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Honey Barbershop

By: eleven on Jun 18th, 2012  |  syntax: None  |  size: 3.81 KB  |  hits: 152  |  expires: Never
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  1. >be a pair of 14 year old boys
  2. >be extremely bored
  3. >exhaust all of your options of things to do
  4. >search through the house for idea of things to do
  5. >hate living in the midwest
  6. >eventually give up and retire to the living room
  7. >flip through the channels
  8. >eventually, your little sister's pet fluffy pony comes waddling through the living room
  9. >her name's Honey because of the color of her fur
  10. >Monotone fluffies are actually somewhat rare and somewhat expensive
  11. >She sees you two in the room and waddles over to you, probably looking for something to play with herself
  12. >"Hewwo! Fwiends giv' hugs to Hunny?"
  13. >You don't like fluffy ponies very much
  14. >"No, Honey. Go away. We're busy." You lie
  15. >Honey looks sad
  16. >"Wy fwiends no wan' pway?"
  17. >She looks like she's about to tear up
  18. >"We're not your friends, you stupid bitch. Now leave!"
  19. >Regardless of whether or not she was going to cry, she is now
  20. >"WY CAWW HUNNY MEAN NAME?"
  21. >Fluffy ponies don't know how to be anything other than obnoxious
  22. >You pick her up and throw her outside and head back to the couch
  23. >"I hate that fuckin' thing; life here has sucked more than usual ever since my Mom get it for her  for her birthday."
  24. >Your friend nods.
  25. >"Yeah man; the pampered ones are even worse than normal. When my parents got divorced, my Mom got one; she treated it better than me."
  26. >You shake your head
  27. >"We have to do something about this, man; these things suck ass."
  28. >As if a sign, a Gillette commercial comes on TV
  29. >Your friend looks at you and smiles
  30. >"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
  31. >Teenaged boys love cliches
  32. >"Yeah man; let's go conduct an experiment"
  33. >You go and pick up your Dad's electric razor from the bathroom
  34. >Go outside and meet Honey
  35. >She was still visibly sad from earlier, but she perks up as soon as you guys show up
  36. >"YAAAY! Fwiend wan' pway wiff hunny?"
  37. >You put on a shit eating grin: "We sure do!"
  38. >She comes over and hugs your knee
  39. >"YAAAY! PWAY GAME! Wut we gon' pway?"
  40. >It seems like that's the last thing like 80 percent of fluffies say right before someone kills them
  41. >"It's a really fun game called barbershop!"
  42. >"Oooooh, babewshop? How pway?"
  43. >"I'll show you!"
  44. >You turn on the razor; Honey looks startled
  45. >"Wut buzzy ting fow?"
  46. >"Hold still!" You say while ignoring her
  47. >She does as she's told while you start sheering her fluff
  48. >She doesn't notice until you get a patch of skin
  49. >"NUUU! Wut hooman doin' to hunny fwuff!? Stawp!"
  50. >She squirms with all of her might while you take off the rest of her fluff, she's no match for you and your friend
  51. >Eventually you get done, leaving Honey a shivering, sobbing mess of a non-fluffy pony
  52. >"Wy take fwuff!? Giff hunny fwuff back!"
  53. >"We can't! That's not how you play barbershop!"
  54. >"No wan' pway game no mow!"
  55. >You two go back inside and watch as the violently shivering fluffy pony tries to hug the pile of fluff you left for warmth
  56. >Hear her cries all the way inside through the glass door when the wind blows all of it away
  57. >She has absolutely no chance of staying alive through the night
  58. >A bit later, you walk your friend home
  59. >When you get back, you find honey sniffling inside of what turned out to be a rose bush
  60. >She must've tried to sneak inside for warmth
  61. >Fluffy skin is like wet tissue paper; there's no way she should still be alive
  62. >Hear some faint cries when you walk up; she must've heard your footsteps
  63. >"Pwease...hewp fwuffy...bush huwty..."
  64. >You manage to pry her out of the bush
  65. >She has deep lacerations up and down her sides, blood pouring out of some of them
  66. >"Fwuffy dun' feew too good..."
  67. >Honey pukes up some more blood
  68. >You set her on the ground
  69. >A few seconds later she collapses, never to wake up again
  70. >You throw the corpse in the trash
  71. >Your Mom and sister come home from her Karate Lessons, she calls for her fluffy pony
  72. >Mom finds the corpse
  73. >Get grounded for two weeks
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