Pastebin launched a little side project called HostCabi.net, check it out ;-)Don't like ads? PRO users don't see any ads ;-)
Public Pastes
Guest

This story is absolutely ridiculous

By: eleven on Jul 6th, 2012  |  syntax: None  |  size: 4.55 KB  |  hits: 189  |  expires: Never
download  |  raw  |  embed  |  report abuse  |  print
Text below is selected. Please press Ctrl+C to copy to your clipboard. (⌘+C on Mac)
  1. >be a stoner
  2. >live with your girlfriend
  3. >be unemployed
  4. >spend most of your time watching TV with her pet fluffy pony
  5. >don't really mind fluffies, actually find they're great companions when you're baked
  6. >sometimes make the fluffy smoke too
  7. >that never ceases to be hilarious
  8. >today's a typical day, huge pot of spaghetti on the stove and miniature bags of Doritos everywhere in the living room
  9. >the girlfriend hasn't even left for work yet
  10. >she comes out of the bathroom
  11. >”OK, seriously? This is ridiculous, Adam; this shit better be cleaned up by the time I get home, or else you're sleeping in the safe room again.”
  12. >Adam rolls his eyes
  13. >”Babe, don't worry about it! This place'll look like it did when you first moved in; completely spotless.”
  14. >She doesn't seem convinced: “When we moved in, this place was dilapidated...”
  15. >She walks out of the room; the fluffy starts giggling; Adam looks over at it, annoyed
  16. >”Hey, shut up man!”
  17. >”She has a poin', yoo no; yoo awen't exacwy cwean...”
  18. >”I resent that!”
  19. >”Yoo wesembuw it.”
  20. >The girlfriend shows back up in her work uniform; she puts on her shoes and grabs her keys
  21. >”Alright, I'm gone; seriously, clean all of this shit up; it's disgusting.”
  22. >She walks out the door; Adam jumps off the couch and heads over to the DVD rack
  23. >”What do you think, Coach Z? Neon Genesis Evangelion, or Sports Bloopers?”
  24. >”Fwuffy wuv wobots!”
  25. >”Alright, sounds fantastic.”
  26. >Adam puts the EVA DVD in the DVD player and presses play
  27. >”Yoo no, she's way too good fo' yew.”
  28. >”What do you mean?”
  29. >”Yoo dummy; always makes messies. She giv' food and huggies.”
  30. >”Hey, I bring in some of the shit around here!”
  31. >”Dat Jet Awone toy dun' cownt.”
  32. >”In my defense, it was only $3.99 on Ebay with free shipping. Like I was going to pass that up.”
  33. >”Fwuffy dun no wut dat mean...”
  34. >”Oh yeah, I forget; you have no use for money...”
  35. >”Appawently, you dun either.”
  36. >”Fuck you, Coach Z.”
  37. >”Ooooh, yoo said bad wowd!”
  38. >Your girl hates it when you swear in front of the fluffy pony
  39. >”I did not! I said fluff!”
  40. >”Dat not wut fwuff sound wike.”
  41. >”It is as far as you're concerned.”
  42. >”Fwuffy still gon' teww.”
  43. >”Alright, fine, go ahead; see if I make you any spaghetti for the rest of the week!”
  44. >Fluffy looks sad
  45. >”Dat not fayuh!”
  46. >”I'll tell you what fluffy; you don't tell Heather I swore, and you'll still get your spaghetti.”
  47. >Coach Z rolls his eyes; you didn't think a fluffy pony could do that
  48. >”Yoo wowst pwopasishioner evuh; I just get mommy to make sketties.”
  49. >Fuck; he's got a point there...
  50. >”*Sigh* fine...you'll get your spaghetti, and your blackmail, but I do ask one thing in return...”
  51. >If fluffy ponies had eyebrows, he'd be raising one right now.
  52. >”Wut's dat?”
  53. >You lunge forth at the fluffy pony
  54. >”TICKLE FIGHT!”
  55. >You tickle Coach Z's belly, he giggles wildly
  56. >This lasts like 10 minutes; after the dust settles he lays sprawled out on the carpet, panting heavily with a big smile on his face
  57. >”Dat was gweat!”
  58. >”I'm glad you liked it, fluffy!”
  59. >”I'm stiww tewwin' mommy.”
  60. >Adam lets his anger get the best of him
  61. >”COME HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT! I'LL SHUT YOU UP FOR GOOD!”
  62. >A Tom and Jerry style chase scene ensues; Adam and Coach Z proceed to wreck pretty much every piece of furniture in the place
  63. >Heather comes home from work, tears form in her eyes
  64. >She finds Adam lying face down in a puddle of undetermined origin
  65. >Coach Z must've had the wherewithal to make it back to his safe room
  66. >”ADAM! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED IN HERE!?”
  67. >He wakes up with a start
  68. >He looks around frantically with a horrified look on his face
  69. >”I know what this looks like, but there's an obvious explanation for all of this...”
  70. >Smash cut to Adam finding himself on the front lawn, a box of all of his belongings getting thrown at him
  71. >Coach Z “wakes up” and walks out to the living room to find Heather in tears
  72. >He nuzzles her leg
  73. >”Wut wong mommy? Dun be sad!”
  74. >She scratches him on his headfluff
  75. >”Everything'll be fine; Mommy's just sad she wasted to much time and money on that piece of shit...”
  76. >Adam's still on the lawn, gazing up at the stars
  77. >How the hell did you get outsmarted by a fluffy pony?
  78. >Adam isn't given much time to think; pretty soon, he's greeted by a hose blast
  79. >He looks up and sees Coach Z with the spray nozzle in his mouth
  80. >Don't even have enough time to wonder how the hell that's possible; just get in your car and leave
  81. >That's how you're supposed to treat stray humans
create a new version of this paste RAW Paste Data