Character Oneshot: Rodrigo Primehoof

Character Oneshot: Rodrigo Primehoof

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Be Rod Primehoof

Bedroom

 

>Another beautiful day in Canterlot.

>Sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and the neighbour's tending to her suspicious little garden.

>The day is as bright, but the path is dim.

>It's a Monday morning, and a new school year has begun.

>Whatever adventure awaits for me, I just hope I could face them bravely.

>As with my elementary.

>Back then, I usually avoided trouble when I was a kid.

>I ran as fast as I could.

>See a fraternity beating up folks? Run as fast as you can.

>See a guy robbing an old lady? Run as as fast as you can.

>See a puppy sleeping on the grass? Run as fast as you can.

>Indeed, it wasn't a fruitful life, but I tried to stay on the safer side.

>After all, one day lived is another day spent well.

>But this year, my mother would tell me that I should stop running away.

>She said I should start facing my problems.

>I nodded just to end the conversation.

>I wasn't the type of guy to do such a thing.

>Yet, I knew that my mother just wanted what's best for me. For my future.

>Night after night, her words haunted my summer vacation.

>But in the end, my heart simply accepted the facts. I need to help myself by facing my own problems.

>For my name is Rod Primehoof! The people shall know my name not as a coward, but a man who helps people!

 

>You opened your windows to yell outside.

"GOOD MORNING NEIGHBORS!"

>>"S-Shut up! It's 6:30 in the zzzzzzzzzzzzzz"

>Right...err...

>You went down the stairs in a span of five seconds.

>Racing to the fridge to grab the box of milk that keeps running out every week.

*gulp gulp gulp*

>Odd taste. Ah, no matter.

>"Morning dear. Eggs in a basket for breakfast."

"Thanks mom."

>Nothing like eggs inside an English muffin for the start of the day.

>"You seem pumped today, Rod."

"Sure am. I thought about what you said to me two weeks ago, and I'm gonna take it as a new school year resolution!"

>"Oh? What did I tell you two weeks ago?"

"That I shouldn't run away from my problems!"

>"Oh Rod. My little baby's growing up!"

"G-GAK! Too tight!"

>You ate your toast and eggs and went on to bathe and get dressed.

>A nice track suit should do. Fix the hair up and take that booger out.

"Yeah."

>You then went out to bid farewell to your parents, who's sitting at the dining room sipping coffee.

"Bye mom."

>"Enjoy your school, dear."

 

>Going out the house, you breathed happily.

>Other side of the street, your neighbour, the botanist is currently taking out her small shovel to do whatever she's doing.

>On your neighbour's end, you see the grim annoyed girl from Applejack's family slamming the door in front of her mother, to which her mother thanks her for fixing it.

>Some things you'll have some trouble understanding.

 

>You walked down the street while whistling a tune.

>As you entered the campus of your beloved school, two big guys are currently making fun of Adam Atomic.

>>"HAHA, NUURD!"

>>>"WHERE'S YOUR TECH GOD NOW?"

>>>>"SAVE ME BILL GATES!"

>You then turned 180 degrees and started walking away.

>You then stopped at your third step.

>Remembering what you promised your mother and yourself, a voice echos in your head.

 

>*DON'T RUN AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS PROBLEMS PROBLEMS JUST WALK AWAY AWAY AWAY AWAY INSTEAD STEAD STEAD STEAD*

>Hmm...

>You thought to yourself as Adam's being beaten up for the whole minute you stood by thinking to yourself.

>Finally, you decided to turn around and help out the kid, because if you don't, you'd just be lying to yourself and your mother.

"All right, you can do this, Rod." You whisper to yourself. "Just help the kid out."

>The bullies than take out a small pillow from Adam's backpack.

>>>>"NOO! MY RAINBOW DASH! PILLOW!"

>>"HAR HAR! YOUR WAIFU A SHIT!"

"Hey!"

>They drop the pillow and looked behind them.

>You stood by with wild west music ringing from your music player.

>Like the time Weird Al saved Texas from boredom.

>>"LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE SOME NEW MEAT!"

"Let the kid go!"

>They stood and stared.

>You stood and sweated like a pig.

>After some intense staring, they tell you one thing.

 

>>"No."

>They rushed in to punch you in the gut.

*POW!*

"OOF!"

>The other one then takes your underwear and pulls it up.

"YYEEAAAW!"

>>>"HAR HAR! WEDGIE!"

>The punch on your gut triggered something foul.

>Something putrid.

"Oh p-"

>The milk you drank was sweet, if not a bit sour.

>You then realized, the milk you drank had expired this morning.

"HHHUUUUURGH!"

>With your back wide open from the wedgie they're still conducting, you let lose a huge load of poo from beyond your buttcheeks.

>>"WHAt THE- AAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

>Like a sprinkler mixed with a skunk, you went on to activate your advanced mechanism, at the cost of covering your whole body in poo.

>Adam runs away with his mini pillow.

>The bullies drops you in shock as they wipe the poop off of their eyes.

"Oh shit...!"

>You stood up and ran away from the scene.

"IT WAS A MISTAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!"

>>"HE'S GETTING AWAY!"

"GYAAAH!"

>Your MP3 player suddenly plays Benny Hill as the bullies chases you across the campus ground.

>Many of the students stops to look at what's happening.

>Three shit-stained students running across the school with a comedic music following them around.

>You reached the school track field and ran ahead with the other PE students.

>Coach Spitfire is shocked at what she's seeing.

>A poop-covered student running faster than her varsity team.

>Even the bullies are tiring down, despite their muscular build.

>>>"Who is that boy?" Spitfire says as she eyes your squeeky butt.

>She licks her lips in awe as she sees not only the most perfect student butt she could /ss/ with, but the best damn runner in her damn field.

>>>"Oh yeah~"

>You ran inside the school and rushed to the bathroom.

"OUT OF THE WAY! JAPAN NEEDS TO BE BOMBED!"

>You went in the restroom and immediately went inside one of the stalls.

"AAAAAAhhhhhh~"

>You dropped the bomb and breathed a sigh of relief.

>You then walked out of the stall with your pants still down, still in a haze of complete satisfaction.

>Suddenly, your attention is redirected elsewhere when you notice a woman in the restroom.

"Oh shit. This is the girls re-"

>"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!~"

>A woman of white complexion and purple hair slaps you in the face as you stumble out of the room, pulling up your pants.

"W-WRONG ROOM!"

>You ran away across the hall.

>Spitfire was just coming out of the office to get her cup of joe when she sees you running without breaking a sweat.

>She bites her lips from seeing your butt collide as you ran.

"*hah, pant* wheeze*"

>You tried to catch your breath as you scratched your head.

"Weird start for a day, but I'm sure this will just get better."

>You walked along the hall as you tried to reach for the exit.

>Your clothes are drenched in feces. You need to wash yourself with a hose.

>As you walked, you notice the students holding some lab equipment and some chemicals in their respective containers.

>>"Scootaloo, be careful! You don't wanna spill that!"

>>>"Oh calm down, Applebloom! What am I? A cripple?"

>You notice that she's about to step on a banana peel on the ground.

"WAIT! STOP!"

>You tried to save her, but you ended up bumping the chemicals she's carrying over to her head.

>>>"AAAAAHH!"

*CRAASH!*

>You and the orange girl fall to the ground as the chemicals slowly gives the girl the facial features of a chicken.

"O-OH GOD, I'M SO-"

>>>"AAAAAAAAAAHHH! HELLP!"

>You tried to help her up but her friends thought you were attacking her.

>>"GET HIM, SWEETIE BELLE!"

>They went in and brutally stepped on your foot as they bludgeon your crotch with their bags.

>You ran to the door, away from the little kids.

"IT WAS A MISTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!"

>Exiting the school, you leaned by the tree to take a breather.

>You see a small kid studying flowers as a small spider creeps up on his forehead.

"WHOA KID! DON'T MOVE!"

>"H-HUH?"

>You then grabbed the spider, threw it on the ground and then squished it thoroughly.

"Close one, huh?"

>The kid looks at the ground, then looks at you with his teary eyes.

"Err..."

>"T-That was my p-pet spider..."

"Oh sh-"

>"UWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

>The boy cries as he mourns for his dead spider.

"I...I..."

>You back the fuck up and ran away for the third time.

"IT WAS A MIS...oh forget it..."

>The constant bad luck streak is wearing you down.

>You went by the hose and pretty much cleaned yourself as you thought to yourself how you got into this mess.

"I was just trying to h-help...*sniff*"

>After washing yourself, you went inside the school to head to homeroom.

>You then see a student wielding an axe over the school's DJ.

>By the looks of it, the man's about to attack the woman.

"NO YOU DON'T, BULLY!" You say as you rush towards the man.

>You then tackle the man in an attempt to grab the axe.

>>"W-What the? OUT OF THE WAY, ROD!" Vinyl says as her words confuse you.

>The man with he axe then pummels you to the ground as he says "ATTACKING AN OFFICER OF THE LAW. JUDGEMENT: SEVERE BEATING!"

"W-WAIT WHAT?"

 

*BOMF*

 

>A few hours later, you wake up at the school's infirmary with a huge bandage over your head.

"Ugh..."

>Beside you, Vinyl says hi as she eats a cookie.

>>"Oh good. You're not dead." She says jokingly.

"W-What's going..."

>>"You got attacked by the hall monitor. He was trying to bust my locker open."

"I...w-WHAT?"

>>"Yeah. You thought he was going to attack me, right?"

"Yeah...oh man, that was embarrassing."

>>"Don't sweat it, Rodrigo. I knew you were just trying to help."

"W-Wait, how do you know my name?"

>>"I'm one of the people working in the student council. Not hard to remember someone like you. All we knew about you was that you ran faster than a cheetah. Hell, you ran fast when you were in elementary. You're an athlete!"

"No I'm not" You say in a modest manner.

>>>"Indeed you are."

"HUH?"

>Coach Spitfire enters the room with her eyes wanting.

>>>"Seen you run, kid. You're pretty slick."

"I...Umm..."

>>>"Don't go formal on me, kid. I'm simply acknowledging your talent."

"Err..."

>>>"If you ever want to try out, meet me in my office at...say, 10:00 PM..."

"B-but doesn't the school close at `0:00 PM, where there's no one inside the school?"

>>>"Or tomorrow morning, if you're too busy...heh..."

>She then exits the room as she shakes her waist passively.

>>"So anyway, like I was saying. I know you're not exactly one of the more...normal guys."

"What do you mean?"

>>"I've met a lot of outcasts. I was one of them myself. I believe that you'd be more comfortable hanging out with a group of other outcasts."

"Oh really?"

>>"Yeah. We have a poet, a feminist, a debate student, a horse enthusiast and a German with an ass that could kill. Mmmmm..."

"T-Thanks, but no thanks. I was just trying to help out everyone on my own. I guess I'm just unlucky today."

>>"Oh...well, if you're still interested, just meet the group at the 9th cafeteria table. By the way, my name's Vinyl Scratch."

"Rodrigo Primehoof, but you can call me Rod."

>>"Alright Rod. Recover fast." She says as she bumps your fist."And thanks for...sort of saving me from an axe menace" She says jokingly.

"You're welcome."

>From the speakers around the school, Councillor Cadenza calls for some students.

>*"Mr. Primehoof and Ms. Sunflower. Please report to the guidance office immediately."*

"Oh poop."

 

GUIDANCE OFFICE

 

>You went in and sat down, covered in bandages and a cast.

>Meanwhile, the other girl comes in covered in praise and flower petals.

>She's pretty pissed.

>SHe then sits down being all grumpy.

>You try to lighten the mood by smiling.

>She ignores.

"Sigh."

>Councillor Cadenza enters and sits by her chair.

>>"It's the first day, and already I've been receiving strange reports."

"Err..."

>>"Laine, you're sent here because you apparently went to beat up Flash Sentry."

>"I was trying to make a point that I'm not a helpful person as they'd believe me to be! Instead they worshiped me further. Lousy first day...."

>>"R-Right...and Rod, you were sent here because of a number of horrible things you've done to the stude-"

"I wasn't trying to terrorize them! Honest! I was trying to help them out in a number of ways, they ended up shunning me like a stray rabid dog. Stinking first day...."

>>"..."

"..."

>"..."

>>"Well, this is awkward. Are you two twins or something?"

>>"No."

"No."

>>"Okaaay then...err..."

>The councillor then looks at the papers she has on her hands.

>>"Normally, I would call your parents for these offenses, but as I'm feeling generous due to it being the first day of a new school year, I'm sentencing you both to detention for the day. Although you, Rod, are going to have a week's detention for apparently...assaulting an armed man of the law" She says, reading a complaint from the hall monitor."

"F-Fine..."

 

DETENTION ROOM

 

>You and Laine sit near each other as Vice Principal Luna reads her books on 'HOW TO >RAPE LITTLE GIRLS' DREAMS'.

>"Was it true?"

"Was it what?"

>"Was it true you beat up Axel Jones?"

"Who?"

>"The hall monitor. I heard he was trying to get himself that position all summer long."

"I...I guess...?"

>"Nice" She says as she lightly punches your arm.

"Ow."

>"That's pretty hardcore."

"It was an honest mistake..."

>"So was my whole day..."

"Err...So you wanted to be feared? Is that what you told Councillor Cadenza?"

>"Yeah."

"Why?"

>"Shut up."

"Oh...okay..."

> A minute of awkward silence stretched across the room.

>She then looks at you one last time as she slowly grabs a small brick from her bag.

>"My name's Laine."

"Oh...umm, Rod. Rod Primehoof."

>"Well Rod, see you on the outside, if you don't get caught."

"W-What?"

>Laine throws a brick to the window and rushes out through it.

>Vice Principal Luna then puts her book down and looks at you sternly.

"Ahh..."

>"ROD! HOW DARE YOU BREAK SCHOOL PROPERTY!"

"IT WASN'T ME, IT WAS LAINE!"

>"Laine? There was another student here?"

"W-What?"

>"Ahah! You're rusing me! I will not fall for such trickery! Come with me, and I'll see to it you're thoroughly punished...in MY SISTER'S OFFICE!"

 

"gulp"

 

>All your efforts, all your hopes, gone.

>My name is Rod, and everyone thinks I'm the bastard student of Canterlot High.

>I wanted to be nice and helpful, but these people won't let me.

>Darn it.