Title:           Breakfast with Luna - 1
Author:          goticBlake
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/nHFsgJyj
First Edit:      Wednesday 20th of November 2013 01:13:54 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Wednesday 20th of November 2013 01:13:54 AM CDT

>You know, Anon
>Live in Celestia's castle in Cantarlat
>Gotta stay away from the plebs, wouldn't accept you
>Live a luxurious but utterly boring life in Equestria, unknown to everyp0ne but the Princesses and a few lackeys
 
>You go to sleep after a long and uneventful day
>Not even 5 minutes later
>"Anon, thy presence is required"
>The eerie whisper makes you shiver, the voice of Luna too close
>"It is imperative thou followeth us"
>You can barely stand the ye olde engrish bull when you aren't tired, but this just makes you grit your teeth
>"We know thou art awake now, it would be improper to ignore us any further"
>You slowly sit on your bed, and glare murderously at Moonbutt in front of you
>"Finally, it took thou long enough. Follow us"
>She turns her back to you and heads for the door
>You take the opportunity to look with longing at your pillow before glaring some more
>You follow Luna to the kitchen in silence
>Luna leads you to the kitchen in silence
>Silence, sleepy silence
>"LOYAL SUBJECTS, WE ART IN NEED OF THE ROYAL KITCHEN. STEP OUTSIDE SO THAT IT CAN BE USED BY US"
>That. Is. IT. You wait till no more pones are leaving the kitchen before asking
"What does your Majesty need of my person?"
>That was the most sardonic sentence you had ever spoken
>She didn't notice
>"Thou art going to prepare our breakfast, Anon"
>You are silent again, not following through with what Luna said
"Yeah right"
>She doesn't notice the oozing sarcasm of that sentence either
>"It is to our understanding that thy breakfast is different from ponykind's"
>She can't mean it
>"We art most curious. We will try the food of your 'people'"
>Oh no
"Look, I'm no cook. I don't even make my own breakfast here. And I'm pretty sure it's not fit for your body"
>You might said something wrong in that last sentence
>"ART THOU IMPLYING THAT OUR BODY CANNOT BEAT THY SIMPLE BREAKFAST?!"
>Oh for the love of
"Your HIGHNESS, I'm just saying that your kind doesn't usually eat the stuff my kind eats. Bacon 'n' stuff"
>"Bacon? We will try this bacon thou speaketh of"
>You stare at her
>Well, you tried to warn her
"If you say so"
 
>Oh shit oh shit oh shit
>The kitchen is on fire
>Moonbutt is on fire
>You are on fire
>Well, you are not on fire
>Yet
>"AAAH! HELP! THY PRINCESS IS CAUGHT ON THE FLAMES OF THY FAILURE!"
>Thy Princess was flailing around looking at her flaming mane
>Thy Princess somehow forgot about her fucking magic
>You are not too keen on helping her, more on escaping
>But you are pretty sure if you don't douse the fire on her, you won't be welcome in Equestria
>You tell her, in a bored tone of voice
"Ok, ok, hang in there, stay put so I can put the fire out"
>You take out your trusty hose, the one that loves the hoes
>"WHAT IS TAKING THEE SO LONG?!"
>You loosen up your firedouser on the distraught Princess, basking in the relief it brought you
>The fire just got bigger and wilder, consuming Moonbutt more quickly
>"WHAT HAVE THY DONE?!!! THE SCENT IS--"
>She starts gargling on your untreated water, cut out mid-sentence
>Guards start flooding the place, bringing buckets of water to calm the heated outbreak
>You make sure to stuff your stuff in your pants before they notice
>Moonbutt isn't moving anymore, just making a long groaning/silent scream sound
>Oh well
>The whole castle's inhabitants are heading to the ruckus you caused
>You go back to your room to get your much needed sleep
[spoiler]"That'll teach her..."[/spoiler]