An Apple a Day

>day 420 in Equestria

>the little differences between what you saw on the TV show and the real world of Equestria drive you nuts

>you realize it's a cartoon for little girls, but nonetheless you are continuously blindsided by things you never expected

>you've been living with the Apples for a year now, helping on the farm

>today, for instance, today you were helping Applejack pick apples

>it's been an exhausting day

>as the sun was going down, she said "C'mere, Sugarcube. Sit down, we've earned a break. An' there's somethin' Ah hope t' talk to you about."

>you sit on the hillside overlooking the farm, with a gorgeous view of the sun slowly setting behind the farmhouse

>and she's leaning against you

>it feels nice

>Applejack is a nice girl. pone. mare. something. a part of you wishes fervently that she were human. You try not to think about it.

>especially when there are other things about which you're curious

>for example, after a year of close covert observation,

>you still can't figure out how she opens doors and stuff with her marshmallow hooves

>she had a saddlebag with her

>you figured she was getting out sandwiches or something like that

>that's nice of her, you thought

>instead she gets out a little baggie of green plant material

>and rolling papers

>and somehow with just her lips rolls a perfect joint

>that's not what it looks like, is it?

>she lights it and takes a horse-sized toke

>you can smell it

>yeah, it's exactly what it looks like

>you politely decline, and decide against saying aloud that you've never seen her do anything like this before

>she gives you an odd look, then shrugs

 

>she exhales slowly, and nuzzles you

>she looks up at you, and smiles, but the smile doesn't quite reach her eyes

>"Ain't never had no luck with stallions, Anonymous," she says, sadly

>"And you're hard-workin' 'n' honest 'n' kind. Granny trusts ya, Applebloom thinks of ya like a big brother, did ya know that?"

>you didn't, actually

>"Big Mac likes ya, and Ah--well."

>"Ya know, you ain't bad lookin', in a certain alien, non-pone-like fashion."

>she gets an unlabeled flat bottle out of her saddlebags

>it is colorless glass, containing a liquid the same color as the last slanting golden rays of light from the setting sun

>she offers it to you wordlessly

>you were never much of a drinker, but you take a small swig of it

>goddamn, it tastes like apples and fire, and it leaves you sputtering, it's the first drink you've had in over a year

>Applejack takes a pull from the bottle herself and coughs. "Apple brandy. Granny's recipe."

>She takes another hit from the joint and offers it to you again, with a little half-smile

>you shake your head silently, and return her little smile.

>she exhales again. "Ah was hopin', but. Ah just cain't."

"I'm not sure I understand, Applejack."

>"Ah think ya do, actually. And maybe ya feel some o' the same things, Ah think."

"Would you like to talk about it?"

>"Oh, Anonymous. You're always so p'lite. And that ain't something Ah can fault."

>"It's just that... Ah thought maybe we could be more 'n' friends."

"You mean--"

>"Yeah. Only Ah cain't do this. Ah just cain't. There's a part o' me that wants to, but ya ain't a stallion. Ya don't smell right and Ah cain't."

>there are tears starting to form at the corners of her eyes

>"An' maybe Ah'm not the only one with a sim'lar problem, am Ah right? Ah see th' way y' look at me sometimes."

 

>you look away

"You're very pretty, Applejack. And honest, and smarter than you let on sometimes. And you have the most beautiful eyes. And yeah. I've had thoughts I probably shouldn't."

>she looks at you

"If you were human, if you were a woman. I can imagine what you'd look like, I can imagine you, and you're beautiful. And if..."

>you look down

"but you aren't, no more than I'm a stallion. And I can't. Part of me wants--"

>she's taking another hit from the joint

"And I never had any luck with women either. Is the problem in my mind, that I can't get past this? Because I wish... I wish--"

>she exhales again, and smiles sadly at you. "Don't make no difference what we wish, Sugarcube. Wishin' don't make it so."

>"but if'n ya wouldn't mind," she says softly, "Could ya hold me for a spell, just like this?"

"Of course."

>"Ah was hopin that maybe, if'n we got wasted t'gether, maybe that could get us past it, an' then if we didn't like it we could pretend it wasn't our fault an' never speak of it no more. But that didn't work, neither"

"I'm sorry, Applejack. I'd never want to hurt you."

>"An' Ah'd never want t' hurt you, neither, Anonymous. An' this ain't yer fault. Nor mine. It's yer nature, an' mine. Ain't nobody's fault. It just is."

>tears run down her cheeks, and seeing that is tearing your heart out

>you care deeply for her, you have for a long time, but you can't make yourself feel the desire to bone a horse

>"Maybe if Ah was one o' those big-city girls from Manehattan--well, some o' them date minotaurs 'n' griffons 'n' dragons an' sometimes even other mares."

>"But Ah just cain't. Th' desire ain't in me, though Ah wish 'n' pray for it, any more 'n' Ah could make mahself love another mare that way."

>"An' Ah hoped if Ah got high enough, drunk enough, it'd make me brave enough, but..."

>you pull her closer, in the cool evening breeze

>"Sure you don't want some o' this weed? Granny grows it, an' everypone says it's good stuff."

>what the hell, you don't feel like being sober right now

 

>you try take a hit from the joint, and immediately begin coughing

>your head's already spinning from that popskull you drank earlier

>and she's looking into your eyes, her nose half an inch from yours, her hooves on your shoulders

>and she takes off her hat

>"Would ya like to try to... to try to..."

>and her lips touch yours gently

>and you close your eyes, and you imagine the cute freckled blonde farm girl she'd be, if she were human

>and for one beautiful moment you lose yourself, and embrace her, your fingers running through her soft, soft mane, her lips so soft and warm against yours

>you haven't been kissed in so long, and she's a wonderful kisser, even if her lips taste of weed and liquor, and your body begins to respond

>your hands roam over her back, and her mane smells of sunlight and wildflowers, and--

>but you remember she's not a woman, and the spell is broken, and you can tell the same thing happens for her

>and you open your eyes again to look into hers, and her lip is quivering now, she knows, and you know she knows

>and wordlessly you put your arm around her

>and the two of you lean together as the stars come out, trying not to cry

>out of fucking nowhere, Pinkie Pie

>"Ooooooooooooooooooooo! Is this a party? Can I have some of that?"

>Applejack lets out a lungful of smoke and says "Neigh-ga, please."

>Pinkie Pie pouts cutely

>Applejack snickers and passes her the joint

>"If this is a party, why don't you two look happier? Everypone likes a party, especially if it's a special party just for two! Is it?" asks the Pink Menace

"Not much gets by you, does it?" you ask, trying to smile for her

>your brain is full of dirty cotton wool, and you don't feel nearly as good as you hoped this stuff would make you feel

>today was a doomed cross-species love day