Untitled

>day too fucking long in Equestria

>be Anon the Archivist

>your job is to catalogue, identify, and detail the massive amounts of human technology left over

>you were fine working down in your workshop

>a new development has occured

>your old friend, Twilight Sparkle is apparently a princess now, and an alicorn

>you're not sure how you feel about this

>she's probably still the same old OCD Twilight, who breaks down crying whenever she misplaces a quill or something

>a couple of days after she came back to Canterlot, you get a royal summons

>it's signed TS

>you grin, put on something nice, and make your way up from the cellars of the castle

>every once in a while some of the ponies stare as you stride purposefully past them

>you ignore them

>you get to see your friend Twilight again!

>you stand in front of her door, and nod at the guards who are standing there

>they snap off a salute, and lower their wings with a metallic sound

>you're still not sure how they do that, but man, is it badass

>you enter Twilight's new room

>everything is purple

>no, like, everything

>your mutual friend Rarity would probably either think it's the grandest thing ever, or freak out, and try to torch the place

>she worries you

>at first, you don't even notice the purple...

>yeah, she's an alicorn now

>she turns around to face you, and her face splits into a grin

ANON!

>she jumps at you, hooves outstretched

>so were her wings

>she falls flat on her face about 5 feet away from you

>you kneel down, and help her get up

>she winces and rubs her chin

Ow. I forgot to factor in for wind resistance. Ow.

>you chuckle at her

>"Didn't I see you doing a dive and singing something a couple of days ago?"

>she blushes slightly

You heard that?

>you grin at her

>"Canterlot's Ministry of Public Imagery was drooling to edit and publish it"

>she laughs and nuzzles you under chin

>you lean back to avoid getting poked with her horn

>"I didn't realize you were so happy to see me."

Huh?

>right, human humor, wouldn't work well

>you gently push her towards what you think is one of the purple couches

>seriously, purple couches on purple rugs against fucking purple wallpaper what the fuck was the interior designer smoking

>"You know, if you're ever overwhelmed by royal duties, you can curl up in a ball, hide in here, and nobo-er-pony, would ever find you."

>her wings shoot straight up, thumping you fairly hard, before falling limply to the ground

>her eyes widen, and her teeth start chattering

R-r-royal duties? Whatever d-d-d-do you mean, A-a-anon?

>uh-oh

I mean, it's not like I'm a nervous pony anyway, and then there's gonna be all the responsibility!

>"Uhh..."

And then there's the fact that Equestria is a monarchy, well, technically a diarchy, since Princess Luna came back - oh, and I guess I shouldn't call her Princess anymore since we're on the same social level...

>you squat down next to Twilight, but she's barely registering your presence

>her pupils have shrunk to pinpricks, and she's got a vacant expression on her face

And Cadance is the Crystal Princess of the Crystal Empire - which should be the Crystal Princess anyway, unless they're trying to avoid a connotation with King Sombra, but he wasn't an Emperor either, and unless-

>you shut her up by giving her a tight hug that serves as both a friendly gesture of comfort, but also, to slightly cut off her air

>she goes quiet, and throws her hooves around you

>she smells faintly of lavender and OH SHI-

>she wrapped her wings around you

>oh gods, they are so light and smooth and silky

>like being enveloped by one of those massage clouds, but infinitely better

>you shudder, and hug Twilight a bit harder who returns the motion

>"Shh. It'll be okay. You may not have Celestia's experience, or Luna's personality, or Cadance's magic..."

>she moves her head so she can look at you

>"But you've got something better. You're the smartest uni... er, alicorn in all of Equestria. Probably the entire planet."

>she smiles and begins to speak

>you put your finger over her muzzle

>"Shhh. Okay. You're gonna do great. The Princesses are NOT going to throw you to the wolve... er, they're not gonna expect you to rule anything yet. You're an organized librarian, but that's a far cry from being a princess."

>her eyes quiver, and her wings fall to her sides

>"Hey, I'm not done. But you know Celestia. And you sorta know Luna. Do you really think they would do that to you?"

>she sniffles

No...

>you nod, and smile at her

>"And as a matter of fact, I have a gift for you."

>her ears perk up, and so do her wings

>honestly, if you didn't know any better...

>you tell her to wait right there, and make your way back down to the cellars

>honestly, this place is huge, bigger than an x-box

>and it's all got human stuff

>in a weird and haphazard fashion

>some of it is stuff from the precursor humans native to this planet

>and some of it is stuff from your Earth

>and being all buddy-buddy with the ponies, and being the only human in existence...

>it's a great job - you get paid, and you get to tinker around with human stuff, and advance pony technology

>in any case, you make your way over to the bookshelves

>you were going to gift this book to Celestia, as an example of human politics

>but this opportunity is too good to be true

>a reddish, leather-bound small tome

>you make your way back up to her room

>you present the book to her, with a wide grin on your face

>"Translated into modern Equestria by yours truly, the Awesomely Amazing Archivist Anon of Alliterative Appeal and Attitude."

>she giggles, and her wings are at uh...

>well, the best description would be full-mast

>you wonder if Twilight always reacted like this to new books

>you plop down next to her, and lean on her

>she wraps her amazing wing around you

>you're making the yaranaika face here

>she leans against you, and places her head on your shoulder

You're such a good friend, Anon.

>ALERT! ALERT! FRIENDZONE ALERT!

>you twitch, and kiss her

>her wings shoot out, and go stiff as a plank

>her eyes narrow, and then close, and she leans into your kiss

>her tongue is practically down your throat

>fucking long horse tongues

>but holy shit, this is better than humans any day of the week

>you begin stroking her mane, and she presses her hooves against the top of your back, and wraps the other wing around you

>your eyes are now also closed

>you briefly remark how her mouth tastes like strawberries

>WHAM!

>turns out, a pony and a human making out on a couch built for wingless ponies does not work very well

>you fell off, and Twilight is on top of you breathing heavily

>you are too

>she looks at you with half-lidded eyes

Honestly, Anon. I thought you were a gelding.

>you blink, and look at her hurtfully

>she pecks you on the nose real quick

I asked Rarity for help soooo many times, but you were just so BAD at reading my body language.

>you glare at you

>"Probably because we're different species? And have different body language patterns? Not to mention that I had to come to terms with my xenophilia... what's your excuse?"

>she giggles and sits on top of you

>dangerously close to your DANGER ZONE

>you feel a stirring

>she smirks

"Well, the fact that you can use the word xenophilia in a sentence really helps. Also, don't forget, dating outside the species is fairly common in Equestria. Not in Canterlot or Ponyville, for different reasons; but in Manehattan? Baltimare?"

>she chuckles, and gives you the bedroom eyes again

>you return the stare with a half-smirk and a cocked eyebrow of your own

>which is your sultry face

>thank the gods no girls from Earth can see it, because holy shit do you look like a weird creep

>the ponies dig it though

>interspecies communication is difficult, despite the fact that language does not present a barrier

>but sometimes, it's awesome as well

>you lean in for another kiss, and she happily obliges

>you feel your miniature volcano gathering force

>Twilight breaks the kiss, and looks at you in feigned shock

>her wings are quivering, and fully extended.. though bent at an angle, that in this lighting, make her seem predatory

>holy shit she looks so fucking hot right now

>she grins at you wickedly

>you don't quite recall her being like this...

>she begins rubbing her front hoof on your chest in a circular motion

Oh my, Mr. Anonymous. It seems that there's so much.... tension beneath my royal station

>you notice her winking

>you FEEL her winking

>ohmy.jpg

>you put on that weird rapeface again

>"Why, your Highness, I am but a simple man, of simple tastes. Yet I am sure I will rise to the occasion."

>she puts her other hoof to her mouth

>suddenly a glowing purple field envelops you

>instinctively you use your inborn human talent to shake off the magic

>how strange

>the field almost wen away, but she managed to restabilize it

>you gulp, slightly nervously

>this is Twilight, your best friend... and an alicorn who was driven into heat by a book

>oh, and yourself, you guess

>still, you never were too worried about unicorns

>but she's an alicorn now

>all this flashes in your mind, as you are lifted in front of her

>she trots over, and takes a deep inhale, as her nostrils flare

>you do the same

>damn does she smell good

>she gives you a lick down your neck

>your pants are straining now, and you shudder, as her rough tongue draws pleasant moisture down your neck

>suddenly the flare intensifies, as your clothes are disintegrated

>BONER: "Ah! After 10,000 years your boner is free! Time to conquer Twilight Sparkle!"

>she kneels down on her forehooves, and licks the glans of your penis

>you place your hand on Twilight's forehead

>her tongue makes spiraling motions around your penis

>suddenly, she nips on it a little

>holy shit this feels amazing

>with a slurping sound, she pulls your cock deep into her mouth

>her tongue is all over it, saliva dripping down it, gently closing her teeth on it, before letting go, and letting her tongue work her magic

>suddenly her horn glows, and both of you are illuminated in a purple glow

>you feel the pleasantly wrenching sensation of an orgasm...

>and yet, you failed to ejaculate

>with a *POP* sound she looks up at you, magic coursing through her eyes

>her wings are blocking the view of the window, but all the feathers are sticking up

>mentally you file a thought away to study alicorn orgasms in detail

>you reach over, and slap her on the rump

>she giggles, and turns to you, getting down on her forehooves

>she is positively fucking moist

>now you haven't seen that many

>you've seen them dry, you've seen them slopping wet

>but this... this is fucking perfection

>huehuehue fucking

>her slightly engorged clit has a droplet of vaginal secretions on it, twinkling in the purple glow

>her labia is also slick with moistness, but not dripping, and frankly pulsating with her excitement

>your penis is aimed like a North Korean cruise missile, with a biological payload

>you crouch down, and extend the tip of your tongue to Twilight's clitoris

>you touch it, and make a slow sensuous circle

>she whimpers in delight, as you increase the speed, pressing harder and harder, variating the pressure

O-o-oh, A-a-anonnnn...

>you say nothing, instead continuing to bring her closer and closer to orgasm

>you give a slight nibble, and the rapid contractile motions indicate that she has achieved orgasm

>she's mindlessly moaning, and just presser her plot against your face

>her ass is vibrating and smells like blueberries

>you stand up, and slowly, but gently insert the tip of your penis into her

>this is kinda embarassing, but she's kinda uh...

>let's just say that her castle gates are slightly bigger than your battering ram

>you begin to thrust, hoping that the motions would at least bring her some pleasure

>suddenly, you feel an enfolding warmth take hold of your penis

>BRAIN.EXE has shut down

>you're boat moaning in pleasure as she works her end, and you work yours

>with your rhythmic pounding, more and more juice pools down by your feet

>in a fervor, you grab her wings, and begin massaging the shouder part

>she moans louder and louder, as the vaginal contraction grip your penis tighter and tighter

>"Unhhhh"

Ahhhhhh..hhh

>faster and faster, harder and harder

>you feel like lava is about to spill forth from your Mt. Vesuvius

>and she's just gushing everywhere

>her wings also pulsate in your hands, as she climaxes

>and so do you, with a much more powerful feeling that pleasantly hurts your taint

>you pull out, as you go slightly flaccid

>she turns around, and basically collapses into your arms

>you catch her, and carry her to the royal bed

>yes, it's also fucking purple

>you fall, on it, and twist so that she lands on top of you

>immediately, she turns around, and faces you

>you're staring into each other's eyes

>you see your face reflected in her purple orbs

>she leans over, and kisses you, which you return, passionately

"Y-you know Anon?"

>"I love you."

>she chokes up, and blushes

"I.."

>"No, wait, let me finish. You were my first friend on this planet. You were there for me when I discovered the truth about humans. You were there for me when I got sick. I've always had a... a bit of a crush on you, and I was heartbroken when Princess Celestia allowed me to work in the Human Catacombs. And when you came back, it was a dream come true. I love you, Twilight Sparkle."

>she hugs you tightly, with more strength than you could've imagined the petite un..alicorn could muster

>right, she's part Earth Pony now

>she murmurs something into your chest, and then looks up at you

>she's crying

>"Uhh? I wasn't tha-"

>a telekinetic spell forces its way into your mouth

Hush. You were my first.

>oh

>...

>BRAIN SAY SOMETHING ROMANTIC JESUS HOLY FUCK

>"Buh.."

>OH GOD YOU RUINED IT YOU MANIAC

>"I... am... I..."

>she laughs, and nuzzles you

No need for words. I... love you too, Anon. I... I don't know what exactly has happened to me yet, nor do I know what will happen. But-

>you place a finger on her lips again

>NO HER OTHER LIPS YOU SICK FUCKS WE'RE DONE CLOPPING

>"I'll be there. If you'll stay in Canterlot, I'll stay in Canterlot. You move back to Ponyville, I'll move back to Ponyville, and work part-time, or from home. You move elsewhere, where you will be a just, fair, beautiful, sexy, and wise ruler, and I will follow you."

>her eyes mist over, and she presses herself more tightly against you

>you resume stroking her wings

>so fluffy

>she murmurs something into your chest, and splays out her wings

Mmmmm... I can see why pegasi love getting wing massages... can you get my primaries?

>you look at her quizzically

Outer feathers

>you nod, and begin to stroke them, pulling on each feather gently

>she presses her muzzle into your chest again, inhaling deeply

>you spend what feels like an eternity like this

>eventually, you hear her snore softly

>you chuckle, and contemplate putting at least some pants on

>wait, no, they were disintegrated...

>FUCK

>well, you did plenty of that anyway

>instead, you pull the covers around both of you, and you recline yourself on the pillows, Twilight still snoozing on top of you

>you drift off to sleep

>THE NEXT DAY

>you wake up before she does

>Princess Celestia's sun is shining brightly

>oh, and there's a small table with two teacups, a pot of tea, and a plate full of crumpets

>how nice.... WAIT WHAT

>SHIT THE CASTLE STAFF KNOWS!!!

>OR EVEN WORSE THE FUCKING GUARDS KNOW!

>suddenly you spot a card on the table

>you can't make it out from here, but you see silver filigree and silver writing

>squinting, you make out Princess Luna's script

>oh everything that is merciful no no no no no

Good morning, Anon

>you grin widely, with beads of perspiration on your forehead

>"Oh! Morning Twi! I mean, Princess! I mean, Twilight!"

>she looks at you in a slightly confused fashion

>HOLY FUCK YOU HAVE TO DESTROY THAT CARD

>you close your eyes, and try to fumble around for the magic reservoir inside of you

>sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't

>this time it did

>you seize the energy, and a roaring fire fills your insides, as you extend a tendril of fire magic towards it

>suddenly, Luna's signature magic aura envelops it, and with a tinkling sound, the card vanishes

>she whips around, detecting the magic, and her face splits into a wide smile

Oh Anon! You woke up early, and brought me breakfast into bed! You're so sweet!

>she kisses you on the cheek

>meanwhile, you're arguing with yourself whether you should tell her or not

>meanwhile she fills the teacups, and levitates them towards you

>you grab it out of the air, and take a sip

>yeah, definitely Luna. She knows the kind you like

>damn

>"Uhh, Twilight?"

Hmm?

>"I.... I, uh, wasn't the one who got the tea."

>she looks at you blankly

What?

>you gulp in an audible, and probably overdramatic fashion

>"W-well, it was like that when I woke up."

>she blinks, as her eyes narrow

"You're not messing with me, are you, Anon?"

>you shake your head

>"Uhh... and there was a card... from Princess Luna..."

>as you say her name, there's a tinkling sound, as the card reappears in mid-air, and drops on your lap

>she snatches it with her magic

"Dear Princess Twilight Sparkle,

We are pleased to see that you have decided to act on the feelings of our lone pluripotent human emissary. He spoke of nothing but you while he was here. It was rather sweet, if sickeningly so. Still, judging by your dreams, we can tell you that his emotions are genuine. If I were you, I would suggest taking a look at the Equestrian Ennobled Etiquette, Chapter VI, page 67.

Yours cordially,

Princess Luna, Mistress of the Night, Keeper of Dreams, etc.

P.S.

Do not think I disapprove. Talk about this to me when you get the chance."

>she groans

>you groan

>"I hope the chapter she mentioned is not "proper execution and torture methods for kingless diplomats..."

>she shakes her head, and then makes an "oh" movement with her mouth

Oh gosh, your present! I completely forgot what with...

>she blushes

>you hug her tightly, which she returns with hoof and wing

I mean... that was amazing, much better than the way Pinkie Pie described it...

>you blink

>"Honestly, I figured she was kinda too... jovial for sex.... huh."

>she chuckles

She says as long as both ponies had fun, and no feelings are hurt, it is, and I quote, "a wonderful, jumpy up and down-y, happiness in all parts of your body" sensation.

>you smile

It's not like that for me. It's a feeling of profound release, and... well, comfort. Safety.

>she clears her throat, and levitates the book up to her, but you snatch it out of her magic

>"Uh-uh. We're going to the library, and checking that book out. If I get to die, I'll withhold secrets of human rulership."

>she looks at you with bedroom eyes

I love it when you say "let's go to the library." Kinky."

>"Uhh, well, not that I mind being naked around you, but uh... you seem to have blasted my clothes into atoms."

>she blushes furiously

Oh... uhhhh...

>her gaze falls on the silken sheets

>WHICH ARE FUCKING PURPLE SHEEEEIT

I'm no Rarity, but....

>the purple cloth starts flying around you in a circle, and suddenly you find yourself coated in a rather nice replica of a wizard's robe replete with hood

>it's still purple... but it's kinda pimpin' actually

>sheeeeit

>you be stylin son

>you look yourself over in one of the mirrors

>dayummm

>you clap your hands

>"To the library!"

>she shoots off a fake looking salute, and scrunches up as she gathers energy for a teleport

>she, you, and the book are teleported in the Canterlot Royal Library

>you ask the librarian for directions, and she tells you where to find the book

>handling the book reverently, you make your way to a reading table

>you put it down, and she begins flicking through the pages

>you have your eyes closed, as you hear her chuckle, which turns into a full-blown laugh

>a passing librarian shushes her

>she keeps snickering

>you take a peek with one eye

HOWE TO CHOOfE A CONSORTE MOSTE ROYALE ANDE UPON fE BENEFITES OF PICKINj A NON-PONIE ONE FORE FEMAfE ROYALTIE

>you join her in the snickering

>she leans over to you, and pecks you on the cheek

I'll maketh yon proclamafion to-day

>oh gods, dat olden Equestrian HNNG

>she could give Luna a run for her money

>she trots over to the librarian,you in tow

Yes, good day, Ms. Inkwell. I'd like to check this book out, and...

>she pauses

Could I possibly make a royal donation? Like, the way the other Princesses do?

>the spectacled Earth pony nods

-Certainly Princess Sparkle. You're still on record, and we would have no problem accepting a book from you. What is it called, and who is the author.

>you step forward, and proffer the innocent-looking red, leatherbound tome

>The author is Niccolo Machiavelli, and the book title is "The Prince."

 

 

-THE END-