Title:           AiE - A KGB sort of Morning
Author:          namelesswritefag
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/nRiWs7hF
First Edit:      Wednesday 19th of June 2013 08:52:34 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Wednesday 19th of June 2013 08:52:34 AM CDT

>Day 435 in Equestria
 
>You are Anonymous a former member of the KGB, and you are very hungover.
>Last-night you and one of the ruling princesses of Equestria killed an annoying little shit, then went back to your place got drunk, and fucked all night.
>But the day waits for nobody... Except maybe the princess you bedded, you're not sure you believe she really raises the sun.
>After all the larger the group the easier they are to fool , it would be much simpler to alter the atmosphere than raise the sun and moon.
>Whatever enough ruminations, time to start the day; shower, you don't need to shit or feel like shaving today, and you pissed in the shower it has a drain for a reason.
>You can hear movement in bedroom; sounds like celestia is finally awake at; 6:37, looks like you were right after all Occam's Razor prevails again.
>"..mphbblme..." Seems even the princess can't handle her liquor, she looks terrible; none of these horses can drink and their hardest stuff would be a mixer back home.
"What was that princess?"
>She stares you in the face, bloodshot eyes locking with your own. "Fuck the sun, I'm to tired for today"
>you laugh, looks like any sense of decorum or tact vanished in the morning light after a hard night of fun.
"Well you looked like you needed a night out with all the shit you put up with, hope even if you hate the morning you enjoyed last night at lest."
>That gets the reaction you were looking for; a short throaty chuckle and smile before she gives you her best bedroom eyes.
>"Last night? well I'm not sure I quite remember with all the alcohol, Perhaps you should come back to bed and remind me?"
>you check the clock and grin 6:45; plenty of time, but before you can answer her you hear knocking, no pounding on your door.
"blin, just as things were getting good too... I suppose I better go see what they want, I'll make some coffee and breakfast, showers yours princess."
>You would say you're curious who it is but after last night there really is no mystery... And sure enough.
>Anonymous! Anonymous are you there?! Please answer the door I need to speak with you!"
>Twilight Sparkle, here bright and early no doubt looking for brad who never got back from his walk. A true pity...
>The lock clicks and you open the door, making sure to look directly at her forehead; She still looks like some horrible parody of a real human.
>Absolutely disgusting... You aren't sure if it's the hangover or her, but suddenly you feel like puking, and there's the rest of your mutual friends.
>Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Rarity. It's too early for this shit but you smile anyway.
"Hey girls, I don't suppose I could ask you to come back later could I? A friend came by last night and we had a bit much to drink."
>Rarity opens her mouth, no doubt she wants to know just who you friend is.
>Twilight however Speaks over anything she has to say; "There's no time for that now! Brad is missing!" perhaps a little fun is in order...
"Who?"
>Somep0ny disguises a laugh as a snort, Twilight is unamused, anger doesn't suit her new visage well. You motion them inside.
>"Brad! You met him two days ago! Remember?!" She looks constipated like that, you adopt a "Thoughtful" expression as if recalling a distant memory.
"Hmm Brad, about yea tall, acts real cool, lots of jokes?"
>You definitely heard giggles that time, Purple Autism looks to be working herself up to a rant however better stop while you're ahead.
"Haven't seen him, Have you tried that comedy club on Mane Street? I think it's called 'Laughtracks' he might be there..."
>Before she can say anything else Blue Fast interrupts: "What's that weird smell?"
..."I did say I had a friend over dash."
>"Whats that have to do with anything?" She seems genuinely confused, something that AJ catches onto immediately.
>"Well now, Ah' though you said ya' wern't no virgin dash?" AJ seems to be enjoying some prime schadenfreude.
>Rarity covers her smile with a hoof, 'shy seems to be trying to keep from laughing, Pinkie however has no problem breaking out into a gigglefit,
>Dash's jimmys are rustled. "I'M NOT! What's that got to do with anything anyway? I just asked about the smell!" Maximum Damage Control.
>"umm, Rainbow? that smell is, well it's from.. that is it's.." Ahh, there it is Fluttershy trying to help Dash out of her predicament how kind.
>"From what?! Just say it already." Jimmys have achieved maximum rustleage. 'shy seems to have lost her nerve.
>AJ has no issue saying it, "Dash a smell like that only comes from one thing, an that's ruttin' ah' reckon Anon an his lady friend had a pretty swell night!"
>"Applejack! Honestly there's no need to be so crass about it" And there's Rarity's two bit's
>"Nonymous has a marefriend! Who is it? Is it somep0ny we know? OH is it Lyra? or Bon Bon? or Ditzy? or Colgate? or-"
>Luckily Pinkie is cut off, not so lucky is that it's by the sound of the shower turning off followed by hoof-steps coming down the hall.
>"Anonymous~, is that breakfast you promised ready yet?" A damp Celestia struts into your living room like she owns it, Head covered by a towel.
>Absolute silence, the only way you could shock them more is if you explained that 'How many Chechens does it take to fill a ditch' joke.
>It's doesn't take the princess long to figure out something is wrong. "Anon, is some the matter?"
"Twilight and her friends are here, something about Brent missing..."
>Purple doesn't correct you too shocked by the appearance of her mentor to respond "p-Princess Celestia! what are you doing here?!"
>"Geeze twilight, that should be obvious, aren't you supposed to be suuuper smarty and stuff~" Fucking Pinkie...
>Sparkle is flabbergasted "Wh-what! no pinkie that's completely ridiculous, that's the Princess you're talking about there's got to be another explanati-"
>"your friend is correct twilight, Now what's this about a missing person?"
>The motherly smile on her muzzle and regal attitude are less effective fresh from a shower with a towel slung over her neck.
>"B-but princess! you-you're royalty!" She seems quite assdamaged over this.
>Celestia just puts on her best disappointed look "My faithful student, Just because I'm a princess doesn't mean I don't have needs. Now you mention someone was missing?"
>That got her back on track "it's brad your highness, he went for a walk last night and didn't come back..."
>"Well, give me a fem minutes to get dressed and I shall arrange a search party, where does he like to walk near?" If you didn't know better you'd think her genuinely worried.
>"Well sometimes he like to walk near the Everfree forest, you don't think he went in do you? I told him how dangerous it was." She looks extra worried now, you can even see tears.
>"I'm sure he's fine, as long as he didn't enter the forest, perhaps he simply got lost."
>"Thank you Princess!"
>You check your watch 6:57 did you really waste twenty minutes on this?
"Right, whatever lets just go, I don't really feel like spending all day on this with a hangover."
>"Anonymous is correct, lets not waste any more time I'll find some of my royal guard and meet all of you on the edge of town."
>And with that you're all off to find brad.
>7:48 It took the better part of an hour but you found him, More specifically what was left of him.
>In addition to the gruesome work you and the Princess did on him, hungry animals from the forest made an even bigger mess.
>Purple Autism in her screwy looking 'human' form dropped to her knees screaming, Awesome, You almost started grinning like a fucking psycho.
>Party pone looked pretty upset about it, Almost enough to make you feel guilty for killing him. Almost.
>Banana Hush just locked up and fainted out, Boring.
>Blue Fast almost made you lose [spoiler]the game[/spoiler] it, she puked everywhere.
>Treekicker just took off her hat held it to her chest and mumbled a few words.
>Fashion Horse just started freaking out and crying.
>You and White Tyrant just shared a look, A job well done needs no words after all.
 
>Today was a drunken writing kinda day.
 
>GOOD END