Queen Abraxo Episode 10

>In the Palace of the Abraxo Queen

The sun shone through the window of my bedchambers, heralding a new day in my glorious kingdom. I looked over my three lovely companions, Nurse Feelgood, DJ Sweetass and General Sparkle~Cola, still fast asleep. In the distance, I heard chapel bells ringing, greeting the morning. I also heard a mysterious ticking noise coming from somewhere I couldn’t identify. As I climbed out of bed, I…wait…ticking?

“EVERYPONY OUT! NOW!”

My entourage bolted up, wondering what was happening. But with no time to explain, I simply seized them with my magic and hurled them out the bedchamber door. With barely enough time on the clock, I somersaulted out of the room and took cover, hooves over my face. Seconds later, an explosion ripped through my bedchambers. I felt the heat from the fireball singing my rump. After the explosion passed, I looked around to see if my mares were okay.

“What in Celestia’s flaming clicker was that?!” the General asked, frazzled by the rather rude awakening. I looked back at the devastation wrought by the explosion. “A time bomb,” I mused, “There’s an assassin in the palace. Somepony here wants me dead.” To be frank, I wasn’t surprised by this. Many ponies have tried at my life before, and those many ponies wound up dead or bleached until they were Albino. However, I was deeply distressed to find that somepony managed to sneak into my chambers, plant a bomb and then leave without a trace. “Um, Little…I mean, my Queen?” Nurse Feelgood spoke up, “Are you alright?” I shook myself and regained my composure. “General, report to the council chamber as soon as possible. You two, try to stay out of trouble. Who knows what other traps this assassin has left for us…?”

>Later that day

I was almost too afraid to open the council chamber doors after what had transpired in the last few hours. After leaving the blasted ruin that was my bedchambers, I had found that our assassin had managed to turn the whole palace into a deathtrap. My chair in the Great Hall was rigged with mines, the chef had burned himself lighting a gas leak while starting a stove, and a guard was found dead in the washrooms, electrocuted by a booby-trapped toilet. Memories of old bomb shelters came to mind. Anyway, I mentally slapped myself and threw the doors open.

A bucket of water crashed down onto my head.

…Really? Really?! Now the assassin was just screwing with me!

I walked over to the council table, where my General was speaking to the Guard Captain. She saw me approach and dismissed the captain while she briefed me. “Well, we’ve managed to clean up most of the traps,” she said, “Although I’m sure there’s still some left in other parts of the palace.” I sighed with relief and sank into my seat…which collapsed from under me, causing me to fall over. Sparkle~Cola tried to contain giggles. I swear, when I found this assassin, I’d string him with his own intestines. Scowling, I got up and took the next seat, first checking to see if it was tampered with. “Alright,” I grunted, “Now…Do we have any leads as to who this assassin is?”

The glass general lowered her head with a sigh. “Unfortunately, we haven’t been able to pick up any pattern or trail left by our mysterious guest. His traps range from cheap harmless tricks, like that bucket over there…” I snorted, recalling the earlier blunder. “…Anyway, from cheap harmless tricks, to deadly traps, like mines or leaking gas pipes. So far, all of the deaths and injuries were from traps, and there is no evidence of a direct attack as of yet.” I rested a hoof on my chin, a plan coming together in my head. “We need to find a way to draw him out. And I think I know just how to do it…”

>In the Royal Bathhouse

“Are you ready for this, General?” I asked my soda-filled friend. She nodded, strapping on a StealthBuck and slinking silently into one of the Royal Supply Closets. I then removed my regal robes and prepared for the Royal Bath….and the game began. “Ohhh dear!” I moaned melodramatically, “What an awfully dreadful day it has been! With an assassin watching my every move, waiting for me to let my guard down!” I smiled to myself. Those acting lessons I took were really paying off now. “I must have a moment to relax and take this stress off me! Guards!” My bodyguard looked up, surprised. “You shall assist the other search parties. I must have some time alone!” They looked at each other, puzzled. “Meh.” They shrugged, and then they were off. I smiled as I immersed myself into the warm, refreshing bath.

I purred like a cat as I sank into the warm water. Despite all that had happened in the palace, the assassin could not disrupt the sanctity of my Royal Bath. I scrubbed myself well, letting the cleansing warmth purge me of all impurities. I let my mane down and went under the shower, the stream of warm water cascading down my body. With my magic I grabbed a brush, then scrubbed every inch of my hide. I splashed down under the water and surfaced with a laugh. I admit, I let myself get carried away a little.

However, my ruse finally worked as I heard the door creak open. Without a moment to spare, I sprang out of the water and armed myself with…a hairbrush. “En garde, you sneaky son of a bitch!” I roared. The assassin sprang in, and I steeled myself for the fight of my life. He was tall, clad in black and sporting a battle saddle with two rifles locked and loaded. A black cloth mask and a wide-brimmed desperado hat concealed his face. I glanced at my would-be weapon, then back to his rather impressive looking rifles. “Er…I guess it’s time to move to Plan B.” I squeaked nervously.

At that moment, the door flew open again. In came General Sparkle~Cola, armed with her special “Sparkle Smasher” and raring to go. The assassin whirled to face her, only to get his face slammed with a rusty sign. He was sent flying, crashing into my precious bath. “General! Look what you’ve done!” I berated, “Now you’ve got his…wasteland filth in my bath!” She hung her head in shame, then bolted back up. “Your highness, watch out!” she shrieked. “Not now, General,” I said firmly, “I’m not done ranting at you.” Before I could finish, two shots rang out, one missing and the other grazing my neck. I spun on my hooves and faced the soaked assassin, two gun barrels still smoking. “You intrude my palace, murder my ponies and now defile my sacred bath with Goddesses-knows-what from your filthy hide,” I seethed, my horn flaring to life, “Who are you?!” I tore off the mask and hat, and I fell back on my haunches in shock.

“…Deadshot.”

I beheld a familiar rust-colored buck, who had once been a friend of mine in former times. Now he’s the most wanted fugitive in my kingdom. I should have known that he’d soon work up the nerve to try at my life. And only a mechanical genius like him would’ve had the know-how to have turn my entire palace into a deathtrap. “Guards!” I screamed, “The assassin is here! A king’s ransom to whoever brings me his head!” Deadshot sprang out of the water, his assassin’s garb falling away as he took to the air. The Pegasus assassin tore off down the hall, the sounds of battle soon following.

I got up, wrapped myself in a robe and let out a sigh. I just came back from putting down that psychotic Pegasus in Hoofington, and now I had another one gunning for me. I -so- did not need this. A cool glass muzzle bumped against my royal flank. Sparkle~Cola looked at me, her soft eyes sparkling. Suddenly, another idea sprang to mind. “You know…” I said with a purr, “Maybe the bath could use a little Sparkle~…” She blushed hotly, knowing all too well where this was going. Before she could respond, I grabbed her with my magic and into the water we went.

By the time we were done, this room would be a sauna.

>Meanwhile…

“He’s gone!” The guard reported. He could feel his legs quiver, threatening to give out under his weight. After chasing the Pegasus assassin through the palace, the guards had lost him at a balcony overlooking the Abraxo Kingdom. “The Queen will have our heads when she finds out about this…” One of the other soldiers lamented. “She won’t be happy, no-sir-ree.” The guard captain stood up and puffed out her chest. “Quit the bellyaching, sergeant! We did our best, the Queen will understand. Now get back to your posts, all of you!” One by one, the guards left the scene and went back to the humdrum of patrolling the palace.

On the outskirts of the kingdom, “Deadshot” Calamity touched down at his hidden camp after making his great escape. “Drat. Foiled again…” he muttered, “Ah knew I should’ve used something’ bigger than a time bomb back there.” He looked back at the palace. “One way or another, Ah’m gonna get you outta there.” Calamity then went to a footlocker and started digging through a pile of gear. “Now…where did Ah put that spare hat?”

>Back in the Palace

“Hear me now, my subjects!” I declared, greeting the crowd at my palace steps. “A criminal walks among us, the dreaded Sky Bandit Deadshot! For too long has this wily outlander terrorized our kingdom! Should you find this scoundrel, or manage to capture the slippery bastard, you shall be rewarded greatly!” I floated over a chest, filled to the brim with bottle caps and assorted old world treasures. “Bring me the head of Deadshot, and these treasures shall be yours. Serve the Kingdom! Serve Abraxo!” I boomed, saluting the crowd, who saluted in turn. “That is all.” I finished, and then I returned to my palace.

“Milady! Your spare bedchamber is ready!” The guard captain reported to me. “Thank you, Silver. You may take your leave for the night.” The captain gave a stiff salute. “Thank you, Milady!” I eyed her as she left. Silver was a bit too rough and tumble for my tastes, but she excelled at keeping my guards in line and the riffraff out of my palace. But anyway, I retired to my spare bedchamber, tuckered out after a long day of deathtraps and other buggery.  I didn’t need a mare for the night (I already had plenty of mare to myself earlier today), so I decided to sleep alone. Although as I nodded off to sleep, I thought I felt a cool glass body cuddle up to me.

I swear, that mare would follow me anywhere…