One Shot Collection Feb-March 2014 (updated as of 3/26/2014)

>Day Irresistible Deep Voice is irresistible in Equestria.

>You were in the middle frying eggs when today's Shenanigans started.

>With Fluttershy knocking down the door like she's FBI or some shit.

>You groan out load, realizing that you're going to fix that, which requires bits.

>Looking up at the ceiling, you exhale.

"I don't have locks y'know, you could've just came in."

>She doesn't respond, only trots into your kitchen, giving you the trademark bedroom eyes.

>She isn't in any get up today, which is a relief, just a saddle bag.

>"Good morning, sweetie," she says, her voice music to the ears as always.

>Such a soothing voice, honestly.

>But you decide to get down to business.

"Alright, what is it today? C'mon, let's get this out of the way."

>She takes out what looks like poison joke from her saddlebag.

"Well, well, I gueesss I can smoke a little something with you."

>She shakes her head 'no' while smiling.

>"Prepare to have your panties drop."

"...I don't wear panties."

>She chuckles then chumps down on the plant.

"UUUH Fluttershy, I don't think you should've done that, that'll-"

>"That'll what, baby?" She asks, her voice sudden deep like Barry White.

>It's confusing why you blushed.

"Did your voice just go deep?"

>"Oooh yeeeah."

>Oh sweet fuck that voice.

>Baratone look out, you got competition.

[spoiler] would be totally cool if you narrated this. Just sayin'.[/spoiler]

>She flutters over to you, putting a foreleg around your neck to pull you close.

>"Whaddya say we... Take things up stairs and..."

"And what?"

>"And make love, niiice and slooow."

"I...I..."

>"How's that sound baby? All day looong."

"All... Day... Long?"

>"That's right baby."

 

-Meanwhile in Anon's brain-

 

>"CAPTAIN! WE'VE GOT BONER ACTIVITY ON RADAR!"

>"WHAT?! HOW'S THAT POSSIBLE?! IT'S A DEEP VOICE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!"

>"I DON'T KNOW! IT'S IRRESISTABLE!"

>"FOLLOW BONER KILLER PROTOCOL! GET SOME CRINKLE GRANNY SMITH IN THIS BITCH!"

>"So Whaddya say, love? Why don't you let me... lay it down to ya right?" Fluttershy says.

>"SHE'S SO SMOOTH! AAAAAH THERE'S A TENT PITCHING IN MY PANTS!"

>"GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF SOLDIER!"

-Back in the real world-

 

>"Anon, baby?"

"I..."

>"Mmm, c'mon, don't be so shy, Flutterguy'll treat ya right."

>Th-that voice.

>The smell of your eggs burning on the skillet brings you out of her trance.

>Panicking, you grab the handle and fling the skillet into the sink.

>Running over to the sink, you turn on the facet, all the while Fluttershy keeps humming in your ear.

>"Mmm, what's the matter? Tell Flutterguy all your troubles, I'll be sure to sooth them away when we break a sweat in the bedroom."

>You turn to her, unable to fathom why your defenses aren't able to hold her off.

"STOP BEING SMOOTH!"

>She slithers her way over to you, like some sort of sly devil charmed fellow.

>"Oh c'mon now, Nony, don't be like that. Why don't you... give into your desires?"

>You look at her, studying her face, only to find that her smile is as charming as her voice.

>An eyebrow twitches upward, while her eyes entice you.

>You hunch your back over in defeat, sighing.

"Oh fuck it let's just do this."

>And that was the day you started...

>Fucking Fluttershy.

>Or Flutterguy, whatever.

===

>S'more bumpin' in Equestria.

>You have finally surpassed the obstacle of writer's block.

>You sit at your computer during the dead of night typing away.

>A glass of tap water on stand by and your music turned up to the max.

>You're feeling good about this little one shot your writing about.

>Then suddenly, you get hung up on a certain detail.

>...

>And fuck, writer's block has stepped in the way again.

>In frustration, your slam your head on your keyboard, groaning.

>You lift your head up, looking at the ceiling.

"Ugh, brain. C'mon work!"

>As response, your brain kicks up his feet on his desk.

>Reaches in his chest pocket for his flask, pops it open and takes a swig.

>He reach over to the intercom to push a button.

>"Fuck you, I do what I want."

>...

>Well fuck you too brain.

>It was at this time when your reached for your glass of tap water to take a small sip.

>A knock occurs at your door.

"Oh great, that's how these things usually start...Yay."

>Groggily, you get out of your chair and walk to the door.

>You open the door and find Flutterrape standing at your doorstep.

>Her mane is a mess, her eyes blood shot along with her eye lids twitching.

>She's twitching all over in fact.

>You know for a fact its Flutterrape, you took notice of her cutie mark which is just ">rape".

>Other than that, she looks exactly like Fluttershy.

>Only she's as light-hearted as she is convoluted.

>And has an obsession with >rape.

>Can't blame her honestly.

>But yeah, she has problems.

>Ah, but you still love her.

"Sup?"

>"Wh-what? Oh yeah, I need a bump, man."

"Again? I just gave you one a little over an hour ago."

>"I NEED IT MAN, C'moooon. Be a team player here!"

>You sigh, not really having energy for this Tom Fo-... Buffoonery..

"Alright, come on in."

>You step aside to let her into your home.

>She goes to the couch while you walk back to your computer to print something out.

>That's the magical power of writing, get used to it.

 

>A page of >rape prints out.

>You walk over to Flutterrape who's tweaking on the couch.

"Here, enjoy it."

>"AAAH THANK YOU!"

>She snatches the paper then pulls out a razor blade.

>Before your eyes she chops up the paper to where it's in powder form.

"Uuuh, Flutterrape?"

>She doesn't respond, her eyes are fixed on her next bump.

>Hearing the razor click against the glass at such a fast rate made you worry about Flutterrape's well-being.

>She pushes the powder into a line then shortly after snorts it from the table surface.

>"AAAAAH! Fuck. Yes! This is good shit!"

>She tends to her nostril for a minute then looks back at you.

>"Thanks for the bump man."

"Yeah, no problem."

>You sit back down at your computer to get back to not writing.

>"Hey, when can I expect s'more of that ol' Piss Fainthearted?"

"Soon, I'm just working out some details."

>"Which is code for you haven't written a damn thing. I speak 'Writer' you'r not fooling me."

"Mhm, yeah, yeah."

>"Anyways, gotta go! Until next time!"

>She zooms out of your home, leaving the door open.

>You lean back in your chair, putting on your chill smug smile.

>Feels good to help the thread every now and then.

"Ah yes, feels good man."

>Bumping Flutterrape.

===

 

 

>Day Pinkie fucking Pie in Equestria.

>You are Anon.

>Stepping into the only bakery that can satisfy your needs.

>It’s lunch time in the land of colorful ponies and you’re just stopping by to get your fix.

>Your day has been chaotic.

>You unclogged ten sinks today and help the Apple family clean out a shed.

>”Hiya! Welcome to Sugarcube Corner! What’ll be today?” Pinkie asked

>You were happy to find there was not line, walking up to the counter, you smirk.

“What I always order.”

>”Half a dozen glazed doughnuts, milkshake and smooches?”

>You shake your head while laughing.

“Oh you, when are you gonna stop flirting with me?”

>”Never, I’ll get those smooches one day!”

“Mhm, sure you will.”

>”That’s the spirit!”

>You place the needed currency on the counter without her telling you how much it’ll be and give her a wink.

>Turning around, you go to your favorite booth to have a seat.

>You lean back and make a deep sigh.

>As you relax, Twilight walks into the place.

>”Hiya! Welcome to Sugarcube Corner! What’ll be today?”

>”Hey Pinkie, I’ll just have a dozen of your sweetest cupcakes.”

>”You got it!”

>Twilight floats some bits on the counter and turns only to spot you.

>Her eyes fly out of her head then she teleported into a seat across from you.

>”Oh my goodness hello Anon!”

>You chuckle to yourself, for a brief moment you forgot she had a strong liking to you.

>With good reason, you two were always talking educational stuff, engage in harmless debate.

>And magic.

>You enjoy the subject of magic and because of that, you were her test subject.

”Fancy meeting you here Twilight, what’s up?”

>”Oh just getting some treats for a little get together at Fluttershy’s later, interested?”

“I’m going to have to pass on that.”

>Her ears droop, a frown comes across her face.

>”Awww, why not?”

 

“Me and Fluttershy just don’t mix. Y’know, she’s tryin’ to rape me, I’m not.”

>Twilight makes a sarcastic ‘HA!’

>”Anon, what did you expect would happen while she was in Estrus?”

“Point made, but does she still have to pursue after the socially acceptable time for rape?

>”I see what you mean…”

“So, do you have any upcoming experiments?”

>Before Twilight can answer, Pinkie had you order on her head walking over.

>And for a moment your eyes drift downward to what makes Pinkie different than any of her friends.

>Even though she’s a female, she’s got ‘junk’.

>She’s still just as adorable, it’s just that one little factor that reminds you why she’ll never get her smooches.

>It’s not even a ‘little factor’ at that.

>You’re scared.

 

 

>Sliding your order onto the table, you gesture to share a doughnut with Twilight.

>Just one, this isn’t fucking charity.

>Fortunately, she declined.

>”There ya go! Oh, by the way, are you going to be at Fluttershy’s for a little get together?”

“Nope, I’ll be home.”

>”Awww, how come?”

>She scoots down your booth and you nearly jumped when her dick lopped over on your lap.

>You had to keep in mind it’s a condition she can’t help.

>Trying your best to ignore it, you give Pinkie the same answer you gave Twilight.

“We just don’t mix. Besides, I’m gonna be sleeping, I’ve had a tiring day.”

>”Oh, okie dokie lokie!”

>You put your attention back on Twilight, your grab a doughnut, just before ending its existence you speak up.

“So, Twilight, upcoming experiments?”

>”Actually yes, I’ll need you and Pinkie’s help for this one.”

“What does it involve?”

>”The science in pie.”

“I thought pi was a math thing.”

>”Not /that/ pi, the other pie. The one you eat.”

“Oh. Sure, I’m in.”

>”Me too!”

>And then you chowed down.

>In the time of ten minutes, no one else came into the bakery, so you, Twilight and Pinkie Pie talked about said experiment.

>For the most part all you did was nod at what was being said and eat, occasionally taking a sip of your milkshake.

 

>The next day, you arrive at Twilight’s place. You knock on the door in anticipation.

>You have chills wondering what she’s got in store today.

>Her experiments are always exciting, the very thought that she can tamper with reality causes more chills.

>Twilight’s brilliant mind is one to be worshiped.

>Oh and uh, pie. Yay.

>”It’s open silly!”

>You open the door and walk in, Pinkie and Twilight was on the couch sipping tea.

>And your eyes wonder to Pinkie’s dong.

>Don’t stare.

“Alright, so what do I gotta do?”

>Twilight points in the direction of the basement.

>”Check out the basement, you’ll see.”

>With a spring in your step, you walk down onto the basement.

>Flinging open the door, you take notice of a vast varieties of pies on a table.

>Making your way over, you see someone has already had a slice of some apple pie, shrugging your shoulders you thought ‘what the hell? Why not?’

>A stack of paper plates close by and a knife in the pie already, you figured it was for everyone anyway.

>You cut yourself a slice and walk back upstairs with your plate.

>Making your way back up the stairs, you notice Twilight has left.

>And once again, you try to ignore Pinkie’s pole in between her legs.

“Uuuh, Pinkie, where did Twilight go?”

>”She forgotten about an errand she needed to run, she took Spike with her.”

>You shrug again and make your way over to the couch.

>Taking a seat, you proceeded to dig in.

>While having a forkful in your face, you turn to Pinkie.

“So, what’s the experiment again?”

>”I unno, I guess enjoy it?”

>Can’t argue with that.

>You take your bite, chew and swallow.

>And who the fuck made this horrid tasting pie?

>It tasted like feet and rotten apples.

>With the bad taste still in your mouth, you put down the pie, no longer interested.

>”So, ready for some smooches?”

“Still flirting with me huh?”

>You stomach starts to turn and you become woozy.

“What the hell?”

 

>Your hands rub your stomach from its discomfort.

“Uuhh, Pinkie any chance you know what was in that pie?”

>”The apple one? I unno, Twilight just cut a piece out and threw it away. She claimed she wanted to see if someone would go for pie if it’s already been sliced.”

“Really now? I thought you didn’t know what the experiment was.”

>”Oops. So, feeling okay?”

“Not really.”

>You find your body is shrinking.

>Crust is growing on your flesh.

>Your insides feel like warm goo.

“What in the HELL?!”

>By the time you actually had an idea of what was going on, you’re an apple pie with legs and arms.

>You take notice that Pinkie is becoming hard.

>”Oh you look good enough to fuck.”

>Wat

>What is happening?

>Pinkie actually had the nerve to start chasing you around the Twilight’s house.

>”C’mere! I won’t hurt you!”

>You trip down the basement stairs.

>Something rock hard invades into your crust into your feeling.

>”Aaaaah~! You’re not going anywhere!”

>She thrusts into you from your top.

>Because you’re a pie.

>”I’ve waited so long for this!”

>Holding you in place, she impales you with her cock in a rapid motion.

>In and out of your pie feeling.

>”Unf, so waaarm~”

>You couldn’t speak.

>Finally after a few minutes, she pumps you full of cum.

>It overflows out of your top and runs down the side of your pan.

>Some of it gets in your mouth.

>So fucking sweet it gave you diabetes in an instant.

>Twilight never comes back.

>The rest of the day was filled with…

>Pinkie fucking Pie.

 

…I…I don’t even know, don’t ask.

 

---

>... Rocks in Equestria.

>You don't know what it is you did to this pony.

>But Maud for some reason, is pissed at you.

>One minute you was just kick a rock down the road while walking.

>And you now play dodge boulder on a daily basis, other ponies are starting to get hurt because of it.

>She never shows she's angry oddly enough.

>Only that she can't stop throwing rocks at you.

>Tonight you're just leaving Twilight's place after visiting with her.

>You walk down the road, quick to get home.

>Sighing, you look up at the moonlight, nodding in approval.

"Luna be praised."

>You cup your mouth in an instant.

>Damn, you gotta be careful, that shit is getting harder to control.

>After that brief moment of questionable autism, you keep walking.

>Then froze when you heard a hoof scrape against the dirt.

"Oh fuck," you say under your breath.

>"Heeeeey, suuup, Nony?"

>Relief overwhelmed your being, it's only Berry Punch.

>Turning around, you see her swaying back and forth in place.

>A bottle in hoof with her eyes looking fucked up.

>Wasted can't even begin to describe her.

"Hey Berry."

>"Hey... you wan sumthin' to drink?"

>You chuckle nervously, you can't be hitting the sauce at this time.

>You've got a home to get to before Boulder Emotionless finds you.

"I'll have to pass. Thanks though."

>She shrugs.

>"Okaaay, yur missin' out though buddy."

>You turn around to start your stride back home.

>Only to notice Berry is following you.

>Looking over your shoulder, you stop again.

"Berry, why are you following me?"

>"Because, you're hawt."

>Resisting the urge to roll your eyes you turn around.

"Sorry to break it to you, but you're wasting your time."

>"Pff wha? No I'm nooot, I'm jus gonna wait until you go to sleep them Ima rape you."

>Out of nowhere a boulder lands right on Berry from above, crushing her to an instant death.

>Blood splatters violently against your clothes and face.

"SWEET PISS JESUS!"

 

>You bolt for it.

>Going into a full blown sprint, you take notice that hugs boulders are land next to you left and right.

>You take a moment to look behind you and see Maud coming at you and gaining on you quickly.

>Turning around you, you focus more on running.

>Another boulder lands a few feet in front of you and just in time you move around it.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU GETTING THE BOULDERS FROM?!"

>"From the ground," she says.

>She is truly a Pie.

>Bending reality to an extent.

>Or just stronger than a thousand Applejacks and Flutterhulks combined.

>A pebble zips by your head nearly taking your head clean off.

"WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?! WHAT DID I DO?!"

>No answer, just more rocks hurled at you in an attempt to end your life.

>Your eyes drift to the left, upon your house.

>AT LAST!

>She at least gives you a break when you reach your door step.

>You reach in your deep pocket feeling around for your keys.

>You'll have to make a mental note to curse Rarity out when you get the chance. It takes forever to get anything out of your pockets.

>And a rock hits your back knee, forcing you to tumble on the ground.

>Stopping, you land face first into the dirt.

>Seems you didn't make it this time.

>"On your back," she commands in that emotionless tone.

>Rolling over, you cough up some of the dirt you ate.

>You lay eyes on Maud holding a boulder above, ready to end you.

>"This was fun."

"Why?! Just WHY?!"

>She doesn't respond, only lets the boulder fall.

>You close your eyes so you won't see your end coming.

 

>Dropping it, you find it's merely a big lump of Styrofoam.

>Her face is still blank.

>Wait... what?

>You pick it up and shake it, the smell of paint coming off heavily.

"W-what?"

>"You should have seen your face."

"I'm sorry?"

>"You should be more careful at night. Berry almost raped you."

"But-"

>"I had to throw a rock at her."

"... Uuuh okay?"

>"Go home, stay off the streets at night. I already protect you during the day."

"Protect me?"

>"Yeah, a lot of mares keep waiting for you... So, I protect you."

"By throwing rocks at them?"

>"... Yes. It works. Any friend of Pinkie's is a friend of mines."

>You get on your feet, dust off your clothes and walk home calmly as Maud follows you.

>She waits until your inside your home until she leaves your place of residence.

>Seems she just wanted to make sure you're safe.

>Meanwhile in the bushes in front of your house a certain yellow pegasus watches from afar, angry.

>"Motherfucking Maud."