Miami Thunder

Joe wasn't an extraordinary man. He did his job, waiting and tending to the kitchen and lawn, but he was lonely. Thankfully, the wife's husband was always out on trips, and the husband's wife was quite..... well endowed. He used the family charm on her, and she became close to him, just as Joe grew closer to her.

 

One day, poor Joe misheard the time in which his boss, the husband, would get home from his peacekeeping trip in Mali.

 

'Ole Joe and the husband had both been in the French Foreign Legion for a number of years, but Joe grew weary of the violence, and took up being a waiter once his five years of service was up. His boss, however, became a ruthless operator, a disgrace to operators everywhere, what with all the rapes genocide enablings. He wasn't a good man.

This made it quite the pants-shitter when he came home and saw Joe with his wife in his pool drinking his champagne using his dildo with the suction cup.... Exasperated from the sight, and angry from the misuse of the dildo, the husband silently went into his den and retrieved a nickel-plated M1911 with horn grips, and plotted to kill Joe.

 

The husband sneaked out from behind the Bird-of-Paradise plants, and took aim at Joe. The wife, though tired and sore from the large, black dildo, spotted him, and warned Joe with a shout of "look out!". He fired the Colt, and hit his own wife in the neck. As she bled out on the side of the pool, Joe stood up and confronted him. "What, you too afraid to shoot now that you killed your own fucking wife? Afraid of what they'll do to you in prison?" Joe shouted. "No, but you should be." The husband tossed the Colt at Joe, who catches it by the grip.

 

Joe takes aim, then realizes what the husband had just done....

>One year later, in a Florida state penitentiary:

 

Joe does one last rep to get swole and hangs the bar on the rack. "I've gotta get out of this shithole".

>One more year later, in the same penitentiary:

 

A 4x4 comes flying out of the pen, followed by a large red truck. The getaway chase lasts for over an hour, and joe finally takes refuge in a chop shop. But the breakout isn't over yet, his old FFL buddies are waiting for him at the docks. He walks to the docks, having changed into khakis and a green jacket, he makes his way to the docks. Upon finding his boat, he revels in the familiar faces. Dr. Charles Lighting, the old sapper. Harry Cane was there too for some reason, but the lovely Gail Storm made up for it. Joe figured he'd need a new name.

 

He's always liked Jon. No, John. I got it. Call me Johnny.

 

*thunderclap*