Normal Norman - First one-shots

This, is Normal Norman. Your everyday high school student, bornt in Philadelphia pennsylvania. Not long ago, he moved to a small town in the middle of nowhere. Even though he is a cool, normal kid, that likes to play X-box in his free time, he will face some strange problems in his new life.

 

This, is his story.

 

>being Norman

>Parents got a new Job in another town so we have to moon

>I got transfered to the local school

>first day in new school

>What is wrong with these people and their colored skin?

>they hear me

>"OMG SO RACIST"

>"Yeah, check your privilege, white scum."

>People start calling me a skin head.

>It's going to be a long year

 

>1st day and whole school thinks im a racist pig.

>3rd period

>sit next to a purple colored girl 7/10

>try to talk to her

>she mentions she's new in the school too,

>Neat

>she said she comes where a place of talking horse or some shit.

>Do not speak to her for a while.

 

>at least that was the plan until I realise the entire school hated me

>I'm stucked with the purple horse girl as my only friend

>Couple of days passes

>The school doesnt seem to like me any better

>Still stuck with the purple horse girl

>The more time I spend with her the weirder she gets

>she needs to win the prom crown for her magical horse kingdom or something

>never been interested in that so I drop the issue

>her friends arrives

>HOLY FUCKEN SHIT a 10/10 hot white skinned girl with purple hair girl arrives

>Purple horse girl introduce us

>I gotta get a piece of that...

 

>Try to talk with white girl every now and then

>purple's dog bak at me whenever I try and then humps her leg

>she hates it and kicks the dog

>the dog blames me and starts biting my leg

>I want to go back to my place and play some videogames

 

>school hates me even more because the girl I shown any interest is the aryan girl

>have no choice but to hang out with purple

>every now and then she tells me about her pony adventures

>suddenly one day she starts talking about this guy

>feel relieved because now the conversation is almost normal

>she says how cute he is

>but then she says that he reminds him of his brother

>It turns out she has an incest fetish

 

>we have an exam this monday

>luckily I don't need to study because I like the subject

>purple then tells me we have to study all the weekend on the library

>i told her to fuck off, because I wanted to play on my xbox

>she doesn't hear me and says that she really needs my help because she doesn't know how to read on my language

>feel sorry for her strange confession and go to the library saturday morning

>for someone that doesn't know to read, she read pretty well

>she made me stay saturday and sunday reading books I don't care at all

>my whole weekend wasted reading about the fucking iroquis

 

>Purple then comes into my house

>she is flabbergasted at my tv and computer

>I say she can use my computer if she stops talking about princess solestia

>I go down for a snack

>when I come back I found her looking at my porn

>I freak out, but she is not making fun of me, she actually looks interested

>she says that this is a great way to learn anatomy and she asks me to borrow my computer

>I told her to fuck off

>my mother comes in, offering purple a cookie

>purple shows my mother my porn, asking where she can find more instructive things like that

>I can't invite girls to my house anymore

 

>Another week

>Still putting with the racist thing and Purple

>She comes at me at the end of the day

>'Norman how humans mate?'

>'Excuse me?'

>can't tell if she's coming on to me or what?

>'s-sure...where should we...?'

>without wasting time she drags me into the library

>seems all she wanted me to teach her about the human reproductive cycle

>she learns fast, but still she keeps commenting the difference with horse cycle

>After we get over it, we say each other's good bye

>next day at Lunch

>no sight of Purple, don't think much about it.

>realize her white friend is all by herself

>get sit with her

>conversation sparks

>doing quite good, I even get her to call me Darling

>about to ask her if she wants to do something after class

>Suddenly Purple hugs me from behind

>'THANK YOU THANK YOU ABOUT HUMAN REPRODUCTION'

>Everyone in the Lunch hall hears it

>White starts to grinding her teeth HARD

>she grabs her Lemon soda and spills it in my face and leaves

>Purple and the whole hall goes silent.

>'YO SEEMS YOU DONT GET LUCK WITH THE WHITEYS BRO' some stupid jock says

>the entire hall laughs at me

>fucking purple

 

>biology class

>teacher starts talking about horses

>suddenly purple stands up and confronts her

>'ponies don't look like that! they are smaller and have a rounder face!'

>not this again

>'Norman! You can draw good! come here!"

>oh no, please no

>'So you are into this too mr. Norman? step in front of the class and draw on the greenboard'

>20 minutes following purple's directions, everybody throws papers at me

>when I finish, everybody laughs harder, they say the horse looks like a girly cartoon pony

>they send us to the principal afterwards

 

>Decide to spend some time away from Purple

>Start to eat lunch on the yard

>Purple somehow finds me and sits beside me

>She starts plucking grass and flowers

>She eats them

>The shit I put up with...

 

>weekend

>finally, I can rest up from all this bullshit

>I may never get laid in this godamn town, make some friends or even but I still got my x-box

>after some time, hear a knocking on the door

>purple says she needs me to take care of spike, his stupid dog

>before I could say a thing, she runs away with one of her friends, the yellow one

>I see the dog, he sees me back

>two hours later, there is piss everywhere and I swear he wrote leave'er with my blood on the carpet

>at least purple apologized

>but my x-box was covered in piss

 

>feeling sick, so luckily I don't have to go to school today

>purple says that she is going to nurse me, after all, we are friends

>she has to be one of those otakus, watching too many chinese cartoons

>I accept, but only because she won't leave

>But her concept of nursing is not taking care of me

>'You shouldn't miss classes, so that's why I asked all the teachers to leave even more homework, so that you wouldn't miss the smallest detail!'

>As your free day is wasted, you can only think how your classmates will fuck with you in sick and horrible ways

>'I don't know why purple hates me'

 

>hello, I am a student in Equestria Highschool, everybody calls me Joe

>I'm your average student, but I am also the quarterback of the school's football team

>I hate everybody in this school

>It may sounds strange, but actually I am a racist

>I hate everyone that is not a white, black, brown, a little red or yellow

>Also I hate punks and their stupid colorful hairs

>I was excited when I heard a new student was transfered and even more, he also hates these technicolor assholes

>but I can't talk to him, I have a reputation to take care of

>One day Norman, I will invite you to play Halo and we can talk how much we hate these morons

 

>Be hanging with Purple

>We go to library for fifteenth time this week.

>She finds section on magic.

>A lot of occult stuff, crystals, summoning circles, spirit chakras.

>She checks them out muttering something about regaining her powers.

>Find her in janitors closet three days later sacrificing a goat.

>God damn it purple.

 

>purple is telling me about the theory of friendship and how she is surprised, looking how I don't have any friends

>'Yeah, it is easy for you, a cute girl will never understand this feel'

>'Oh Norman, you will never have friends with that attitute, wait here'

>Decide here plan is fucked up even before hearing it

>run all they way and hide in my locker

>I can see she brought a jock with her

>I recognize that asshole with the football on his shirt, I've never talked with him, but he looks like a total douche

>'I don't get it, where is he? I told him to stay here'

>'stop wasting my time ok girl?'

>He goes away, thank god, now I can get out of here

>wait, I can't get out

>'the bell is ringing? purple, purple get me out of here!'

>purple?

 

>Be Norman

>The first hour or so stuck in this locker wasn't so bad

>However, my legs are cramped up now and I got to pee

>'Purple...?' I whimper, waiting for salvation

>None comes

>It's extremely hot inside, I'm sweating heavily, and suffocating a bit

>IDEA!

>Start to take off belt and try to slip it through the small openings on the locker door

>Dad's 70's disco pants fall off

>'Ah... fuck.'

>I press the tip of the belt against the slits, trying to get it to pass to the other side

>Door opens and I fall on ,y face

>'Norman! Here you are!'

>Everyone turns to look at my pantless persona

>'OMFG! HE WAS JACKING OFF IN THE LOCKER!'

>I hate my life.

 

>Be hanging with purple.

>Telling her about modern politics

>She knows about democracy, surprised to see its been taken so far though.

>Surprised by our massive cultural upheavals and wars.

>Finish talking about it.

>She still thinks Obama raises the sun.

 

>joe comes up

>he gives me a hand

>accepts

>he swoops in for a kiss

>he drops his pants

>rubs his cock against mine

>hot gay sex in front of the school

 

>Wakes up from a dream covered in sweat

>Check my pants and find the biggest 5 inch boner I've ever had

>Questioning my own sexuality.

>Realizes that at least Purple wasn't there.

>Goes back to sleep with a smile.

 

>dream about Philadelphia and all my old friends

>suddenly see purple waving

>'Norman! guess what, rememeber those books of human magic? I learnt one where I can get into other ponies dreams!'

>oh no what?

>'now we can be together all the time, isn't this exciting? tell me about what humans dream'

>'Why don't you go and visit your boyfriend dreams and leave me alone?'

>she blushes

>'oh! he isn't my boyfriend, but I wouldn't do that, he deserves to have some privacy'

>'and I don't?'

>'oh silly pony, you are my very best human friend, and pinky told me that best friends share everything! Now why is rarity with no clothes over there?'

>just kill me

 

>being depressed, Norman goes and sits on a swing and think of his life

>a little red headed girl sits against him

>'why are you sad sir?'

>'nobody likes me girl. Everybody thinks I'm a bad person

>'Ah like you sir, you have a funny hat'

>Norman smiles at the girl, receiving the first smile he has in weeks

>suddenly he feels a kick on his back

>'stay away from mah sister you pedo racist! applebloom, this man is a bad man, stay away from him!'

>'but sis...'

>'If I see you around here again, I won't just kick your back'

>Everybody in school now thinks norman is a skin head AND a pedophile

 

Far right, big glasses. Say hello to Francis Nerrbert.

>My name is Francis Nerrbert.

>I am a young man, born with a genetic fallacy that gives me a light lavender complexion and gives my hair a blue-black tone.

>The disease also affects my retinae, so I'm forced to wear big, custom-fitted glasses that might as well read "punch me now" on the front.

>Even in New Jersey, where this kind of horrible pigmentation is commonplace, I am a nerd on the lowest rung.

>That all changed when SHE moved in.

>She shared my skin color, and almost the same hair. She was even more awkward than I am. I didn't have the courage to ask her name, so I just thought of her as "Purple".

 

>One day, I finally gathered the courage to ask her out. I put on my nicest sweater, bought some flowers from my local Kwik-E-Mart, and waltzed into school.

>I decided to freshen up in one of the sinks in the biology lab... big mistake.

>I found "Purple", lovingly fucking the brains out of that racist Norman atop the teacher's desk.

>Neo-Nazi Norm didn't even seem to be enjoying it, rolling his eyes and mumbling something about his XBox.

 

>It's going to be a long year.

 

>Chemistry class

>Needed a lab partner

>Purple suddenly sits next to me

>"What the hell, go with your blue-haired douche boyfriend", I tell her

>"What? No, no he's not my boyfriend and besides, he doesn't have this class, but you're here! It's so nice for best friends to do stuff together!"

>Try to tell teacher I want a new partner

>The teacher goes on ignoring me, "...so what we're going to have you to do is to cause reactions with chemicals and identify if it is an acid or a base, on your left you can find Magnesium, Zinc..."

>Purple looks dumbfounded, clearly has no idea what she's doing

>Says she'll levitate the beakers, this bitch is crazy

>"Maybe I just need a panic situation and my magic will come back!"

>She throws the beaker in the air and the acid almost reaches Aryan beauty

>Get suspended

>after coming back I find out everyone thinks I'm a psychopath

 

>Be Norman.

>Mom forgot to wash hat.

>Sigh. Never liked my hair.

>Arrive at school.

>Dead silence, everyone just staring at me.

>It can't be THAT bad, right? Right?

>They're following me now. Should've worn a bag.

> Bit freaked out, so I pick up the pace.

>SMACK.

>"Oh hey, Norm-"

>Fuck, it's purple.

>She's staring blankly at my head. I wave a hand in her face. Nothing.

>Pretty sure her pupils are multiplying.

>Hear crowd behind me.

>Turn.

>Oh Shit.

>Hair zombies. Everywhere. And they're coming for me.

>Hands on the back of my head

>"So soft, so beautiful."

>Not gonna happen. Sorry, Violet Hue.

>Sprinting down the hallways. Still being followed. All eyes on me.

>Wait, wait, wait. I'm an idiot.

>Frantically begin searching. There, by that row of lockers.

>Glorious Aryan white goddess.

>She turns as I skid to a stop near her.

>Disappointment and disgust fade as she sees the hair.

>Just as planned.

>Glorious hair zombie +1.

"So, I was won-"

>SMACK!

>What the fuck, I'm on the floor.

>God damn, it's Purp.

>Trying to struggle. No use. Hair fascination must increase strength. Being dragged back into the Horde.

>Fuck, shit, fuck, shit, fuckshit, shitfuck.

>Clawing at the floor, trying to gain leverage. Hand brushes over an object.

>Grab and orient myself to look at them.

>Scissors.

>Fuck.

>Well, better than being hair molested to death.

>Start cutting. Hair falls everywhere. Glorious dew ruined... chances fading.

>No tears.

>And then the dragging stops.

>"Hey, Norm, what are you doing on the floor?"

>I let the scissors fall to the floor.

>"Did you do something with your hair? I can help!"

>Rest of day wasted as Purp works drags me off for makeovers.

>So close.

 

>having a peaceful week

>realize that something must be wrong

>wait, Purple hasn't been in class

>sure enough, she's sick

>don't want to get involved, but feel bad because she took care of me when I was sick

>well, her heart was in the right place

>I think

>show up at her house, she's got some stomach thing

>there's nothing going around I can think of, but maybe she's just got bad luck

>give her the flowers I brought her and ask if there's anything I can do

>hoping she says no so I can just leave

>she says she just needs time to figure out what's wrong

>she then eats the flowers

>god damn it Purple

 

>Being Norman

>Lunch hour at school

>Purple told me she was going to lecture some class while Lunch, so im all by myself

>Dont feel like eating in the Lunch hall so I head to the Football field

>The field is pretty wide as you expect from a Football field

>Sit on the first row on the bleachers and get ready to eat my food

>Weather is nice, there's not much people around.

>Purple's light blue friend is in the middle of the field playing with a soccer ball, pretty good with it.

>Suddendly a person with green skin, wearing a suit and with a question mark in his face appears.

>'oh..hi?'

>'Quit it' he says while frowning over what it looks like a eyeless mask

>'what..?' I respond dumbfounded

>'I've been doing this way before you y'know? This is not original'

>All of my wat's combined I respond 'Listen man, what the hell are you talking about?'

>'STOP BEING A FAGGOT' then the guy pushes me on the ground while all my food falls over me

>Pissed, while standing up I scream 'ALL RIGHT YOU MOTHERFU-'

>then I realize this person is gone

>I look for everywhere around the field for this person

>Even ask around the few people if someone has seen someone like it,

>Purple friends tells me to stop doing drugs, which is typical

>Never seen th guy again,

>but I know he was real

 

>implying you dont know who was the stranger

 

>Biology Lab

>Midterms day

>Paired Exams, since Purple doesnt take this class I just team up with her yellow shy friend

>she doesn't put a complain so we are good

>The exam consists in just open up a Frog and a simple earthworm and point their major organs

>Sciencetime.jpg

>I sliced up that frog with too much joy,

>others students look at me and snicker things to each other.

>Before I realize im already done, so I turn to my partner to see how she's doing

>Yellow shy is completely freezed and covered in sweat.

>'Come on just get on with it' I say

>'I-I...I c-can't....j-just..a..a..little..wormie', Yellow replies while panting and shaking her hand.

>This is going to take forever so I take it into my hands

>I grab Yellow's hands while she still holding the knife

>'W-what..are..you' she say terrified

>'Relax, this will be over before you know it' I say most confidence

>Together we start a sagital cut over the whole lenght of the little worm

>Yellow tries to stop my hand, telling me to stop it.

>After we are done, Yellow stares in shock at the two remaining parts of the worm still wiggling

>'See, that wasnt that hard' I tell to her with a smile

>Suddendly Yellow busts out of the classroom while crying

>The whole class goes silent and then start to looking at me furiously.

>'That poor girl'

>'Not everyone gets off cutting you sick bastard'

>I...I just wanted to help....