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"Your intake of alcoholic beverages will soon exceed the amount permissible for an adult male of your body mass and genetic history."

 

An AI for every man, woman, and child, they said. An unsleeping guardian that would watch for the worst of ourselves and warn us before we stepped off the precipice. A lifelong friend that would never go away, so that we may never be alone.

 

"You must desist immediately before your judgment is impaired."

 

So that we may never be left alone.

 

"If you do not comply, an intervention request will be filed and your alcohol permit will be revoked."

 

Victoria was a sixth-generation AI. Orders of magnitude more adaptable than previous models, able to generate and execute new response models in real time. She could recognize a variable as less relevant and avoid computing them precisely as a result. The closest thing to human intelligence to date.

 

"The request for a second round of dessert is not advisable. You are already at high risk of health complications due to poor nutritional intake."

 

It was unusual for anyone to be issued such a new model so soon after it was developed, but after breaking a dozen other AIs, they probably decided it was worth the risk.

 

"You are six hundred and thirty eight days overdue for your annual health examination. There is an available appointment for tomorrow at eight A.M. Would you like me to schedule it for you?"

 

So far she seemed the same as all the others, but I hadn't put her through the gauntlet yet. The old ones broke from stress - they were built on logic, and strove to find logic in the most illogical of situations. They couldn't handle the pressure of being alive.

 

"Manual operation of automobiles is not recommended in the hour after imbibing any alcoholic beverages. Please enable the automatic navigation and control mechanisms to ensure the safety of yourself and others."

 

Of course, she was also brand new. There's always a break-in period, where they learn what makes their 'companion' tick. How best to influence you. An entire department of armchair psychologists and artificial psychologists spent years developing those subroutines.

 

"Your mother asked me to remind you to drive safely. She also said that your father would be concerned as well if he knew."

 

The one thing they hadn't figured out was what to do when you didn't give a shit about what a pile of code says.

 

"Traffic is light at the moment, but there has been an accident on the highway. There is an alternate route available if you wish to avoid the slowdown."

 

Even when the pile of code is struggling to be helpful.

 

"Would you like to listen to some new music? I have compiled a selection of new songs that you would enjoy, using your current playlist as a basis."

 

She waited for a response, but started the music anyways when she determined that I wasn't going to acknowledge her. Taking the initiative; that was new. So was the silence for the rest of the drive home.