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Shit Happens

By: a guest on Aug 27th, 2013  |  syntax: None  |  size: 2.51 KB  |  hits: 8  |  expires: Never
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  1. >I wake up in equestria and I am pone
  2. >Naturally, I head over to Twilight's Library and impress her as a interdimensional traveler
  3. >"That's incredible!" she exclaims, "Let me get my friends, they won't believe this!"
  4. >The other ponies arrive
  5. >They show me around town
  6. >I end up staying at Twilight's place for the night
  7. >She showing me where everything is in the tree
  8. >Living in a giant-ass tree, so fucking cool
  9. >"...and this is the bathroom!"
  10. >Standard stuff, shower, sink...
  11. >Wait.
  12. >"Where's the toilet?" I ask
  13. >"Toilet?"
  14. >"Yeah, where you, y'know, go"
  15. >"Go? Is a toilet like a train?"
  16. >I realise the ponies don't shit in toilets.
  17. >Where do they shit? We've been eating food this whole time.
  18. >A few days later
  19. >wake up to Pinkie screaming in my ear and Pony Polka blaring from speakers
  20. >"PARTY TIME, ANON!"
  21. >She threw me a party
  22. >I can't be mad at her, so cute
  23. >Try to have a good time at party, but can't stop thinking about the lack of toilets
  24. >I didn't see any shit on the ground in Ponyville since I've been here
  25. >I could have sworn they mentioned using bathrooms at somepoint in the MLP show.
  26. >Maybe ponies just don't shit.
  27. >I look over at Applejack and Rainbow eating some cake.
  28. >I make my way over there
  29. >Just be casual about it
  30. >"Hey, Applejack, when you eat food, where does it go?"
  31. >Fuck.
  32. >She seems confused
  33. >"In my mouth?" she guesses
  34. >"Yeah, but what about after that?"
  35. >"Im my belly?"
  36. >"Okay, and after that?"
  37. >"Gosh, Anon, I don't know. Why does it matter?"
  38. >"I just want to know if you shit or not."
  39. >The music stops
  40. >All eyes on me.
  41.  
  42. >"Why are you acting so weird, Anon?"
  43. >I figure I may as well tell it straight
  44. >"In the human world, after you digest food, it turns into shit and the shit comes out your ass into a toilet"
  45. >Silence
  46. >"Oh," Twilight speaks up,"Well, that's very, um, interesting"
  47. >Her voice wavers
  48. >"Well, h-here in Equestr-"
  49. >She snorts
  50. >Then she cracks up laughting
  51. >The other ponies join in, literally rolling on the floor
  52. >"I don't understand" I say
  53. >"Of course we shit!" Pinkie says, "Everybody shits!"
  54. >"But-"
  55. >"I used illusion spells to hide the toilets" Twilight says through her tears
  56. >I have been defeated.
  57. >"WAIT!" I say
  58. >The laughing stops
  59. >"I've been here for 4 days, and I haven't had to hold my shit in at all!"
  60. >"That's the best part" Twilight says
  61. >I turn to look at her
  62. >She's charging up a spell
  63. >"No wait!" I try to scream, but it's too late
  64. >I'm back in my bed on earth
  65. >mfw there's horse shit everywhere
  66. >mfw Twilight put a portal to earth on my ass