MGQ: Amira's wonderful sparkling adventure

Amira: Hello, my lovelies!  This is the start of Amira's incredible true magical adventures!  Is it the true story of who Amira really is?  Or is Amira dumber than a bag of hammers?

 

Alice: "Why are you here?  The final part of the trilogy is coming!  Fans don't care about you anymore!  They want to see the epic conclusion of the battle between monsters and Heaven-"

 

Amira: There is always time for a story!  Now, the start of Amira's beautiful moe murder mystery!

 

Alice: "You are beyond disgusting, you know that?  I will find whatever gave birth to you and destroy it out of mercy."

 

Alice left to go find Amira's parents and destroy them.

 

Amira: Thank you, thank you, a big round of applause to our lovely Alipheese!  Let's get on with the show!  It starts out a little grim, but hey, better to get the heavy stuff out of the way, and quick!

 

Ikkimasu~!

 

 

 

I always felt like garbage after a public showing.  That's what they call it, when the kingdom executes a person for no reason.  Monster showings are especially gruesome.

They had accused a Lamia of witchcraft.  In reality, she had the natural ability to regenerate.  Maybe it was magical.  But the court had mages.

 

They'd had a hard time killing her.  She kept repairing herself, fusing back together.  Regenerating.  Screaming.  Eventually, though...

 

I had to stop thinking about it.  Guards made sure to round up "Monster-lovers" like me to go watch the ceremonies.  i had to get back to work.  Had to put it out of

my head.  It's not like I could just order around the king and make him stop.

 

It was at my cottage, some distance away from the city, that I heard the noise.

 

This noise was a trash can.  Some small animal must have gotten inside.  But small animals do not sound like they are trying to speak.  Perhaps a child was stuck?

 

I approached the trash can, attempting to lift the lid...

 

And was attacked by a monster girl!

 

Script:

 

"Oh hello there.  Would you mind-"

 

"Stay away!"

 

I readied myself in a stance I had seen one of the knights use fighting a slime girl, and armed myself with a pitchfork.

 

*attack*

 

"Hiya!"

 

You hit the broad side of the trash can.

 

Strange snake takes no damage!

 

Strange snake attempts to escape the garbage can!

 

*rustlingn sounds*

 

(angel halo sealing animation)

 

The garbage can falls over!

 

The snake monster is too disoriented to fight!

 

You are victorious!

 

...

 

I spend a moment examining the monster I soundly defeated.  It is like nothing I have ever seen.  Maybe it isn't even a monster.

 

"Excuse me, could I impose upon you to assist me?  I seem to have a bit more difficulty moving around lately, perhaps a function of my age."

 

The strange creature speaks in perfect pitch, tone, and volume.  You would think she was my slave and I was her master, the way she was addressing me.

 

"Umm... sure... of... of course!"

 

Realizing I was leaving this strange snake with a human abdomen in quite a precarious position, I helped her (her?) up.

 

Again, the odd creature addressed me in impeccably formal fashion.

 

"Ah, where are my manners?  Good evening.  Amira."

 

"I... beg your pardon?"

 

I slowly realize am too stunned by the existence of this thing to accept that it can talk.

 

"My name is Amira.  What is your name, if it can be told, young master?"

 

"A-alexander!"  I blurt it out without thinking of the consequences.  

 

"Ah, a good strong name for a boy your age."

 

Boy? She had some nerve!  I owned this farm and wasn;t even 22!"

 

"What do you mean "boy", I am of-age, snake!  And this is my property!  What is your business here?"

 

The monster appeared slightly crestfallen that I was irritated with her.  I should welcome a visitor as a guest...

 

But she was annoying to look at.

 

"I'm... I'm sorry, are you hurt?"

 

"Not in any way that should worry you."

 

"What in the ninety hells does that mean?"

 

The monster paused, appearing to measure its words.  I should let it know it doesn't have to be so formal.

 

"May I share my difficulties with you, young master?  They need not concern you in any way, but I merely wish an ear lent selfishly to me for a moment."

 

"Again, what the sod are you talking about?"

 

The monster tried to pace back and forth, falling on its face.  It seemed like it was a newborn.

 

I kind of want to get rid of it before the guards notice.  ANd there was something familiar about her...

 

"Ummm... are your parents close by?  Can I take you home?"

 

Where did I recognize her from?

 

Oh Ilias.

 

She...

 

"Aren't you..."

 

"Oh Lords, it appears you've figured out who I am."

 

"You are!  But you can't be... can you?"

 

"Well, here I am."

 

"You were... are you the lamia who was executed in the town square?!"

 

"Executed?  Well, I was certainly injured very badly in the town square today."

 

"Nothing could survive that!  They severed your limbs!  You lost enough blood to fill a beer barrel to the brim!"

 

"Yes, I seem to remember something like that.  It was rather distressing, and hardly an appropriate topic for our first conversation, Alexander.  DO you prefer being addressed by your full name?"

 

Why did I feel like I was being scolded by my mother?

 

"You can stop being so formal around me.  And Alex is fine."

 

"Lose formality?  Lose formality?!  Why not simply cast off the trappings of civilization entirely and wantonly destroy and pillage, satisfying one's own base desires and wants?

You take me for some feral monster, do you, hmm?!?!"

 

Okay.  So she took the way she spoke very seriously.

 

"No... that's not what I meant at all... you can just talk casually if you like.  I'm not a nobleman, and like you said, we're just having a conversation."

 

"Talk... casually?"

 

She seemed incredibly confused by this notion.

 

"If it can be told... what, praytell, was a young master like yourself doing at a showing of the gallows today?  It is no place for a strapping lad to spend his time gallavanting with..."

 

"Okay, back up.  First, stop scolding me.  Second, You were executed in the square today!  You bled more than a cow does at a butcher!  Doesn't that... bother you?  And where did the rest of you go?"

 

"Why should the events of today bother me?   I have been injured before and recovered."

 

"You've been hacked to pieces, burnt at the stake, and had your insides soaked in saltpeter and iodine before?!"

 

"I tend not to worry about such details.  However, that does sound rather severe..."

 

She seemed momentarily disturbed at the notion that she had been dissected today.  Finally she was registering the fact that she wasn't ordinary!

 

"What did young-master mean "the rest of me"?"

 

She was definitely someone's mom.

 

"How to put this... you are... a woman's body and a snake's tail, correct?"

 

"From my perspective you are a lamia's front section, a goblin's legs, and a slug's brains."

 

"Okay, I'm sorry.  Try to see from my perspective, then.  You looked like a very respectable Lamia at the gallows.  But... um... have you seen a mirror lately?"

 

"It is my firm belief that vanity is to be eschewed, and thus, only utilize one during grooming"

 

"Right, okay, whatever.  Well... um... look at this metal pot, then.  WHat do you see in the reflection?"

 

She inspected it, and her reflection did not startle her at all.

 

"My Lord, boy, what have you done to that poor snake, grafting on a man's legs and... oh."

 

Her tone of voice seemed to shift in the way a boy's does when he learns that sex makes babies.  I wish I could have canned that "oh" of hers and listened to it a few more times.

 

"Again, I must say this day has been most distressing.  I feel we have gotten off to poor introductions."

 

Was she playing at not being phased by this?

 

"Seriously, though, what happened?"

 

"Well, it would appear that the trauma inflicted on my body caused my regenerative cycle to malfunction.  It is really rather unusual."

 

"Huh.  Unusual.  You don't say."

 

The strange snake-person held herself up as best she could, adjusting her posture using the kettle-mirror I had lent her.

 

"I am Amira, servant of the royal house of Fateburn, wetnurse to the line of Alipheese the first, chief of staff of the Lord's manor.  I give training to children on

etiquette, as well as lessons in manners, numbers, and cipher.  I am charged with the maintenance of larders in case of siege, as well as performing and instructing on

the practice of canning jams and drying meats..."

 

"And by claim of Alexander of the house of Slugbrain, I am dead from exsanguination."

 

... was that an attempt at a joke?

 

It had to be.

 

She seemed harmless, though.  I doubt the guards would do much to her now.  The execution wouldn't be very exciting.

 

Looking at her, she seems healthy.  And with the way she speaks... maybe she is some noble servant or something.

 

"Well.  Thanks, Amira.  Um... what is it you intend to do now?"

 

"I should hope to teach you some manners.  You dress like a swine and speak like you have recently contracted rabies."

 

"Uh... that's... not really what I meant. Look at the big picture.  What do you intend to do in the long run, with your life, now that this has happened?"

 

"Ah, yes.  First, this stove is rusted through and requires replacement, unless you intend this cottage to become a fireplace.  Secondly, a ledger or record of accounts

payable and meals should be kept for this household.  You are bleeding capital otherwise, and may seek to neglect your debts and debtors."

 

I got the feeling she didn't know what I meant.

 

"Thirdly, your diet appears to be comprised of toxic tubers, sickly raw milk, and garbage.  You are to maintain a strict daily regimen of no fewer than two servings of fresh fruit, vegetables, a 3 ounce cut of any

meat of your choosing besides rabbit, and a cup of whole or wheat barley, milled or otherwise, or any other available cereal grains."

 

I wonder if she'll ever stop.

 

I flicked her forehead with my finger.  

 

She didn't stop.

 

"Do write down what I am saying.  If you lack the necessary tools or learning to write in cipher, I will teach you short-hand for the time being."

 

"Amira."

 

"Yes, do you have any questions?"

 

"Amira, stop.  Breath, take a deep breath, let the air come out slowly."

 

Surprisingly she did as I said.

 

"Is this a method of relaxation?  It is... effective.  Now, what did you need?"

 

"Amira, I don't think I'd learn much from etiquette lessons, and besides, I can't afford a servant."

 

This seemed to surprise her long enough to let me talk for a moment.

 

"You're a good person, Amira, but you can relax, you're not at work.  You can take some time to recover, I'll protect you for a day or two if that's what you need."

 

"Oh... oh that's... very kind of you.  Aren't monster held in low esteem... don't people not like monsters here?"

 

"That's partly why I was forced to watch your execution."

 

This seemed to shock her.

 

"I... my apologies.  I'm sorry you had to witness that ugly sight."

 

She was smart, but She seemed a little innocent of the outside world.  I think I had taken enough of the wind out of her sails to calm her down.

 

"Is there some way I can repay you?  A service I can provide while I... recover?"

 

"Don't worry about it.  I'll just work during the day and come home when it's dark.  It seems like you can cook, and you're not very big, so help yourself for now.  

I have plenty of food, but it doesn't last long, so if you could can some veggies or fruit that will be a huge help when winter comes around."

 

It was hard to read her emotions.  A snake's face is pretty limited in the emotions it can convey.

 

"So... just... busy myself.  I can do that."

 

"Maybe it'll take your mind off what happened, and maybe you'll realize what you want to do next."

 

"I understand!  I shall work with renewed vigor for the glory of the house of Slugbrain!"

 

I hoped I could pass her off as a pet or science experiment.  I doubt anyone would believe she was a monster.  Though they did come in all sizes and... shapes... ugh... No...

 

"What troubles you, young master, you look as if you've seen a Plansect."

 

"A what?"

 

"Two warring tribes of monsters.  They are... aesthetically troubling."

 

"Disturbing looking?"

 

"Quite."

 

I'm glad we got along in that regard.  

 

End of Part 1: Amira's epic adventure