Title:           This story is absolutely ridiculous
Author:          eleven
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/uNJwPWDJ
First Edit:      Friday 6th of July 2012 08:35:51 AM CDT
Last Edit:       Friday 6th of July 2012 08:35:51 AM CDT

>be a stoner
>live with your girlfriend
>be unemployed
>spend most of your time watching TV with her pet fluffy pony
>don't really mind fluffies, actually find they're great companions when you're baked
>sometimes make the fluffy smoke too
>that never ceases to be hilarious
>today's a typical day, huge pot of spaghetti on the stove and miniature bags of Doritos everywhere in the living room
>the girlfriend hasn't even left for work yet
>she comes out of the bathroom
>”OK, seriously? This is ridiculous, Adam; this shit better be cleaned up by the time I get home, or else you're sleeping in the safe room again.”
>Adam rolls his eyes
>”Babe, don't worry about it! This place'll look like it did when you first moved in; completely spotless.”
>She doesn't seem convinced: “When we moved in, this place was dilapidated...”
>She walks out of the room; the fluffy starts giggling; Adam looks over at it, annoyed
>”Hey, shut up man!”
>”She has a poin', yoo no; yoo awen't exacwy cwean...”
>”I resent that!”
>”Yoo wesembuw it.”
>The girlfriend shows back up in her work uniform; she puts on her shoes and grabs her keys
>”Alright, I'm gone; seriously, clean all of this shit up; it's disgusting.”
>She walks out the door; Adam jumps off the couch and heads over to the DVD rack
>”What do you think, Coach Z? Neon Genesis Evangelion, or Sports Bloopers?”
>”Fwuffy wuv wobots!”
>”Alright, sounds fantastic.”
>Adam puts the EVA DVD in the DVD player and presses play
>”Yoo no, she's way too good fo' yew.”
>”What do you mean?”
>”Yoo dummy; always makes messies. She giv' food and huggies.”
>”Hey, I bring in some of the shit around here!”
>”Dat Jet Awone toy dun' cownt.”
>”In my defense, it was only $3.99 on Ebay with free shipping. Like I was going to pass that up.”
>”Fwuffy dun no wut dat mean...”
>”Oh yeah, I forget; you have no use for money...”
>”Appawently, you dun either.”
>”Fuck you, Coach Z.”
>”Ooooh, yoo said bad wowd!”
>Your girl hates it when you swear in front of the fluffy pony
>”I did not! I said fluff!”
>”Dat not wut fwuff sound wike.”
>”It is as far as you're concerned.”
>”Fwuffy still gon' teww.”
>”Alright, fine, go ahead; see if I make you any spaghetti for the rest of the week!”
>Fluffy looks sad
>”Dat not fayuh!”
>”I'll tell you what fluffy; you don't tell Heather I swore, and you'll still get your spaghetti.”
>Coach Z rolls his eyes; you didn't think a fluffy pony could do that
>”Yoo wowst pwopasishioner evuh; I just get mommy to make sketties.”
>Fuck; he's got a point there...
>”*Sigh* fine...you'll get your spaghetti, and your blackmail, but I do ask one thing in return...”
>If fluffy ponies had eyebrows, he'd be raising one right now.
>”Wut's dat?”
>You lunge forth at the fluffy pony
>”TICKLE FIGHT!”
>You tickle Coach Z's belly, he giggles wildly
>This lasts like 10 minutes; after the dust settles he lays sprawled out on the carpet, panting heavily with a big smile on his face
>”Dat was gweat!”
>”I'm glad you liked it, fluffy!”
>”I'm stiww tewwin' mommy.”
>Adam lets his anger get the best of him
>”COME HERE YOU LITTLE SHIT! I'LL SHUT YOU UP FOR GOOD!”
>A Tom and Jerry style chase scene ensues; Adam and Coach Z proceed to wreck pretty much every piece of furniture in the place
>Heather comes home from work, tears form in her eyes
>She finds Adam lying face down in a puddle of undetermined origin
>Coach Z must've had the wherewithal to make it back to his safe room
>”ADAM! WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED IN HERE!?”
>He wakes up with a start
>He looks around frantically with a horrified look on his face
>”I know what this looks like, but there's an obvious explanation for all of this...”
>Smash cut to Adam finding himself on the front lawn, a box of all of his belongings getting thrown at him
>Coach Z “wakes up” and walks out to the living room to find Heather in tears
>He nuzzles her leg
>”Wut wong mommy? Dun be sad!”
>She scratches him on his headfluff
>”Everything'll be fine; Mommy's just sad she wasted to much time and money on that piece of shit...”
>Adam's still on the lawn, gazing up at the stars
>How the hell did you get outsmarted by a fluffy pony?
>Adam isn't given much time to think; pretty soon, he's greeted by a hose blast
>He looks up and sees Coach Z with the spray nozzle in his mouth
>Don't even have enough time to wonder how the hell that's possible; just get in your car and leave
>That's how you're supposed to treat stray humans