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Booty Patrol Oneshots 3

By: fullbodiedanon on Jan 8th, 2014  |  syntax: None  |  size: 5.04 KB  |  hits: 43  |  expires: Never
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  1. >Day WIGGLEWIGGLEWIGGLE YEAH at Equestria High.
  2. >Be Norman.
  3. >For the past couple of weeks, you have been on the chase by the "Booty Patrol".
  4. >Some bullshit that Pinkie came up with to slap your butt all the damn time.
  5. >She's gotten everyone to start doing it.
  6. >Well...
  7. >Everyone but the one that matters.
  8. >Currently, you are eating your god damn lunch as fast as you can so you have enough time to escape once you are finished.
  9. >With one last gulp, you-
  10. ACK!
  11. >OH SHIT, YOU ATE SO FAST, YOU DIDN'T CHEW THAT LAST PART.
  12. *riiiing*
  13. >OH GOD NO, NOT NOW.
  14. >"Oh crap, Norman, let me help you!" says Pinkie.
  15. >OH GOD OH MAN OH GOD OH MAN.
  16. >I'M GONNA DIE BY CHOCKING WHILE SOME GIRL SLAPS ON MY ASS FOR ETERNITY.
  17. >Pinkie gets behind you.
  18. >Goodbye cruel world... i won't miss you at all.
  19. >She takes you by your stomach and-
  20. HOOUGH!
  21. >Sh-she actually helped out spit it out.
  22. >"Wow Norman, that was bad. You almost choked to death!"
  23. Pinkie, you saved my life. You saved my life and you didn't even do any weird shit to m-
  24. >"Oh yeah, by the way, you're under arrest." she says slapping you on the butt.
  25. >Fuck, so close.
  26. >At least she saved your life.
  27. >"BOOTY PATROL, MOVE OUT! WE HAVE TO GET THIS CRIMINAL TO THE COURT HOUSE!"
  28. Fucking what?
  29. >"WOOP WOOP!" she says slapping your butt as fast as she can.
  30. -----------------------
  31.  
  32. >Day judgin' dat booty at Equestria High.
  33. >Be Norman.
  34. >You are at an actual fucking court house right now.
  35. This is just fucking ridiculous.
  36. >"You're booty is redonkulous." says Pinkie.
  37. Ughhhhh....
  38. >"Judge Luna presiding." says the bailiff which seems to be pip.
  39. Oh you have to be shitting me. The vice principal is in on this too? HOW FAR DOES THIS BRANCH OUT?
  40. >"Order in the court. Do you wish for me to end this with a swift sentence to prison?" she asks slamming her gavel down on a butt shaped mat.
  41. >I bet it's some kind of fucking butt slapping jail.
  42. >You suddenly see Sophie walk up.
  43. Oh thank god Sophie, you have to get me out of this situation!
  44. >"Sorry Norman, but i'm not on your side. I'm going to be prosecuting you." she says smiling.
  45. >You've never been this mad.
  46. >Ever.
  47. >Court starts with another slam on the butt mat.
  48. >"Your honer, i'd like to present to you and the jury, exhibit A." says Sophie turning you around and pointing towards your ass.
  49. >So fucking mad.
  50. >The jury begins to talk over one another.
  51. >"I rest my case." says Sophie sitting back down.
  52. >"Do the defendants have anything to add?" asks Luna.
  53. >You look to your left to see... oh god.
  54. >The CMC.
  55. >"YOUR HONOR, WE WOULD LIKE TO POINT OUT, THAT HAVING A BOOTY SUCH AS THIS IS NOT A CRIME. IT IS A GENETIC MUTATION OF THE BOOTY GENE. OUR CLIENT HAS NO FAULT." yells Apple Bloom.
  56. >Wow, they're actually DEFENDING you.
  57. >Thats... pretty cool actually.
  58. >"Objection your honor. Norman's butt could bust out of those jeans at any moment." says Sophie.
  59. >Did she seriously just turn "genes" into "jeans"
  60. >"I've seen all i need to. Jury, what do you find the defendant?" asks Luna.
  61. >Ditzy Doo rises up.
  62. >"We the jury find the defendant... booty... i mean guilty." she says flipping her paper around.
  63. >"I sentence you to a week of real butt slapping prison!" says Luna coming over to you and slapping the gavel on your butt.
  64. >You look towards the CMC.
  65. Well, you all tried.
  66. >"Sorry Norman. We'll write to you." says Sweetie Belle.
  67. >On your way out, everyone slaps you on the ass.
  68. >"BOOTY PATROL IS ALWAYS READY TO SLAP THE GAVEL OF JUSTICE ON THE BOOTY OF CRIMINALS." yells the booty patrol.
  69. Ughhhhhh...
  70. ---------------------
  71.  
  72. >Day don't drop the soap at Equestria High.
  73. >Be Norman.
  74. >You are in fucking booty prison.
  75. >This is apparently a real fucking thing.
  76. >What the fuck America?
  77. >You sit down on the bed attached to the wall.
  78. >You're just glad you are the ONLY person to be sentenced to booty prison ever.
  79. >You honestly don't wanna have a room mate.
  80. >Not with what this place implies.
  81. >You hear a banging on the bars that keep you in your cell.
  82. >It's Sunset.
  83. >Here we fucking go.
  84. >"You know the drill." she says with a smirk.
  85. >You turn around and face the wall.
  86. When's dinner?
  87. >"You aren't getting dinner until i'm sure you aren't packing any weapons in this thing." she says gropping your ass.
  88. How the hell would i even get a weapon up the- don't answer that.
  89. >After 10 minutes of groping, you get tossed two trays of food.
  90. >At least they know you're always fucking starving.
  91. >"Looks like you made bail Norman." says Sunset opening your cell doors.
  92. Wh-who paid bail?
  93. >"ME!" says Pinkie.
  94. Pinkie is swear to god-
  95. >"That's no way to treat a friend who just bailed you out of real butt slapping prison. I got you out before you met the warden." she says giggling.
  96. >You REALLY don't need to know who the warden is.
  97. Fine. Thanks. What's the catch?
  98. >"Oh, i'm gonna be your parole officer. You're under house arrest." she says smiling.
  99. Ooooooh my god.
  100. >"And the best part is that i have to be next to you at ALL TIMES! ISN'T THAT NEAT?"
  101. >So god damn mad right now.
  102. >She slaps you on the butt.
  103. And that was for?
  104. >"That was a slap of congratulations."
  105. Why?
  106. >"For good behavior."
  107. Ughhhh.
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