mlp human origins: the return of the duo

mlp human origins: part two

the return of the duo

(now with translations. it’s still Google translate.)

year: 2047

chapter one

the reasons

earth was plunged into chaos since the zombie virus was discovered by the Koreans. most countries fell into poverty and the zombie virus. resources were running out. and money was shit. the only option was colonization. of another planet. but other planets weren’t discovered. except by two countries. which was secret to civilians. only the military of these two countries were to go. the U.S.A, and Russia. both countries agreed to share the world together so that it doesn’t end up the same fate as earth. the two countries armed forces left earth and headed for this new world. equestria.

chapter two

the welcome wagon

“you will all cooperate and achieve from this place we are going to. this world is a new start. for us. and we are lucky to have another chance at redoing history. now go. the ships are waiting.”

huckleberry and norcross got their own private ship.

“hey norcross?” said huckleberry

“what?”

“you think our house is still there?”

“…. probably.”

the ship roared off into a purple portal. next thing the duo knew. they were in ponyville. whispers came back.

“whoa.”

“they’re back again.”

“the saviors! celestia will want to hear this.”

“the mane six will want to hear it!”

norcross and huckleberry strolled through ponyville to get to the library. huckleberry swung the library door open.

“OOGEY BOOGEY! WHERE THE WHITE WOMEN AT?” shouted norcross. rainbow dash and twilight looked up in excitement and rushed over to the duo.

“oh my goodness. it’s been so long. we thought you two would never come back.” said twilight.

“you guys were really missed. we thought things would never be fun anymore.” said rainbow dash.

“yeah cuz last time was a blast.” said norcross.

“look. it’s great that were here. but the best part is. we are here to stay.” said huckleberry.

“are you two getting married here?” said twilight.

“what…no. no no no. we are colonizing equestria!” said huckleberry.

“our world leaders have already gone to canterlot and are talking out agreements to celestia.” said norcross.

“well. since you both are staying. you might want to find new homes.” said twilight.

“why?” said huckleberry.

“what about the house? and the base?” said norcross.

“celestia scrapped them for resources.” said rainbow dash.

“selfish bastard.” said huckleberry.

“wait! A whole base?”

“well then what do we do?” said norcross.

“well….hmmmmm.” twilight was thinking.

“huckleberry could go live with fluttershy. he’s done it before. and she will happily allow you to do it again.”

“a little too happily.” said rainbow dash.

“cool.” said huckleberry. and walked out of the library.

“hold the fun train the fuck up. what about me?” said norcross.

“well….. there is a spare guest room at rarity’s boutique. I guess you could go there.” said twilight.

“damnitt.” said norcross.

 

chapter three

huckleberry’s new home

huckleberry walked over to the outskirts of ponyville to the tree fluttershy lived in.

“home sweet home.” said huckleberry as he walked up. someone walked out of the door. it was fluttershy. but she wasn’t jumping with joy.

“obvious.” said huckleberry to himself. just behind her was another pony.

“oh my….hello huckleberry.” said fluttershy. the pony behind fluttershy gave huckleberry an ‘ I’m going to brutally kill you’ stare.

“sup.” said huckleberry. he peered over fluttershy’s mane to see the pony behind her. his eyes re-fixated on her plot.

“who’s this?” said huckleberry.

“oh him…he’s just a…friend” said fluttershy. he pushed her out of the way.

“more like boyfriend. and what are you?” said the pony. he was a green unicorn with both gender symbols as a cutie mark.

“I asked for your name first.” said huckleberry.

“I wasn’t asking for a name. idiot.” said the green pony.

“well I was. and I asked first.” said huckleberry.

“if you want to know so bad. my names martini.” said martini.

“charmed. im huckl…”

“I said I didn’t care about your worthless name.” said martini.

“why are you here?”

“because I’m living here with my really good friend fluttershy.” said huckleberry.

“what? over my dead body.”

‘sounds like a trade’ thought huckleberry

“she’s mine pal. not your’s.”

“um…actually you just…”

“shut it babe. I don’t need you for this.” martini cut her off quick.

“let the lady speak.” said huckleberry.

“oh it’s okay. It wasn’t important.” said fluttershy

“add a girl. I’m hungry. what’s for lunch?” said martini.

“I’m going to assume that you pressured fluttershy into this.” said huckleberry.

“listen here. thing. you should just turn your square flank around. and crawl under the rock you came from.” said martini.

“that’s a damn shame. cuz the only direction my boots are going.” said huckleberry as he was lighting a cigarette.

“is into that tree.” huckleberry pushed him out of the way and continued to walk off into the house.

“hey! you get back here!” shouted martini. he ran in front of huckleberry to cut off his path. huck pushed him aside.

“don’t you dare push me away again.” martini’s horn glowed. and huckleberry was suspended in mid air by his backpack. he was then levitated over to martini.

“I’m in charge! YOU HEAR ME! SHE’S MINE!” shouted martini. huckleberry was low enough to the ground.

‘ooh idea’ huck kicked the lower jaw of martini and sent him stumbling backwards. martini got up and ran at huckleberry. huck caught him. grabbed his horn. and pile drived his knee into martini’s nose. breaking it. martini laid down on the ground screaming. huck didn’t care.

“nice to meet you too.” said huckleberry. he walked inside the house to see fluttershy cooking. huck took the pan with steak in it and dumped it in the trash.

“oh no… don’t do that. martini will punish me.” said fluttershy with a worried tone.

“no he won’t.” said huckleberry. huckleberry went into fluttershy’s restroom to take a piss of the gods. while doing so he heard the front door open.

“hey babe. crazy dude just tried to get in. but I scared the coward away and….oh my god. you didn’t make me lunch.”

“martini…im sorry. I”

“nope. save it. you know I have to punish you. go get on the leather.”

‘what the hell is this kid’s problem?’ said huckleberry. he didn’t flush as he sneaked out of the bathroom to hear martini moaning.

‘this kid has got to go’ thought huckleberry. he walked upstairs to see martini on fluttershy’s bed. erection in full swing. he noticed huckleberry.

“is that really all you have?” said huckleberry.

“GET OUT!” shouted martini.

“You’re the one leaving dipshit.” said huckleberry. he pulled martini off the bed and threw him out the second story window. and heard the satisfying thud of martini hitting the ground, screaming.

“ah. sweet melodies.” said huckleberry. he heard the closet door creak and saw a crying fluttershy in a tight leather outfit. huckleberry looked and saw tears in her eyes.

“take that off.” said huckleberry.

“you won’t ever have to wear it again.”

“oh thank you so much. martini did pressure m-me into….. a relationship…. all he wanted was….. food and….and..”

“save the tears. I know what he wanted.” said huckleberry. huckleberry went outside to see the broken to pieces body of martini. but surprisingly he was still alive.

“help….me.” said martini. huckleberry picked up his hind leg, and threw him into the river.

“you’re a fucking retard martini.” said huckleberry. he walked back to fluttershy’s house with a smile on his face.

chapter four

norcross’s new home

norcross was escorted to the boutique by twilight and rainbow. twilight opened the door for norcross. the bell rang.

“who is it?” shouted rarity from another room.

“it’s me. rarity.” said twilight.

“oh thank goodness you’re here.” said rarity as she ran out of the room. covered in dresses.

“I have the perfect dress for you when we go to the…..” rarity dropped all the dresses in shock as she saw norcross standing there.

“uh….hey.” said norcross.

“my….my goodness. what are you doing here?” said rarity.

“I think we should leave.” said rainbow dash.

“well. since humans have to find a new place to stay. they decided to only take the militaries. and me and huckleberry got assigned here.” said norcross.

“huckleberry’s here?” said rarity. she stared to blush.

“do you think he still remembers that night at the party?”

norcross stared with a blank but disappoint face.

“no I think he forgot.” said norcross.

“back on subject. since I was assigned here and our house was destroyed. I need a place to stay. twilight told me you had a guest room that I could use.”

“oh. well sweetie bell is using that room right now.” said rarity.

‘sweetie bell?’ thought norcross. just then a small, white, unicorn ran out of the room and out the door.

‘I’m gonna assume that was her.’

“well. thanks anyway. I better be leaving.” said norcross. rarity stopped him in his tracks.

“but I think I can clear some space around here.” said rarity.

“or….we could just share a room.” she was starting to blush.

‘I’m gonna get raped.’ thought norcross.

‘I’m gonna wake up tomorrow. and my ass will be hurting.’

chapter five

cutie mark crusaders

after norcross got his stuff situated. he walked outside. he saw ponyville bustling with shops, pedestrians, and even a few people getting acquainted with ponies. for once in his life. norcross gave a smile. but it was cut short when he was ensnared by a net.

“what the fuck?” he shouted as he was being dragged off. a few minutes later he was in front of what looked like a treehouse.

back at fluttershy’s house. huckleberry was starving out of his mind.

“fluttershy. I’m going to go get something to eat. don’t let anyone in the house while I’m gone.” said huckleberry. as he was walking outside, a sudden rope wrapped around his foot and he was dragged across the yard. trying to cut the rope.

“fuck fuck fuck fuck!” he shouted. he was then suspended in mid air. but soon cut down, rope still wrapped around his foot. he was then blindfolded, and taken off to the same place norcross was. he was then hung in a nearby tree. the blindfold was removed. huck saw norcross, and three little Phillies.

“uh….can you let me down?” said huckleberry.

“what are these things?” said sweetie bell.

“it doesn matter. all that matters is we got them”

“I wish I had a sister.”

norcross looked over at huckleberry and shrugged. huckleberry face palmed. norcross signaled sweetie bell over to him

“why are we here?” asked norcross.

“we want to figure out what you things are. that way we can get our cutie marks!” sweetie bell shouted with glee.

“cutie marks?” said huckleberry.

“yah. all we want to do is ask ya’ll some questions.” said a yellow filly with a red mane.

“…..okay…..” said norcross. just then. the yellow filly pulled up a desk with paper and a quill on it.

“where did you get the desk?” asked huckleberry.

“ah’ll be asking the questions here.” said the yellow filly.

“first question. for… you. in the squares. question one. why are you covered in squares?”

huckleberry didn’t really know how to put it in children’s terms.

“I was born like this.” he lied. a look of amazement struck the three fillies

“hmmmmm. but then why is your friend here all in blotches and different colors?” said the orange filly.

“why are you orange but your friends are white and yellow?” said norcross. they had a puzzled look on their faces. but then realized what it meant.

“can I ask a question for you three.” said huckleberry.

“who are you?”

“well. ahm applebloom.” said the yellow filly.

“and im scootaloo.” said the orange filly.

“and im….”

“we already know who you are.” said norcross.

“AND WE’RE THE CUTIE MARK CRUSADERS!” they stared jumping with joy. all huck and norcross could do was sit there and wonder. suddenly a voice.

“applebloom? where in the hay did you go? we have chores to do.” it was applejack. she came out of the bushes for some reason and saw norcross and huckleberry tied up.

“hey.” said huckleberry

“how’s it goin?” said norcross

“duo! what in the hay are ya’ll doing here?!” she was very surprised to see them.

“I don’t know. but I want down.” said huckleberry.

“we were being questioned by these kids.” said norcross.

“hey sister! whatcha doin here?” said applebloom.

“applebloom! what are you doing to these two?” said applejack. applebloom suddenly had a sad look on her face.

“sorry sis. ah was just curious on what these two things are and… I thought it would help me get mah cutie mark.” she said it like as if she was about to get beaten.

“oh don’t you worry about your cutie mark. why when I was just a silly filly. ah…..”

“HEY! cut me down!” shouted huckleberry. cutting off applajack’s story.

chapter six

schooled

huckleberry and norcross were at the town square. listening to the agreements.

“since we have to live here.” said chairman of the U.S

“we have been given certain commands by the royalty of celestia. first off, we must be taught the lifestyle and knowledge of equestria. that means all U.S persons are required to attend school.”

“what?”

“that’s bullshit!”

“I barely passed people school!”

“the same goes for the Russia.” said chairman of Russia.

“что?” (what)

” я не хочу.” (that’s not good)

“that doesn’t sound too bad.” said huckleberry to norcross.

“I dun giv a fuck.” said norcross.

the next day. the duo decided to go. but since there weren’t any colleges for some reason. all they had was an elementary school.

“now this is bad.” said huckleberry.

“I still dun giv a fuck.” said norcross. they walked inside to see fillies stare at them in amazement.

“everybody I staring.” said huckleberry.

“what are those things.”

“interesting.”

“what’s up with their colors?”

“what’s up with them in general.” just then a purple earth pony walked in.

“good morning class.”

“good morning miss cheerilee.” said the class. miss cheerilee looked at norcross and huckleberry.

“and you two are?” she said to them.

“um….I’m huckleberry.” said huckleberry

“and I’m norcross.” said norcross. miss cheerilee looked at them with a stern face, then a smile.

“oh. you two must be here from the requirement. please don’t be shy. why don’t you introduce yourselves to the class. all your other friends have.” said miss cheerilee. huckleberry looked over to see some rangers and spetznaz sitting in the back of the class. smoking and playing cards.

“they’re smoking in a kids class.” said huckleberry to norcross.

“if the teacher’s okay with it. we should be too.” said norcross.

“well. come on you two. introduce yourselves.” said cheerilee. huckleberry went first.

“uh….hi. I’m huckleberry.”

“hellooo huckleberry.” said the class.

“now tell us about yourself.” said cheerilee. the class leaned in with anxiety.

“well….uh….I’ve been.....uh…..” huckleberry just suddenly stood there. silent.

“okaaaaayyy then.” said miss cheerilee.

“why don’t you take a seat.”

huckleberry found a seat, and of course took it. he was sitting next to a white filly with braces and a possible breathing issue. the filly couldn’t stop staring at him.

“hi.” she said to huckleberry.

“uh…hi.” said huckleberry.

“I’m twist. what’s your name.” said twist

“oh for pete’s sake.” said huckleberry.

“okay how about you introduce yourself to the class.” said cheerlilee. norcross went up to the board. he had an idea.

“Привет кобылы. Меня зовут Norcross вы все куча едоков пенис.” (hi I’m norcross. and you’re all penis eaters.) said norcross. the whole class couldn’t understand and the spetznaz started laughing.

“okay then. why don’t you take your seat.” said miss cheerilee. the spetznaz started laughing even harder. norcross took a seat by a purple filly with a tiara as her cutie mark. she gave a glare at norcross.

“what are you supposed to be?” said the purple filly.

“I’m norcross. and you?” said norcross.

“I’m diamond tiara. and I don’t approve of you.” said tiara.

“ I’m older than you. and I bet I can punt you out that window.” said norcross. pointing to an open window. huckleberry was on the other side of the class. getting his ear chatted out by twist.

“and I like work, and math, and learning, and my friends, and….”

“okay. that’s a lot of likes. uh tell you what. if you like learning. then shut up and listen to the teacher.” said huckleberry. just then huckleberry’s eye caught something. the cutie mark crusaders waving like crazy at him. norcross got hit by a paper airplane. –open it- it said on the airplane. norcross opened the plane to see another note. –turn around- it said inside the plane. norcross turned around to see sweetie bell smiling at her.

‘how did she fold this’ said norcross. huckleberry nor norcross were paying attention to miss cheerilee.

“okay class. it’s time for recess.” said miss cheerilee.

“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYY!” shouted the class as they ran outside.

“might as well follow.” said huckleberry to norcross.

chapter seven

a bully

 while they were outside. huckleberry lit a cigarette.

“I don’t mean to judge. but didn’t you just get mad at the rangers for smoking in class?” said norcross.

“this is different. this is outside.” said huckleberry. suddenly huck looked over to see diamond tiara walking over to twist. slamming papers in front of her.

“I’ll be right back.” said huckleberry to norcross. huckleberry walked over to twist and tiara.

“and I also told you twist that I needed my homework done you useless, ugly, geek!” shouted tiara. huckleberry walked over and swiped the paper from tiara.

“hey give that back!” shouted tiara. huckleberry ignored tiara and studied the paper. it was a paper describing how she got her cutie mark. huckleberry looked at tiara with disappoint.

“you expect twist to know how you got your tramp stamp?” said huckleberry. tiara went quiet. huckleberry took the cigarette out of his mouth and put it up to the paper.

“hey! don’t do that!” shouted tiara.

“why! I don’t see your name on it.” said huckleberry. as the paper burnt up on the ground. tiara had a look of anger.

“nopony messes with me and gets away with it. come on girls.” said tiara. she and her friends just gave a grunt and walked off with their heads held high. huckleberry walked over to twist.

“you okay?” said huckleberry. twist just had a look of shock.

“nopony has ever stood up to diamond tiara. you should watch your back.” warned twist.

“…..why?” said huckleberry.

“she’s only as high as my knees.”

“you’d be surprised.” said twist. the bell rang and all the fillies went inside.

“okay class. please pass your reports to the front desk.” said miss cheerilee. all the filly’s passed up their papers except for the crusaders and tiara.

“miss diamond tiara?” said miss cheerilee.

“yes?” said tiara.

“where’s your paper? you have a cutie mark. right?” said miss cheerilee. tiara looked at huckleberry. all huckleberry did was lean back and smile.

“I….. I didn’t do it.” said tiara.

“well then. I’m sorry but I’m going to have to fail you.” said miss cheerilee. tiara gave a mean look to huckleberry. the crusaders were laughing. and norcross did not give a fuck.

“okay class. that’s all for today. see you tomorrow.” said miss cheerilee.

as all the fillies piled out of the school. norcross and huckleberry took their time.

“this is going to be easy.” said huckleberry.

“yeah. too easy.” said norcross

chapter eight

preparations

after three days of reports and fucking with the brats at school. the duo finally got a break from it. but only to get more news. while huckleberry was at the tree. he was messing around with angel. all he needed was a carrot, a stick, and a string. while angle was asleep. huckleberry attached the stick to his head, with the carrot attached to the string. huckleberry woke him up. and watched angel flip shit attempting to get the carrot.

“ahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. oh animals are stupid.” said huckleberry.

back at norcross. he was asleep in rarity’s room. but awoke to the cat scratching at his hand.

“FUCKING BITCH! FUS ROH DAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!” and the cat practically embedded itself in the wall.

“why does this bitch have a bitch cat in this bitch?” said norcross to himself. rarity suddenly rushed into the room.

“is everything okay? I heard shouting!” said rarity. she didn’t notice the cat in the wall.

“uh. ya. you’re probably just hearing things.” said norcross. rarity looked at him with uncertainty.

“well. okay. well since you’re up. I need you to run a few errands for me sweetie.” said rarity writing down things on a list.

“sweetie?” said norcross.

“I need the things on this list right here.” said rarity. the list was full of fabric names and gems. with an estimated price at the bottom of the list.

“105 pieces.” said norcross

“I don’t even have one.”

“oh. I never thought out that problem.” said rarity. she sat there thinking. norcross had an idea.

“I’ll think of a way.” said norcross. he walked all the way to fluttershys house to get huckleberry to help him. huck was laughing at angel as he ran into a tree to get the carrot.

“ahahahahahahahhahahahahahaha! oh your such a dipshit.” said huckleberry.

“hey huckleberry!” shouted norcross. huckleberry got up and walked over.

“yeah?” said huckleberry.

“I need your help. how many gold pieces do you have?” said norcross

“uh…. about three. why?” said huckleberry.

“damnitt. I need 150 pieces to do rarity’s shopping.” said norcross.

“her shopping?” said huckleberry

“you can’t be serious.”

“shut it. I know it’s stupid. but that doesn’t matter. I need the money. help me think of something.” said norcross. the duo sat there for awhile.

“ooh idea.” said huckleberry.

“we use brass shells to pay for it.”

“great! but where are we going to find brass shells?” said norcross. huckleberry went inside, and came back out with an M249 and started shooting a camel.

“there’s your money.” said huckleberry. norcross thanked huck and walked off to get the shit rarity needed. norcross handed rarity the items.

“why do you need all this stuff anyway?”

“oh. you don’t worry your precious little face about it.” said rarity. skipping off into her work room happily.

chapter nine

the project

since the weekend was over. it was back to school for norcross and huckleberry. but this week was going to be different.

“good morning class.” said miss cheerilee

“good morning mi…..”

“GOOD MORROW!” shouted norcross over the whole class. huckleberry fell out of his desk he was laughing so hard.

“…right then.” said miss cheerilee

“okay class. this week is going to be special. you all know about our newcomers in this class.” she was pointing at huckleberry for an example.

“I want all my little ponies to partner up with one of these new comers. and write a report on what you’ve learned from them.”

“cool.”

“wow.”

“this may be our chance at a cutie mark.” said sweetie bell to norcross.

“…….how?” said norcross.

“well I think this is stupid.” said diamond tiara.

“and why do you say that?” said miss cheeilee.

“because. why should we know what they know. if they’re going to be living here. they have to learn how to be here. we shouldn’t be learning from them.” said tiara.

“well that’s true. but knowledge is knowledge. so your still doing this.” said cheerilee. diamond tiara snorted.

“okay class. partner up.” said miss cheerilee. all the Phillies scrambled for one of the humans. huckleberry got stuck with scootaloo. and norcross was stuck with applebloom. all the fillies had a human. all but twist.

“miss cheerilee. I can’t find a partner.” said twist.

“oh shoot. well I don’t know what to do.” said miss cheerilee. twist started to look sad.

“I’ll take twist.” said huckleberry. scootaloo nudged him to not do it. huck pushed her away.

“but… you already have a buddy.” said cheerilee.

“the more the merrier.” said huckleberry. scootaloo put a hoof in her face.

“why did you do that?” said scootaloo.

“no disrespect. but… twist is kind of…..wierd.”

“at least she has a family.” said huckleberry to himself.

“what?” said scootaloo. unaware of what he said.

“come on. give her a break. I’m sure you don’t even know what she does.” said huckleberry.

“well….alright.” said scootaloo

“I wasn’t asking for consent.” said huckleberry. during recess. huck was barraged with questions.

“so where are you from? how were you made?  what is the meaning of life? tell me about quantum foam.”

“hey hey hey. one question at a time. please.” said huckleberry to twist. pinching her lips shut.

back at norcross. applebloom had a piece of paper and a quill.

“don’t you need like an ink glass for that?” said norcross

“I’ll be askin the questions.” said applebloom. norcross rolled his eyes.

“now. question one. what kind of place are ya’ll from?” norcross had an evil look on his face.

“we are from a place made of cotton candy and cake. miles and miles of cake.” said norcross. applebloom had a huge smile on her face.

chapter ten

oops

back to huckleberry. school was out for the day. and since twist went home. scootaloo followed him around.

“you are aware that I have things to do and don’t have time for questions?” said huckleberry.

“well….sorry….i was just….thinking we could….hang out.” said scootaloo. her eyes watering.

‘stop crying.’ thought huckleberry.

“oh…..alright.”

 ‘damnitt’

“I guess you can follow me around for today.” scootaloo started jumping with joy.

“so what are we going to do first?” said scootaloo

“we’re going to a bar!” said huckleberry. scootaloo had a puzzled look on her face. huckleberry picked her up by her hoof and dragged her off to a bar other humans made. when huck was inside. the first person he saw was norcross. three vodka bottles by him.

“hey huck! what’s with the orange?” slurred norcross. huck walked up to the bar tender and got himself some jack daniels.

“wanna sip?” he said to scootaloo. scootaloo shrugged and huck shoved the bottle down her throat. she started to choke.

“breath through your nose.” said huckleberry. scootaloo was relived but still hated the taste of it. but still swallowed.

“great. bartender! two more bottles!” said huckleberry. by about 3:00 AM. norcross was dragging huckleberry out of the bar.

“you drunk you piece of shit.” slurred norcross.

“im….im not. im good to drove.” said huckleberry. he then vomited all over norcross’s boots

“YOU SON OF A BITCH!” shouted norcross as he curb stomped huck’s face. huck spit out a tooth. and then they both laughed.

the very next day. fluttershy splashed a bucket of water onto huckleberry. he woke up with a jolt.

“oh huckleberry. thank goodness you’re awake. bad things are happening. I need your help!” said fluttershy.

“ow. calm down. oh my head. what’s the matter?” said huckleberry.

“it’s martini.” said fluttershy

“……so?” said huckleberry.

“he’s back. and he took scootaloo for a ransom.” said fluttershy.

“why?” said huckleberry.

“to get you to leave.” said martini.

“when did you get here?” said huckleberry.

“the front door doesn’t have a lock.” said martini.

“anyway. yes I have the orange chicken. and the only way you’re gonna get her back.” he was staring at fluttershy.

“is if you give me what’s mine.” huckleberry looked over and saw a half bottle of jack daniels.

‘idea’ thought huckleberry.

“here’s another option. how about you give me scootaloo before I burn you to the ground.” said huckleberry.

“ha. and how are you going to do that?” said martini. huckleberry picked up the bottle and drank a mouthful. but didn’t swallow it. he then pulled a lighter out of his pocket. and lit it near his mouth.

“OH NO!” shouted martini. but before he could move. huckleberry spit out the fluid as it caught fire and hit martini. huck’s lips were on fire.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!” shouted martini as he dove out the window. hitting the ground. and running off into the river.

“aaahh! my lips!” said huckleberry. he took a glass of water and poured it on his lips. he the looked at fluttershy. she had a look of shock.

“oh my…..” she said in shock

“are you okay?”

“it’ll heal in a week or two.” said huckleberry.

“now I’m gonna go find scootaloo. you behave. and get a lock for fucks sake.” huckleberry later found scootaloo tied down in a dumpster, crying her eyes out.

“oh huckleberry. thank you. we were walking out of the bar, and some green pony snatched me when you weren’t looking. and I ended up here!” she was balling her eyes out. huck was holding her.

“it’s okay. it’s okay.”

chapter eleven

the invitations

the duo was invited to a picnic with the mane six. all there was to eat was hay.

“I think I’m good.” said huckleberry.

“that’s fucking gross.” said norcross. all the sudden pinkie pie appeared behind norcross.

“I know you two love cake out of everything here…” she then pulled out two humongous cakes from behind her.

“how did you do that?” said huckleberry.

“SO I BROUGHT YOU CAKE!” said pinkie.

“I don’t think I can eat all of it.” said huckleberry.

“CANNON BALLL!” shouted norcross as he dove into the cake. huckleberry took out cut out squares. just then. spike was running towards the mane six.

“twilight! twilight! I have a message for you!” shouted spike

“hey it’s the purple alligator.” said huckleberry

“is it from celestia?” said twilight?

“no it’s from….from… *BURP*” and out flew a letter

“oh what the fuck!” said norcross. twilight read the letter.

-dear twilight sparkle,

 I have sent this letter personally to you as an invitation. to my royal wedding. to be presented in canterlot.

sincerely,

shining armor-

“wait. isn’t that that horned bastard that tried to kill me? twice?” said huckleberry.

“I can’t belive this! you would think he would have told me personally instead of some letter!” said twilight.

“I dun giv a fuck!” said norcross. the next day the duo and the mane six had to pack up and head out to canterlot.

“do I have to go?” said huckleberry.

“yeah why are we going?” said norcross.

“because celestia addressed you two as my personal guards. don’t worry. it’s only for a few days.” said twilight.

“…..why? aren’t we like. not allowed there for nearly blowing in half?” said huckleberry.

“that was the past. beside you two are decorated heroes and celestia is certain that you two didn’t mean it since you were influenced by discord.” said twilight.

“uh… no. we….” norcross was cut off by huckleberry shaking his head at him.

“well the point is. we would love to go. but we have duties here. and we have to do those otherwise we get in big trouble.” said huckleberry.

“no you won’t.” said twilight

“the letter states that you two are relieved until you get back.”

“damnitt.” said huckleberry

“well fine then. I guess we have no choice. I might as well head home and pack up.” said huckleberry. as soon as he got home. he opened the door to see a vest and several weapons by it. along with a note.

-huckleberry,

we have been told you are being a personal guard during the royal wedding. so we decided to give some guard material. us it well. and you have been relived from other tasks until this is complete. oh and don’t get killed.

chairman of the U.S

“well that explains that.” said huckleberry. huck put on the gear just as fluttershy walked down the stairs.

“oh my….i don’t think the groomsmen are supposed to wear that.” said fluttershy.

“I’m not going to be a groomsmen I’m going to be a guard.” said huckleberry. huck loaded up his and fluttershy’s luggage into the back of the HMMVW.

“get in the front seat.” said huckleberry.

back to norcross. he was given a trench coat and several Russian weapons. with a note of course.

-norcross,

у нас есть слова, которые вы просили, чтобы быть королевской gaurd для свадьбы. Пользуясь России передач, что нам удалось вырвать для вас. использовать его также и мы установим свою задницу на огонь.

-Чехова (we have word that you are requested to be a royal gaurd for a wedding. take this russian gear that we managed to snatch for you. use it well or we'll set your ass on fire.

-chekov)

norcross put on the trench coat and weapons. rarity walked in on him.

“oh my goodness. you can’t expect to impress anyone with that. it’s just downright hideous. if you’re going to be my escort around canterlot I will not allow that.” said rarity.

“I’m not doing this for you.” said norcross. rarity’s face went blank

“yeah. it’s not always about you.” norcross went outside and loaded his gear into the UAZ and rarity’s things. rarity tried getting in the front seat.

“oh no you don’t. get in the back.” said norcross.

once they both arrived at the train station. norcross hopped out with a bottle of vodka in his hands. huckleberry accidentally ran over a cabbage cart that tried to cut him off.

“what is your problem?! you could have killed me!” shouted the pony.

“hey. wise ass. you tried to take this parking spot from me. and maybe I should kill you.” said huckleberry, pointing a bowie knife at the pony the whole time.

“okay. okay. I’m sorry. it’s just…. i….”

“I don’t give a shit get out of my face!” said huckleberry, swatting the knife in front of him. and the pony ran off.

“good job.” said norcross.

“hey. there you two are. we gotta go. the trains boarding right now.” said twilight. norcross shrugged holding a spas 12.

“you know there’s a sling on that right?” said huckleberry.

“I dun giv a fuck.” said norcross.

“hey! we gotta go you two! come on!” whined rainbow dash.

chapter twelve

a longtime wut

“look. it’s in sight! and it’s….purple?” said huckleberry.

“wut?” said norcross. they both held their heads out the window to see a big, purple, bubble over the city of canterlot.

“don’t hold yer heads out the window. you’re gonna get a headache!” said applejack

“I dun giv a…..” norcross was pulled in by applejack. huckleberry laughed, but then got pulled in by twilight, levitating in mid air by his boot.

“can I ask you two please be civilized during this? this is a big day for me and my brother. besides….” her face sudden turned into anger.

“I think im going to be in enough trouble figuring out why he didn’t tell me personally.”

“ooh. she mad.” said huckleberry

“I can just feel the plot hurt flowing from her.” said norcross. just as the train past through. the duo immediately felt they were in danger. huck started tensing up. but an assuring pat from norcross eased him a little. the door open and instead of guards it was shining armor. he smiled but then saw the duo and frowned. but re focused attention on twilight.

“little sister! I’m so happy to see you!” said shining armor. twilight was suddenly in his face.

“listen here!” she shouted. the guards raised spears. but for some reason at the duo.

“what the hell?” said huckleberry. shining armor signaled them to stand down.

“why didn’t you have time to personally tell me that you were getting married!?” she suddenly looked sad.

“we do everything together. how could you do this.”

“I’m sorry sis. I’ve been kept so busy with this force field. you see. there is an unknown threat in canterlot. so I have to keep this shield up to keep them out.” said shinning armor

“wait if it’s already in then why is this up?” said huckleberry.

“because we don’t know what it is.” said shining armor staring down huckleberry.

“and I can already assume it’s you two.”

“don’t start pointing fingers. oh wait…” said huckleberry. wiggling his fingers in front of shining armor

“you don’t have any. hey norcross. lets POINT and laugh at him.” and so huck and norcross did so. to the point of the guards having to put them in a box for awhile. still laughing. after a few minutes, they were released into canterlot. but immediately were escorted to the place they were to stay. huckleberry was with fluttershy. norcross was with rarity. huckleberry was unpacking his gear and surprisingly no fluttershy in sight.

“hmmmm. where did she?” wondered huckleberry.

back to norcross. he couldn’t get rarity away from.

“norcrooooooosss!” she whined.

“what! what do you want!?” said norcross.

“we should go out somewhere. I’m bored being all cooped up in this hotel room.” said rarity.

“well. you picked this place out.” said norcross.

“we should go somewhere fancy.” said rarity.

“well. If you want to go somewhere. I guess we could go to a bar and call up huckleberry.” said norcross.

“a bar! with your friend.” said rarity.

“I was thinking.” she started to blush.

“somewhere fancy with just you and me.” norcross had a revelation.

“no! no no no! no!” then norcross stormed out the door. leaving a sad marshmallow just standing there. norcross went over to huckleberry’s room to find him searching for something.

“whatcha looking for?” said norcross.

“I’m looking for fluttershy. she’s the only one with a room key and I need it.” said huckleberry.

“aww. how sweet.” said norcross.

“oh yeah? how’s your smore?” said huckleberry

“oh. that’s not fair.” said norcross.

“but back on subject. I can’t fucking find her.” said huckleberry.

“look we’ll find her later. all we need to now is go ‘protect twilight sparkle.” said norcross.

chapter thirteen

cadenze

after three minutes of searching. the guards personally took them to twilight sparkle. as soon as they went over to twilight and shining armor. shining gave a mean glare.

“why are they here to begin with?” said shining armor

“don’t mind them. they were assigned by celestia as my body guards.” said twilight.

“what. I bet I could do better than these meat sacks.” said shinning armor

“I haven’t even done anything to you. asshole.” said huckleberry

“I have. and last time I checked. I kicked your ass.” said norcross

“how’s your fake horn?” shining armor started to snare and was about to charge. but twilight stopped them both from fighting.

“hey. come on.” said twilight. she looked at norcross.

“I said to behave!” and norcross stood down.

“thank you. so anyways big brother. you  haven’t told me who you were getting married to.”

“or what his name is.” said huckleberry. norcross started laughing. shining armor ignored him

“you should remember her twilight. she was your baby sitter.” said shining armor. twilight had a puzzled look but suddenly a bright smile.

“it isn’t. princess cadenze! oh my gosh. she was such a great babysitter.” said twilight then she started to do the secret handshake in a nostalgia moment.

“she’s gonna get raped.” said huckleberry. just then a pink alicorn walked over.

“you said my name.” said cadenze.

“oh my goodness. Candice. it’s been….”

“call me princess cadneze.” she said with a snarl.

“what a bitch.” norcross said to huckleberry

“I don’t know. she could be a nice babysitter for my kids.” said huckleberry. he then pulled a picture out of his pocket. it was his family back home on earth. he didn’t know what was to happen to them. all he knew as they were told he was dead. he started to tear up. cadenze took the picture away from him.

“and what is this.” she looked at the picture.

“awww. isn’t that just cute. there’s more of you. is this all that’s left of them?”

“hey give that back. yes it is.” said huckleberry, trying to grab the picture. cadenze floated it just out of his grasp.

“oh. you want it back. I want this more. how about we split it.” she was starting to rip the picture in half.

“DON’T.” shouted huckleberry. squeezing the trigger of his rifle.

“sweetheart! look out!” shining armor dove at Candice as the guards dove for huckleberry. Candice dropped the picture under the bridge. huckleberry was taken off by the guards.

“YOU’RE DEAD YOU FUCKING BITCH! THAT WAS ALL I HAD LEFT OF HOME! I WILL END YOU BEFORE YOU CAN RUN FOR PROTECTION! YOU FUCKING HEAR ME!” shouted huckleberry. trying to break the guards grasp.

“take him out of the city.” said shining armor.

“no no no.” said norcross. even twilight was surprised.

“just put him in a prison with no interaction for today. he’ll be himself tomorrow.”

“well… I don’t know. I guess we could.” said shinning armor

“what! that man is clearly psycho.” said Candice.

“just give him a chance. he’s got….issues.” said twilight.

“well fine. but I better not see him at my wedding.” said cadenze

instead of being put in prison. fluttershy had some bits and bailed him out that same day. he was taken back to the room.

“it’s okay huckleberry.” said fluttershy.

“no it isn’t. she just took the picture. and nearly ripped it in half.” said huckleberry.

“now I don’t know where it is. all I know is that she needs to die.”

“oh no…huck… don’t….” huckleberry pushed fluttershy out of the way and walked out the door.

‘but I can’t do it alone.’ said huckleberry.

‘twilight’

chapter fourteen

suspicions

the very next day. huckleberry carried on his duties without raising suspicion.

“hey twilight?” said huckleberry

“what?” said twilight

“you think Candice isn’t acting like the Candice you remember?” said huckleberry.

“what? that’s crazy huck. she’s probably just stressed. and it seems like you are too.” said twilight.

“I guess I am a little.” said huckleberry. then his stomach grumbled.

“and I guess I’m a little hungry.”

“oh. well you’re in luck. we’re going to visit applejack and see how she’s doing.” said twilight.

at the catering. applejack was making something with apples in it. while spike was playing with the wedding decorations.

“nice dolls.” said norcross.

“twilight! thank goodness ya’ll are here. I have something to test on ya.” said applejack

“oh no. I’m just……” huckleberry’s mouth was stuffed with a muffin made of apples. he spit it out.

“what the hell! you could have killed me.”

“oh stop fussin. you’ve been through worse.” said applejack.

“she’s right you…..” norcross got stuffed with an apple muffin. he spit it out onto spike.

“what the fuck is the matter with you?” said norcross. just then Candice walked through the door.

“Candice! thank good…..” twilight was cut off

“I said to call me princess cadenze!” said Candice. she then looked at huckleberry.

“and what do you want?”

“uh….nothing.” said huckleberry.

“then go back into the creek you crawled out of. swine.” said cadenze.

“pigs don’t live in creeks. you dumb bitch.” said huckleberry.

“then don’t get in the way.” said Candice

“anyways. I came to see how my wedding was coming along food wise.”

“oh. it’s goin swell. here ah know yer in a hurry and all. so you should take this sample for the road.” said applejack.

“stuff it down her throat.” said norcross.

“right then… well I best be going. I have more important things to do.” said cadenze.

“well then…. ah don’t wanna keep ya busy.” said applejack with a fake smile. while cadenze was leaving. she threw the apple muffin into the trash.

“did you see that?” said twilight.

“see what?” said norcross.

“no.” said huckleberry.

“she just threw that muffin away. she didn’t even try it.” said twilight.

“like you said. she’s probably stressed.” said huckleberry.

“wel….im going to do some digging on it. you two should go rest.” said twilight.

“…why?” said huckleberry.

“it’s like 3:00 in the afternoon.” said norcross.

chapter fifteen

privacy

“dude what the hell are we supposed to do now?” said huckleberry.

“I don’t know. but I’m going back to my hotel.” said norcross.

“aiight. I’m gonna go for a drink or whatever they have here.” said huckleberry.

“aiiight.” said norcross. once back norcross had to open the door, obviously. but he didn’t have the room key.

“damnitt.” said norcross. he went to the front desk to see if he could get a room key for it.

“ah yes. that room is a good choice sir.” said the recipient.

“uh. I know. it was assigned to me.” said norcross.

“and what is your name.” said the recipient.

“norcross.” said norcross.

“uh…. that’s it?” said the recipient.

“yes. now give me my damn room key.” said norcross.

“uh. I’m sorry. but your name isn’t even registered on this list.” said the recipient.

“what. give me that damn paper.” norcross swiped the paper and skimmed through it.

“let’s see. derpy…colgate….lyra….ooh.” norcross found rarity’s name listed for his room. it was checked out.

“it was registered to her. damnitt.” said norcross.

“well. fuck.” he left the check in room with the list still in his hand. he went over to the room, kicked the door down, and walked inside without a fuck given. he saw a note on the bed.

-norcross,

I didn’t like the look and ‘privacy’ of this hotel. so I picked a new one. the new hotel is at the bottom of this note. sorry I couldn’t tell you. I simply couldn’t find you. so I hope to see you there.

xoxo,

rarity.-

“what the hell?” said norcross. he read the bottom of the note.

“the golden horseshoe?” norcross went outside and stole a cab.

“you can’t do this. I am a mare and I deserve to be treated like one.” said the mare.

“I need this more.” said norcross as he threw the mare out of the cab.

“uh. I don’t think you can…”

“I’ll pay double if you take me.” said norcross, cutting off the cab driver.

“now fucking floor it.” and away the cab driver went. he had finally stopped at the golden horseshoe. norcross didn’t pay.

“hey you have to pay. you have to pay double!” said the cab driver.

“no I don’t.” said the norcross.

“the police will hear about this!” said the cab driver.

“I dun giv a fuc.” said norcross. he walked into the hotel. it was very nice. red velvet design with a big fireplace.

“fancy.” norcross walked up to the front desk.

“welcome to the golden horseshoe. did you know celestia is using this hotel to…”

“I don’t care. I need to know which room is being used by a mare named rarity.” said norcross.

“ah. miss rarity. you must be that norcross she was talking about.” the recipient gave a wink.

“uh…room please?”

“oh yes yes yes. room 31 floor 2.” said the recipient. norcross walked off to the stairs.

“no fucking elevators. damnitt.” norcross walked up to the second floor. he finally found the room at the end of the hall. he knocked on the door.

“who is it?” said rarity.

”it’s norcross.” said norcross.

“oh my…. just a minute.” it was more than a minute. the door suddenly clicked unlocked.

“come in.” said rarity. norcross opened the door. the room was lit by candlelight, music was softly playing. and rarity was laying on a couch.

“oh I just knew you would come back for me.” said rarity. she signaled him to sit next to her.

“come, have a seat, have a drink or two.” norcross walked over to the fridge.

“ha. funny thing is I came over here for a drink.” he opened the fridge door and pulled out a vodka bottle that rarity took from his stash.

“oh, and if you ever take a bottle of my vodka. I’ll smash the bottle upside your head. have a nice night.” and he walked out the door, and left rarity crying.

chapter sixteen

busted

fluttershy was awoken by a knocking on the door. she tried to wake up huckleberry.

“um…huckleberry.” she poked at him. he didn’t budge.

“uh….I need you right now….if it’s okay with you.” she poked again. nothing.

“WAKE UP!” She hit him upside the head. he jolted awake.

“huh…wha…what’d I do?” said huckleberry.

“are you asleep?” said fluttershy.

“*hmfff* I was.” said huckleberry.

“what do you want?”

“oh…there was a knock at the door…. and I don’t want to get it…. it could be martini…could you do it…I mean… if you want to.” said fluttershy.

“well you woke me up for it.” huckleberry. he hoped out of bed and went to answer the door. it was twilight.

“oh my…. huck… put some pants on!” said twilight.

“what do you want? and relax. at least it’s covered.” said huckleberry.

“you might have been right. I think cadenze isn’t the cadenze I knew. come, walk with me.” said twilight.

“and for celestia’s sake. put on pants.”

while walking.

“so what makes you think cadenze is bad?” said huckleberry.

“well. I considered what you said. since I have been witnessing her behavior. but that’s not the doozy.” said twilight. huckleberry was actually interested.

“then what was the….” he was cut off.

“heeeeeyyyy look who it is. it’s purple and….and…. the square dude.” said norcross.

“norcross! what the hell are you doing out this late?” said huckleberry.

“oh… oh oh oh. it’s a loooong story. *hic* I’m not tellin it.” said norcross.

“well… okay then.” said huckleberry.

“it all started…*hic* today at tree fiddy.i was awalkin back to my hot*hic* hotel room…and it was locked. so I *burp* I kicked that fucka down. and I found a note left by your marshmallow friend.” he pointed at twilight sparkle.

“it was a note… then she tried to get me to dooooo things to her.” said norcross

“but I didn’t.” he fell over passed out on the street.

“is he going to be okay?” said twilight.

“yeah he’ll be fine.” said huckleberry.

“anyway’s. what was the doozy.”

“well… when I went to my brother’s quarters. he tried standing up to cadenze. but then he had some headache that didn’t seem natural. then she did some sort of weird spell that made him act like a vegetable.” said twilight.

“hmmm. well. the practice wedding is tomorrow. what’d you say we practice objection?” said huckleberry.

chapter seventeen

you’re going to be sorry.

the next day was the practice huckleberry had to go find norcross. once he did so they both got their gear and went towards the royal hall. just before entering. huckleberry had called in for support in case the shield fell down.

“metric. are you in position?” said huckleberry.

“roger. we are just outside the bubble. we’ll move in on the signal.” said metric. norcross and huckleberry were on opposite ends of the door.

“remember. no Russian.” said norcross. huckleberry looked at him with a frown then started to laugh. but serioused the fuck up and kicked down then door.

“STOP EVERYTHING!” shouted twilight.

“MOVE IN!” said huckleberry to norcross. they were both following twilight, pointing their rifles in random directions.

“you can’t marry her big brother.” said twilight. cadenze was shocked.

“but why?” said shinning armor.

“she’s evil!” said twilight sparkle.

“I saw her using some sort of mind control spell on you!” cadenze had a shocked look on her face, then ran out the room crying.

“twilight. it wasn’t a magical spell to posses me. I’ve been getting migraines from keeping this shield up over canterlot. and Candice was using a spell to ease the pain. why would she be evil.

“oh…” twilight had a sad look on her face.

“I’m so sorry.”

“you know what. I think it best if you don’t come to the wedding.” said shinning armor. he started to leave. and everyone followed behind him. except for twilight, and the duo.

“well. twilight. if it makes you feel better. she’s still pretty evil.” said huckleberry. twilight started crying.

“oops.” just then. cadenze was right in front of twilight. she looked down with a blank stare.

“Candice… I’m so sorry.” said twilight. Candice started to smile. but then had an angry look.

“you’re going to be!” said cadenze. just then her horn glowed green. norcross and huckleberry raised their rifle. but the rifles were thrown out of their hands. and they were pinned to the floor, along with twilight. just then. a bubble was taking them underground. cadenze walked away laughing.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!” shouted huckleberry.

“shit dude.” said norcross.

chapter eighteen

the real Candice

“well. not much to do now.” said norcross.

“wanna play bullshit?” said huckleberry. pulling out a deck of cards.

“aiiight.”

“oh no. she really is evil!” said twilight.

“two of hearts.”

“and that spell really was a mind control spell.”

“three of spades.”

“I wonder what she has in plan for my brother. what does she have planned for canterlot?”

“four of diamonds.”

just then. an image started to appear in one of the crystal walls. it was cadenze

“hello twilight. as you can see you are in the underground caves of canterlot.”

“five of hearts.”

“these caves have been around for hundreds of years.”

“six of spades.”

“no one will ever try to look down here for you.”

“seven of hearts.”

“what did you do with the real cadenze?” said twilight. her horn was glowing.

“you have to catch me first.” said cadenze.

“eight of clubs.”

twilight started shooting horn lasers at the reflections of cadenze.

“too slow.”

“nine of hearts.”

“ooh try again.”

“missed me.” twilight wasn’t aware that the horn lasers were bouncing off the cave walls.

“ten of….” one of the lasers hit the cards huck and norcross were using.

“*sigh* damnitt.” said huckleberry. just then one of the lasers hit the wall next to the duo. it lead to another part of the cave. it had cadenze in it. but she was sitting on the cave floor, crying.

“uh…do we kill it?” said norcross to huckleberry.

“this one might be different. so I don’t know.” said huckleberry. twilight ran over to the crying cadenze.

“Candice! what happened?” said twilight.

“oh. it was horrible. everything was going great. but then a copy of me sent me down here. and I’ve been stuck here for about a week.” said Candice.

“how the hell are you still alive?” said huckleberry.

“okay you know what. never mind. look we need to find a way out of here.” huckleberry looked off into the distance.

“it looks like this is the only way we can go. so let’s go this way.” the duo led Candice and twilight through the cave while they were doing a musical for some reason. once they got to the opening. three insane looking ponies. they were walking towards the group.

“hell no.” said huckleberry. he grabbed the white one with a pink mane by her throat and slit it with a bowie. while the rest ran off after a bouquet Candice threw.

“oh… that works too.” said huckleberry.

“come on. we have to keep moving.”

chapter nineteen.

queen chrysalis

“and do you. shinning armor. take Candice to be your….”

“STOP!” shouted twilight. the crowd went into a gasp.

“oh my goodness.” said cadenze.

“she has to ruin my special day.”

“funny thing it isn’t your special day!” said the real cadenze.

“it’s mine.” the imposter started to laugh.

“the funny thing is.” said the imposter, she started to morph.

“is that you are too late.” she turned into a black alicorn with bug wings and holes all around her.

“she’s a swiss nigger!” shouted huckleberry.

“how is that alive?” said norcross.

“I am not this ‘swiss nigger’ you call me. I AM THE CHANGLING QUEEN! queen chrysalis.” said queen chrysalis.

“and now. that I have used his love as power. I can now take over canterlot. and eventually equestria!”

“not if I can help it.” said celestia. she started shooting a beam at chrysalis. chrysalis returned fire woth a greenish beam. but the green beam was shrinking.

“see. we didn’t even need to be here.” said norcross. just then. the green beam grew stronger, and burnt celestia. sending her flying across the room.

“you jinxing ass hat.” said huckleberry.

“well then. it looks like it’s up to us.” said huckleberry.

“but… we don’t have any guns.” huck looked at his radio.

“but we do have friendship.” huck turned on the radio.

“metric. we need you. move in an sweep the city.”

“we can’t do that huck. the bubble is still up.” said metric.

“hahahahahahahahahahha. now that celestia nor shinning armor can keep the force field up. my minions will soon be destroying it.” said chrysalis.

“I have an idea.” said huckleberry.

“metric. as soon as the bubble breaks. move in and attack.”

“what what do you….” there was a rumble outside of the force field collapsing.

“uh…that was the signal! all units. move in.” said metric. suddenly the royal hall’s windows broke into pieces as Infantry moved in. the queen disappeared. and so did celestia.

“MOVE IN! EVERYBODY! HANDS UP!”

“AREA CLEAR!”

“SUSPECT IS NO WHERE TO BE FOUND!”

“huckleberry! what do we do?” said private gutirez. huck looked at the mane six.

“we go get their jewelry, it will be a big advantage to us. and then we fight off whatever’s going on outside.” said huckleberry. the duo escorted the mane six out of the royal hall and out towards the elements storage. shooting changelings that got too close.

“to your left!”

“behind the cabbage cart!”

“in the alley!”

“a contact!”

after a few miles. they finally made it to the building. only to be greeted with a horde of changelings waiting for them.

“I’m out of ammo.” said huckleberry. he pulled out his bowie knife.

“let’s make this fun.” norcross threw down his rifle and pulled out a combat hatchet. the mane six and the duo charged at the horde. despite their morphing. the duo still killed them. but somehow avoided the mane six.

“go get on your damn earrings!” shouted norcross.

“we’ll cover you.” said huckleberry. as the mane six ran inside. the duo stabbed and slashed practically tons of changelings.

“how do you stab these things?” said huckleberry.

“they’re already full of holes.” just then. chrysalis flew behind huckleberry.

“HUCK BEHIND YOU!” shouted norcross. it was too late. chrysalis bit down on huck’s shoulder and flew off with him.

“aaaaaaaaahh! help me! help me!” shouted huckleberry. norcross jumped off the edge and tried to grab huck’s hand. all they could do was touch fingers. norcross was free falling thousands of feet in the air.

“well… fuck. goodbye world.” said norcross. he was looking up. he could see a rainbow. it was chasing after him. it was rainbow dash.

“norcross! I don’t think you can fly.” said rainbow.

“I can now.” he reached over to rainbow dash and climbed on her back.

“hey! what are you doing?” said rainbow. he used a rope as a steering device.

“saving huckleberry. follow that bug.” said norcross.

“we can’t keep up. you’re too heavy.” said rainbow dash.

“just follow the general direction then.” said norcross.

chapter twenty

the changeling nest

huckleberry stirred awake. he was suspended in mid air, by his hands and legs, by a sticky web.

“is this web, or flubber?” said huckleberry aloud. he suddenly heard a muffled cry. he looked over to see celestia. not too far off. but out of reach. she was tied up, and gagged by the web. she looked at huck with desperate eyes.

“don’t look at me like that. I don’t know what to do. aah!” said huckleberry. he looked down at his shirt. it was covered in a streak of blood. starting from his shoulder. suddenly there was a loud buzzing. and an evil laugh. queen chrysalis flew into the nest they were in.

“ah. you’re finally awake. now we can begin the process.” said chrysalis.

“better idea. you cut me and my friend over there down. and I kill you slowly.” said huckleberry.

“I’ll consider it. but later.” said chrysalis.

“right now. we must reproduce and feed the changelings.”

“uh… okay then. so for the kids. you’re just going to put the eggs in my stomach and turn me lose into the wild. right?” said huckleberry.

“and I don’t really care what you do to her.”

“ha ha ha. you’re funny. but no.” she started blushing.

“oh damnitt.” said huckleberry.

“you have to produce sexually. and once so is done. I shall give birth. and they will crawl into your friend there and use her as a food source.”

“mmm! nmm! nmm! nm mm mmm mmm!” said celestia.

‘well. I gotta think of something.’ thought huckleberry.

“come on. I haven’t all day.” said chrysalis.

“you shut up.” said huckleberry.

‘ooh. idea.’

“if you want to start. you have to cut me down.” said huckleberry.

“what… why?” said chrysalis.

‘uh think think think. ooh I got it’ thought huckleberry.

“because when I do it. I like to do it freaky.”

‘I’m going to kill you after this brain.’

“well then… very well. I shall cut you down at once.” she started with his legs. then cut his arms. he fell down with a thud. he quickly got up, and brushed the flubber web shit off of him. he looked over to chrysalis, she was in a position for it. flank up in the air.

‘I don’t wanna do this. so I’m not doing this’ thought huckleberry. he walked over to chrysalis, and put both his hands on her flank.

“you ready to start?” said huckleberry.

“I’ve been ready.” said chrysalis.

“not for what I had in mind.” said huckleberry. he put one of his hands on top of her lower back, swung himself forward, kicked her in the face, and knocked her out cold. he went over a pile of flubber web and picked up his bowie. he looked over at chrysalis.

“I told you I was into freaky shit.” said huckleberry. he heard celestia’s muffled words for help. he went over and cut her mouth free.

“oh my goodness huck. that was weird. you were all over her flank and oh my goodness that was gross.” said celestia.

“I can just leave you here.” said huckleberry. and he turned around and walked off.

“wait wait wait. please cut me down.” said celestia.

“well… you did say please.” said huckleberry. he started to cut her lose.

“that. and you’re my only ride back home.” he cut her free.

“ why should I help you?” snapped celestia. huckleberry grabbed her horn, pulled her down, and held a knife to her throat.

“look bitch. either you give me a ride back, or I cut off your wings and use them for my own.” said huckleberry. chrysalis started to stir awake.

“she could give you one.” said celestia.

“no she won’t.” said huckleberry. he walked over and cut off one of her wings. it tore like paper. she let out a scream. he did this with the other wing.

”these wings won’t work.”  he then put the knife into one of the holes in her leg, and stomped the knife into her side. trapping her leg.

“why don’t you just kill me?” said chrysalis. she started to cry.

“because you won’t learn a lesson.” said huckleberry. he hopped on celestia’s back.

“let’s go back to canterlot.” and away they went.

“okay you got your damn necklace. now can we please go get huckleberry?” said norcross.

“I’m not going over there. you know those things have probably eaten him.” said rainbow dash.

“wait! look! up there. it’s celestia!” said pinkie pie.

“and huckleberry!” said norcross.

“awesome.” celestia’s landing approach was a little sloppy.

“aren’t you supposed to land properly?” said huckleberry.

“I thought you’d do that for me.” said celestia.

“you don’t want me to.” said huckleberry.

“yes I do. it’ll save me energy.” said celestia.

“alright. your majesty.” said huckleberry. he grabbed hold of her wings and started to glide her down. he suddenly made a sharp yaw left. and slammed her through a window. they both rolled on the floor. huckleberry got up, shook his leg, and hopped out of the window, landing onto a hay cart. leaving celestia with a broken leg. huckleberry hopped out of the smashed hay cart, walked over to norcross, and gave him a bro hug.

“don’t ever dive after me again.” said huckleberry.

chapter twenty one

going home.

after that horrible mix up. the wedding went well blab la bla. the duo walked around to see celebration. huckleberry suddenly stopped and looked down.

“what is it?” said norcross. huckleberry bent down to pick up an object.

“my family.” he held up the picture. it was a little wet with a tear on top.

“all is right for me. now let’s get the hell out of here.” huckleberry and norcross boarded a helicopter going back. the mane six took a train.

“hey norcross. about that night on the street.” said huckleberry.

“why exactly were you drunk on the street?”

“man I’m not going to say why. because it’s downright stupid.” said norcross. about an hour later. the duo finally got home.

“oh fuck.” said huckleberry.

“the project with scoot and twist. fuck.”

“I dun giv a fuc.” said norcross. the next day. norcross and huck went to school. they did their whole day. but huck had a problem with scootaloo.

“you know I’m gonna fail now right?” said scootaloo.

“no you’re not. look if it makes ya feel better. I’ll talk to miss cheerilee and see what we can do.” once the bell rang for them to go inside for five minutes. they had to do another report on cutie marks. if they had one.

“lucky me.” said huckleberry. just then the bell rang and the class rushed out. all except huckleberry. whom walked up to miss cheerilee’s desk.

“ma’am.” said huckleberry.

“what is it huckleberry?” said miss cheerilee.

“look. I know I was gone for a solid week. and I understand that she and twist failed the report. but hey. article states that I was relived of all duties. and that project was one of those duties. and all people involved are to be excused as well.” said huckleberry.

“well. despite that being true. I wasn’t notified of you disappearing. so thus fore. you still had duties here.” said miss cheerilee

“oh damnitt.” said huckleberry.

“well. is there anything I can do.”

“well… I think there’s one thing you can do.” said miss cheerilee.

“what is it? what is it? what is it?” said huckleberry.

“since this was a project on where you are from. I want you to go back to earth and take some samples of it, and bring it back here.” said miss cheerilee.

“that’s it? that’s easy.” said huckleberry.

“and you’ll need to take scootaloo and twist with you. oh and applebloom and norcross.” said miss cheerilee.

“whoa. no no no. I can’t take those three. I can take norcross. but not those three Phillies.” said huckleberry.

“I will not take them.”

“then they simply fail.” said miss cheerilee.

“*sigh*. fine. I’ll take them. but only if you promise an A plus for them.” said huckleberry.

“I can guarantee you will.” said miss cheerilee.

“not me. those three.” said huckleberry. and he walked out the door. a few minutes later, huck found norcross asleep in an alleyway. he awoke with a jolt.

“wha… oh hey dude.” said norcross

“did rarity kick you out? you know what never mind. get your shit, we’re going to earth.” said huckleberry.

“what? why?” said norcross.

“so we can make up work from school.” said huckleberry.

“what? like I give a shit about that. and why do you?” said norcross.

“it’s not about you and me for once.” said huckleberry.

“well I’m not goin. you can go on your own.” said norcross.

“fine damnitt.” said huckleberry

“catcha later for drinks?”

“aiight mang.” said norcross. huckleberry managed to get the three Phillies and took them to a spaceship.

“this kinda seems like a filly fiddelin thing.” said applebloom. huckleberry knew what that meant.

“this isn’t… you know what. shut up and get in.” said huckleberry. and the three fillies climbed in.

“where are we going?” said scootaloo.

“we are going to earth because your teacher is a bitch.” said huckleberry.

“shouldn’t we…” twist was interrupted

“NOPE!” shouted huckleberry with a smile as he punched the throttle, there was a boom and they were already at earth.

chapter twenty two

home sweet home

the ship landed with a thud. but was landed properly. twist, applebloom, and scootaloo wobbled out of the ship, about to hurl. huckleberry jumped out with a smile.

“welcome to earth.” said huckleberry. it was a scorched land with buildings in ruin, some still falling apart.

“the big apple. united states.”

“SCHREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!” shouted a zombie in the distance. huckleberry serioused the fuck up.

“we can’t stay here.” said huckleberry. he walked to the city. the three followed him.

“so you lived here?” said scootaloo.

“uh no. I live somewhere on the other side of the u.s” said huckleberry.

“why are we here?” said applebloom.

“I just told you back at ponyville you big silly willy.” said huckleberry. with a smile, but then frowned and kept walking.

“you don’t seem too happy to be here.” said twist.

“SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!”

“that’s why. now can we please get this done.” said huckleberry, he turned around to the three fillies.

“do any of you have a camera on you?” the three stood there silently.

“god damnitt. okay I’ll think of something else. maybe a zombie arm or some shit.” muttered huckleberry. he looked up to see a commercial airline fly over to the city.

“those still work?” said huckleberry.

“wait… I’ve got it. we go to the Smithsonian an steal some exhibits.” said huckleberry. the three looked at him confused.

“how do we get there?” said scootaloo.

“by airplane!” said huckleberry.

“what’s that?” said applebloom.

“you’re about to find out.” said huckleberry. after a good three hour walk. they were in the suburbs of new York city. the houses were boarded up and some were quarantined.

“huck. ah…ah don’t like the looks of this place.” said applebloom. huckleberry didn’t give a shit and kept walking. eventually they walked past a house with a youngish man sitting on the front porch, rifle gripped tight in his hand.

“hey you!” said the man.

“army boy!” huckleberry turned and faced the man.

“yes?” said huckleberry.

“we don’t take too kindly to you soldier bastards since you left us here. why don’t you take your horse race and your green ugly ass back to wherever you went.” said the man.

“I don’t like your attitude. but I need your help.” said huckleberry.

“do you know how to get to the airport?”

“oh… absolutely. but I aint tellin you. you’ll have to cut my throat and take the words out yerself.” said the man. huckleberry walked up to the man. unaware of the knife the man had behind his back.

“that’s it. come over here.” said the man. he suddenly pulled the knife when huck was at the bottom of the porch stairs.

“gotcha!” shouted the man, he lunged at huck. but got a hit to the face while in mid air, he dropped the knife. the three fillies shrieked

“my turn.” huckleberry pulled out his knife and lifted the man up.

“aah! aah! I’m sorry sir. just let me go!” pleaded the man.

“polite. but I can’t do that. look. I asked a damn question. and you said there was only one way to get an answer out of you.” huck started to slowly cut the man’s neck. he was breaking skin.

“aah! no no no! I’ll talk! I’ll talk. it’s at the complete other side of new York. please don’t kill me.” the man was in tears. huckleberry frowned and hit the man in the temple with the handle of his knife. the man fell with a thud. but was still alive. the three fillies look terrified.

“is he okay?” said scootaloo.

“he’s fine. he was probably just tired.” said huckleberry. the three were relieved.

“well. we have something to do. and somewhere to go. so let’s go.” once they were in downtown. the streets were empty. except for the occasional screech. which startled the fillies each time. after stopping to raid a grocery store. huckleberry noticed a limping woman in the middle of an intersection.

“oh no.” said huckleberry. twist tried to walk up to the woman.

“miss. are you…” huckleberry picked up twist.

“are you insane? don’t go near her.” hissed huckleberry.

“why? she doesn’t look too well.” said applebloom.

“that’s because she isn’t okay.” said huckleberry.

“so why can’t we go near her?” said scootaloo.

“if you do. she will do something to you. and you’re gonna feel really sick.” said huckleberry.

“let me deal with her?” huck walked up to the woman. sidearm tight in hand.

“miss. are you…” huck was cut off from the woman. she fully turned her head around and made the loudest screech possible. she then slung her tongue around huck’s throat, lifted him off the ground. and flung him down the street. he fell with a thud.

“aah! damnitt!” said huckleberry. the tongue wrapped around his foot and he was dragged back to the woman. he was held in front of her face. she was getting ready to bide down. but huckleberry took his knife and stabbed her forehead.

“SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAHH!” she let go of huckleberry and jumped up and vanished.

“fuck! where’d she go!?” said huckleberry. the fillies tried walking towards him.

“no no no!” shouted huckleberry.

“stay in the store!” just then. the woman pounced on him. knocking him off of his feet. she then grabbed his shoulder, picked him up, and threw him into the building next to the store. huckleberry stumbled out of the broken window.

“okay! that hurt a lot. but I got this.” said huckleberry. the woman then slung out her tongue around hucks throat and dragged him over. he was in mid air in front of the woman.

“aah! aah! *hack*!” huckleberry had an idea. he used his last words.

“applebloom! I need you to try and *hack* tackle this woman.” shouted huckleberry.

“what!? but ah…”

“just fucking do it!” shouted huckleberry. he was starting to go blue. applebloom squeaked but got the courage. she charged with all her might. she managed to make the woman stumble forward slightly. applebloom had a look of defeat. but then huckleberry reached his hand forward and pulled the knife out of her forehead, and cut the tongue. the woman shrieked and tried to jump off. huckleberry grabbed her foot and slammed her back down. he ended her altered life with a stab to the jugular. the woman gurgled and went silent. huckleberry pulled the knife out, wiped it off on his arm. and put it back into the sheath. applebloom was shaking and covered in blood.

“you’re a champ.” said huckleberry.

“now let’s get you washed up and head to the airport.”

back at ponyville. norcross was kind of feeling bad for letting huckleberry go on his own. but he had things to do.

“fuck that shit.” said norcross.

“ima go back to earth!” norcross got his stuff from rarity’s boutique and headed for the port. he stole one of the private pods and gunned it for earth. within a few minutes. he was in grand central park. he wasn’t aware of it. but he had smashed a zombie while it was eating somebody. norcross hoped out and tried to figure out where he was. he thought he was in Amsterdam.

“ah. I remember Amsterdam with huckleberry and east.” said norcross. he looked over at the pond.

“I threw up in that pond.” he then looked over at a park bench.

“that’s the bench where huckleberry beat down a hooker.” he then looked over at the road.

“east got hit by a car over there. but laughed and got up.” he was leaving when he read a sign.

new York grand central park.

“oh. never mind then. I could have sworn I was in Amsterdam. fuck.”  he looked over to a shouting noise. he saw huckleberry land hard on the intersection.

“aah! damnitt!” shouted huckleberry. norcross then saw a tongue wrap around his leg and he was dragged off.

“well that solves that. but he probably needs help.” said norcross. he rushed over to see huckleberry down the street. taking a red filly into the store. norcross ran up the street. he saw huckleberry through the window. he splashed a ten gallon jug on the red filly. norcross realized it was applebloom. drenched in blood. But it was splashed off.

“oh. shit.” said norcross. he threw a rock at the glass and hopped through the window.

“hey huck.” huckleberry jumped but realized who it was.

“oh shit nigger! what are you doing?” said huckleberry.

“I felt bad so I came to earth to help you. it’s that simple.” said norcross. he looked over at applebloom. she was crying. but didn’t care.

“so where are we going?” said norcross.

“we’re going to the Smithsonian to get some artifacts.” said huckleberry.

“then why the hell did you go to new York?” said norcross.

“I felt adventurous.” said huckleberry. norcross shrugged, scootaloo facepalmed, applebloom was crying, and twist did whatever twist does.

chapter twenty three

the airport

after a long as walk through new York. the group finally made it.

“here we are.” said huckleberry

“why didn’t we just…” twist was interrupted

“you shut up!” said norcross. the group walked into the airport. immediately greeted by two crazies. they walked over to the duo. shotguns in hand.

“put yer hands up!” said one of the men. the duo didn’t.

“oh. you think you can be rebellious to us?” said the other crazy. he then charged at norcross with a knife. norcross caught his hand and slung him to the ground. huckleberry pulled his sidearm and shot one man in the leg. norcross had a knife to one man’s throat. huckleberry walked over to the man with a bullet in his leg.

“ah…ahhh…” mumbled the man. huckleberry punched him in the face.

“why would you drop the shotgun. that’s as smart as those goons that used a crowbar on superman.” said huckleberry. he looked over at the three fillies. they were shaking.

“you scared the kids.” huckleberry shot the man’s other leg.

“AAAAAAAAAHH! STOP…STOP STOP. WHAT DO YOU… WANT?” shouted the man

“we want an airplane to Washington d.c.” said huckleberry.

“well I aint…” the man was cut off by a bullet to his head. the fillies screamed.

“ah wanna go home!” shouted applebloom. huckleberry signaled norcross to kill the other man.

“wait wait! I can help!” shouted the man.

“okay. norcross don’t kill him.” said huckleberry. huck walked over to the man.

“so. are you a pilot?”

“uh no. but I can get you access to the plane.” said the man.

“we don’t need access. we need a pilot.” said huckleberry.

“okay okay. If you let me live. I can get you a pilot.” said the man.

“but you have to let me go.” huckleberry punched him in the face.

“I’m not falling for that! norcross! kill this fucker!” shouted huckleberry. norcross dragged the knife across the man’s throat. he fell with a gurgle. and the fillies shrieked again.

 

“he was gonna comply!” shouted scootaloo.

“no he wasn’t.” said huckleberry.

“we better get going.” after walking through the airport. the duo found an available 747.

“I can fly this.” said huckleberry.

“why did you ask for a pilot then?” said norcross.

“I felt lazy.” said huckleberry. he started the aircraft. and soon the group was airborne.

 

chapter twenty four

Washington

“okay! we’re over Washington d.c now!” said huckleberry. the three fillies were bitching at each other.

“ah wanna go home!” said applebloom.

“why. this is a chance to learn.” said twist. huckleberry was twitching

“huck. why did you drag us along?” whined scootaloo. huckleberry snapped

“so your fucking ass won’t fail. now you have three fucking options. I turn back, I push you all out, or we all go to the museum and have a fucking dandy time!” shouted huckleberry. it woke norcross.

“wha…a.. are we there yet?” said norcross.

“yes we are.” said huckleberry. huck pointed out the window. they were flying over the washing monument.

“I’m surprised it’s still standing?” said huckleberry.

“land us. please.” said norcross. huckleberry attempted to find an airport. he did, but he failed at landing.

“thank god for air concrete.” said huckleberry. he opened the door and pulled out the slide.

“ah don’t wanna go.” said applebloom. huckleberry pushed her down. the rest of the fillies got the idea. norcross had the bright idea of taking a huge leap. he grazed the bottom of the slide.

“ow fuck!” said norcross. huck helped him up.

”you’re an idiot.” said huckleberry. he looked down the runway to see a jeep charging at them.

“you better run queers!” shouted the man in the driver seat. huck got out of the way and norcross dove onto the hood.

“hey there.” said norcross.

“get the hell off!” shouted the man.

“eat a dick nigga.” said norcross. he then proceeded to throw the man out of the jeep at 60 miles per hour. he drove over to the group.

“I got some candy kids. oooh ooh ohh!” said norcross. huck hopped in the front seat. the three Phillies jumped into the back.

“fun fun fun.” said huckleberry.

chapter twenty five

the Smithsonian

after a good ten minute drive. the group finally made it to the Smithsonian.

“okay. we’re here. get the fuck out.” said huckleberry. he had to carry applebloom out.

“is she okay?” said norcross.

“I don’t fuckin know. let’s just get some museum shit and get out of here?” said huckleberry. once they got inside. they heard a screech from within the Smithsonian.

“aw damnitt.” said huckleberry. this time it was a deformed man who pounced on norcross, snatched applebloom from huck’s grasp, and jumped off.

“oh no. applejack’s gonna kill me.” said huckleberry. he started to walk towards where the zombie was going

“where are you going?” said scootaloo.

“I’d rather die from this zombie than applejack.” said huckleberry.

“norcross keep them safe.”

“aw damnitt.” said norcross. he looked over at scootaloo and twist.

“uh…well then. let’s go get some Einstein bobble heads.

back to huckleberry. he was walking through the museum. listening for applebloom’s screams. they were getting warmer.

“at least she’s still alive.” said huckleberry. he noticed applebloom on the second floor balcony. being held by her hoof. the zombie mans drooling fangs inches away from her face.

“damnitt. I gotta save her.” huckleberry used his assassin creed skills, grabbed the zombie, and took him into a dinosaur skeleton. he then proceeded to pin the man, and cut his head off, splashing applebloom with more blood, she burst into tears.

“oh no.” said huckleberry. he picked applebloom up and carried her off. he eventually ran into norcross and the other two snatching  up exhibits.

“oh my god! applebloom!” shouted scootaloo.

chapter twenty six

the worst day ever

after returning home and getting cheerilee those artifacts. everybody involved got an A. but applebloom was still traumatized. applejack soon found out who did it.

“HUCKLEBERRY!” shouted applejack to huck. they were at the market square.

“DID YOU THINK YOU COULD GET AWAY WITH WHAT YOU DID?”

“okay. I can…” huckleberry was cut off by applejacks buck to his chest. he was sent flying.

“ahh…ow.” she stomped her hoof on his chest.

“you listen to me now. ya hear? I don’t want you ever doin something like that to applebloom. or I’ll make sure you don’t get up next time.” she lifted her hoof and walked off. while huckleberry was in the hospital. his good friend metric visited him.

“so huck. how’s your chest?” said metric.

“oh you shut up.” said huckleberry.

“haha. hey I heard about what you did.” said metric with a stern voice.

“look. I didn’t know it would put her in therapy.” said huckleberry.

“not that. I heard about you flying. what did I tell you about that?” said metric.

“I’m not allowed to do that because I’m enlisted.” said huckleberry.

“but you still do it anyway. you’re not even good at it.” said metric.

“I’m better than you.” said huckleberry. metric had a cynical look in his eye.

“wanna bet.” said metric.

“how about a race then? through the gorge.”

“sounds fair. go on.” said huckleberry.

“okay. if you lose. you… uh…” metric was looking around.

“you have to date a pony.” he wasn’t a very creative man.

“okay.” said huckleberry.

“and if I win. you have to shove three shiny purple dildos in your ass, take a picture of it, and send it to the prime minister of the united states.” said huckleberry.

“what. no way!” said metric.

“then you better hope I lose.” said huckleberry. huck tried to hop out of the hospital bed. he grabbed hold of his side.

“aaah! my fucking ribs!” shouted huckleberry, falling back onto the bed.

“okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.” said metric. the next day. huckleberry managed to get up. he drove over to the airbase, rainbow dash was with him.

“uh huck. I don’t think this is a good idea.” said dash

“why?” said huckleberry

“well. look at your ribs. they’re almost sticking out.” said dash.

“well that’s a shame. I’d rather die from my ribs popping out than date a horse.” said huckleberry.

“wait. what?” said dash.

“it’s not important. I just wanna get this over with.” said huckleberry. once at the airbase. metric had two FA-18’s ready for flight.

“this is the plane?” said huckleberry.

“is it a problem?” said metric.

“no no. I just thought you might want to lose with a decent looking plane.” said huckleberry. the two laughed.

“let’s get going.” said metric. the two readied into the canopies of the aircraft. dash was curious. so she went behind metrics plane. the plane started and sent her flying into some crates. they both taxied out onto the runway.

“you are aware that this is practically a two million dollar race right?” said metric.

“you think I give a shit?” said huckleberry.

“baker 1 baker 2. you are cleared for takeoff.” said the tower.

“roger tower. baker 1 taking off.” said metric. his plane roared down the runway.

“baker 2 taking off.” said huckleberry. his plane followed close behind metric. rainbow dash was flying next to him. she gave a wave to him.

“remind me again metric.” said huck.

“where are we going?”

“we’re going to race in some death gorge canyon thing.” the canyon was in the distance.

“over there. it’s all basically one path.”

“alright then.” said huckleberry. the two were coming up on the canyon. rainbow dash tried to shout at huck to not do this. huck couldn’t hear her.

“ready…ready…” said metric. they approached the start of the canyon.

“GO!” the two planes roared at a decent mach 3 through the canyon. the leader always changed. first huck, then metric, then huck again. rainbow was determined to get huck to pull out. the 90 degree turn was up ahead. huckleberry looked behind him.

“face it man.” said huckleberry. he turned back to his front.

“I’m gonna…” he was cut off by the sudden wall.

“fuck!” the plane slammed into the canyon side. metric managed to turn the angle and sped on. huckleberry was flying overhead with a parachute.

“damnitt.” said huckleberry.

“he’s gonna count this as a loss.”

chapter twenty seven

it’s a date

“come on man. I crashed. it’s not fair.” said huckleberry.

“a bet’s a bet man. don’t be a coward.” said metric.

“hmpf. fine you win. you could’ve just asked for money.” said huckleberry

“true. but our money aint shit to these guys.” said metric.

“true. true. well I better be going.” said huckleberry. he started to leave.

“yeah you’ll be late for ya date. ha. oh hey be sure to tell me how it went.” said metric. huckleberry walked back to the tree and slammed the door open. fluttershy jumped off the couch from fright.

“damn life. damn bets. and damn everything else!” shouted huckleberry.

“oh my goodness. thank celestia it’s just you. what’s the matter?” said fluttershy. huck sat at the table.

“I don’t wanna talk about it.” said huckleberry. she walked up next to him.

“well if you need anything just let me know.” and walked up the stairs. huck had a sudden idea.

‘quick huck. do it now.’

“I need a date.” said huckleberry. fluttershy stopped midstep and turned her head to him. a smile bright on her face. but she tried to hide it.

“oh my… what are you saying?” she had hope in her voice.

“you big silly willy. I need you. no, want you. to go out with me.” said huck with a fake smile. she started jumping with joy.

“oh my celestia. what makes you want to go with me?” she said practically in his face.

“because I think we can be more than friends.” said huck. she was about to faint from happiness.

“now go get some fancy wear. I have to run some errands.”

after huck lit up another camel to get the brass shells. he went to find norcross. usually around at sugarcube corner. eating poundcakes.

“yo huck. did you know pinkie makes some kickass poundcakes.” said norcross.

“I’ll try them later. we haven’t gone bowling in awhile.” said huckleberry.

“so let’s go bowling cousin.” said norcross.

“aiight. I’ll pick you up tonight.” said huck. as he walked off. he went over to rarity’s boutique. he saw fluttershy trying on a dress.

“that one looks nice.” said huckleberry. he didn’t even look at the dress.

“rarity can I talk to you in private for a second.” they walked into her room.

“now what do you want. can’t you see I’m busy.” bitched rarity.

“yeah yeah that can wait. guess what?” said huckleberry.

“you’re going out with fluttershy blab la blaaa.” said rarity. huckleberry’s eye twitched a little.

“not that. guess who else wants to go out with some… somepony?” said huckleberry.

“what? who? is it me?” said rarity.

“you’re getting warmer.” said huckleberry.

“and. oh my goodness you’re a sick person.” said rarity.

“it’s not me you idi… wrong. it’s norcross!” said huck.

“*gasp*. really. him. oh my goodness that just wonderfull. we should do a double date.” said rarity.

“that’s just what I had in mind.” said huck.

“so I’ll see you tonight?”

“absolutely. but I must go tell norcross.” said rarity. trying to rush out of the room.

“no no no.” said huckleberry. stopping her in her tracks.

“make it a surprise.” said huckleberry.

“oh but of course.” said rarity. huck walked out of the boutique and tried to find a carriage.

later that evening. huckleberry was sitting on the couch. staring at nothing. waiting for fluttershy to get on the dress.

“god damnitt it’s just like regular women.” said huckleberry to himself. a few minute later. she walked down in a really big, but really fancy, dress.

“wha…whoa.” said huckleberry. he was actually amazed by it. he shook it off.

“well we best be going.” said huckleberry. he walked her outside to the carriage. he opened the door for her.

“after you dearest.” said huck. she squeaked with excitement and walked into the carriage.

‘set it on fire huck. you know you wanna. set it on fire.’

“oh my… this is all so nice. where are we going?” said fluttershy.

“we are going to get norcross and rarity for a double date.” said huckleberry. the carriage drove by a few fancy sights before picking up rarity. she walked aboard in an even bigger dress. but it wasn’t as fancy.

“where’s my dear norcross at?” said rarity.

‘dear norcross. that’s cute.’

“we are going to get him right now.” said huckleberry. after a good five minute of rarity chatting hucks ears to nothing but bleeding craters. they finally arrived at sugarcube corner. huck walked out to go get norcross. norcross noticed the fancy carriage.

“ is that necessary? we’re just going bowling.” said norcross.

“meeeehhhh no we’re not.” said huckleberry.  he opened it for norcross to find fluttershy and rarity sitting in the carriage. huck took his seat. leaving norcross a seat right to rarity. norcross leaned in to huck’s ear.

“I hate you so much for this.” hissed norcross.

“you think I want to be here?” hissed huckleberry right back.

“I understand that. but then why are you here?” said norcross.

“remember. I lost that bet with metric.” whispered huck.

“oh yeah. you almost died.” whispered norcross.

“oh. yeah. I guess that part was pretty bad too.” said huckleberry.

“point is. I’m paying for your meal. so shut up.”

“everypony! we’ve made it to the restaurant.” said the carriage driver. huck escorted fluttershy out of the carriage. norcross fell out without even helping rarity. the restaurant was a human built five star romance like one. called the red heart. they walked inside to see a huge place full of ponies and people. some people with ponies.

‘they didn’t even lose a bet.’ said huck’s brain. they walked up to the reservations desk.

“hello welcome to the red heart. oh my what a fine couple you both are.” said the waiter to huck and fluttershy. fluttershy was blushing.

“I’m gonna hit you.” said huckleberry to himself.

“do you have reservations?”

“uh no we do not.” said huckleberry.

“ooh. im sorry then. reservations only. out with you.”

“oh no.” said rarity.

“awesome.” said norcross

“oh… well. okay. we can just do this another time.” said fluttershy.

“hold it.” said huckleberry.

“I can negotiate with this fine colt.” he walked up to the waiter.

“I know you heard me. I said out with you.” said the waiter. huckleberry leaned in and put his thumb under the pony’s jaw bone.

“listen.” said huckleberry.

“I’m trying to make a nice first impression. and I don’t think a good first impression is seeing her date spill somebody’s blood all over the restaurant floor.” he let his jaw bone go. nobody noticed or cared.

“agh. very well then.” said the waiter.

“this way please.” he walked them over to a table. they all sat down. fluttershy close to huck. and norcross trying to keep his distance from rarity.

“so huck.” said rarity.

“what made you ask out my good friend fluttershy?”

‘it wasn’t a bet. you can say anything else. just don’t say it was a bet.’

“uh hey I just thought ya know. we’re good friends and…”

“ah yeah yeah yeah yeah. that’s nice.” rarity cut him off. she turned her attention to norcross.

“so what do you work as?” norcross looked over to huck. he just signaled him to go along with it.

“I work in the spetznaz.” said norcross. rarity wondered what that was. but then she got pissed.

“why do I smell alcohol on your breath? were you checking out that pony over there? she’s not even cute? why do you always wear the same clothes?” she bitched and bitched and bitched. huck looked over at fluttershy. she had a worried look on her face.

“huck.. I uh.. don’t think this was a good idea.” said fluttershy.

“yeah.” he looked over to see vinyl scratch.

“I’m gonna make it worse.” he got up and walked over to vinyl. she had a smile when she saw him.

“heyyy huck. it’s been forever. how you been?” said vinyl.

“great. hey I need you to do me a huge favor.” said huckleberry.

“what’s the matter? your date’s not going so well?” said vinyl. huckleberry suddenly looked over to see rarity in a full shout at norcross.

“AND YOU NEVER SHOWER AND YOUR ALSO NEVER HOME AND YOU NEVER TAKE CARE OF SWEETIE BELL!”

“SHE’S NOT MY FUCKING PROBLEM!”

“yeah it’s not going too well.” said huckleberry.

“tough buddy. how can I help ya?” said vinyl. huck handed her an ipod.

“okay. the song should already be on there. all I need you to do. is plug it into the speakers and just touch the triangle on it.” said huck.

“alright. no problem.” said vinyl. as she walked off. huck went back over to the table. fluttershy was practically hiding under the table.

“huck i… i… I wanna go home.” leaded fluttershy.

“I know. but just wait a second.” said huckleberry. he looked over at vinyl. she was hooking up the ipod to the speakers. she hit play and shots was starting to play. suddenly the marines in the building went apeshit and started breaking into the liquor stash. and in a few hours. everybody and everypony was drunk out of their minds. a little had started in the building. the only person who didn’t get drunk was rarity. and she went over to huck.

“you did this! I hate you so much you lying scum!” shouted rarity. huckleberry punched her in her snout. leaving her on the floor. bleeding and crying. norcross was laughing his ass off. huckleberry went to find fluttershy. he found her. she was being hit on by a marine. a drunk one of course. she was a little buzzed herself.

“so baby how would you like some flanking from behind if ya know what I mean?” slurred the marine. she looked over and pointed at huck.

“oh..thanks but…I’m with him.” said fluttershy. the marine stumbled over to huckleberry.

“this queer?” said the marine.

“I can kick his ass. watch me.” he took a quick jab at huck’s face. he hit it. huck shook it off, kicked the man’s balls, kneed his gut, and gave a swift kick to his temple, knocking him out. huck then vomited on the man. he walked over to fluttershy.

“you’re coming wif me.” slurred huckleberry. he picked her up, and walked off with her.

“oh my…oh my…” said fluttershy.

“you…y-you shush it. I’m not gonna rape.” slurred huck. after the long walk home. huck just dropped her on the bed.

“oh my.” she was in full blush. huckleberry fell next to her, back facing her, and already asleep. she just sighed and fell asleep. a few minutes later, huckleberry turned around and wrapped her in his arms. she smiled and hugged back.

chapter twenty eight

the friends who bailed

the next day. huckleberry stirred awake. he noticed his arms around fluttershy. and her arm leg things (you know what I’m talking about). around him.

“oh no. I really hope we didn’t do anything.” said huckleberry. he wiggled out of her arms (I’m gonna call them that) and stumbled out of bed. he went to ponyville to figure out what happened. through a process of finding norcross. he figured out that he put rarity in the hospital.

“oh shit!” said huckleberry.

“dude we have to visit her.”

“I’m not visiting her. she’s a cunt.” said norcross.

“and I don’t see why you’re going to either.”

“because I put her in the hospital and I’m a nice guy.” said huckleberry.

“fine. but I’m not going.” said norcross.

“yeah you are.” said huckleberry.

“you don’t really cuss as much when you’re drunk.” said norcross

“that’s not the fucking point.” said huckleberry.

“alright. alright. if it’s such a big deal.” said norcross.

“you shouldn’t be waiting here. I’m distracting you.”

“damnitt.” said huckleberry. he went over to the hospital.

“I’d like the room that rarity is in please?”

“ah.” said the receptionist

“you’re not going to put another gun to my head. are you?” he started to laugh.

“cuz that was a fucking joke!” said huckleberry.

“alright, alright. floor 3 room 42. please be carefull. she has a problem speaking.” said the receptionist.

“I made her retarded!” said huckleberry.

“oh no no no. she just sounds weird.” said the receptionist. huckleberry walked up the stairs and to the room.

“here it is.” said huckleberry. the door was open and rarity was asleep. he had a ptsd flashback of celestia getting a needle in her skin. he pulled out his knife but suddenly remembered it wasn’t real. he knocked on the door, she woke up.

“norcro… oh.” she said in disgust.

“it’s you.”

“yeah.” said huckleberry with a fake cheerfull voice

“hey listen. uh… I feel really bad and if there is anything I can do for you…”

“YOU CAN JUST LEAVE AND NEVER TALK TO ME AGAIN!” shouted rarity. suddenly, a flashbang went through the window.

“what the fu…” huck was cut off from the explosion. he went flying to the floor. blinded and almost deaf, almost.

“what are you doing?” said a voice.

“take the soldier with us.”

“what. hell no. I don’t wanna deal with his Russian friend. he scares me shitless.” said the other voice.

“fine then. just take the marshmallow and let’s get the hell out of here.” said the voice. huck’s vision returned to normal. the first thing he saw was the empty hospital bed.

“oh no!” said huckleberry.

“oh shit shit shit shit shit!” he was running out of the hospital.

“ah. so you are the father?” said the receptionist as huck ran out of the hospital. he went to find norcross.

“dude we have a fucking problem!” said huck. he was flipping the fuck out.

“whoa dude. calm down. what happened?” said norcross.

“I was visiting rarity and all the sudden there was a grenade and it was a flashbang and I shit my pants then my vision returned to normal…” huck took a gasp of breath.

“then I lokked at the bed and she was gone then I wasn’t the father.” his eyes started to look opposite directions.

“and then I left and then I ran ran ran ran ran ran ran.”

“dude dude dude dude dude!” said norcross. he was shaking him. he snapped back to normal.

“calm down. why do you care? you hate each other.”

“she’s still a good friend.” said huckleberry

“that doesn’t make sense.” said norcross.

“dude we have to help her.” said huckleberry.

“no.” said norcross.

“please dude. you know what will happen?” said huckleberry.

“what?” said norcross.

“celestia will find out and banish everyone to the moon. humans took her.” said huckleberry.

“I would prefer luna over rarity.” said norcross.

“I’m serious.” said huckleberry.

“alright. alright. if it’s a big deal.” said norcross, picking up his AK.

“but only because I miss blowing another human’s head to pieces.”

“at least you’re helping me.” said huckleberry.

chapter twenty nine

the darkness

the duo managed to get information on another human colony in the desert nearby some buffalo camps.

at around 3:00 AM. the duo had managed to find the terrorists raiding these camps. huck looked into the binoculars.

“oh no.” said huckleberry.

“what? what are they doing.” said norcross.

“they’re slaughtering the men and taking the women. god help em.” said huckleberry. he put away the binoculars and picked up his rifle.

“let’s move .” the jumped off the Cliffside and rappelled down. norcross just jumped and caught rocks in between to slow him down. norcross was at the bottom first.

“dude! hurry up!” yelled norcross. huckleberry was at the bottom shortly after.

“dude shh!” said huckleberry.

“are you even sure these are the people?” said norcross.

“they just have to be. nobody else would be raping and pillaging everything but these people.” said huckleberry.

“alright then. but maybe we should go faster.” said norcross

“fine fine. let’s move.” said huckleberry. they were sprinting after the trucks. norcross gabbed ahold of one’s bumper as it was starting up. as it started to move, norcross reached a hand for huckleberry, huck took a dove and caught it. but he was dragged the whole way. shortly after, the truck came to a stop and they crawled underneath the truck.

“I can’t feel my legs.” said huckleberry.

“ssshhhhhhh.” said norcross. two people walked to the back of the truck, one slammed the rifle but on the bumper.

“alright! everybody out!” said the man. five female buffalo came out of the back of the truck. the men walked off with them.

“mmmm. I’m gonna have fun with you.” said one of the men, he slapped on of the female’s ass.

“ew.” said huckleberry.

“shake it off and focus. I think it’s safe.” said norcross. they both wiggled out from under the truck.

“okay. the first thing we have to do is obtain their outfits.” said huckleberry.

“wait. why do you?” said norcross.

“fine. by we I mean you.” said huckleberry. he ripped off his own name tag and put it in his pocket.

“get me a new name tag while you’re at it.” he leaned on the truck and lit a cigarette. norcross waited in a nearby alley. two men walked past it. norcross pulled out his knife and dragged the man into the alley, the other quickly chased after. there was muffled screams and then silence. norcross came out in a desert marpat.

“solid mister. randy?” said huckleberry.

“shush it and take yours.” said norcross, throwing him a new uniform. huckleberry changed in the back of the truck. he was wearing multicam.

“alright boner.” said norcross. huck looked at the name tag. it read –boner-.

“fuck!” said huckleberry. norcross laughed. after walking around for awhile to try and find this place. all they saw was an apocalyptic dump. it was full of psychopaths, dead bodies, crying buffalo.

“I wonder how long they’ve been at this?” said huckleberry.

“I dun giv a fuck!” said norcross. just then. a man walked over to the duo.

“hey! you two look like you could use a good time.” said the man, twitching.

“I got some bitches you might like.”

“twenty says it’s buffalo.” said norcross. huckleberry read the name tag. it said Andres

‘andres, andres, aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaandreeeeeeeeeeeeees’

‘brain stop it’

“oh no thanks bro.” said huckleberry.

“come on man. let’s go.” and they walked away.

“dude that was Andres.” said huckleberry.

“…so?” said norcross.

“he was the guy who gave the order to bail.” said huckleberry.

“oh…shit. does that mean apealope is leading them?” said norcross.

“doubt it. he’s dead.” said huckleberry.

“but I have a theory.”

“tell me later. let’s just do what you wanted to do and go away” said norcross. after another walk through the streets of rape and dead bodies.

“there weren’t this many people aboard that chinok.” said norcross.

“they’re breeding.” said huckleberry. they saw a naked, but very ugly, woman walking on the other side of the road.

“these people can’t even provide for the population they made. yet they breed like rabbits.” said huckleberry. they suddenly heard a loud shout.

“that sounded like rarity.” said huckleberry. he pulled out a sidearm.

“come on. let’s go.”

“why did I agree to this again?” said norcross. he pulled out a sidearm. they stacked up on the door, then kicked it down. there were five men in the room. guns pointing at the door.

“well well well.” said one man.

“if it isn’t the two that left us for dead. how’s your life been?”

“it’s been decent. ponies are better than buffalo.” said huckleberry. norcross looked at him with shock.

“you did it too. and don’t think I liked it either.” norcross gave a shrug.

“you listen to me and you listen well you little shit! you are nothing more than an intruder… but you have information… and the queen would go crazy for you.”

“I knew it.” said huckleberry. huck looked up at the ceiling. he saw a dangling light. the only light source.

“I have an idea. get ready to scram.” huckleberry quickly aimed at it and shot it. the room went dark.

“fuck! flashlights!” said the man. the others turned on flashlights facing the door. the duo wasn’t there.

“ah…where did they go? check by the windows? where’s the white horse? keep her safe.” one guard was shaking while aiming in random directions. he looked behind him. huckleberry was standing right in front of him, with an evil smile.

“AAH….” he was cut off by a hand on his mouth and a knife to his throat.

“oh fuck!” shouted a man. he pointed his gun at the sound. he found the man dead.

“oh no no no.” said the man. he suddenly fell to the ground. the leader pointed his rifle light at the man. it was another dead body with a knife in the back of his head.

“oh no oh no oh no! we’re gonna die!” said one of the men.

“damn right you are.” whispered huckleberry behind the man. he suddenly put his hand around the man’s mouth and dragged him into the corner.

“ah!” shouted the leader. the remaining two pointed a flashlight at the direction of the sound. all they saw was a man sitting there, with his throat slit, his face with the look of fear.

“oh god! oh god I don’t wanna die!” said the last man.

“we are not going to die!” said the leader. somebody roughly grabbed the leaders shoulder.

“AH HA!” he turned around and fired his sidearm. he saw his last guard fall down dead.

“oh…clever norcross.” said the leader.

“you were always a dickhead when I came to that. but you won’t fool me now.” he reaced into the darkness and pulled out huckleberry. he held his sidearm to huck’s head.

“because I have your…” he was silenced by a knife in his gut.

“oh…ah.” he lost his grip, huck turned around and stabbed the leader in the temple.

“okay now that that’s done we have to find the white horse.” said huckleberry.

“fuck I can’t see shit!” said norcross. he stumbled into a chair. with someone in it.

“found her.” he picked up the chair and took it outside. rarity was sitting in it, unconscious.

“great now let’s get her untied and get the fuck out of here?” said huckleberry. huck picked her up and the duo sneaked over to the truck. norcross got in the driver’s seat.

“dude lets fucking go.” said norcross. huck looked over to the buffalo being dragged by chains.

“we have to help them.” said huckleberry.

“no we don’t. come on.” said norcross. huckleberry ran towards the buffalo in chains.

“damnitt.” said norcross. huckleberry walked over to the man dragging the buffalo. he leaned in and stabbed the man in the gut, then slit his throat.

“where is are the rest of you guys?” said huckleberry.

“they…they’re taking us to this big yard where….we…”

“okay okay. climb aboard that truck over there. we’re gonna get you out of here.” said huck. huck couldn’t make it in time. he was chased back to truck from other people. huck was in a full sprint.

“norrcross! go go go!” shouted huckleberry. norcross hit the gas pedal. huck was just out of reach. he reached as far as he could, the truck was pulling away.

“oh..no..you..fucking..” he dove for it.

“DON’T!” he caught the bumper and was being dragged by his back legs. he pulled himself up into the truck bed. the first thing he saw was rarity. she was starting to stir.

“uh…wha.. what’s that smell?” said rarity, she turned around to see a half dead buffalo. she jumped up.

“oh my goodness that’s just gross! get that awa…” huckleberry spun her around. he was staring her down.

“this makes up for me putting you in the hospital!” said huckleberry.

chapter thirty

switch up

a few weeks later. fluttershy was determined to go out again.

“I mean… I’m open tonight… if you are… and if it’s okay with you.” said fluttershy.

“no. I have work.” said huckleberry.

“oh… ok then.” said fluttershy.

“besides it’s like… 11:00. I should be asleep.” said huckleberry. huck walked upstairs and fell asleep. fluttershy joined him. at around 5:00 AM, huck stirred awake. he looked at the clock.

“why am I…?” mumbled huckleberry. he suddenly looked over to see some sort of blur. it was fluttershy, she was on the ground, it looked like she was bleeding, and something was biting her. huck jumped up.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” shouted huckleberry. he pulled out his bowie. the creature suddenly stood up and faced him. it was chrysalis. she gave a hiss and lunged at him. huckleberry went dark. later that morning, huckleberry started to stir awake. he groaned, he tried to rub his eyes, his hands felt…weird. as if they didn’t have fingers. he opened his eyes all the way. they were yellow hooves.

“what the…” he let out the shriek and put his hooves over his mouth.

“what the hell happened? ooh saying curse words in this voice is wierd” he looked down at fluttershy’s wings.

“oh hell. this is just weird in general. wait…if I’m here. then by the power of atheism…” huckleberry suddenly heard a loud shout. he trotted upstairs to see himself flipping shit about how he looked.

“oh no… what happened? I’m scared.” said fluttershy in huck’s body. she suddenly noticed huck as fluttershy, but she wasn’t aware.

“oh..uh..hey flutters. what’s uh..up?” huck decided to play along.

“flutters? flutters!? next thing ya know. you’re going to give me other ‘cute’ nicknames and go out some more. but you know what. stop it! I’m sick of you you stupid douche.” huck was laughing on the inside.

“oh…uh.” flutterberry was starting to cry.

“oh no no no.” said huckleshy. he trotted over to flutterberry.

“fluttershy. it’s me. huckleberry.”

“wha… but how did you…? but…” flutterberry was questioning physics.

“it must have been from the queen. she might have used some shit and transferred our bodies.” said huckleshy.

“which means you wished a little too hard when you wanted my body.” flutterbery’s face went red.

“uh…uh..”

“save it. I want my body back. and you obviously want yours back. I don’t want to deal with menstruation.” huckleshy sat next to flutterbery, they were both thinking.

“I got an idea.” said huckleshy

“all we have to do is find out where chrysalis lives and kick her nigger ass.”

“oh..but… I’m not the fighting type though.” said flutterberry.

“well tough shit. snap to it real fuckin fast. this is the only way it’ll work.” said huckleshy.

“well…then uh… I refuse.” said flutterberry. huckleshy looked pissed.

“then I’m going to force you to fight.” flutterberry started to run out of the house.

“no you fucking don’t.” huckleshy chased flutterberry out of the house and into ponyville. other ponies looked at them with strange looks.

“get the fuck back over here!” shouted huckleshy.

“no no no no!” shouted flutterberry.

“this is a nightmare!”

“if this is a fuckin nightmare now wait ti’ll I get my hands around your throat!” shouted huckleshy. suddenly martini jumped in the way of what he thought was fluttershy.

“hey baby. I see he’s scared of commitment. ya know. douches and whatnot.” said martini.

“and what are you saying?” said huckleshy.

“I’m saying that despite that worm getting in the way.” he started to lean in.

“I think we can make it work.” he started to sniff huckleshy’s hair.

“mmmmmm. smells nice.” huckleshy turned to him and put a hoof in his face.

“ow! what the…”

“you listen you unattractive faggot! I don’t ever want to see you. my heart is for the one in the squares.” huckleshy looked over at his cutie mark.

“besides. why would I want to date a transsexual?” huckleshy laughed and trotted off.

“wait wait wait.” martini stopped in front of huckleshy.

“what makes you think I’m a transsexual?”

“the fact that your cutie mark proves you have a vagina.” huckleshy laughed and continued. martini jumped on him.

“the only vagina I’m gonna get is yours.” martini tried to mount huckleshy right there.

“fuck off fag!” huckleshy broke free and bucked martini right in the face. he stumbled to the ground.

“oooowww! damnitt you bitch!” shouted martini. huckleshy curb stomped him with his back hoof. martini was out cold. all the other ponies stared, amazed and frightened at what an innocent pony could do. huckleshy realized what he was doing.

“oh… I’m sorry for disturbing this lovely day.” said huckleshy.

‘I gotta find norcross. hey. brain is still the same voice. but I still have to find him.’ huckleshy went into a full sprint. he found norcross talking to twilight and pinkie pie. they looked like they were having a good chat. huckleshy ran over to the group.

“oh thank god I found you so quick.” said huckleshy.

“fluttershy! you look like a mess! like you got into a fight!” said twilight.

“are you okay fluttershy? you don’t look too happy.” said pinkie pie.

“you need to smile smile…”

“I JUST LOST MY FUCKING BODY AND NOW I HAVE TO DEAL WITH MENSTRATION!” shouted huckleshy. all three were surprised.

“fluttershy!” said twilight.

“what’s menstruation?” said pinkie.

“yeah… fluttershy. are you okay?” said norcross.

“no I’m not. for one thing. I’m not even fluttershy.”

“ha! that’s so fucking stupid.” said norcross. but he decided to play along.

“then who are you?”

“it’s me. huckleberry!” norcross stopped playing along with it.

“yeah you’ve lost it.” said norcross.

“fluttershy. no disrespect but you look nothing like huckleberry. you don’t act like him, talk like him, you don’t even have these so called fingers.” said twilight.

“smile smile smile.” sang pinkie pie.

“I’m fucking serious. you know what. I can prove it. ask me something only huckleberry would know.”

“alright then.” said twilight.

“I think she was talking to me.” said norcross.

“no no. I have done background tests and examinations on huckleberry.” said twilight.

“I know everything about him.”

“hmmm. alright then.” said norcross.

“I just don’t give a shit.”

“fine whatever just get this over with. I’m in a fucking hurry.”

“okay.” said twilight.

“question one. what is your most severe condition?” said twilight.

“uh… aspergers syndrome” huckleshy started to laugh.

“aahhhahahahahahahahahahaha. ass! that’s sound so fucking funny with this voice. hahahahahahahahahahahahahahha!” huckleshy fell over laughing.

“uh…okay then.” said twilight.

“question two. what is huckleberry’s favorite food?”

“fuckin crab legs. that’s even the answer I put on your survey.”

“but that’s not enough.” said twilight.

“this last question should confirm this because only he would know this.” he looked at huckleshy and dangled dog tags in front of him.

“do you remember what you did with these?”

“oh… I gave those away.”

“to who?”

“… to fluttershy.” said huckleshy.

“how did you get those?”

“you were wearing them. or at least she was wearing them. the whole time.” said twilight.

“that’s so fucking adorable.” said norcross.

“hey shut the fuck up.” said huckleshy.

“wait a minute.” said pinkie pie.

“if you’re in fluttershy…”

“ha.” said norcross.

“I said shut up.”

“then what happened to you?” said pinkie.

“take a really really good guess.” said huckleshy. suddenly. flutterberry was running full sprint at the group.

“oh thank celestia you girls are here. I’m trying to get me!” flutterberry looked at huckleshy.

“aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!” flutterberry shouted. she curled into a ball and shivered.

“ is that…necessary. for peat sake you’re a fucking ranger.” said huckleshy.

“look uh… huckleberry. all we have to do is find out who cast the hex so they can reverse it.” said twilight.

“ smart. but why can’t you do it. aren’t you like. the best with magic?” said huckleshy.

“I’m flattered but no. I don’t know such a hex nor a reverse for it.” said twilight.

“ so I’m gonna be stuck in this body forever!?”

“no. it will only last about a week.” said twilight.

“ I CAN’T WAIT THAT FUCKING LONG!” said huckleshy.

“I don’t know… it’s only uh… a week…” said flutterberry.

“I don’t think we can wait for a week if there is a reverse for it.” said norcross.

“well then our only other option is to find out who gave these two this hex.” said twilight.

“but who who who who who?” said pinkie. huckleshy had a flashback from three AM. queen chrysalis bitting down on huck’s neck.

“the queen.”

“what?” said norcross.

“chrysalis fucking did this. she turned me into a little…” he looked over at flutterberry.

“adorable…ball…of…happiness.” flutterberry had a smile.

“BUT I’M STILL GOING TO KICK HER ASS!”

“We could always just ask.” said flutterberry.

“fuck that shit. ima go kick her ass!” said huckleshy. he stomped off in a random direction. norcross chased after him.

“dude you don’t even know where you’re fucking going?” said norcross.

“I don’t give a shit!” said huckleshy. he kept walking.

“why does my butt sway as I walk?” norcross shrugged.

“women. I don’t know.” said norcross.

“point is. I’m going wether you are or not.” said huckleshy.

“dude I never said I wasn’t going with you.” said norcross.

“well then… go get me over there and take me with us.”

“wat”

“go get me.”

“wat”

“go get the guy in the squares!”

chapter thirty one

the nest

after a long ass walk. they finally made it to what they thought was where chrysalis was.

“huck. I uh…you know you have wings right… but you don’t have to use them…I mean. unless you want.” said flutterberry.

“I’m fine.”  the three were staring a large Cliffside.

“are you sure this is it?” said norcross.

“positive.” huckleshy pointed upwards.

“changeling are flying out of the caves higher up.”

“then how do we get in?” said norcross.

“we could ask nicely.” said flutterberry.

“you’re not helping.”

“okay. look these tunnels down here look abandoned.” said norcross.

“we can just use these.” and so, the three climbed into the tunnels. the noticed podiums with charcoal bits on them.

“torches used to be here. I think these are abandoned.” said norcross. they had to crawl a few moments but it was mostly a fair walk. but it was a long one. after a day in the tunnels they finally made it to this large part of the cave. it was bustling with changeling.

“this looks important.”

“maybe we should uh…just…turn back.”

“we’re not turning back because I don’t want my friend to be a yellow horse.” said norcross.

“besides. we got this far. I’m too lazy to turn back.” he pulled out a knife.

“I must find the queen.”

 they had to sneak through most of the way. but they eventually made it into the queens chambers. she was sitting in what looked like a throne.

“ah.” she said, she was starting to stand up.

“I knew you would eventually come here.”

“ I don’t give a shit! change me back!”

“aww.” said chrysalis.

“that voice on you is so cute. and what if I don’t change you back? you’ll be stuck trying to fly forever.”

“ at least my legs don’t whistle when I fly.”

“ WHAT!? I’M GOING TO DESTROY EVERY PETTY THING INSIDE YOU THAT YOU CALL LIFE!” shouted chrysalis. she charged at huckleshy,  he jumped up and dropped kicked her nose. she fell over., but recovered quickly. she jumped up and bit down on huck’s neck. and tried to fly off with him.

“ ahh! damnitt!” huck looked down to norcross.

“ you know this would be a flawless time to shoot her.” norcross looked at the 500 magnum revolver he always had on him.

‘why haven’t I used this before?’ norcross aimed at the queen. he put a round in her wing, it turned it into dust.

“yeah!” shouted norcross.

“ no no no no!” huck and the queen were starting to fall in the giant cavern,l chrysalis still had a tight grip on huck’s neck.

“ah! oh no…! this is bad!” said flutterberry. she was starting to cry.

“oh shut up! he’ll be fine!” said norcross

“he’s probably dead!”

“he’s not. I know him way better than you.” said norcross. flutterberry was starting to smile.

“so he probably has two, maybe three minutes.” her smile immediately disappeared after that statement.

“we have to at least help him then.” she said.

“I know for a fact that I don’t give a fuck.” said norcross. he was starting to walk in the direction of the tunnels.

“ but…he…you’re his…” flutterberry’s face went red, with anger.

“fine then! if you won’t help him then I will!” she was bracing to jump off the edge.

“that’s funny cuz you’re already about to get fucked up.” said norcross.

“you don’t have wings anymore.” flutterberry looked down, it was a long way down. but at the bottom of the hive was huck and the queen. huck stumbled a bit. he looked at chrysalis, her body was still.

“ I let you live and you didn’t learn your fucking lesson.” he tried to walk away but his front legs were in pain.

“ ow! fuck!” they were broken. and the bones were showing.

“ oh shit!” he looked at his wings.

“ I’m stuck with these. and I don’t even know how to use them…” he started to flap his wings.

“ this is not going to go well.” he started to gain lift. then he progressed higher and higher. and then he suddenly fell, hard.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! OW! MY FUCKING LEGS!” the cry was heard by norcross and flutterberry. and the changelings.

“now I have to help him!” said flutterberry.

“I wouldn’t. that’s a long way down” said norcross.

“you’re gonna smash his body to pieces.” flutterberry shivered in fear a little bit. but serioused the fuck up.

“he’d do the same for me.” she took a leap of faith. norcross didn’t even jump for her.

“no… he wouldn’t.” said norcross as he walked through the tunnels. huck was laying on the ground, unable to move. and the swarm was closing in on him.

“well… I’m fucked.” he suddenly heard shouting. he looked up and saw something green falling towards him.

“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WHY DID I DO THIS? I’M GOING TO DIE!” shouted flutterberry. she suddenly ran into one of the changelings. the swarm practically broke her fall.

“ow ow ow ow ow!” once she hit the bottom she was holding her ankle.

“it hurts so bad!”

“look at my fucking legs! the bone is sticking out!” they both and the swarm closing in suddenly heard a dova shout.

“ WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” Shouted norcross. he flew out of one of the side tunnels and started shooting at the swarm. bodies started falling out of the sky. he used one of the changelings as a plane and shot even more down, then he used it to fly near the two and killed it.

“I thought you weren’t going to help.” said flutterberry.

“I don’t give a shit about you. I’m here for my friend.” said norcross. he tried to pick up huckleshy.

“ ah!!! easy!” he didn’t care for his pain and just picked him up.

“squares! you’re gonna have to start shooting.” said norcross.

“oh… I can’t kill another living thing. that’s horrible.”

“you kill fish or obtain dead fish to feed some of your animals.” said norcross. flutterberry tried to say something but just kept her mouth shut, norcross threw him his 500 magnum.

“use it wisely.” said norcross. flutterberry aimed down the sights. but his hands shook. he squeezed the trigger and the gun shot. he hit nothing, and the gun flew out of his hand.

“yeah. we’re fucked.” flutterberry tried to pick up the 500. but got knocked over by the swarm. norcross and huckleshy got the same fate. the swarm was biting them until they flew out of the edge of the cliff. they were all three free-falling.

“ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit.” said norcross.

“you lost my revolver. you shit.” he grabbed flutterberry and punched her in the face. then hooked a clip to his belt and pulled out his parachute

“battlefield logiiiic!” shouted norcross as he pulled the chute.

“huck! you have to fucking fly.” huckleshy realized he was approaching the ground. he started to flap his wings. but he still fell with a solid thud. breaking one of his hind legs.

“ aaaaaaaaaah fuck!” he looked at it. the leg wasn’t as bad as the front two.

“help! help me!” norcross and flutterberry soon hit the ground. norcross ran over to huckleshy.

“dude are you ok?” said norcross.

“I can’t move my fucking legs! get me out of here please!” norcross took the radio from flutterberry’s vest.

“yeah we need a pickup for a wounded soldier. corrdinates are…shit. huck where are we?”

“ Charlie alpha November golf echo lima india November golf quebec echo echo November November echo sierra tango.”

“what does that mean?”

“uh… Charlie alpha November golf echo lima india November golf quebec echo echo November November echo sierra tango.” said norcross.

“roger that. we have a huey inbound.” said the radio. I a few hours. a rescue chopper was inbound. they put huckleshy aboard.

“oh shit he is FUBAR.”

chapter thirty two

the cure

in the hospital bed lay huckleshy. the nurse was writing something on paper.

“hey.” said huckleshy to the nurse.

“hmm?” said the nurse.

“wanna make an extra twenty bits?” the next day. twilight, rainbow dash, pinkie, and norcross came to visit. huckleshy was faking asleep.

“hey buddy?” said rainbow dash.

“we brought you flowers.” said twilight.

“AND CAKE!” said pinkie, pulling out another cake.

“they wouldn’t let me bring in your whiskey.” said norcross.

“look the point is we hope that you…” rainbow dash was cut off when two nurse ponies came in and put the blanket over his head. the three ponies gasped, norcross had the same expression. then rainbow started to cry. the three had to leave in tears. norcross stayed, leaned over the bed, and whispered, “ you are a clever bastard.” huckleshy lifted up the blanket.

“ I know dude! I wish I could see their faces.” another month and huckleshy made a full recovery. but he was still in fluttershy’s body. but there was a cure.

“ you knew about this person since we first arrived years ago and you never bothered to tell anyone?”

“I didn’t think it would matter.” said norcross. after walking into the everfree. he eventually found the hut.

“norcross! it’s been forever.” said zecora.

“I thought the time I’d see you, would be never.”

“that’s cheating.” said norcross.

“look I need some bath salts or some shit to turn my friend back to normal.” he pointed to huckleshy.

“she looks fine. get out.” said zecora.

“you didn’t even try that time.” said norcross.

“look the point is he swapped bodies with some other horse and so he needs his body back.”

“ alright then. take this.” she handed huckleshy a bottle.

“it should fix it. but with no bliss.” huckleshy put the bottle to his lips.

“but do beware.” said zecora.

“it’s made of a poison…” huckleshy chugged the bottle.

“you really don’t care.” the next day. huckleberry woke up to see his hands, fingers, and his other human being shit.

chapter thirty three

back to the hospital

“it worked.” said huckleberry.

“thank god.” he got out of his bed and walked downstairs, to see fluttershy’s body, laying on the floor.

“hey you gotta get up.” said huckleberry. he poked her side with his boot. nothing.

“come on. get up.” said huckleberry. he poked her body again. still no movement.

“wait…” he put his two fingers on her neck for a few seconds, she suddenly vomited.

“oh shit!”

“oh my celestia! what happened huckleberry?” said twilight. they were both in the hospital room, flutterhsy laying on the bed.

“I just walked downstairs and there she was. dying.” said huckleberry.

“well do you know what could’ve caused it? it seemed to have happened just as you two went back to normal.” said twilight. huck stood there in silence for awhile. thinking about what zecora said.

“no.” said huckleberry.

“you have no idea?” said twilight.

“not a single one.” said huckleberry.

“you always have ideas.” said twilight.

“not today I don’t.” said huckleberry. twilight looked at him with suspicion.

“…okay then. the best we can do is wait and see if she gets better.” said twilight. as they were both leaving. norcross and rainbow dash were outside arguing about something.

“I would leave you in the dirt in the iron pony competition.” said rainbow dash.

“bitch I will beat you so hard I’ll be put in jail for it.” said norcross. huck and twilight looked at both of them with confusion.

“what are you two doing?” interrupted huckleberry.

chapter thirty four

the iron pony

“we are debating who would win in the Chinese Olympics.” said norcross.

“you idi…wait… huckleberry?” said rainbow. she suddenly had a look of shock.

“I… the canyon… and the fire… you died there…”

“yeah yeah yeah humans can’t die.” said huckleberry.

“I can’t believe it! this is so cool! how did you…” rainbow was cut off.

“continue on with the shit about china and the Olympics.” said huckleberry

“oh…well your idiot friend here thinks he can win against me in the iron pony competition.” said rainbow dash. she laughed a little.

“pretty funny isn’t it?”

“no. norcross would win and leave your metaphase cunt bleeding in the middle of the track.” said huckleberry.

“what? no way. he can’t even fly.” said rainbow dash.

“you’re not allowed to fly.” said huckleberry. the next day was the iron pony competition. it was the running of the leaves.

“okay dude. you so got this. kick her ass.” said huckleberry.

“I will bro.” said norcross as he was running in place. suddenly, pinkie appeared with a hot air balloon.

“where did you get the balloon?” said huckleberry.

“it doesn’t matterrrrrr! wanna see the race from above?” said pinkie. huckleberry stopped to think for a second.

“…hmmm… okay.” said huckleberry, he hoped into the balloon and they took off.

“dude! you better get going! the race is about to start!” said huckleberry. as the race was starting. all the ponies competing were lined up and ready for a full sprint.

“hey norcross.” said rainbow dash

“I’ll send you a postcard from the…”

“I dun giv a fuck!” said norcross. the gun shot off and all the ponies and norcross were in a full sprint. rainbow of course took the lead. norcross had a bad start but passed through ponies with ease. whilst pinkie, spike, and huckleberry were watching from above.

“go man go!” shouted huckleberry.  much later in the race. norcross and rainbow dash were neck and neck.

“face it norcross.” said rainbow dash.

“I’m not letting you win.” norcross started to run faster.

“you are now bitch. alalalalalalalalala.” shouted norcross. huckleberry, spike and pinkie were amazed by this feat.

“woah.” said spike.

“this race is intense.” said pinkie.

“yeah it is.” said huckleberry. suddenly, pinkie put her front hooves on huck’s back and pushed him out of the balloon.

“aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!” shouted huckleberry. he landed on the ground, hard. right in front of norcross. norcross stopped in his own tracks.

“holy shit!” said norcross. rainbow suddenly ran past him. unaware of hucks body lying in the middle of the road.

“what a shame you accept fate!” shouted rainbow. norcross had a mean look in his eye. he picked up huckleberry and hauled ass towards the finish line. leaving rainbow in a cloud of dust. as he past the finish line. ponies cheered and tried to get a photograph and tried to give him a medal.  he ran past all of it and straight to the hospital.

chapter thirty five

huckleberry’s death

after the day of the running of the leaves. the twilight, applejack, rarity, rainbow dash, and norcross all visited him and fluttershy.

“oh…” said the doctor. he looked at some papers.

“fluttershy will make a full recovery in about three weeks. it turns out it was just some massive aches and pains. and she just couldn’t stand it for awhile.” he looked at another paper, this time he had a grim look.

“your friend in the squares. I don’t think he will make it. he’s suffering from massive hemorrhaging, multiple broken bones, a punctured lung, and he’s in a coma.” all the ponies had a sad look on their face. even norcross was a little shocked.

“I think it’d be best if you at least see him. maybe some moral support.” the doctor escorted them to huck’s room. it was dark, with only a little light coming in through the split in the curtains. and there was huckleberry, lying there on the bed, almost lifeless.

“oh my celestia…” said twilight.

“he looks so peaceful.” said rarity

“I can’t believe he’s just laying there. do you think he still has hope?” said rainbow.

“get the hell up. we’re going drinking tonight.” said norcross. all the other ponies looked at him with wonder?

“is that really necessary?” said applejack. after about a week of visits and hope. they finally visited him for the last time.

“here buddy.” said rainbow.

“we all pitched in and bought you something good.” they put a bottle of Jack Daniels by the bed.

“we know you can’t resist it. if you pull through. it’s all yours.” said twilight. suddenly. aloe came in and put the blanket over his head, except this time he was actually dead.

“no…” said twilight.

“he can’t be dead! I’ve seen him die, he shook it off!” shouted rainbow. she hit huckleberry’s body.

“get up! this joke isn’t funny! get up! get UP! GET UP!” norcross threw her off.

“calm the fuck down!” shouted norcross. norcross looked over at huckleberry.

“I can’t believe it either. the bastard finally became died.” aloe looked at the group with sorrow.

“I’m sorry about your loss.” said aloe.

“you two have been through so much.”