/r9k/elsa and cyborgPunzel

It’s hard to watch Elsa.

 

I try not to think too much about it whenever I come over. Eugene tells me I spend too much time worrying about her, that I should just tell her sister what to do to help Elsa.

 

It isn’t that simple. I know what she’s feeling. I know what it’s like. But she’s different too.

 

Anna likes to hang out in Elsa’s room. Anna wants to be close to her sister. I resent Elsa for how she treats her. I wish I had someone like that. I love Eugene, I do, but he was only there at the end. He gave me a way out, but I wanted that chance. I wanted my life to begin.

 

Elsa. I can see her. She’s concealing. She can hide it from everyone else, but not from me. Her parents don’t understand. I don’t understand. I don’t think Elsa understands either. That’s why I want to slap some sense into Elsa, sometimes. Because even if I’m the only one she can’t hide that part of herself from, Anna is the only one that can understand her.

 

Maybe that’s why I’m here by myself today. I want to understand.

 

My aunt lets me in. She says that Anna is still at practice. I tell her I understand. I don’t mind waiting. She only gives pauses for a second before going back to her work.

 

Her door is intimidating. Anna was always the one opening her door for me. She told me that it’s always been something that’s made her nervous whenever she confided in me. I never really knew why she felt that way until today.

 

Anna always knocks. She waits for her sister to let her in, just like everything else that has to do with Elsa.

I’m different. I know how to make her come out.

 

“Elsabot, let me in.”

 

I hear a shuffling noise in her room. Then a creaking as her door opens, a frightened glare looking out from the crack.

 

“… 2013…” she whispers. “… Revealing your power level.”

 

Elsa opens the door. I’ve forgotten how tall she is. I’ve forgotten that Elsa… the old Elsa, was a regal, intimidating, stone-cold bitch. This wasn’t Elsa I was talking to. The scared, angry, lingering Elsa. This was the Elsa that Anna saw. I know that we might sound like idiots to anyone else, but I’m pushing Elsa like no one has ever pushed her before. I’m letting her be the robot she is online here, in the real world. I realize now that this may not be the best idea.

 

“… 2013… still saying 2013…” I reply

 

Her glare gets colder.

 

“What do you want, normalfag?” she says, but her door opens wider. This was a new feeling for both of us, and I could see that she was just as tense.

 

“Implying I’m a normalfag. Implying I can talk like this and not be a robot.” I say, trying to draw myself up higher. I know I only come up to her nose, but I return her glare.

 

She smirks, but it’s like a poisoned happiness.

 

“Cyborgs shouldn’t be so full of themselves.” She throws the door open and sits back down in her chair. I take the invitation before she changes her mind.

 

“Get the fuck off the board, faggot.” I say as I step inside, trying to sound confident. Words that I’ve never before said out loud. I don’t want to admit it, but it feels good. I sit on the edge of her bed, waiting for her to reply.

 

“Make me, troll.” She says, not even turning away from the screen.

 

I feel… raeg?

 

“Say that to my face and not online!” I say, my voice raising.

 

Her fingers hover over her keyboard for a second, and I can see her tilt her head.

 

“Two out of ten, got me to reply.” She scoffs, before her fingers start clacking on the keys again.

 

It was infuriating. She was acting exactly like the machine now. I had to do something drastic.

 

“That feel when cousin is a robot too.” I started.

 

The keyboard stopped again.

 

“That feel when you’re trying your best to help her.” I went on.

 

I could hear the wheels of her chair click.

 

“That feel when she’s smart.” I said.

 

Her socks scratched against the carpet.

 

“That feel when she’s pretty!” I kept going. The words were hot on my tongue.

 

Her footsteps

 

“That feel when she’s qt3.14!”

 

“That feel when she just needs to let it go and let people in!”

 

“That feel when she HAS NO REASON TO BE A ROBOT!”

 

I felt the stinging on my cheek before I registered that she had struck me.

 

“ENOUGH, RAPUNZEL!” she said in a strained, tired voice. Did she hit me too hard? Everything was fuzzy… no. I realized that I was crying.

 

“Just…. Enough.” She whispers. And I can see her crying now too.

 

I sat there on the bed, my fingers trembling as I touched my cheek.

 

Whatever cold anger Elsa had suddenly deflated, and her shoulders slumped. She collapsed on the bed beside me.

 

“I can’t… I just can’t, Rapunzel.” She sobbed. I felt her fingers curling on the sleeve of my blouse.

 

“Why, Elsa? You were never like me! You could go outside whenever you wanted! No one was locking you in except for…” The realization hit me harder than her hand. How could I have forgotten something so simple? Something that really did make me a cyborg instead of a robot for not thinking of it before.

 

“… No one was locking you in except for you…”

 

Elsa looked up at me and I finally met her gaze.

 

“… is it really that fucked up?” I asked, my voice trying to be gentle.

 

She nods a bit, wiping her own tears with her sleeve.

 

“Y… yeah. I’m finding out just how fucked up it is, but I always knew, somehow.” Elsa whispered.

 

“Is it something you can tell me?” I said. I tried touching her hand, but I drew back just before.

 

“It doesn’t matter. You’ll know how to find it out. You’re not a fucking idiot.” She said, and then she smiled again at me. “Sorry about the normalfag thing.”

 

It was a rollercoaster five minutes, and I still don’t know why I started crying out loud.

 

“A… *hic*… bloo… bloo… bloo.” I couldn’t help myself, and I was starting to laugh on top of everything else in that fucked up hour.

 

And I guess Elsa felt the same way, because a second later she holding me and crying and laughing as well.

 

“B… bursting into treats!”

 

“W… why is it raining so hard in your room?”

 

Finally we calmed down enough and I guess Elsa realized what she was doing, slowly pulling back. The smile that she had was smaller now, but at least it was still there.

 

“Thank you, Rapunzel. I feel… well, I don’t think I feel better, but…” She started as we were both wiping away our tears. She looked like she had a hard time finding the words, but I knew what she meant.

 

“I know that feel.” I said. It was the only thing that I could say. It was the only thing that was right to say.

Elsa opened her lips to say something, but a knock on her door stopped the moment.

 

“Elsa? Rapunzel?  I know you’re in there.” Came a small voice. When I saw Elsa’s face when she heard that voice, I understood. I understood everything.

 

Elsa… was happy. Her smile wasn’t relief. Her smile wasn’t cynical. Her smile was pure, clear joy.

 

It was only a flicker, and as soon as the knob started to turn, it was gone. A confused Anna came in to see the

both of us, and we probably looked shifty as all get out too.

 

Anna looked at the both of us, knowing something was up.

 

“Hey! What were you guys doing in here?” Anna said, crossing her arms.

 

I looked to Elsa, but she was already standing up, getting on her computer. Anna looked at me for an explanation and I shrugged.

 

“Just robot stuff. We were just killing time while we were waiting for you.”

 

Anna looked at Elsa, and it was as if she could feel her sister’s stare.

 

“It’s a hobby.” Elsa said simply, and then the keyboard sounds started up again.

 

It wasn’t the best answer, and Anna didn’t look convinced at all, but seeing how tense the two of us were, I think she just decided to drop it.

 

“Well… count me in the next time. Robots are… cool…” Anna said, lamely. I couldn’t help but laugh.

 

“I guess. It wasn’t that great really. I don’t think there’ll be a next time.” I sighed, looking at Elsa’s back.

The keyboard stopped again, and Elsa turned her head.

 

“Maybe.” She mumbled, before turning back to her screen.

 

I smiled. There were still some things to ask. There places that I know would be harder to get to with Elsa. Places I'm not sure I want to understand. But there was a maybe.

 

Maybe was good enough.