Pastebin launched a little side project called HostCabi.net, check it out ;-)Don't like ads? PRO users don't see any ads ;-)

April One Shot Collection 2014

By: jchallo83 on Apr 4th, 2014  |  syntax: None  |  size: 6.55 KB  |  hits: 53  |  expires: Never
download  |  raw  |  embed  |  report abuse  |  print
Text below is selected. Please press Ctrl+C to copy to your clipboard. (⌘+C on Mac)
  1. >Day fuck mornings in Equestria.
  2. >"I mean, Anonymous, I don't see why you hate me so much."
  3. "YOU MAKE THE MORNING WHAT IT IS! FUCK ALL THAT SUN LIGHT!"
  4. >You see tears threatening to leak out of her eyes.
  5. >"Y-you don't like my sun light?"
  6. "Bitch, I will end your anus if you don't get the fuck off my doorstep."
  7. >You slam the door in her face.
  8. >This is the third time this week Celestia has showed up on your doorstep trying to get you to like her.
  9. >Ain't happening.
  10. >You moon walk back upstairs to your bedroom because praise Luna.
  11. >Shut the blinds.
  12. >Pole vault into bed.
  13. >Briefly look at the picture of your true love.
  14. "One day Luna, one day, you'll be mine."
  15. >You get comfortable in your bed, tugging the blankets close and enjoy the dark.
  16. "Ah, truly relaxing."
  17. >You close your eyes only to feel sudden heat and a heavenly tune floods your ears.
  18. >You grunt and open them.
  19. >Only to find Celestia beaming her sun light through your window and herself pressing her face in the window.
  20. >"I'M NOT THAT BAD!"
  21. >Probably unfolded the blinds from the inside with her cheating magic!
  22. >Roll away so you won't face the window, your eye brows narrowing.
  23. >Hear a giggle coming from a source in front of you.
  24. >"C'mon Anonymous! Aren't you a morning person?"
  25. >Celestia once again getting in your space. Stupid telepoofing.
  26. >She gets comfy right next to you in bed while she lays on her side facing you.
  27. "Fuck no, leave."
  28. >She frowns.
  29. >"Maybe I can convince you?"
  30. "No."
  31. >"Make you breakfast? It is the most important meal of the day."
  32. "No."
  33. >"Maybe we can do your morning ritual together?"
  34. "That's an Anons only ritual, now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to wait for your sister to raise the moon."
  35. >"Morning sex?"
  36. "Didn't you hear me? Hell no I won't have... wait sex?"
  37. >"Yes, morning sex."
  38. "Pff, you must be crazy, you really think-"
  39. >"You can put it anywhere."
  40. >She cocks her eye brow while licking her lips.
  41. >And your sword has risen with the sun.
  42. 1/3
  43.  
  44. >Snap out of it fool! Luna would not be pleased!
  45. >Celestia gently presses her hoof against your chest.
  46. >Her face closing in and her lips perking up.
  47. >Hating yourself of having to do this, you reach into your pajama pants and grab a handful.
  48. >And then...
  49. "Pocket Sand!"
  50. >You toss sand into her eyes.
  51. >It's super effective.
  52. >Roll out of bed and dash to the bathroom while Celestia wipes her eyes.
  53. >"DAMN IT ANONYMOUS!"
  54. >Lock the door behind you and breath calmly.
  55. >Leaning your back against the door, you catch your breath.
  56. "Whew, too close."
  57. >Suddenly feel a violent thud bang against your door.
  58. >You panic when you saw Celestia's horn stick through the door that barely impaled your rib.
  59. >"AAAARGH!"
  60. >You back away from the door hoping to God this is a nightmare.
  61. >This bitch has lost it.
  62. >Yet another violent knock occurs, causing some damage on the frame.
  63. >You need an out, and you need it now!
  64. >Rush over to the sink, you grab a razor and make a slight nick on your left index finger.
  65. >Stop down to the floor and draw a sigil of Luna's name and intent to summon her.
  66. >Pull out a picture of Luna that you have in your pajama pocket that doesn't contain pocket sand.
  67. >Toss it onto the center of the sigil.
  68. >Run to your medicine cabinet and grab a moon rock, a gift from Maud.
  69. >Turn on the cold water from the sink facet.
  70. >Take some mouth wash and swish it around then spit it on the moon rock.
  71. >Put the moon rock on the picture of Luna.
  72. >Panic from Celestia punching a hole through your door.
  73. >See her dialated eye peeping through.
  74. >"I seeee youuuu~!"
  75. >Grab a box of matches and dark blue candle from under your sink.
  76. >Add that to the center of the sigil.
  77. >Light the candle and tilt it toward the moonrock.
  78. >Let the melted candle wax land on the rock while you recite some ancient Equestrian langauge piece.
  79. >Suddenly an earthquate occurs while the blood lines of the sigil light up.
  80. >An explosion occurs, blue smoke floods into the bathroom entirely,causing you to cough.
  81. >The pleasant smell of blueberries come into your nose.
  82. 2/3
  83.  
  84. >Celestia is still trying to get in the bathroom.
  85. >Why she hasn't just telepoofed into the room is beyond you but you're not complaining.
  86. >The smoke clears and you finally lay eyes on your beloved Luna.
  87. >... As well as Shining Armor...who is in the middle of fucking Luna.
  88. >"AAAAH~!" Luna shouts.
  89. "Oh... well then..."
  90. >Both Shining and Luna stop with the sinful act.
  91. >This would devastate Cadence.
  92. >They take a gander of their surroundings.
  93. >Luna smiles at you and makes a nervous chuckle.
  94. >"Oh... H-hello, Anonymous."
  95. >And the pain sets in...
  96. >Back hunches while Celestia keeps trying to break in.
  97. "CELESTIA BACK THE FUCK UP I'M COMING IN!"
  98. >Open the door and walk back into your bedroom.
  99. >Celestia can read the pain written on your face while she lies back on your bed.
  100. "Morning sex still on the table?"
  101. >She nods, "of course."
  102. >Turn back around for a moment.
  103. "Enjoy your Herpes, Shining."
  104. >"Aw thanks that's... wait, what?"
  105. >Close the door.
  106. >Hear an argument start up between Shining and Luna.
  107. >"Did he just say 'Her Penis'? It sounded like it, you have a penis? You've been LYING to me?"
  108. >You won't bother correcting him, you'll just leave them to it.
  109. >Hop back into bed.
  110. >Ravage the butt of the Sun.
  111. >Get off to Luna and Shining argue about who's got the lance that can cum.
  112. >All in all...
  113. [spoiler]>Mornings are pretty fun[/spoiler]
  114.  
  115. [spoiler] Just kiddin', fuck mornings.[/spoiler]
  116. 3/3
  117. ===
  118.  
  119. >Day what are we even doing in Equestria.
  120. >Yet another day sitting on the non-existent floor in the void with Fluttershy.
  121. >Day in and day out, it's only you two...
  122. >Playing Go Fish, it goes without saying the both of you are bored out of your minds.
  123. >"Got any aces?" she asks.
  124. "Go fish."
  125. >"Okay..."
  126. >Reaching for the deck, you just sigh out loud.
  127. "Why haven't we fucked yet?"
  128. >"It's against the rules, you know we can't do that unless some writefag comes along and writes about it."
  129. "Oh right, I forgot we're on downtime."
  130. >"I mean, I would but... rules are rules mister."
  131. "I guess, got any sevens?"
  132. >"I have one."
  133. "YES!"
  134. >Suddenly a door opens, white light comes flashing in.
  135. >"Guys, you're needed on set."
  136. >You stand up and stretch for a moment as well as Fluttershy doing the same.
  137. "Alright, so what do we got this time?"
  138. >"Just another rape scene."
  139. "Alright, I'll get the lube."
  140. >"Wait... is the strap on needed?"
  141. >"Nah, save that for later. Now, get into character, you're on the clock."
  142. "Why do you keep saying we're on the clock? What we getting paid?"
  143. >"Sex, drugs and card games."
  144. "Ugh, why did I apply for this job?"
  145. >"For the chance to fuck ponies, faggot."
  146. "Oh right..."
  147. ===