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THE DICK WARRIOR

By: minion_of_Lulu on Feb 26th, 2013  |  syntax: None  |  size: 2.95 KB  |  hits: 236  |  expires: Never
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  1. >Day foal molesters in Equestria.
  2. >You are Anon Hanson, and you're the host for Hayline's "To Catch a Predator".
  3. >Things were going great, though you never would have thought Rarity had a thing for colts.
  4. >You're doing Celestia's work.
  5. >Everything is set up for the next bust.
  6. >The predator walks in.
  7. >"Y-yeah. Show me dat hot flank."
  8. >This mare sounds familiar.
  9. >"I-In just a second. I have to go freshen up some. Have a juice box on the table."
  10. >That's the signal to go in.
  11. >You straighten your tie and rehearse your most famous line.
  12. >Pop a mint in your mouth. Yeah, you're ready.
  13. >Walk out into the kitchen.
  14. Why don't you have a seat over the-
  15. >Oh no. Oh no no no no no...
  16. >Why her.
  17. >It's Fluttershy dressed up as a gangsta, and she's drinking a juice box.
  18. >The most dangerous kind.
  19. >Fuck, why you. Wait, you can get through this. You have the Canterlot royal guards stationed outside for such a situation.
  20. >You can do this. Breathe...
  21. Do you mind telling me what you're doing here?
  22. >Gangstashy doesn't look phased at all.
  23. >She places the juice box on the table and looks you square in the eye.
  24. >"What's gud nigga. I'm in hurr sipping on sum juice."
  25. >She picks up the juice box again, finishing up the last of the contents.
  26. >Her lips were wrapped tight around the straw, sucking out most of the air.
  27. >The box crumpled in her hooves just from her strong lungs.
  28. >Once she frees the straw, her tongue flicks the tip that was just in her mouth.
  29. >All the while, looking right into your eyes.
  30.  
  31. >Oh fuck. She has no fear.
  32. D-Don't you know who I am?
  33. >"Yeah, You're Anon Hanson. But I'z callz ya Anon Handsome."
  34. >Her tongue runs over her upper lip, her eyes never leaving yours.
  35. >She winks at you with her eyes, before mewing and clawing at you like some predatory cat.
  36. >Oh shit, you might be fucked here.
  37. >No, she was here for that colt...right?
  38. You know why you're here, right?
  39. >"Yea! I know why I'm in hurr. I want dat hot monkey dick, nigga."
  40. E-excuse me?
  41. >"Lookit here, Anon. I like ya, and I want ya. So we do dis da E-Z way or da hard way."
  42. >That's it, she's gone too far.
  43. We aren't doing this any other way.
  44. >"Oh, I see we doin' dis da hard way."
  45. I'm not giving you the dick, Gangstashy. Guards, come and escort our gue-
  46. >"RRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"
  47. >In a fit of anger, the thug pegasus jumps your bones, ripping your clothes off one by one.
  48. >She reaches your inner sanctum, rubbing your dick with her gangsta hooves.
  49. >You became hard in 10 seconds flat. hurr
  50. >"I'm taking what's mine! I'm tha Dick Warrior! Ridin' till I die!"
  51. >NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
  52. >The guards burst down the door.
  53. >They watch you being raped by Gangstashy.
  54. W-what are you doing, help me!?!
  55. >They all look between themselves and shrug.
  56. >"Sorry Anon. But...we weren't trained for this type of situation."
  57. What the fuck!?
  58. >Another guard speaks up.
  59. >"Yeah, we mostly just stand around while our princess goes to tea parties."
  60. >Fucking guards...
  61. >Because of them, now you're
  62. >Fucking Gangstashy.
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