Pepperoni "Pan" Pizza - Prologue

Your name is Pepperoni "Pan" Pizza, the best pizza pony this side of Equestria and today is just like every normal day. Making and Delivering pizzas is your job and frankly you love it, the only problem is you have a short fuse and a dirty mouth that can make even Celestia blush.

 

You walk out the door of your Canterlot flat with a frown on your face to start the day. Canterlot is usually a place for ponies with either too much money or too much luck, and you seem to be that second one considering the Pizza parlor you work at has became a franchise three months ago. It started as your grandpas cute little pizza shop down in Manehattan, as soon as it started getting popular with hipsters for his rather unconventional methods of making pizza compared to the competition he was rolling in money and decided to put shops in both Canterlot and Fillydelphia.

 

He's a crazy old bastard and decided to put you in charge of the Canterlot parlor mainly because he said you could handle the "high-class shitheads with ten sticks shoved up their ass".

Unfortunately he was wrong, and now every day your temperament is foul due to the massive asshats that populate this city.

 

If it isn't the hipsters and trust fund fillies that come in it's the foodies and snobs that probably haven't done a single minute of honest work in their life. The only people you can respect in this terrible place are the guards for two reasons, They put up with the same shit as you every day as a fucking job along with the fact that your father was a guard and he came home every day and told you just how much that job sucked. That is until he was killed on duty and the only thing your family got was a single letter from the princesses and a sub-par funeral for the best father you could ask for.

 

Zipping downstairs to make sure that your neighbors don't see you and start infuriating conversation, you make your way to the front door and run on out. As soon as you get outside you spread your wings and hit the skies, flying is one of the few things you actually like doing for multiple reasons, it's one of the few things that lets you escape your horribly mediocre life. Some may say you're lucky that you can even life in this place but you were never the kind of stallion that wants bits, you're too simple for that. But enough thinking about yourself, it's time to enjoy your daily flight to the parlor.

 

The wind blows through your hair and your spread wings, and you close your eyes for a brief second, life isn't so bad when you're up here away from the assholes down below.

"Hey Pan!" A cheerful voice interrupts you from your thoughts and you silently curse your own bad luck. "What the fuck do you want?" You bark out as your eyes snap open to look at the Pegasus following you. She has a teal mane and a very light gold coat, and a a huge shit-eating grin. "I was just saying hello, is there something wrong with greeting one of my friends?" She tilts her head and you can feel your blood pressure rising. "Yes, don't fucking talk to me." Lining your words with malice, you leave her in the dust. Looking back, she's waving at you with the same damn grin on her face.

 

It doesn't take long for you to reach your parlor, and you see your quote and quote friend landing a couple seconds after you at the supermarket nearby, her name is Mango Foalix and she's one of the few people that call themselves your friends despite your obvious distaste for them. Taking your uniform off the rack near the entrance, you slip it on and push your wings through the holes, it seems Pablo and the newcomer came here early like you requested them. Walking up to the donkey and the new guy whose name you have yet to ask, you immediately give them the news.

 

"Alright scrubs, you guys need to get better at delivering pizzas, I got a complaint that one of the pizzas that was delivered took an hour and was fucking COLD by the time you get there. I don't care if you're jacking off behind a damn dumpster or whatever, you need to pick up your damn pace or I'll lower your pay until you get better." Pablo seems indifferent but the new guy is sweating bullets and looks like he just saw a ghost. "What's up, newfag?" You bark out as he looks at you with a fake smile. "Sir my name is Garden Tomato,  and I think it might have been me... I kind of got lost." He looks at you honestly, and you can tell he isn't lying. You take a single ounce of pity on his poor soul and attempt to comfort him. "New to the city huh? I was too for a while, just try not to have it happen again." He nods once and you motion for them to get working.

 

Making Pizza is another one of the things you enjoy, the slice of pizza on your rump proves that it's the thing you were destined to do. Normally you tell destiny to go suck a fat one but you actually like Pizza, so you don't really give a flying fuck. The motto of this place is good pizza, that's the only motto. You put your heart and soul into every pizza, and you don't want to admit it but every time you see someone enjoying the pizza you made it fills your heart with happiness, and that's something that comes rarely to you. There are many ways to make a pizza, and your grandfather tought you ever since you were a colt. He was the one that helped raised you when you lost your father.

 

You move the sign in front of the door from "Closed" to "Open" and you make your way to the back of the parlor to heat up the ovens and the stoves where you make the sauce. You pull out a saucepan and start grinding the tomatoes, once you're done with that you put the special blend of spices into the large saucepan with fresh olive oil. Once it's all mixed together you pour in enough water so that it's actually a sauce instead of a thick paste, once you're done with the sauce you pull some of the dough you let rise overnight out of the refrigerator.

You start putting together the vital pieces of a good pizza while the sauce cooks real quick, and within a couple of minutes you've already assembled the barebones of a pizza when you hear the bell on the door ring. Your first customer walks up to the counter, a stallion with a dark red mane and coat with a letter as a cutie mark. "God fucking damn it, what do you want Spriggs?" You rub your forehead with your hoof as you get ready for the incoming harassment.

 

"Hmmmm.. I'd like a pizza with extra cheese, and maybe a hug or two." He stares at you with an obnoxious smile, putting his front legs on the counter. "I can make you a pizza but I'm not going to fucking touch you, asshole." Your glare could melt holes through steel, and you motion for him to take his hooves off the counter. It takes a while but he complies, and you yell at Pablo to make an extra cheesy pizza but it seems he already anticipated one of your regulars appearing, he's smarter than he looks. You walk back and put the pizza inside of a box and hand it to the stallion. "That will be seven bits, now get the fuck out of my store." You stare at him until he puts the bits on the counter and walks out with his food. "I'll get snuggles from you someday, Pan Pizza." Are his last words before you start yelling a stream of insults in his direction.

 

The day passes without incident as usual, and when the moon rises into the sky you take off your uniform and head home to take a shower. Flying through the night sky calms your nerves from the day of dealing with Canterlot douche bags just a little bit, and you look up at the stars as you fly on home to your flat. Every night feels like a new experience, and the lit empty streets of the town that was bustling with activity a couple of hours ago is actually kind of serene. You admit life isn't so bad in Canterlot, entering your apartment building with a calm heart and a smile for once in your life, making your way up the stairs. Once you make it to the door, you take out your keys. The door across from yours opens and your smile leaves you as soon as it came, and a small pink mare looks at you from the open door. "Hi Pan!" The mare almost screams as she walks over to you, attempting to give to tackle you into a great big hug.

 

Stepping aside with lightning reflexes in order to avoid physical contact, she faceplants into your door comically and stands up. "Awwwww, why did you do that?" She looks up with puppy dog eyes and a quivering lip, attempting to make you feel pity. "Because I told you I don't like being fucking touched. Now leave me alone and let me into my apartment, Cinnamon." You say with a frown and a glare, extra emphasis on glare.

"Hmmmm... Fine. But only if you visit the bathhouse where I work!" She says cheerfully while bouncing up and down like a ferret on caffeine. "No, I'm not going to your stupid fucking bathhouse!" You yell with the anger of a thousand livid wasps, and you can hear someone yell across the hell for you to shut the fuck up. She sits down in front of your door and plants herself there to make sure you aren't able to get in. "If you try and get in I'll hug you, and I'll only leave if you agree!" The smile refuses to leave her face and you can feel your anger reaching critical levels.

 

It's been a long day and you're too tired for this shit. "Fine, just fuck off." You agree begrudgingly, shoving her out of the way of your door with one hoof. As soon as you make it inside the safety of your flat you hear a small squeak outside, what the fuck kind of noise was that? After eating some leftover pizza in the fridge, you take a quick shower and head to bed, trying not to think of the terrible agreement you just made.