Chapter # I don't know anymore

 

It was thankfully a very spacious bathroom. It seemed to have been made with a full bath in mind but instead only had an extra long shower stall, which I was also thankful for. I really did need a shower and didn’t want to see how slippery hooves were in a bathtub.

 

This was obviously a female dominated house as was evident from the bottles, brushes, and many other toiletries filling every shelf and corner of porcelain or tile. They were obviously not expecting company as and the room wasn’t exactly tidy, but it was well kept at least. The brightly colored towels and bathrobes hanging from a few hooks on the wall reminded me of a few ‘people’ I’d seen on tv recently, but the the fluffy mat by the shower reminded me more of one of this house’s residents. And that was definitely a bowl of homemade soaps sitting on the back of the toilet.

 

‘Welcome to your new gender. Yay.’

 

‘What am I thinking, I’m the one critiquing a bathroom’s fung shui here, that’s way more girly than a dozen bottles of shampoo and hobbies involving soap. Those colorful towels really do clash with the light blue tiles though. Oh, hello Stephanie it’s nice to meet you.’

 

Honestly though, none of my old girlfriends had bathrooms like this. Then again I only lived with one of them before and she was the one that moved in with me, aside from her I’d barely even seen any of my old girlfriends houses. Still Val was more of a slob than me so I really didn’t have much to go by.

 

I’ll admit I’ve always had a decent eye for aesthetics and colors, but I never felt more girly for it than after becoming a girl. And my girly features were not what I wanted to be thinking about at this moment as my eyes finally fixed on the toilet.

 

I rose up for what I realized was the first time since my metamorphosis and stood on my hind legs. My original legs. It felt more awkward than it should have. Though I felt like I was standing on my toes my reshaped legs resisted, trying to straighten out completely and protesting the weight being put on them. I didn’t see myself being able to stand like this for more than an hour without practice or risk my legs collapsing underneath me (even with my right front hoof resting on the wall for balance). My eyes caught the mirror for a second. my head was just out of view but I could see the surreal shape of my back from the end of my mane to my wings. I looked away, that would have to wait, I had a more urgent need to take care of.

 

Gripping a towel hook in the joint that used to be my wrist I reached my left hoof to lift the seat. I lifted my tail up and to the side and attempted to sit down. It was harder than I could have thought. My legs were completely the wrong shape for chairs of any kind. The bones that made up my thighs were way too short and forced me almost to the edge of the seat. Sitting further back would result in my elongated feet pointing straight up, ruining my balance and looking incredibly silly. I just had to hope my new ‘equipment’ didn’t have a wide enough area of effect to cause a mess this far up the seat. My plan B was to straddle the bowl while down on all fours and hope for the best as a female trying to pee standing up. Fortunately that wasn’t necessary.

 

As weird and embarrassing as my potty training session felt I failed to create any sort of mess. I felt relieved in more ways than one and reached over to tear off some toilet paper to wipe myself with. No one had told me that bit of female hygiene before but I was worried about white wet fur than anything.

 

I stood up on my hind legs again and focused on my next awkward task; familiarizing myself more fully with my new body. No, not in that way. As I said before, sex and all relating to it were the last things I wanted to think about. Almost.

 

Again I got annoyed with the lack of feeling hooves allowed. There was something to it, the inner part of each hoof was sensitive enough, but the lack of digits made discerning shapes through touch alone more of a trial. I relied more on sight than touch for my examination and had to rest a hoof on the sink for support as I awkwardly leaned forward.

 

I’ll admit I hadn’t seen very many in real life, and rarely in enough light for any real detail, but I don’t think I need to say anything more than that It looked closer to a haman’s than any other part of my currently did, just is different texture of ‘fur’ around it.

 

There was a stranger part of my new biology that caught me completely off guard though. I discovered my nipples had relocated to a location much further south, practically between my legs. I really did not want to think of them as udders, the concept of ‘having breasts’ in any form bothered me more than most aspects of my change. Something about the primal feelings brought up in thinking of their purpose made me really uncomfortable. There were questions there I didn’t ever want to consider.

 

Despite the thinner fur around my more private anatomy, my mostly shaggy coat kept most things down there hidden from plain view when standing upright. I knew that I’d be keeping my tail down when on all fours from now on though, even when clothed.

 

I took a few careful steps towards the shower and set the water running. After getting it to a satisfactory temperature I finally dropped down on all fours. It was time to find out just how white this fur was.

 

I stood under the the shower head for several minutes feeling the warmth melt away the tension in my muscles. My wings hung limp at my sides, my neck was raised but my snout was pointed down, and my eyes were shut lightly as the water pelted my face. My hind legs decided to protest my attempts earlier at more human locomotion, and folded down so I was rested on my haunches like a dog. I hadn’t even considered the position but it was comfortable enough and felt natural.

 

I shook the water through my wings a bit, being careful to keep them from opening too far. I browsed the selection of shampoo bottles available and picked one that seemed less likely to smell of strawberries. I poured large globs of it from the top of my head where my mane started and all the way down my neck and back. I then set about lathering it everywhere but my wings.

 

I was surprised that my arms were flexible enough to reach that much of my body. I seemed more flexible than even before the change in some ways. I fumbled to hold a loofah I found as I used it to scrub the matted dirty fur on my flanks. Unsure of how to clean feathers, I simply scrubbed my wings lightly without soap and hoped I didn’t ever have to resort to preening like a bird. That would just be gross.

 

My tail and I became very well acquainted as I tried to brush out all its knots. I had to sit back, low against the wall, legs spread, and tail tucked under me against the shower floor. I couldn’t grip the brush handle in one hoof and was using both to push it along my tail. It felt very dog-like in thickness and even length, but the hair coming from it was in every way just like the kind running down my neck. I started to like the look of the two blue streaks running through it and how it contrasted the dark grey making up the rest (as I said before, I know my colors), the water made both colors extra dark which was awesome.

 

Clean at last and with all bruises and scratches from my crash inventoried, I turned off the water and reached my dripping head out to grab a towel. Pulling the closest one off the hook with my teeth I flipped it over my head with my forelegs and rubbed it through my hair and fur. I stepped out of the shower as I finished drying up.

 

 I refused to attempt shaking the water out like a dog or using the blow dryer sitting by the sink. I’d had enough of embracing both my animal-like side and my feminine side for the time being. Both would likely have not worked out well anyway.

 

Holding a different brush from before, larger and easier to grip in two hooves, I did my best to comb it through my mane, tail, and the shaggier parts of my fur. I was finally ready to confront my reflection. I decided earlier I wanted to look at least decent before then, first impressions and all that jazz.

 

I stepped towards the sink and reared up, resting my front hooves around the seashell-shaped basin. ‘Well now,’ I thought, ‘doesn’t she look cute.’ I giggled at that, then realized I had giggled and ended up giggling even more. I hadn’t really been hit before by the contrast of my new girly voice and the imagined masculine sound of my own internal dialogue. I’d also never realized that the main difference between a snicker and a giggle were the pitch, or maybe I was making that up. I was pretty sure if I had laughed like that with my old voice it would have been labeled “snickering” by anyone that cared, though now it was definitely “giggling”. This train of thought just let loose another fit of giggling.

 

The shower might have left me feeling a little refreshed and slap-happy, but I was right about the first impressions. A positive feeling about my new face could only make things easier. I really wasn’t that bad looking though, by horse people standards, or at least I thought so. My snout was definitely longer than I had thought. Elizabeth’s was fairly short, as were a number of people I had seen on the news. The only others I had seen with such long faces were a few guys, and they had more masculine jaw-lines than I did.

 

There were my little horsey ears poking up from my head. I moved them around, hearing the white noise of the room change in volume. I noticed my lack of eyebrows, but after practicing a few facial expressions in the mirror decided my ears perking up and dropping could more than made up for them. My lips were thin but still capable of a variety of familiar expressions as well.

 

What really caught me were my eyes. Elizabeth’s had been two sparkling magenta jewels, but mine were two sapphires, well not really. They had been blue before the change, but nowhere near as light and bright as the sky blue color they were now. So not really sapphires in any way.

 

They really did seem bigger. It could have been that my head was smaller and narrower, but whatever the reason they really dominated my features,  though not as much as Elizabeth’s had to hers.

 

I stared deeply into the two pits of pure and  open sky before me. There was a fragment of a memory there and a feeling of longing. I shook myself out of it as the feeling passed.

 

Maybe I really did fly.

 

The pegasus in the mirror was grinning at me now. She she had her wings half raised as if to swoop through the glass like a bird of prey and carry me away. I stuck my tongue out at her and she did the same. We made silly faces at each other for a few more minutes until I broke out into another fit of girly giggles.

 

The fun turned back into curiosity as I got a better look at me teeth. It was strange enough having a long snout and all that did to my jaw and tongue, and that I could stick my tongue out the side like a dog, and that I could lick my nose, but the one thing negating the whole ‘canine’ look was the lack of actual canines. Which made it very weird that despite this, and despite seeming to have more teeth overall, they still all looked very much like human teeth to me.They were not as flat as I expected, and with my complete lack of any equine and primate dental knowledge it might have just been my opinion, but my teeth didn’t look very horse-like to me at all.

 

I twisted my head around and reconsidered what I thought of it. It was almost as if someone had started with a human skull and deformed it just enough to have horse-like qualities. Maybe that’s all the change really did, we weren’t turned into actual horses, obviously, but we were turned into human horse hybrids. Or maybe if horses had evolved the higher brain functions humans possessed they’d eventually start looking like this, sans-wings.

 

If there was a higher power involved in all this I didn’t want to know. It’s wrong but I can live not knowing why this all happened. It didn’t matter though, some people were likely to attribute it to one.

 

I gave a somewhat sad smile to the pegasus in the mirror and she returned it in in kind. I’d already been committing that sin myself hadn’t I? I sort of accepted that I’d have to deal with being called by that name and there was nothing me or my old Latin teacher could do about it, but here I was using it myself before anyone else even had the chance. It was better than winged-horse. As much as I made the comparison in my own head I knew that if anyone called me a horse I’d probably kick their ass.

 

I wondered what sort of words people would end up using for things. Would the different types of us (wings, horns, and vanilla flavored) end up with different nicknames? I was female, but would I be referred to as a woman or maybe a mare? There would be slurs eventually, there always are. Horse might be mild.

 

If I ever get into a fight with a unicorn I’ll have to remember to call him a horny bastard just to see how he takes it. I’d have to watch out for the horn though, he could try to gore me for that.

 

There was a knocking one the door followed by Elizabeth calling, “Hey Steff, you okay? Need anything?”

 

I have been in here a while haven’t I. I considered opening the door when I realized there was something I did need. “I um. I don’t actually have anything to wear.” I said.

 

There was a pause before she said, “You could wear my mom’s bathrobe for now if it’s on the hook there, until we find something better at least, I don’t think she’ll mind. It would fit you better than anything I have.”

 

I stood up on my hind legs and lifted the blue bathrobe off its hook with my hoof (not my mouth). I stuck my ‘arms’ through the sleeves and wrapped it around me. It was a little short and snug, especially over my wings, but otherwise fit nicely around my torso and hips. I eventually figured a way of tying is closed by holding the cloth belt on the hinge that used to by my wrist. It took plenty of tries but I managed in the end. It fit fine though the sleeves were a foot short of my hooves.

 

I looked silly in the mirror. I seemed an ordinary human in a robe, but with a horsey head, and hooves instead of hands. Satisfied and smiling I dropped onto all fours. That’s when I had trouble.

 

While the robe reached just far enough past my hips to be considered decent on two legs, on four it was pulled up enough that it nicely showed off my ass. With that area being the part I actually needed to cover there was really no point to this thing. I was already starting to get hot enough in just one fur coat, this fluffy mess didn’t help that.

 

 I untied the bathrobe, shrugged it off, and hung it back up. Looking at it again it did seem a little small. ‘Her mom must be really short to wear this. Or maybe it’s not hers.’

 

“Hey, um, Elizabeth?” I asked.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“There's a bathrobe in here but it doesn’t fit me.”

 

“What color is it?”

 

“Green.”

 

“That one’s mine. Is there a purple one in there?” She asked.

 

Well shit. “No,” I answered, “only this one.”

 

“Well put on a towel I guess. We’ll find you something.”

 

A towel. Somehow I didn’t think I’d be wearing it how I wanted. It turned out I was right. It was obvious right away that it would come untied once I got on all fours, but then I didn’t need to tie it at all. I just tossed it over my back like a blanket and adjusted it so I wouldn’t trip. if only it were longer. I could tie it around my neck like a cape. I instead settled for my ‘pinched under wings’ trick to make sure it stayed in place.

 

I hardly felt any less naked with the towel but I opened the door anyway.

 

Elizabeth sat on her haunches in the hall with her silly green dress and a smile at seeing me. I smiled back, at least until the towel slipped from under my wings and caught up around my hoof, pulling it the rest of the down as I maneuvered to stay upright.

 

I glared back at my fuzzy tail and hindquarters while Elizabeth held back a laugh.

 

Fuck it. I don’t care anymore.

 

“Do you have anything else I could try?” I asked, keeping my face as expressionless as possible and my voice monotone.

 

“I’m sure my mom has something.” She said. She pointed to the door at the very end of the hall with on hoof while the other covered her smile.

 

I waited until she got the hint and lead the way. There was no way She’d be walking behind me right now.

 

“You cleaned up pretty well.” She said looking back at me, “Your fur is really very pretty.”

 

I just sighed at that but smiled. I had thought I looked pretty too.

 

She grinned wider, showing her teeth, and did and did a little skip the last few feet to the door that looked a little like a canter. The door was ajar and she just pushed it open with her forehead and kept walking. I followed her inside.

 

I barely glanced around the master bedroom as we headed straight for the open door to a small walk-in closet. I waited on my haunches by the door as she reared up and started looking through the modest selection of clothing on hangers. I noticed a pair of medical scrubs laying on the floor in a heap. Strange. Why would a hospital turn away a nurse?

 

“Is your mom a nurse?” I asked.

 

She saw where I was looking and said, “No. Well, she was going to be, but she said she switched to veterinary school when she realized she could actually afford it. She said the hours sounded better too.”

 

I noticed a framed certificate or something hanging on the wall over a computer desk opposite the bed. I could make out what looked like a “Certif-” and “Vetrin-” in the heading but not much else. So I’d had my head and injuries cared for by a licensed vet. That wasn’t a very happy thought.

 

Elizabeth saw the look on my face and giggle. “Don’t worry about that. She knows a little about people to. She was even saying we look more like people to her than any ponies she’d seen.”

 

Well Now. Something nice to think about, we’re still very human. Straight from the horse's mouth, or her mother’s at least (Oh god I feel bad for thinking that one). She may have only said it to comfort her daughter though.

 

Elizabeth had been pulling a few items of clothing to look at. Her mother seemed to have nice taste, in a weird and formal way. Somehow I hadn’t imagined her mother as being that skinny though. I had just missed her when she walked through the living room on her way out what I assumed was a back or side door (possibly to a garage). I only had her voice to go on before.

 

When I heard them talking the night before she had sounded really gentle like a lot of my friends mothers did growing up, and most of them seemed more on the older, heavier side and did things like make us all brownies and lemonade. Not like my mom, who was thin, sour, and yelled at me when she couldn’t find her cigarettes. I was the one always hiding them from her though so I had it coming.

 

I felt incredibly uncomfortable being brought in to the private bedroom of a seemingly kind older woman I’d never actually met, more so with her wardrobe being shown off to me like this. Even stranger was the idea that I’d be expected to wear whatever was found in here that might fit me, be it a dress, skirt, or something else. At least tight jeans or slacks weren’t an option, there was no way they’d fit my legs, or at least I assumed they wouldn’t.

 

If she pulls any lingerie out of there though I’m out of here. Naked or not. Same goes for swimwear.

 

Funny. I’d pretty much forgotten that I was still naked. Somehow that should make this rifling through a stranger’s closet with her daughter even more awkward. If that’s the case then maybe I don’t really need to wear a dress or anything. I’m just fine. I’ve already got this “pretty” fur coat and it would be a shame to cover up my nice tail after all that brushing... Why are my excuses to get out of wearing a dress even more girly than actually wearing a dress?

 

“Here we go!” Lizzie said suddenly.

 

She was holding up a simple blue sundress on a hanger. It was a really simple dark blue dress, and almost nothing more. There were no filly bits anywhere, the top was cut at a modest level that made no promises to the amount of cleavage it would show off on the woman who wore it, the straps were no more than two inches in width, it started flaring out just a little below the bust, and on an actual woman it would likely reach just past the knees. It was nice, but that’s all it was.. If I had to wear a dress I figured this one was ok.

 

“Nah.” Elizabeth said. She hung it back up and continued riffling through hangers.

 

I am actually disappointed. Wow.

 

“How about we try something else.”

 

She moved to the far corner of the closet where I saw a few winter coats hanging and pulled something out from behind. It was a long grey coat with a belt around the waist. My old girlfriend Jackie had worn something like it to cover up her work uniform. Not being very knowledgeable on most types of clothing (I don’t think I’d ever owned more than a simple leather jacket and a few hoodies at any one time in my life), I couldn’t help but categorize it as simply “The kind of coat women wear in public to cover something else.” I didn’t look terrible warm either so that was good.

 

“I figured it would be easier to wear without tripping over. And it’s loose enough that it should fit.”

 

“Good point.” I said. I had noticed the safety pins in her dress keeping it from tangling with her legs. Likely her mom had helped with those, having fingers and all.

 

She held it out to me and I hooked the hanger with my hoof. I motioned for her to look away while I tried it on and she rolled her eyes at my suddenly modesty and complied. I didn’t want her seeing anything when I reared up to slip this on. Somehow it didn’t occur to me to put it on while sitting down, it must have been habit that made me feel like standing on two legs while putting my arms through the sleeves.

 

It already had the sleeves rolled up and buttoned at the elbows so it fit fine there, with the weird positioning of my joints it technically went past my elbows. I wrapped it around my waist, feeling annoyed at having to restrain my wings (they had really grown on me). It buttoned up so I don’t know how she expected me to close it with hooves.

 

I dropped back down into a sitting position as I fumbled with the middle button. There were only three of them and each a couple inches in diameter, but buttons were meant for fingers, not hooves.

 

“Can you lend me a hand.” I said. or hoof.

 

She came and sat down in front of me and we got to work. After a lot of fumbling around for five minutes we got one. I had to hold one side down one hoof, pinch the other side in my wrist and drag it over, all while she held the large button between both hooves and slid it into the hole.

 

“Well that’s one of them.” She said frowning.

 

The bottom one was easier after we’d already figured out a process. The top I didn’t need. I figured it was supposed to be optional by the look of the thing, and it’s not like I had anything I really needed to cover up there. As soon as I had the right chromosomes to be required to cover them they must have gotten the hint and high-tailed it south to be near the other unmentionables.

 

“Good enough” I sighed, “Now help me with the belt.” I could probably have gotten it buckled myself but it was nice to have a little help, I wouldn’t have gotten it as tight as I wanted anyway without her there to grip it in her teeth and pull.

 

 I stood up on all fours and turned to the full length mirror hanging conveniently between the closet door and dresser. I gave another sad sigh for my lovely wings being hidden from the world. The jacket wasn’t too loose when standing like that and ended up nice and snug on my hips, which I wasn’t exactly happy about, but it was just high and loose enough at the end to give my tail some freedom, which it was happy about (swish, swish, flick). The belt and bottom button were the parts that kept it all just tight enough that I wouldn’t trip over it while the open flaps below them didn’t restrain my back legs like I worried they might.

 

It wasn’t casualwear by any means, and the idea of wearing only that coat around indoors was ridiculous. Outside seemed even worse. Unless it was raining now I didn’t think it would be fun wearing it until September ended at least. The past summer had been deathly hot there in the midwest. At most I hoped I only had to wear it until I could find something more practical. All that aside though I actually liked this jacket, It actually made me look kinda cool.

 

“Elizabeth you’re a genius.” I said turning around in front of the mirror. I lifted my legs to see if moving any of them would make the coat rise up or get in the way, but everything checked out just fine.

 

“I just thought you’d look awesome in it, and you do! It matches your hair so well. It’s, like, the perfect shade between you fur and mane. It just suits you so well, I love it! Mom never wore it anyway, it’s meant more for rain and wind than for cold and she says she doesn’t like going out in bad weather if she can help it.”

 

“Well thanks. I really appreciate all of this. You’ve both been really nice to me. I don’t know where I’d have ended up without your help.” I put my hoof on her shoulder and looked her in the eyes. “You both probably saved my life too. I really don’t know how to thank you enough.” I felt my hear well up in my chest saying that. My eyes were feeling a little wet.

 

Don’t cry don’t cry don’t cry.

 

“Really, don’t worry about it.” She brushed my hoof away, “That part was all mom anyway and she just loves helping people. And she’s the one that said to find something of hers for you to wear.”

 

“You’ve still been a lot of help. You’ve been helping me out while dealing with your own problems too. After all thats happen I just...” I just felt a wave of emotion I didn’t realize I was holding back. It was all catching up to me.

 

I was far from home, I likely didn’t have a home anymore because I was so backed up on rent (I’d sold my car and computer to make rent over the past six months while desperately looking for a job, they didn’t even sell for that much), I had dropped out of college a year ago because my grades weren’t high enough for the free ride the state had been giving me until then, my closest friend had left for Germany for an internship, and now I had lost my humanity as well as my gender, thrown out of the sky for reasons I couldn’t remember, left sore and beaten without even the clothes on my bad, and likely had a close run in with death.

 

And now I'm crying into my foreleg because I don’t have hands anymore.

 

I felt Elizabeth wrap an arm around me and lean into my shoulder. I returned the hug as I started sobbing harder. I couldn’t remember ever crying like this. My last breakup had just made me angry more than anything. When I always tried to be tough and bottle things up. I barely even cried when my mom died.

 

But then... that was mom.

 

I don’t know how long I sat there, crying my brains out into the dress of this tiny girl I hardly knew. We must have looked pretty silly, given our differences in size and our weird new shape. After what felt like an hour I eventually calmed down some and we pulled apart.

 

“Sorry.” I said staring dumbly down at my hooves on the carpet. My stupid little hooves. I brought them up to wipe my eyes.

 

“It’s fine. Really.” She choked out. “I thought I got all my crying done last night. But here I am at it again, joining right in. I’m just a sad, silly little pegasus pony who cries at everything.”

 

I couldn’t help but chuckle at that. I felt a little better actually. There had been a pressure weighing on me that I hadn’t noticed until it was gone. I felt so light I could fly.

 

“Well.” I said, surprising myself in giving her a friendly hug, “Maybe we should both go cry somewhere else. I still haven’t met your mom and it’s really been kind of weird sitting around in her bedroom like this.”

 

She laughed and wiped the remaining tears from her own eyes. “Oops. sorry, I didn’t even think about that. I probably should have just come in here and brought some clothes out, huh?”

 

“Yeah. That would have been a lot less awkward.”

 

My legs felt like jelly, but I had four of them so I was sure that would be enough. We were both laughing and giggling our way out the room, almost leaning on each other to keep from falling over.

 

“So is that. *snrk* what we are?” I asked between laughs, “Ponies?”

 

“Of course. What did you think were were? Giraffes?”

 

“I’ll have you know we Pegasi are a proud and *snrk* noble race!” I stopped walking and lifted a hoof up to my chest and held my head high. “We are superior to giraffes in every way. The- *pffft* they grew out their necks to reach tall branches. But they dreamed too small. We looked at them and we said, ‘Those branches are still too low!’ And so we grew wings!”

 

She punched me with her hoof and we both fell against opposite walls laughing.

 

“You’re so weird” she said, flailing her legs in my direction before rolling over and picking herself up. “Come on, let’s get something to eat. I’m starved. No leaves though.”

 

I’d almost gotten back up but what she said set me off on another fit of laughter which in turn set her off.

 

When we were finally finished, and able to stand and breathe normally, we trotted drunkenly down the hall to the kitchen.