cuddles is here. Your Wifey.
> She makes the Good Smell too, even if she can’t have babies.
> You lay besides her under a small tree, while before you Dark Forest herd enjoys itself.
> She snores lightly.
> ‘Best Herd’ was never quite like this.
> While Best Herd fluffies would play and eat grassies, there would always, somewhere, be the sound of a fluffies getting biggest owwies, or a non unicorn mare getting bad special huggies, their babies to be made to sleep forever soon after.
> Not here.
> You feel a nudge on your flank.
> “Hey handsum.” Cuddles says.
> You look at her and smile before snuggling closer.
> Cuddles giggles lightly.
> “Smeww dat?...”
> She gets up.
> “Dat smeww is fow yoo, and yoo onwy.”
> She nudges your side again, and you roll over on your back.
> “Cuddwes know wat to giv stwong, bwave, handsum stawwions…”
> You open your mouth, but already she’s nuzzling your happy thing.
> Mouth Hugs.
> “enf…enf…”
> You can’t help but thrust your hips a little as she puts her tongue on it.
> Everytime she does this, you can’t help but think of one thing:
> “Best…enf… Day…enf… Evew!”

----------

> You are Peppermint, the light green alicorn with a white mane.
> And you are waiting.
> You’ve waited before, but unlike many fluffies, you are alright with waiting a long time.
> A few Bright Times ago, you sent Scruffy and Kali out to talk with the Aesir herd and the Fluffytown herd.
> You know Scruffy is a smart fluffy. He will probably be smarty when you sleep forever, just decide you don’t want to be smarty anymore.
> He was the one who bit your ear off, so the beepy-tag couldn’t tell humans where you were.
> So, since he is so smart, you sent him to talk to Precious.
> Kali you sent to the Aesir, because they like big, strong fluffies.
> You told Kazoo to play her toy when she sees any of them.
> You’re doing all of this because a few nights ago, Scruffy was talking to Atlas on the other side of Little River.
> He told Scruffy that as soon as the flowers open, Maroon is going to come for your herd.
> You also know now about The Home, and the fluffies living there.
> So, after you thought about it, you decided to try to give Maroon and his herd biggest owwies before they can give any other herd biggest owwies.
> But in order to do that, you need a lot more fluffies. Especially big fluffies. Tough fluffies. And your herd is small.
> When…if, Precious and Balder get here, you’ll talk to them. 
> Balder will agree to your plan. He and his herd like nothing more than to be brave, and they hate bad fluffies, even though they used to be bad fluffies.
> Precious will only agree if there is something that her or her herd can get from it.
> You know Maroon has a shiny ring around his horn, or so Atlas told you. Maybe that?
> You thought about sending Kazoo to find the Feather herd, who always put the feathers from Feather Monsters in their fluff and manes, but the Feather herd and the Aesir herd don’t like each other.
> And they aren’t as big as the Aesir.
> They also make you nervous. They don’t really smile or give huggies. They’re brave, and they like to share nummies, but they don’t like other fluffies coming into their land.
> What makes you nervous about them is the noises they make when they give owwies. They almost sound like Feather Monsters.
> Their smarty, Kohana, is kind of scary.
> You shift on your blankie. Your leggies are stiff.
> Outside, you hear your herd, babbling, playing, laughing.
> You’d do anything for your herd.
> And if you must sleep forever to make sure they’re happy and safe, you will.

----------

> You are Atlas, the orange unicorn with a red mane. 
> Currently, you are waiting until Darktime.
> You told Scruffy everything about Maroon’s herd, and The Home.
> You hope he will be on the other side of Little River tonight.
> You don’t like this herd.
> You don’t like what they do to poor wingies and earthies, just for being wingies and earthies.
> You don’t like being in The Home either.
> Stompy has decided to make fluffies into long soft things.
> Well, not make them, but he stomps and squishes them, their belly ickies and booboo juice are all over the place.
> He sleeps in them.
> And he keeps taking the teeth of fluffies, like how a Chatter monster takes acorns for nummies.
> Except he doesn’t eat them. He just plays with them. Or looks at them.
> He’s a scary fluffy.
> You keep thinking about the Slaves at The Rink.
> How bad they’re treated.
> Mummas with hurt babies.
> Or babies with hurt Mummas.
> Fluffies who have had meanies do bad things to them. Things you’ve never seen another fluffy do.
> It makes you sad.
>…but it also makes you very, very mad.
> You try not to puff your cheeks. If Stompy sees, he’ll try to give you biggest owwies.
> He does that sometimes. If a fluffy even looks at him wrong, he flattens them into a long soft thing.
> Or bites out their peepers.
> If you could, you’d free the slaves.
>…
> You’re beginning to think of a sneaky trick, one that you will do as soon as you return to The Rink.

----------

> You are Balder, the pure black earth pony smarty of the mighty Aesir herd.
> You, along with Gunnar and Rune, are following Kali.
> The going is slow. Old Gunnar, while always strong and tough, isn’t as fast as he used to be.
> And this mare…Kali is unsure of her footing. 
> She is afraid. Scared to be in a strange place with strange fluffies.
> She was afraid of the Choo-choo monster track aswell.
> But she went ahead, was brave and found you and your herd, and told you that Peppermint wants to see you and Precious.
> You don’t like Precious.
> But you like her a lot more than Kohana.
> Real fluffies should laugh, and hug.
> He never does.
> And he never lets Aesir look for nummies where his herd lives.
> Precious might be a greedy fluffy, but at least she’ll give foodies. Just not shinies.
> “We be thewe soon! Kawi pwomise!”
> “Nu soon enough…” Gunnar grumbles, stretching out is back leggies.
> “awww, poow babbeh Gunnaw wan huggies and miwkies?” Rune snickers.
> He is lightly, playfully bucked by Gunnar. They both laugh.
> Rune and Gunnar are good fluffies.
> All the Aesir are good fluffies.
> And you are their good Smarty.

----------

> You are Scruffy.
> And you have arrived back from Fluffytown.
> “Hewe we awe!” you say.
> It’s never been so good to be home. There are friends here, fluffies you know and love. Fluffytown just smelled of old poopies, even if there were shiny things around.
> There is a snort from behind you.
> “dis pwace is poopies.”
> You turn around and look at Precious.
> Precious is a small deep yellow wingie. Her mane is black, though some of it is streaked red. Her nose has a silver, shiny thing in it that she calls her “sniffa shiny”.
> She is currently sitting on the backs of two stallions, one pure brown Unicorn and one earthie with blue fluff and a green mane.
> Beside her walks a big teal earthie stallion. His name is Rocky, and he is a toughie friend.
> Holding onto his tail with her mouth is another fluffy.
> You’re not sure if she’s a filly or a runt, but she seems kind of scary. She’s blue with a pink mane. Her eyes are both white like milkies.
> “dis pwace nu-ting wike fwuffytown.” Precious says as she climbs off of the two stallions and sniffs the air.
> “Nu boxes fow fwuffies to wive in. Nu dump to find nummies quick ow shiny tings. Jus big stoopid hoomin homes.”
> You’re about to call Precious a meanie, but before you do, the Little Fluffy speaks.
> “but it hav guud fwends and neaw guud wawa. Cassy heaw it. Cassy smeww it. Sissy nu be so mean to guud fwuffies.”
> She has a pretty voice.
> “Pfft. Fine. Down, wan downies.”
> Precious climbs off the two stallions and stretches her leggies.
> “So when we tawk to Peppewmint and…and…Bawdhead.”
> “Bawdew.” Cassy says.
> “Watevea!” Precious exclaims.
> Out of the forest, a group of big fluffies emerge.
> One is Kali, the others…
> “dey hewe.”
> You didn’t say that.
> Cassy did.
> You gulp.
> “heh, dem some big fwuffies.” Precious says. “Pwobabwy dummies.”
> “Weww. Wets go. Peppewmint waiting.” You say.
> You remember hearing from Sparks that Maroon has a shiny thing around his horn. That is how you got Precious to come along.
> You almost wish you didn’t tell her.
> You don’t like her. At all.
> But you love Peppermint. And she asked you to bring her here.
> So you won’t say anything mean to Precious. At least not yet.
> Though she really, really makes you want to puff your cheeks.

----------

> You are Prince, the red Unicorn with a black mane. Baby of Queenie and Maroon.
> And you’re not happy.
> You’ve been thinking for a long time about earthies and wingies.
> You used to play a game where a stallion, usually an Ash Horn, would take an earthie or wingie baby and hide it somewhere in The Rink.
> You and the other colts and fillies would have to find it, give it biggest owwies and bring it back to the Ash Horn.
> You would play this game a little while before the Bright Sky Ball went sleepies. Whoever found it would get some good nummies from the Nummie Room.
> It was a game you liked. Until a while ago.
> You began to notice how earthie and wingie mummas would talk to their babies.
> How they would give them huggies and tell them that they were good.
> It made you think about how your mumma and dada talked to you.
> Just like them.
> Just like the earthie and wingie mummas and dadas.
> And then you decided that you didn’t like that game anymore.
> You told Princess this. She just called you a dummy and hit your sniffer.
> You move about The Rink, thinking. You haven’t felt like playing much since last you saw Dada.
> A few Darktimes ago, he went missing. All the Ash Horns looked for him. It took a while before they found him.
> You were with the Ash Horns who did.
> You wish you weren’t.
> Dada was in the Hurty Place.
> He was throwing stinky, forever sleeping fluffies this way and that, screaming “Navy! Navy! Dun cwy Navy! Mawoon hewp, nu go ‘way dis time!”
> You think he was crying, but you weren’t sure.
> The Ash Horns tried to talk to him.
> He drove his horn right into the belly of one of them.
> “YOO NU HUWT NAVY!” he yelled as he did so.
> Then you saw him.
> Covered in poopies and old booboo juice, bits of different coloured fluff stuck to him.
> He limped, holding one of his leggies close to his body. He drooled and hissed with every step. His left peeper lid was drooping.
> He didn’t look like dada.
> “MAWOON HEAW NAVY! ANY DUMMY COME CWOSE AND GET DA WONGEST SWEEP FOWEVEW!”
> You ran after that.
> You told Princess what happened. She didn’t hit your sniffer.
> But dada and mumma have been in the Smarty Room for a few Brighttimes now.
> You miss them, even if you’re afraid of dada.

----------

> You are Maroon, best smarty of Best Herd.
> You sit in the Smarty Room. Queenie is with you. You two haven’t left.
> Ash Horns bring you nummies.
> There is a small pile of poopies and peepee in the corner.
> You don’t want to leave.
> So, you stay here.
> You get bored though. And sometimes those…those dummies, whoever keeps talking to you starts saying things.
> So, to distract yourself, you’ve thought up a new game. It’s a game you’re playing right now.
> Your happy thing doesn’t work so well anymore. However, you remembered the time you used your horn on a bad mumma who had a wingie baby. You put it in her peepee place. You liked that.
> So you made the ‘Feel Good Hurty Game’.
> Two lucky Ash Horns of your choosing bring in earthie and wingie fluffies. Some are babies, some are dadas and mummas, some are Poopielovers and Fluffmunchers.
> You make them have special huggies with each other while you watch.
> Dadas on top of their filly babies. Mummas forced to lick the no-nos of their colts. Poopielovers and Fluffmunchers give their special friends good feels infront of you while you make fun of them for being stupid, weak and stinky.
> Except, when it’s done, the Ash Horns put their horns in the fluffies.
> Up poopies places and peepee places, regardless of how much the slaves cry.
> This makes your happy thing work again. And when that happens, you make Queenie give you mouth hugs.
> She is so happy when that happens, she cries tears of joy. “nu…nu…nu.” She says, not wanting it to ever go away.
> You’re such a happy smarty fluffy!
> Now if only those dummies would shut up.
> And if only your left leggie still worked…

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