Relax (oneshot)

>Day LOLPINKIE in Equestria.

>Be Pinkie Pie.

>You're standing in front of p0nyville's only library, waiting for Twilight to come out, because you're SUPPOSED to be meeting her for lunch.

>Instead, you're grimacing at the sound of glass shattering as your most intelligent friend loses a chunk of her mind. AGAIN.

>RRRARARRRAAAAAAAHGHGHHHHHHHHHH"!

>Wow, she's so out of it she's misplacing punctuation.

"Twilight?"

>Half a second later, the door swings open, revealing an ink-splattered spike.

>"Helllp meeeee..." it's all he gets out before collapsing at your hooves.

>"There you are, Spike! Come on, there's still twenty-eight more configurations to get through before we can give up on the 5 point seals!"

>Twilight comes out of the shadows, looking like something out of a campfire tale.

>Mane unkempt.

>Eyes dilated.

>Horn ablaze, but flickering.

>... runes etched onto her coat.

>LOL WHATEVS

"Hey Twilight, you ready for lunch?"

 

>Her eyes focus on you, but not without difficulty.

>"...Pinkie? What day is it?"

"I don't know, what day is it supposed to be?"

>"'Supposed to be?' Pinkie, days aren't subjective, they don't WORK like that! Days are independent of-"

>OOH A TANGENT! You love tangents. Too bad there's no time for that now, you're SSOOOOOO hungry.

"The day doesn't matter, you moody mare! It's LUNCH TIIIIIME!"

>"Pinkie, I'm really busy here, I'm trying to master the eighty eight seals of tartarus, just in case Cerberus pees on the gate glyph again, and I can still teleport spike straight through the 37th ward without any problems!"

"Did you account for power and position in reference to the seal and the caster of the calling?

>"Of course I did, do I look like a... wait, how do you know about-

"I'm thinking hay bacon lettuce and tomato sandwiches!"

>"Pinkie, I just don't have time for lunch now, There's too much to do here."

"Which is exactly why you're coming with me!"

>"Pinkie, what part of 'no time' did you not understand?"

"The part where starving yourself makes your magic work better."

>Your friend's senseless sputtering reiterates what you already knew: she was hungry, tired, and needed a break.

>You still had to drag her out of the housebrary, because when DON'T you have to drag Twilight out of a library?

 

>Half an hour and 3 HBLTs later, the purple p0ny you know and love is back to a semi-stable state.

>The bags under her eyes told you there was still damage to be undone, though.

>"Thank you again, Pinkie. I don't know what it is about sigils that gets me into such a tizzy. You were right, lunch was exactly what I needed. I had better get back to work though, evil won't hold itself at bay!"

"Oh ho ho no, you're not done yet, Twilight!"

>Her face crunches into a frown. This was not the way she expected lunch to end.

>Lol, expecting things around Pinkie.

>"Pinkie, I took your advice, but enough is enough. Time waits for no one."

"Yeah yeah, I know, Days, Objective, blah blah blah. Just one more thing, then I'll let you go home!"

>Doubt plays over Twilight's eyes.

>"You promise?"

"Pinkie Promise, even! One more trip, and I'll let you go right back to work!"

>"Well, if you promise, I guess one more thing won't hurt."

"YESSSSSS! Okay, off to anon's house!"

>"Wait, Pinkie, why are we going to anon's place?"

"It wouldn't be an AiE if the story just had us in it, silly!"

>"What?"

>Her question goes unanswered, because you're already sproinking in the general direction of your favorite human's home.

 

>You always forget how tall anon's door is. Sure HE's gigantic, but his door is just huuuuuuge.

>"Pinkie! For the last time, why are we coming to anonymous' house?"

>You struggle to suppress a giggle as you knock on the titanic wooden portal.

"That's for me to know, and you to find out!"

>A series of strange noises come out of anon's home, only some are recognizable. The clanging of pans, a door slamming, and the whistle of a teakettle stand out most.

>You'd try to figure out more, but the door swings wide, interrupting you.

>"PINKIE!"

"ANON!"

>"TWILIGHT!"

>"Anon."

"TWILIGHT!"

>"Pinkie, I walked here with you, why are you shouting my name?"

"I dunno, it just seemed like the right thing to do! Anyways, anonymous, I've got a favor to ask."

>"Sure thing, Pinkest of all my friends! What do you need?"

"Twilight's been working her flank off for days on some crazy magic stuff, and she really REALLY needs to relax. I was wondering if...

>"Yes?"

"You think you could give her the same treatment you gave me the other day?"

>Anon looks at you, suddenly worried.

>"Are you sure she can handle it, Pinkie? It was almost too much for you, remember?"

"Handle it? She NEEDS it, anon. The poor mare's about to go nuts."

>"What ARE you guys talking about? Anon, what's this 'treatment?"

>Anon looks at you for a long time before turning back to Twilight.

>"Come on into my spare room, Twi. I've got something to show you."

 

>You follow Twilight and Anon through his living room, down the hall, then into his spare room.

>It was dim, and full of equipment.

>"Anon, Pinkie, I'm sick of all this cloak and dagger stuff. What's going on here?"

>"Twi, just relax. I have something very special for you. Pinkie knows all about it, but I've been careful to keep it quiet."

>"I get that, but what is it?"

>Anon's eyes burned into yours, as he prepared to introduce Twilight to his special talent.

>You could hear her gasp as he unveiled it.

>"Sweet Celestia! Anon, that's huge!

"You don't know the half of it, Twilight. Just wait 'til you see how it makes you feel~"

>A blush rose to her cheeks. "Pinkie, I don't know about this. Didn't anon say you had trouble with it?"

>"At first, sure. But our little miss Pie warmed up to it real fast, didn't you, dear?"

>The memory washed over you, warming every inch of your body.

"Mmmmmhmmm. To be honest, I can't wait to have some more, but right now, Twilight needs it worse."

>Your friend looked more nervous than ever.

>"Heh, I really appreciate it, guys... I do. But I think I should get going."

>"I don't think so, miss Sparkle. Pinkie's right. You need this."

>"No, anon, I'm really okay, I promise. I'm just gonna-HMMPH!"

>You couldn't fight the wave of jealousy that hit you as Anon filled your friend's mouth.

 

>Anon stared into Twilight's eyes as he did it, cooing to her softly, and petting her mane.

>"'Atta girl. Just go with it. Relax your throat and let it alllll in."

>You felt the heat rise to your cheeks, remembering when he did the same thing to you a week ago. You'd been back every day since for more.

>He was just so GOOD at it. Those hands of his, those talented, talented hands...

>You come back to reality just to see that Anon was almost done with Twilight.

>She finished with a deep swallow, sighing with satisfaction as Anon pulled away.

>"*gasp*...Anon, what was that?"

>"Did you like it?"

>"Well...It was bitter, but still nice. I feel all fuzzy all over now, too."

>"More so than usual, you mean?"

>"Heehee! Yeah, I guess so."

>"Good. That means it's working."

>"Working? What's working?"

"It's Anon's special brew, Twilight! It makes you feel great!"

>"Twilight Sparkle, I want to welcome you to my world. The wonderful world of..."

>"Wheat Beer."

>You smiled to yourself. Twi would be out cold in under an hour. She was such a lightweight.

>You and anon got her home, tucking her into bed, knowing she'd have a minor headache in the morning, but would feel better than ever after a good night's sleep.

>Finally, with the moon high in the sky, you went back to Anon's place and fucked him silly. 'Cuz that's how you roll.

 

~Fin.