Obligatory Christmas Schpeal

>Day men MANLY men in Equestria.

>You are Anon.

>It was winter, and the snow was coming down in an almost comical fashion.

>Huge ornately designed flakes, almost as if they were crafted individually.

>You’ve decided to go out and cut some more firewood, running low as you are.

>As you go to leave towards the woods, it dawns on you that you have not heard from your favorite little yellow molester

>It’s a shame with that mare, she’s so sweet otherwise, but her infatuation with you drives you up a wall.

>You don’t even care that she’s another species, you’ve made peace with that long ago, but you never told her that.

>All you really wanted was…

“Bah, it’s a pointless endeavor, she just doesn’t get it. Ooooh well, chopping time.”

>Some manly hours later, you’re hauling 2 decent trees back.

>It was around 1 PM.

>You were nothing if not a work mule, at least back home that’s how they all knew you.

>Even Applejack parroted that statement.

>She’d never seen anyone short of an actual ox pull carts of apples like you did.

>It was flattering.

>Just like home.

>Just like home….

>You lay the trees down, and go inside to warm up a bit before going back to splitting the wood.

>You enter your little abode, not even 5 minutes later there’s a knock

“Better late than never Flutters.”

>You answer the door to Applejack

>Didn’t see that one coming.

>”There ya are sugarcube, we were worried about ya.”

“About lil old me? Why?”

>”Fluttershy said she stopped on by, but you never answered. She check everywhere for you, and was worried you’d ran away.”

“Well that’s kind of her, but I was merely cutting more wood. I started to run out.”

>”Well that explains them trees there, ya ox”

“Flattery will get you everywhere”

>”Don’t you be tempting me. Honestly I thought you got them as decorations for Hearth Warming Eve.”

“Hearth Warm what?”

>”Oh right, this would be yer first time here. It’s an equestrian tradition, we celebrate friendship and a general comin' togetherness.”

>Given the time of year, you feel that this mirrors your own Christmas tradition from home.

>”You have somethin' like this back where yer from?”

>PSYKER

“GET OUT OF MY HEAD.”

>She’s taken aback by this outburst.

>You laugh.

“I’m sorry AJ, I am just kidding, but actually I did have a similar event back in my realm, we called it Christmas.”

>”Well that’s good, that means you’ll have no issue comin' to the party later. I’d be interested in hearin' about it.”

>Damn she’s good.

>Not that you minded a party at all, but now you have no choice.

“Well that sounds delightful, where will it be?”

>”Where else but Sugarcube corner? The shop is closed for today, and the Cakes are visitin' family, so we have it all to ourselves.”

“Time?”

>”Anytime yer fixin’ to come down.”

>”LIKE RIGHT NOW”

>In that instant, with no warning, no mercy, you are assailed by a volley, neigh, barrage of snowballs. T

>The source?

“NO PINKIE NO”

>It’s a pointless plea.

>You are pummeled, driven into the ground by the assault.

>AJ found off to the side, laughing her flank off.

>”AHAHAHAAHHAHAA, PINKIE THAT WAS PERFECT.”

>”Of course it was, no one expects the Pink Siege of Doom!”

>Catchy name, if your balls weren’t retracting into your stomach.

>You shake the snow off.

“……And you had NOTHING to do with this AJ?.........”

>”Now Anon, what EVER could give you that idear?”

>She can’t even say that much without snickering like a fool.

>”Aww, I’m sorry Anon” Pinkie says with a grin that wraps around her head “but how else was I to make sure you came?”

“By asking me directly? Like any normal individual?”

>”Pleh, that’s soooooooooo last year’s fad”

>You have no words for this, only agony.

>”Cmon sugarcube, as much fun as snow pegasi would be, we got a party ta get to.”

>One long shivering walk later, Pinkie and AJ giggling all the way, you arrive at Sugarcube corner.

>”Well, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by you all show up fashionably late.” Rarity says as she opens the door for you

>”Though I guess that means you have SOME sense of fashion.”

>OK, you know she’s joking, but damn if she didn’t know exactly what to say to get your jimmies in a knot.

>Which was good because this meant they had dropped into position for said rustling, meaning they weren’t lost in the assault.

>”Sorry Rarity, that’d be mah fault. We had a little bit of a snow delay.”

>At this Pinkie loses it, sprawled on the floor crying of laughter

>”I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE. PFFFTT HAHAHAHHA.”

>Fucking mares.

>Rarity shakes her head, AJ and you walk in, sliding Pinkie in on her back with your foot.

>Rainbow and Twilight are playing some sort of Marco-polo based game with a blind folded Spike.

>This involves them standing behind objects, calling to him as he blindly wanders about running into said objects.

>That’s cold.

>Funny, but cold.

>But still funny

>And of course there’s Fluttershy, ‘observing’. Meaning, covering her eyes with her hooves since it’s too painful for her to watch.

>”Anon, it’s so good to see you!” Twilight beams at you

>”Dude you have to get in on this” Rainbow adds “I haven’t had so much fun!”

>”The most fun you’ve ever had is at MY expense?!”

>Poor spike

“It looks like you girls have it under control.”

>Fluttershy’s eyes beam at you once she hears your voice

>They’re actually very pretty.

>You know, for rape eyes.

>She flies over and gives you a big hug.

>”Oh it’s so good you made it sweetie, I was worried when I didn’t find you anywhere in your house.”

>She searched inside your house while you were out.

>GREAT.

>So much for those locks

“I was gathering wood.”

>”Oh my~”

“Fire wood. From a tree. To burn. In my fireplace. For warmth. None of which involves my penis.”

>Penis being her trigger word to hide behind her mane in a blush

>”Must you be so raunchy? This is a formal gathering you know." Rarity quips.

“Rarity, you have Spike blindfolded running around and receiving bodily harm for your amusement, what exactly makes this formal?”

>”He opted to do it!”

>”I DID NOT!!!”

>Rarity walks behind the counter

>She wouldn’t.

>”Oh I’m sooo sorry Spikey-Wikey, I only meant for you to enjoy yourself. Come here and let me make it up to you~”

>Spike darts to her voice.

>*CRACK*

>*thud*

>Dead silence

>A tear forms in your eye.

>Mainly because, as fucked up as that was, it was absolutely hysterical.

>Spike’s twitching does not help things.

>”RARITY!!” Twilight yelps.

>”Oh my, I didn’t think he’d get so worked up over that!”

>Really bitch?

>As Rarity holds Spike in her lap, caressing his most likely concussed and fractured skull, AJ informs Twilight of your tradition.

>”You never told me about this before!”

“You never asked.”

>Twilight twitches an eye.

“Sorry, couldn’t resist. Anyway yes we do have something similar called Christmas, we celebrate it about this same time.”

>Twilight gets her notes.

>”Please tell us about it.”

>The others gather around, ears all turned toward you. Literally. Forgot ponies could do that.

>You begin to explain it. Where it came from, going on about how commercialized it is. Nothing more than an excuse for people to empty their accounts in the name of buying useless shit for people they don’t even like and how you’re too cool-

“-Blah blah blah angsty edgy hipster bullshit.”

>There’s a silence, as you realize you said that last bit outloud.

“Er, Sorry. Where I come from, a lot of people take that approach to the holiday, whining incessantly about how it’s a pagan thing that us Christians stole and it has no meaning and there’s no point to having just a day of gift giving laaa de freaking dah. It’s actually a good day for family to get together and really bond. Sure this idea sometimes takes a backseat to gift giving, but really many families use this time to actually embrace each other and love each other more so than any other day.”

>Seriously who gives a shit how some people might spend it?

>The principle was still there.

>That’s what counts.

>”Well, that’s certainly nice. Except those depressing bits.”

“I know Twilight. It irritates the hell out of me talking about it sometimes because that always comes up. But don’t read too much into it, how you girls celebrate it here is basically what we do back home.”

>Home.

>There’s that damn word again.

“Minus baby dragons being knocked unconscious.”

>”IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!”

"Of course it was Rarity."

>The party goes on for hours more. Fluttershy had not once left your side.

>She was somehow able to enjoy herself and violate your personal space the entire time.

>Still, you managed to have a lot of fun.

>Spike even recovered and was involved in much less abusive games.

>You need to hang with him more.

>”And to think YOU didn’t want to join us.” Rainbow pipes up.

“Me? At what point did I say that?”

>”Oh please, you’re never this outgoing. You always stay by yourself, unless you’re working. You just love being alone.”

>That last bit was true, but you never turned down a party, and you always made yourself open to everyone.

“I live by myself, and like my privacy. So what? I’ve never avoided any of you.”

>”Yet ya always shoot down and neglect poor Fluttershy.”

>Here we go

>Luckily Fluttershy was in the bathroom.

>She tried to chug cider with all of you.

>Everything went according to plan.

>Her puking in the bathroom.

>Pinkie holding her mane.

>What a friend that mare is.

“It’s that wrong of me to turn her down, isn’t it? It can’t be ok for me to be on my own, still have her as a close friend, and that’s it?”

>”Darling you two were made for each other. Why can’t you accept that?”

“Because it’s MY choice. Simple as that. It’s nothing against her.”

>Except the whole desperation into your pants thingy

>Rainbow rolls her eyes.

>”So you would rather be all alone the rest of your life than spend it with the single nicest mare in the land?”

“If I choose to, yes.  Forcing a relationship is the worst thing you can do, because usually nobody involved wins.  Should the time come and I feel comfortable with it, I'll go from there.  Until then, I'm quite fine as is.”

>”You should at least give her a chance, I’m sure you’d change your mind.” Twilight says.

“I bet I would too Twilight. But I want to make that decision when I’m ready. Doing it ‘Just because’ is wrong and you know it.”

>"Well, he -does- make a point."

>Thank you Twilight.

>There’s a collective sigh.

>Followed by a thud as Fluttershy emerges, face first into the floor.

>Damn she’s making this hard.

>The party winds down.

>Everyone says their goodbyes, gives their hugs, and goes their merry way.

>’Ha. Merry.’

“That’s stupid and you should feel bad.”

>’Imma scissor kick you in the back of the head.’

“Fucking brain.”

>”What?”

“Nothing, Fluttershy, just going to head home.”

>”Oh, well….do you want someone to walk you home?” She says with a squee.

>Sweet zombie Jesus that’s cute.

“No, that’s quite alright, you should check on your animals, you’ve been out for a while, plus you need to recover.”

>Her sadness is almost palpable.

>”G-Guess you’re right…Goodnight Anon…”

“Goodnight Flutters.”

>You ruffle her main, bringing a slight smile to her face.

>Mission accomplished.

>You set off home. It’s a long, peaceful walk as no one else is outside.

>It’s absolutely beautiful at night here.

>You’ll have to thank Luna

>So lost in your thoughts, you don’t notice the figure walking a safe distance behind you. The heaps of cider ensure that.

>You walk in and attempt to get comfy, but something is nagging at your brain, and there’s only one prescription for that.

>’Cowbell?’

“I don’t have a fever, jagoff.”

>’THERE’S ALWAYS ROOM FOR COWBELL.’

>You go into your pantry, and grab your special medicine. 80 proof whiskey.

“Thank you Uncle Jack, your legacy lives on. Even if my liver and most brain cells don’t.”

>You take shot.

>And another.

>And another.

>And…..think.

>Now significantly inebriated, your brain accesses your entire life.

“What is wrong with Fluttershy? She just doesn't get it. I’m trying to spare her the misery of dealing with me.”

>Now that wasn’t fair.

>You weren’t a bad person.

>You may not have had a high opinion of yourself, but had other redeeming qualities.

>Like…….

>well………..

>err…………You were damn good at fixing things.

>Ya! Back home you fixed all kinds of things. And you-

>You….

“Who am I kidding, I was a nobody going nowhere in my life. I never cared for anyone, and no one cared for me. So why the FUCK am I lamenting about my home life?!”

'Here’s why: cause everything you just said was fucking bullshit and you know it.'

>Brain's right.

>You had a family, friends, and you worked hard in school. Well not hard, but enough to do decent enough for an IT major.

>You had the perfect family.

>No one fought with each other.

>Everyone was doing well.

>Your parents may have been divorced, but they got along better than most married couples.

>Your mom remarried, and even your stepdad, a honky redneck, was actually really good to you.

>You had not a fucking thing to bitch about.

>Your mom and dad loved you unconditionally.

>They cared deeply for you, and did everything they could to give you every chance.

>You knew this, and appreciated them dearly for it.

>You may not have been close to your siblings per say, but they were just as loving when you were around them.

>Your life, for all intents and purposes, was perfect.

>And you probably would never go back.

>That’s when it hits you.

>The bottle is empty.

>It has been for some time.

>Only one thing left

>You hang you head.

>And you cry.

>It’s soft at first, but eventually the tears flow hard and fast, gentle sobs escaping you.

“I’m an idiot…a total idiot……Mom………Dad………”

“I’m so sorry.”

>The figure behind you stops.

“I never fully appreciated you. Any of you. I was a fool. I AM a fool. Please don’t worry about me. I don’t know where you all are right now, if you’re ok. I pray that you are. Please God, please let them be ok. If they’re worrying about me, if they’re scared of what’s happened to me, please, I beg of you, just let them know I’m ok. Somehow…….some way, just……….don’t let them hurt. I’m tired of hurting the ones I love.”

>You take a long pause as you say your next words

“Like Fluttershy”

>”You…….you love me?”

>You pop your head up, and ever so slowly turn your head around.

>Sure as shit, almost on cue, she’s stand there with...

>Rope.

>In some other life this would be disconcerting to say the least.

>She drops the rope.

>There are tears in her eyes.

>”I am so sorry. I had no idea you were in such pain over your family. I figured you had moved past them, or locked them away.”

>”It made me so sad, and I wanted to be with you so much because I felt like you were hurting. I never wanted to hurt you, but...”

>”I just wanted to be with you so bad. To have you love me, even if I had to make you……..just so you’d be happy….”

>You smile at her, warmly

“So you plan was to tie up like a neat little present for you to have whenever you wanted?”

>You chuckle at the last bit.

>She winces

>This kills the Fluttershy

>Well internally at least.

>”No! That's not….I mean...err…..I don’t know.... I just wanted you to be happy, to make you happy. But this is wrong, it’s so wrong. I was sure you hated me!”

“Honestly, I could never ever hate you. Or anyone for that matter, but least of all you. I was frustrated, yes, but only because you could have any stallion you wanted and you picked me, of all things. I can’t wrap my head around this. You could do so much better”

>”Isn’t that my choice to make, for me to decide?”

>She smile at you.

>DOWN GOES ANON. DOWN GOES ANON. DOWN GOES ANON.

>You close your eyes, and laugh, good and hard.

>All the pain, all the hurt, everything.

>It’s gone.

>All of it.

>Just like that.

>You stand up, walk over to Fluttershy, and hug her.

>You don’t let go as you sit on the couch.

>You hold her close.

>Her warmth, her tender fur, her down feathers.

>Next to your mom’s hugs, nothing could melt away sadness like this.

>You feel her heart race, but it slows down as she realizes just what this means to you.

>There’s no lust here, only happiness.

>She reciprocates this by wrapping her wings and hooves around you.

>This goes on for who-gives-a-fuck long.

“To answer your question, yes, I do love you.”

>”I love you too. I always will~”

>That night, you learned for once in your God damned life to fully appreciate somth- no, someONE.

>Even though they were a pony.

>”Happy Hearth Warming Anon”

“Merry Christmas Fluttershy”

>Especially since that pony was.

>Fucking Fluttershy.

 

Merry Christmas all