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Pick-up Line Anon (And Flitter!) (Thread Bumper)

By: lulzies on Jul 12th, 2012  |  syntax: None  |  size: 4.56 KB  |  hits: 249  |  expires: Never
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  1. >You make your way to the counter, and hold your beer high.
  2. >And lo comes your first mare of the night.
  3. >She takes her seat right next to you, chatting with her sister.
  4. >You know her name.
  5. >Pegasus, sea green mane.
  6. >And that bow.
  7. >Flitter, sister to Cloud Chaser.
  8. >You slide next to her, leaning slightly.
  9. “Babe, do you have a map?”
  10. >She shrinks, and turns her head to you.
  11. >”W-what? Why?”
  12. “Because I’m lost in your eyes.”
  13. >”AWWWWWWWWW”
  14. >Thunder yells out across the bar.
  15.  
  16. >You go to her again, and she looks annoyed by your presence.
  17. “Hey, did it hurt?”
  18. >”What? Stop-“
  19. “When you fell from heaven?”
  20. >”But I got wings!”
  21. >Thunder: ”AWWWWWWWWWW”
  22. >Thunder and Lighting, baby.
  23.  
  24. >Your approach is now watched by the entire bar.
  25. >You don’t give a shit.
  26. “Hey, are you a thief by some chance?”
  27. >”Get away from me!”
  28. “Because you stole my heart.”
  29. >Thunder: “AWWWWWWWWW”
  30. >Damn, you’re smooth.
  31.  
  32. >You sneak onto the couch, and land with a plop.
  33. >”SECURITY!”
  34. “Babe, I put the STD in STUD.”
  35. >She looks to you with worry.
  36. “All I need is U.”
  37. >Thunder: “AWWWWWWWWWW”
  38.  
  39. >You push through the guards, and land behind her.
  40. “Babe, are your legs tired?”
  41. >”I fly.”
  42. “Because you’ve been running in my mind all day, uh-HUH!”
  43. >Thunder: “AWWWWWWWW”
  44. >You’re on a roll tonight.
  45.  
  46. >Your camouflage as a wall worked.
  47. >You’re on her again.
  48. “Hey, are you dad an alien?”
  49. >”What?”
  50. “Because you’re out of this world.”
  51. >”Look, human. I-“
  52. “How about a terrorist?”
  53. >”NO!”
  54. “Because you’re the bomb!”
  55. >Thunder: “DOUBLE AWWWWWWWW”
  56.  
  57. >You bow your head low, and approach her again.
  58. >She looks disgusted, and slowly backs away.
  59. “Hey.”
  60. >”Stay away from me.”
  61. “I’m sorry.”
  62. >”What?”
  63. >The entire bar gasps.
  64. “Yeah, I’m sorry for poking fun.”
  65. >…
  66. ”Thunder is too.”
  67. >Her expression softens.
  68. >”It’s alright, Anon, it was kinda sweet.”
  69. >You smile, and rub the back of your head.
  70. >Another gasp.
  71. “Anyway, I should go. Also, Flitter-“
  72. >”Yes?”
  73. “That’s a pretty bow.”
  74. >”Oh, thank you.”
  75. “How would you like it seeing it crumpled on my floor?”
  76. >Thunder: “AWWWWWWWW”
  77. >And that is kids, how I met your mother.
  78.  
  79. >It is that night again.
  80. >You take your drinks, and look around.
  81. >And there she is.
  82. "Hey babe, how about you be my Dairy Queen and I'll be your Burger King?"
  83. >"What?"
  84. "You treat me right, and I'll do it your way."
  85. >Thunder: "AWWWWWWWWWW"
  86.  
  87. >Dance floor.
  88. >You moon walk your way to the target, still un-caught.
  89. "Hey."
  90. >She jumps at your voice.
  91. "If I could re-arrange the alphabet together-"
  92. >"You'll put 'U' and 'I' together?"
  93. "I'll put 'U' between 'F' and 'C','K'
  94. >Thunder: "AWWWWWWW"
  95.  
  96. >"Stop following me!"
  97. "You're right, I should stop bothering you."
  98. >"I'm not falling for that."
  99. "Really, I'm just playing around."
  100. >Her expression softens a little.
  101. >"R-Really?"
  102. "Yeah, and like I said; I like your bow, it looks great on you."
  103. >"I know! I wanted-"
  104. "You know what else will look good on you?"
  105. >...
  106. "Me."
  107. >Thunder: "AWWWWWWWW"
  108.  
  109. >You fight through the guards, only to run into her again.
  110. "Well hello there."
  111. >"GUARDS!"
  112. "I just have to ask, are you from Tenessee?"
  113. >"Where? GUARDS!"
  114. "Because you're the only Ten-I-see."
  115. >Thunder: "AWWWWWWW"
  116. >Thunder was charged for 'assisting rape'.
  117.  
  118. >Lonely jailcell.
  119. >A solitary harmonica plays in the background, while the prisoners nod away to sleep.
  120. >Hell, even the guards are doing it.
  121. >"So, how did you get here?"
  122. >An elderly stallion sits next to you.
  123. "Went for a girl."
  124. >"Ohhh."
  125. "Should have known she was jailbait, she called the guards on me."
  126. >The stallion lets off a creepy smile.
  127. >"I see what you did there."
  128. >Looks like you met your new jail buddy.
  129.  
  130. >Today you're free.
  131. >Also, it is the annual Ponyville picnic day.
  132. >You take a short stroll, taking note of your target.
  133. >THERE SHE IS
  134. >You run in, and slap her with bacon.
  135. "BABY YOU'RE SO HOT I CAN COOK BACON ON YOU!"
  136. >And today was the day you went to jail for the second time.
  137.  
  138. >Today was your hearing.
  139. >You stand in the court, facing the accuser, Flitter.
  140. >"Is there anything to say from the Defendant?"
  141. >You had to defend yourself.
  142. >After you hit on the town lawyer, you had no dice.
  143. >Did you mention the fact that there was only one lawyer?
  144. >She was with Flitter.
  145. >More the reason to kill you.
  146. "Yes."
  147. >You point at Flitter.
  148. "SHE IS THE EVIL ONE HERE!"
  149. >The gasps erupts from everywhere.
  150. "It must be crime to be that hot."
  151. >Thunder: "AWWWWWWWWW"
  152. >Thanks for being a 'bro', Thunder.
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