Riddles/Barley

>You are Anon

>Yesterday was your 23rd birthday

>Not only was it your birthday, but the day marked your first whole year spent in Ponyville

>You've spent the better part of this strange year working at Sugar Cube Corner

>Fairly easy work compared to what you were used to on Earth, honestly, but you still felt like it lacked something

>Much like everything else in this "Equestria" place

>Today, you stayed an hour late to help clean up after a busy day

>The Cakes are great bosses and eternally understanding

>So as you finally finish up and head out for the night, they both wave and wish you a good night

>Your birthday was a complete secret

>You know birthdays are still a thing in Equestria, but you really didn't want anyone celebrating on your account

>Especially that Pinkie Pie character

>You shudder involuntarily at the thought of her

>Shaking it off, you exhale deeply and set your course for the local liquor store

>It's Autumn and the walk is brisk enough to clear your mind a bit

>Thank whatever god was in charge of this weird place for that, you were beginning to become mired in thoughts of disconnection and being out of place in this bright, happy world

>Finally entering the liquor store, you see a multitude of colorful ponies browsing the aisles and cheerfully discussing which types of booze they enjoyed

>well_isnt_that_so_fucking_special.jpg

>Fuck it; it's your birthday even if you're the only one who knows it

>You're going to get more fucked up than any of these lightweight ponies could ever hope to

>As you look anywhere and everywhere for the cheapest bourbon you can find, you hear laughter a few aisles over

> You feel very alienated listening to other patrons laughing and discussing different methods of getting rat-assed

>Liquor stores are not supposed to be happy places

>Ponies are so damn weird

>You bring a 1.75l jug of Old Grand-colt to the counter

>It's cheap for whiskey, but the amount you're purchasing still costs you a fair few bits

>And you know damn well that this bottle, which is going to last you maybe a day or two, would probably kill at least six of the ponies around you from alcohol poisoning

>Fucking lightweight ponies

>It makes you wonder why they even stock bottles this size

>Maybe each family buys one bottle a year and sniffs it once a day to get their buzz

>God, when did I become so fucking cynical?

>As you put your bits on the counter, you make a sidelong glance at one of the ponies in line next to you

>Maroon mare with grapes on her ass

>She meets your gaze, locking eyes with you for a moment

>She almost looks concerned

>Hastily, you grab your bottle and head out after wishing the clerk a good night

>Evening is quickly approaching nighttime, and the sun is barely visible over the Canterlot mountain, giving all of Ponyville an almost otherworldly purple and orange glow

>It being Friday night, you know any active ponies out and about tonight are all congregating at that new club... What was it called again? "Broken Record?"

>It sure felt like a broken record every time you heard everypony raving about it

>Heh, raving

>hue.jpg

>Bitterly, you unscrew the cap of your bottle and take a pull, letting the whiskey warm your insides against the brisk twilight air

>Even still, you pull your hoodie closer about your midriff

>It's Autumn and it's cold, fuck you

>With no plans to go and socialize at the smashed album club or whatever it was called, you decide to head into Whitetail Wood Park, a place you knew to be reliably secluded and empty of pastel ponies and their incessant grins

>Even as you stroll into the trees, you feel a strange sense of peace overcome you

>Forests in Equestria were as relaxing and Zen as forests on Earth, apparently

>Especially with firewater blazing in your belly

>You take another pull, relishing the burn

>It turns out the park isn't as solitary as you'd hoped, because as you sit down with your back against a big old oak tree, you see the same group of ponies from the liquor store wandering about in the woods in front of you

>Even more disconcerting is the way that the same maroon, fruit-butt pony waves at you before breaking away from the herd

>As the rest of her group moves on, you see her trotting toward you determinedly

>are_you_fucking_kidding_me.jpg

>Sighing heavily, you take another pull of your whiskey and try to prepare your blow off remark

>”Hey, you're Anon, right? I saw you at the liquor store earlier..."

>You grunt an affirmative

>"...What are you doing out here all by yourself?"

>I'm trying to forget the pain and misery of living in a world that I know nothing about and have no connection to by drinking large amounts of ethanol until I lose consciousness

I'm drinkin'.

>You take another pull and she giggles lightly

>"Yeah, I can see that. You know... There are better places to drink than out in the woods all by yourself."

This does me just great, thanks for your concern.

>She just looks at you for a moment as you take another pull and grimace at the burn

>"Well, you know... It's more fun if somepony drinks with you."

>You frown and narrow your eyes as she plops down next to you, pulling a handle of vodka out from the hammerspace behind her body

>Fucking ponies, seriously

>Although it's a wonder how you noticed the flask at all, considering that you were having a very hard time not staring at her squeezably round butt as she sat down

>Oh god, it even jiggled a little as it touched the ground

>You were just studying the grapes on her thighs, you swear

>"The stars are beautiful tonight," she says as you continue to stare at her ass

>Oh, shit

Uh... Yeah. They are.

>Nice save, dumbass

>You look up at the stars quickly, hoping she didn't notice

>Even though she had nothing to notice in the first place, because you were definitely not looking at her butt

>You're drunk, fuck off

>Her gaze levels back down to you, and you swear you see a little twinkle in her eye

>"So... Whatcha drinkin'? I just bought some Stalliongrad Standard when I saw you earlier, it's pretty good vodka."

>You aren't really a vodka man, but you know enough about it to be able to know when to nod and when to shake your head as she starts talking about it

>You kind of just want to go back to drinking your whiskey, but somehow you can't find it in yourself to be a dick and tell her to fuck off away from you and leave you to your booze

>Is it really so much to ask that you get a quiet spot to drink? Seriously, it's r-

>"Hey. You never answered my question."

>What?

>"What are you drinking?"

>Snapping back into reality and blinking stupidly, you raise your bottle and face the label for the both of you to read

Oh. Uh... Old Grand-colt. It's pretty good... Cheap, but it does what it's advertised to do.

>Berry chuckles a bit before taking another swig of her vodka

>With a contented, satisfied sigh, you see her lick her lips

>To your buzzed perceptions, her tongue appears to be moving in slow motion

>Fucking stop it, brain

>"I definitely know what you mean, Anon."

>She smacks her lips with a little giggle

Yeah, I'm sure you do.

>"Mind if I take a nip of that Old Grand-colt? I've never had it before."

>Fuck

>Why won't she leave you alone?

>You just wanted to find some inebriated peace alone in the woods, is that so much to ask?

>Still, she's adorably cute, and she's giving you a bit of company

>Company that you don't want to admit you're craving

>You're drunk, shut up

..Sure. Knock yourself out.

>You hand her the bottle and she takes it in her forehoof

>Seriously, how do these horses hold shit without digits?

>She almost looks hungry as she takes the bottle from you, and she licks her lips again

>Seriously, brain, knock it the fuck off

>Taking a long pull, she eventually lowers the bottle from her mouth with a little gasp

>"Mm! Pretty rough stuff there, Anon. It sure is making my belly warm, though."

>She's definitely drunk

>Her face is flushed and hey eyes seem a bit unfocused and glazed-over

>God, she's pretty

>Even though she's a small talking horse

>With fruit on her ass

>Still, she seems like she's able to hold her liquor, better than any of the other ponies you've tried to share drinks with

>The last time you were at the Ponyville pub, you almost felt like a sixty year old lifelong alcoholic just by watching the colorful ponies around you get completely shitfaced off of two cocktails each

>Not this one, though

>She hoofs the bottle back to you, and without a word, you take another pull yourself and bring your eyes back up to the stars

>The stargazing helps you take your mind off of the fact that you didn't really want her company

>Even if she was employing barstool etiquette better than any other pastel horse you'd shared booze with thus far

>And MUCH better than the last time you'd gotten this drunk

> You sat up alone in your house playing video games and playing a lonely drinking game where you took a shot every time you died

>Which, considering it was Dark Souls, was often

>Taking another look at the maroon pony sharing booze and atmosphere with you, you figure that this isn't so bad

>At least, it's much less depressing than last time

>Having one of these weirdly optimistic ponies drinking with you was honestly much more uplifting

>Not enough, though

>The emotions you'd been repressing for the last year through booze, video games, and solitude started surfacing again

>You can't help but think of your family

>You never really got along with your parents, but you still loved them

>And you're never going to see them again

>Don't you DARE cry, Anon

>You are a fucking man

>And men don't...

>...Cry

>Fuck

>Closing your eyes tightly, you lower your head to the ground

>Breathe

>Breeeeeathe

>Aurora

>Goosfraba

>Finally, you calm down enough that you know you aren't going to burst into tears in front of the weirdly pretty horse next to you

>A hole is a hole, man

>FCKU YUO IM DURNK

>Rubbing the dampness from your eyes, you keep your head low to avoid any chance of discovery

>"...Anon? You okay?"

>CODE RED, HQ, WE HAVE A BOGIE, OVER

Yeah, I’m fine.

>Disregard HQ, bogie pacified, over

>With nothing to say that won't make you sound awkward as all hell, you take another pull of your bottle to help dull your senses

>You feel a hoof touch your arm

>what.wmv

>You make an unintentionally exaggerated show of turning your head to look at Berry

>"Hey, Anon... If you need to talk... You know, get something off your chest? Well... I'm here for you, I'll listen to whatever you have to say."

>There's an odd comfort in her

>She makes you feel safe

>Even still, you feel ashamed at your sad, lonely existence in this weird world

>But again, you ARE drunk

I... Miss my family. Today marks the first whole year I've been here in Equestria.

>She rubs your arm with her hoof comfortingly, her eyes going wide with empathy

And I know that because yesterday was my birthday.

>The rubbing stops and you sense a small bit of shock in her

>Nonetheless, you still raise your whiskey to nobody in particular

So here’s to shitty reminders of crap I’d like to forget.

>You take a very

>Very

>Long pull from the bottle

>You lower the bottle with a rough breath, clearing your throat

>Only to have it suddenly invaded by a foreign tongue

>With your eyes still open, all you can see is purple as Berry shoves her tongue into your mouth

>dafuq.jpg

>You halfheartedly attempt to push her away, but you just end up with your arms around her midriff

>As if sensing your apprehension, Berry breaks away from the kiss

>But instead of the expression of wanton lust you expected, she almost looks sad

>"I'm sorry, Anon..." She says, leaning in to peck you on the cheek

>But as she looks you in the eye again, you see a devious glint, a sly grin, and a hint of that lust you were expecting

>"Even though I know you want this more than you want to admit."

>HQ, we have a fire on-base, dispatch fire squad to your entire face immediately

U-uh... Okay...

>Still wearing that sly, seductive grin, Berry clambers up onto your lap, and you suddenly become VERY aware of just how big and squishy her butt is

>Because it's resting on your lap and pressing into your crotch

>HQ, the rod is now diamonds; I repeat, the rod is now diamonds, over

>Berry drapes her forehooves about your shoulders, planting another kiss on your lips

>Only this time, you've finally overcome your spaghetti

>You kiss back now, with apprehension and nervousness at first

>But as you feel how reactive her lips and tongue are, you begin to feel braver

>You explore her mouth with your tongue, licking every bit of it your tongue can reach, eliciting small groans from Berry

>Jesus, it's been so long since you felt the softness of a girl's lips against your own

>So long that you're getting lost in the sensation

>So lost that your hands slowly begin trailing down her back

>All the way down to-

>Oh god

>This ass

>Sweet fucking shit

>You'd thought your high school girlfriend had a pretty sweet butt, but it is dwarfed in comparison to Berry's

>These two beautifully round, plump, soft orbs of ass flesh squish deliciously into your greedy hands

>Combined with the downy softness of her fur, you practically want to cum just feeling up her butt

>But you know damn well that you aren't done yet

>Berry finally breaks the kiss, groaning sensually

>Wait

>She's sliding away

>No no no, you wanted to keep touching her ass

>She slips down between your thighs, looking you in the eye the whole time

>...Wait, what is she-

>-...OHHHH... She's gonna...

>Heh...

>She hoofs at your pants a bit and tries grabbing your zipper in her teeth

>It's actually kind of cute watching her fumble with your weird human clothing

>Deciding to give her a hand, you unbutton and unzip your pants yourself, sliding them down over your thighs

>Holy shit, you didn't realize how cold it was

>No, dick! Don't shrink up! Very hot pony here, you need to be big!

>Luckily, Berry is more than warm enough to keep you from shrinking up from the cold

>She nuzzles the tip of your half-hard dick with her nose almost affectionately, before daintily taking it into her soft lips

>Fuck, this looks cute too

>Looking up at you, she begins to gently pump her mouth back and forth along your length

>Words cannot describe how soothing her motions were to your now burning libido

>And it's been so long since anyone has touched your dick since Rosie Palm

Nnggggfuck... Berry, sssshhhhhit,yeah, nggg...

>Somehow, in the depths of your pleasure, you have the clarity of mind to feel, on top of her lips, her soft, slick tongue sliding up and down across the bottom of your shift and flicking a bit to tickle the head

>Sweet Christ, you want to cum in her warm, wet, inviting mouth SO badly

>But you know you need to hold off

>Your subconscious apparently agreed, as you suddenly became aware of the fact that you were grasping fistfuls of grass to steady your body under her attentions

>Berry swallows your entire length again, making you moan involuntarily

>You open your eyes to see that big, round ass of hers raised into the air in front of you, her thighs grinding against each other and her tail swishing from side to side in anticipation

>Berry takes you in deeply again and you stifle another moan

>You look down to see her staring up at you intently as she slides her lips back and forth along your length, almost as though looking for signs of approval

>Popping your dick out of her mouth, she rubs a hoof up and down along your shaft while wearing that sly grin once again

>That fucking grin

>It does horrible things to you

>And to her, too, apparently

>Without a word, she stands up, turns around, and wiggles her incredible ass at you, swishing her tail to the side to reveal her dripping wet pussy

>That alone would have been enough to alert you as to her intentions, but there was even a clichéd ray of moonlight that glistened off of her mare juices

>You really need no more invitation

>Sinking your fingers into her pillowy (yet strangely firm) asscheeks, you push your cock delicately into her soaked pussy

>Once again, words cannot describe it

>The sensation of every centimeter sliding slowly into her crazily tight pussy

Nggggh, Berry... You feel SO good...

>She only moans in acknowledgement, pushing her plump ass back into your hips

>In kind, you begin to thrust gently and fluidly into her, getting a good rhythm going

>Berry seems to get it on the same level as you do, backing into your thrust in the perfect timing to elicit a soft "slap" every time your hips hit her ass

>And you honestly can't help but do everything you can with those glorious buttcheeks of hers, squeezing, rubbing, kneading, and lightly smacking them constantly

>And the only response you get is louder and louder moans

>Your drunken self only wants to escalate, to keep fucking this purple pony until you fill her with your own juices

>Vaguely, you become aware of her talking to you as you pump into her

>"Mmm, Anon... Why don't you get around more when you can fuck like this?"

>You're too controlled by lust to even respond vocally

>Instead, you reply by fucking her even harder, relishing the sound of her amazing ass slapping against you

>You've become frantic and instinctual at this point

>So she's a pony, so what

>She has a tight hole and a sweet ass, and you're fucking it right now, so your natural desires are being fulfilled

>Even in your sexual haze, you become aware of Berry's increasingly erratic, squeaky moaning

>Her hips begin to twitch and you feel her insides tighten around you even more

>Your crotch is soaked with a surge of her liquid at the same moment as you ram yourself hard into her, filling her up with your cum

>You both remain in your positions, you with your hips thrust forward into her and Berry with her ass high up in the air and pressed against your body, for a few seconds

>Until, exhausted, Berry collapses beneath you, slipping your cock out of her with one last moan

>Holy shit, you're tired too

>You fall down beside her, expecting some respite

>There's none to be had yet, however, as you feel something wet on you lower body

>Sitting up a bit and looking down, you see Berry with her hooves across your thighs as she desperately licks your dick and legs clean of both of your juices

>You might have had another orgasm on her face, you honestly aren't sure

>Berry curls up beside you and lays her head on your chest

>"Feel better, Anon?"

>You both let out contented sighs simultaneously

>"I know I do," she says with a small giggle

A lot better, actually... I still miss my family, but I guess...

>She looks at you, adorably wide-eyed again

...I guess it's time to move on. To enjoy the world I'm in now. And the people- Er, ponies who live here.

>Berry gives you a relaxed, satisfied smile

>Not purely an afterglow smile of sexual fulfillment, but the satisfied smile of someone who knows that they pleased their partner

>Fuck, it's sexy on her

>She rubs your belly and chest with her hoof absently, nuzzling her cheek against your shoulder

We should hang out more, Berry.

>She grins, kissing your neck

>"I agree, Anon. I'd love to have a drinking buddy who can still fuck me well when I need it..."

>You grin as she wraps her hoof around your neck

>"...Or when he needs it, too."

>You kiss her on the cheek

Thanks Berry. I mean it... This really helped.

>"Everypony needs a friend, Anon."

Yeah... I guess you're right.

>God

>Those stars really are gorgeous tonight

>Fin