- >Be your average guy
- >Work has got you down, decide to get a fluffy
- >Go to a local adoption center
- >See the pathetic creatures lying in mounds of shit and trying to hug each other
- >All you can hear is "Wuv fwuffeh!" and "giv huggies"!
- >You feel sick from this bullshit
- >Suddenly you feel something against your leg
- >A mound of fluffies has adhered to it, babbling happily
- >"New Daddeh!"
- >You, being naive, try to explain that it's impossible for you to be their father
- >They keep babbling and trying to hug your leg
- >A few at the bottom of the pile are choked to death
- >You are genuinely surprised at the immense stupidity of these things
- >You remember that you were going to take one of them home
- >Grab one
- >It starts mewling and you feel something hard against your hand
- >It has a boner
- >Ohgodwhatthefuck.jpg
- >Proceed to rip its penis off
- >Fluffy comes as you grasp its dick
- >Daddeh gif' fwuffy good feehw!
- >Hand is covered in fluffy cum
- >Grimace and rip its dick off, peeling a long strip of skin off of it
- >It screams with its shrill voice
- >Other fluffies start trying to attack you, screaming "Munstah!"
- >You choke the one in your hand to death, throw it out the window
- >It hits a passing big rig and is sliced into strips by the front grille
- >Blood spatters everywhere, the truck barrels on
- >Turn back to the fluffies on the floor
- >They are bumping up against your leg and rolling back
- >Apparently that's their idea of attack
- >Stomp each one individually
- >The ones still in the cages are happily rolling in shit
- >You yell, "YOUR FRIENDS ARE DYING, AND YOU DON'T CARE?"
- >You don't wait for a response, becoming more familiar with their incohesive thinking process
- >Take your cigarette lighter from your pocket, set one's fluff on fire
- >The other fluffies hear its anguished cries of "Owwies! Munstah gif fwuffy ouchies!"
- >They move closer, insisting that "Huggies make bettah"
- >Fire spreads to the ones trying to hug the first one
- >All try to hug each other
- >They are all reduced to smoldering lumps of burnt flesh
- >See one remaining fluffy in the corner
- >It hasn't been annoying yet
- >Guess it's the best one
- >Pay manager shitload of cash for destroying merchandise
- >Put the fluffy in a carboard box with holes in it
- >Walk over to your car, throw the box on the back seat
- >As you start the engine, it babbles "Loud sawhnd! Fwuffy heaww sound!"
- >Apparently it finds commenting on everything necessary, as it accompanies every bump in the road with a string of incohesive speech
- >It gets tired of speaking and to your dismay realizes that it is in a box, and boxes do not allow for very good lighting or vision
- >It wails all the way home, complaining that "Dawk! Fwuffy wan' see!"
- >Bring it home, pretty apprehensive
- >You already hate it because of its atrocious English
- >As you pick it up to put it somewhere, it starts talking again.
- >Fwuffy wuv daddeh!
- >These fucking retarded things trust any person they come in contact with
- >Its babbling is really annoying you now, so you decide to throw it in a closet and go do something else
- >Its terrible excuse for speech is now muffled, and headphones make it inaudible
- >Have some decent leisure time gaming
- >Keep gaming until you can't keep the screen in focus, you're barely awake
- >You remember that fluffy piece of shit, decide to see if it's still talking
- >You open the closet door, the fluffy barrels out, hugs your leg bawling
- >What the fuck is this, you need sleep and this shit is being a first class attention whore
- >Daddeh why no wuv fwuffy? Fwuffy wuv daddeh! it sobs
- >In an emotional outburst it shits all over your feet
- >You're barely containing yourself, tell the fluffy to shut the fuck up or you'll give it a reason to cry
- >It seems to understand and resorts to shaking in the corner of the room
- >You brush your teeth and go to bed
- >Just as you're falling asleep, you hear the fluffy crying
- >That cunt just signed its own gravestone
- >You drag your feet to the room where the fluffy is
- >It looks up at you and sobs
- >Daddeh come fo fwuffy? Daddeh wuv fwuffy?
- >You realize all it wants is love and means no harm
- >The fuck kind of pussy-ass attitude is that
- >Bitch, I told you that I don't want to hear another word from you
- >Fwuffy sowwy, fwuffy be good, it whimpers, defecating and pissing on the floor
- >The fuck is this shit
- >You punt it square in the ass
- >With a shriek it smacks against the wall and bursts out wailing on the floor
- >We need some more disciplinary action up in this bitch
- >You walk over to the fluffy
- >It wails louder
- >Which part of shut your fucking mouth do you not understand?
- >Fwuffy no wan' ouchies! Fwuffy be good!
- >This thing still isn't getting it
- >You grab the object closest to you, which happens to be a corrugated steel flashlight, and shove it down the fluffy's throat
- >It shudders and sprays shit in a 4 ft periphery all over your new TV
- >This ain't gonna fly
- >You take a pneumatic nail gun and pin it to a wall, put a bucket under it to catch inevitable shit
- >Go back to bed
- >After a few minutes, hear a loud clatter and screaming
- >It somehow coughed up the flashlight
- >You've had it with this shit, one last chance or it's dead
- >You come up to it and try in the most diplomatic and refined of manners explain what you want it to do.
- >IF YOU DON'T SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH I WILL CUT YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF!
- >Daddeh! Fwuffy be good! Fwuffy wuv Daddeh! Fwuffy wan' sketties!
- >Not only is this shit still babbling, it's demanding food
- >I'M NOT GIVING YOU FOOD YOU FAT FUCK!
- >You take a kitchen knife and grasp the fluffy's throat
- >It seems to understand what you're about to do and starts trying to run, screaming
- >Nuuuuu! Fwuffy wuv Daddeh!
- >If you love me, why are you running away? you sneer
- >Its flailing legs look so pathetic you burst out laughing
- >Daddeh happy? Daddeh wuv fwuffy? Hope and terror are frozen in its eyes.
- >No, you cunt.
- >You put down the knife, take gardening shears and cut its legs off
- >It starts rolling around like a soccer ball,leaving a smear of shit and blood
- >That is too fucking tempting
- >You dropkick it across the room
- >It wails even louder
- >You ignore it and bring the shears to its throat
- >You can feel it trembling and its neck pulsating
- >You slowly start cutting its neck open
- >Fwuffy no wan' ouchies!
- >It manages to squeal a final "Fwuffy be good..." before you close the shears around its neck
- >Chunks of its spine fall down its esophagus, blood and shit spurts everywhere
- >What the fuck, it's heart is still beating? We need to fix that.
- >You call up your bro, a retired general
- >He comes over in his Marauder armored personell carrier and rolls over the fluffy a few times
- >Shit that engine sounds good
- >Smoke billows out of the exhaust pipes as your friend drives back and forth
- >This very well might be the most fun you've had in a while
- >That does the trick, the fluffy has been reduced to matted fur scattered around a pile of crushed bones
- >Its intestines are lying flattened on the floor, blood bubbling in a puddle
- >You take its eyeballs out and shoot each one with a standard issue pistol your friend brought along
- >Throw a grenade in the pile of fluffy
- >Take a pressure hose and wash all the remains into the street drain
- >Suddenly you stop in your tracks
- >WHAT HAVE I DONE? I KILLED A DEFENSELESS BEING THAT LOVED ME!
- >Your smile turns to a grimace as in anguish you regret all that you did
- >A deep feeling of grief fills you
- >What will your friends think?
- >You knew you should have sliced it with a machete and served it up
- >You have no steak
- >Grill night is going to be shit>Be your average guy
- >Work has got you down, decide to get a fluffy
- >Go to a local adoption center
- >See the pathetic creatures lying in mounds of shit and trying to hug each other
- >All you can hear is "Wuv fwuffeh!" and "giv huggies"!
- >You feel sick from this bullshit
- >Suddenly you feel something against your leg
- >A mound of fluffies has adhered to it, babbling happily
- >"New Daddeh!"
- >You, being naive, try to explain that it's impossible for you to be their father
- >They keep babbling and trying to hug your leg
- >A few at the bottom of the pile are choked to death
- >You are genuinely surprised at the immense stupidity of these things
- >You remember that you were going to take one of them home
- >Grab one
- >It starts mewling and you feel something hard against your hand
- >It has a boner
- >Ohgodwhatthefuck.jpg
- >Proceed to rip its penis off
- >Fluffy comes as you grasp its dick
- >Daddeh gif' fwuffy good feehw!
- >Hand is covered in fluffy cum
- >Grimace and rip its dick off, peeling a long strip of skin off of it
- >It screams with its shrill voice
- >Other fluffies start trying to attack you, screaming "Munstah!"
- >You choke the one in your hand to death, throw it out the window
- >It hits a passing big rig and is sliced into strips by the front grille
- >Blood spatters everywhere, the truck barrels on
- >Turn back to the fluffies on the floor
- >They are bumping up against your leg and rolling back
- >Apparently that's their idea of attack
- >Stomp each one individually
- >The ones still in the cages are happily rolling in shit
- >You yell, "YOUR FRIENDS ARE DYING, AND YOU DON'T CARE?"
- >You don't wait for a response, becoming more familiar with their incohesive thinking process
- >Take your cigarette lighter from your pocket, set one's fluff on fire
- >The other fluffies hear its anguished cries of "Owwies! Munstah gif fwuffy ouchies!"
- >They move closer, insisting that "Huggies make bettah"
- >Fire spreads to the ones trying to hug the first one
- >All try to hug each other
- >They are all reduced to smoldering lumps of burnt flesh
- >See one remaining fluffy in the corner
- >It hasn't been annoying yet
- >Guess it's the best one
- >Pay manager shitload of cash for destroying merchandise
- >Put the fluffy in a carboard box with holes in it
- >Walk over to your car, throw the box on the back seat
- >As you start the engine, it babbles "Loud sawhnd! Fwuffy heaww sound!"
- >Apparently it finds commenting on everything necessary, as it accompanies every bump in the road with a string of incohesive speech
- >It gets tired of speaking and to your dismay realizes that it is in a box, and boxes do not allow for very good lighting or vision
- >It wails all the way home, complaining that "Dawk! Fwuffy wan' see!"
- >Bring it home, pretty apprehensive
- >You already hate it because of its atrocious English
- >As you pick it up to put it somewhere, it starts talking again.
- >Fwuffy wuv daddeh!
- >These fucking retarded things trust any person they come in contact with
- >Its babbling is really annoying you now, so you decide to throw it in a closet and go do something else
- >Its terrible excuse for speech is now muffled, and headphones make it inaudible
- >Have some decent leisure time gaming
- >Keep gaming until you can't keep the screen in focus, you're barely awake
- >You remember that fluffy piece of shit, decide to see if it's still talking
- >You open the closet door, the fluffy barrels out, hugs your leg bawling
- >What the fuck is this, you need sleep and this shit is being a first class attention whore
- >Daddeh why no wuv fwuffy? Fwuffy wuv daddeh! it sobs
- >In an emotional outburst it shits all over your feet
- >You're barely containing yourself, tell the fluffy to shut the fuck up or you'll give it a reason to cry
- >It seems to understand and resorts to shaking in the corner of the room
- >You brush your teeth and go to bed
- >Just as you're falling asleep, you hear the fluffy crying
- >That cunt just signed its own gravestone
- >You drag your feet to the room where the fluffy is
- >It looks up at you and sobs
- >Daddeh come fo fwuffy? Daddeh wuv fwuffy?
- >You realize all it wants is love and means no harm
- >The fuck kind of pussy-ass attitude is that
- >Bitch, I told you that I don't want to hear another word from you
- >Fwuffy sowwy, fwuffy be good, it whimpers, defecating and pissing on the floor
- >The fuck is this shit
- >You punt it square in the ass
- >With a shriek it smacks against the wall and bursts out wailing on the floor
- >We need some more disciplinary action up in this bitch
- >You walk over to the fluffy
- >It wails louder
- >Which part of shut your fucking mouth do you not understand?
- >Fwuffy no wan' ouchies! Fwuffy be good!
- >This thing still isn't getting it
- >You grab the object closest to you, which happens to be a corrugated steel flashlight, and shove it down the fluffy's throat
- >It shudders and sprays shit in a 4 ft periphery all over your new TV
- >This ain't gonna fly
- >You take a pneumatic nail gun and pin it to a wall, put a bucket under it to catch inevitable shit
- >Go back to bed
- >After a few minutes, hear a loud clatter and screaming
- >It somehow coughed up the flashlight
- >You've had it with this shit, one last chance or it's dead
- >You come up to it and try in the most diplomatic and refined of manners explain what you want it to do.
- >IF YOU DON'T SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH I WILL CUT YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF!
- >Daddeh! Fwuffy be good! Fwuffy wuv Daddeh! Fwuffy wan' sketties!
- >Not only is this shit still babbling, it's demanding food
- >I'M NOT GIVING YOU FOOD YOU FAT FUCK!
- >You take a kitchen knife and grasp the fluffy's throat
- >It seems to understand what you're about to do and starts trying to run, screaming
- >Nuuuuu! Fwuffy wuv Daddeh!
- >If you love me, why are you running away? you sneer
- >Its flailing legs look so pathetic you burst out laughing
- >Daddeh happy? Daddeh wuv fwuffy? Hope and terror are frozen in its eyes.
- >No, you cunt.
- >You put down the knife, take gardening shears and cut its legs off
- >It starts rolling around like a soccer ball,leaving a smear of shit and blood
- >That is too fucking tempting
- >You dropkick it across the room
- >It wails even louder
- >You ignore it and bring the shears to its throat
- >You can feel it trembling and its neck pulsating
- >You slowly start cutting its neck open
- >Fwuffy no wan' ouchies!
- >It manages to squeal a final "Fwuffy be good..." before you close the shears around its neck
- >Chunks of its spine fall down its esophagus, blood and shit spurts everywhere
- >What the fuck, it's heart is still beating? We need to fix that.
- >You call up your bro, a retired general
- >He comes over in his Marauder armored personell carrier and rolls over the fluffy a few times
- >Shit that engine sounds good
- >Smoke billows out of the exhaust pipes as your friend drives back and forth
- >This very well might be the most fun you've had in a while
- >That does the trick, the fluffy has been reduced to matted fur scattered around a pile of crushed bones
- >Its intestines are lying flattened on the floor, blood bubbling in a puddle
- >You take its eyeballs out and shoot each one with a standard issue pistol your friend brought along
- >Throw a grenade in the pile of fluffy
- >Take a pressure hose and wash all the remains into the street drain
- >Suddenly you stop in your tracks
- >WHAT HAVE I DONE? I KILLED A DEFENSELESS BEING THAT LOVED ME!
- >Your smile turns to a grimace as in anguish you regret all that you did
- >A deep feeling of grief fills you
- >What will your friends think?
- >You knew you should have sliced it with a machete and served it up
- >You have no steak
- >Grill night is going to be shit
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