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Lawn Fluffies

By: fluffyscribe on Apr 19th, 2012  |  syntax: None  |  size: 3.07 KB  |  hits: 630  |  expires: Never
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  1. >Nice, enclosed backyard.  High brick walls.
  2. >Keeps out critters and neighbor's stupid kids.
  3. >One day, you hear fluffy pony voices from the yard.
  4. Ugh, here we go.
  5. >"Huwwy!" gray unicorn leads a group, crawling out of a hole.
  6. >Since when do fluffy ponies dig tunnels?  Or did they comandere a gopher tunnel?
  7. >Three purple earth fluffy ponies follow the unicorn out of tunnel.
  8. >They beam at the sight of your lawn...
  9. >"Smawty fin' grassies!" "Smawty save fwuffies fwom tunne' munsta!" "Yay smawty!"
  10. >All four start eating your grass while babbling.
  11. >"Sky pwetty!" "Fwuffy wuv grassies!" "New home?"
  12.  >Realize you need to step in now.  The bastards are eating your lawn.
  13. >Open sliding glass door.
  14. >Fluffy ponies freak out immediately.  Purple fluffy ponies cower behind gray unicorn.
  15. >"Munstah!" "Hewp! Smawty hewp!" "No huwt fwuffy!"
  16. >Predictably, they're shitting and pissing themselves like crazy.
  17. >The gray unicorn fluffy growls.  "S'ay back, munstah!  Dis is our grassies!  Go away!"
  18. "This is my backyard.  You can't stay here."
  19. >"Our back'ard!  Grassies ours!  Go away, munstah!"
  20. >You step forward.  Purple fluffy ponies start crying and shitting like crazy.
  21. >"No get cwoser!" unicorn is freaking out.  "Or ewse smawty huwt munstah!"
  22. >For fucks sake.
  23. > You wouldn't mind a few fluffies for pets.  Their poop is the best fertilizer known to man.  
  24. >You just feed them cheap pasta, and they keep your lawn looking amazing.  
  25. >If they die, they die.
  26. >But four fluffy ponies is a bit much, and no fucking way are you dealing with a "smarty."
  27. >What to do?
  28. >You head back inside.  Fluffy ponies are already praising smarty  for scaring you off.
  29. >Grab some leftover butter linguini from the fridge.
  30. >Back outside.
  31. >"Hewp! Munstah back!"  "No take gwassies!"
  32. >Put down plate of pasta.
  33. >The smarty isn't budging, but the smell is irresistable to the purple fluffies.
  34. >They stumble forward.
  35. >"Foodies!"  "Sgetties!  Fwuffy wuv sgetties!" "Yay foodies!"
  36. >They're stuffing their face.
  37. >Gray one yells.  "No!  Is twick!  No eat foodies!"
  38. >Purple fluffies completely ignore him, butter all over their face fluff.
  39. >Cute.
  40. "You guys can live here," you say.  "I'll feed and care for you.  You just keep pooping in the yard."
  41. >Their faces light up.  "New home?" "New fwend for fwuffy!" "Fwuffy good at poopies!  Fwuffy wuv new fwend!" "Fwuffy wuv new home!"
  42. >Smarty gets angry and charges.  Rams his horn into a purple pony's bottom.
  43. >"Owie! No huwt fwuffy!"  She looks at you.  "Daddy, hewp fwuffy!"
  44. >"NO!" gray smarty's lost it.  "NO NEW HOME!  NO NEW FWEND!  SMAWTY IS FWEND!  LISTEN TO SMAWTY!"
  45. >Suddenly, a hawk swoops out of nowhere.  Grabs smarty.
  46. >Flaps up out of sight.  Can barely hear smarty yelling out.
  47. >"No wike fwying!  Hewp!  Biwdy, no huwt smawty! Hewwwwp!"
  48. >And.... they're gone.
  49. >Purple fluffies barely even saw it.
  50. >"Smawty fwend can fwy?"  "Smawty fwend come back?"
  51. "No, I don't think he's coming back."
  52. >"New daddy?"  "More sgetties for fwuffy?" "Have to poopies!"
  53. >Three months later.  All three fluffy ponies still alive and happy.
  54. >Lawn has never looked better.  Fuck yeah.
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