- >Be Dale, the asshole fluffy pony shelter employee
- >Unfortunately, it's the only job available to a high school dropout that doesn't involve food preparation
- >Almost wish you were flipping burgers
- >You hate fluffy ponies; your little sister had one as a pet, and it was nothing but trouble
- >You remember getting grounded for 2 weeks when you were 15 because you put a firecracker in its mouth and blew its mouth off
- >Good riddance; the thing was a constant nuisance anyways; for whatever reason it always wanted to play with you and your friends
- >Guess it didn't like the way you played, you always chuckled to yourself
- >Now, it seems like karma has gotten to you; your job is to clean up after the little bastards
- >In fact, you're the employee they see the most of
- >They always call your name when they see you walk by
- >”DAEW! WAN' HUGGIES!” Christ; it was sickening
- >Fluffy pony excrement can put a cow's to shame
- >The only way to can retain your sanity is by finding subtle ways to mess with their minds
- >Pick a different fluffy pony every week to mess with
- >If done properly, the fluffy pony become irritable and belligerent and they be removed from the front of the store and put somewhere in the back where they're likely to be forgotten about until they die
- >This week, focus your attention on a new arrival at the shelter, a fluffy stallion with blue fluff and a red mane
- >Start referring to him as “Superfluff”
- >During playtime for the fluffies, notice Superfluff playing with a small red ball
- >Decide to put your plan into action
- >Go over to the pen and pretend to tend to the fluffies
- >Make it over to Superfluff
- >He doesn't notice you, he's too busy playing with his ball
- >Walk over to him, pick up the ball, and put it in your pocket
- >He looks at you as if you just killed his mother in front of you
- >”HEY MISTUH! GIV BAWW!”
- >He abnormally large fluffy eyes fill up with tears
- >”I don't have your ball, you little shit!”
- >Superfluff starts openly crying now
- >You smirk and walk back to your post, ready to feel pretty good about yourself for the next 15 minutes
- >”You think you're pretty slick, don't you?”
- >You look up, it's your manager
- >He knows how much you hate fluffy ponies, and he's been judging you harshly about it ever since; he must've seen what you did to Superfluff
- >”I don't know what you mean...?”
- >”I saw what you did to the new pony. Go back out there and give him his ball back, or else I'm putting you on bath duty for the rest of the week.”
- >You've had to do bath duty before; it's absolute hell; you'd have to run your fingernails against a chalk board just to right things in your head
- >Begrudgingly trudge back to the playpen where Superfluff is lying in the corner with his head in his hooves, still sniveling about his precious “baww”
- >Your supervisor follows you out to make sure you don't throw it at him, so you march right up to him until he sees you with it
- >He gets all excited about seeing his ball again that he forgets who you are or what you did
- >You get down on your knees and hand it to him
- >”YAY! BAWW! FANK YOO!”
- >He hugs your knee; you pull it back suddenly so he falls on his face
- >He doesn't seem to care, he has his ball back
- >Go back to working
- >Have the even bother you for the next few days
- >On the third day, learn that your supervisor won't be there
- >Decide to have some fun
- >First thing you do is go up to the play pen
- >Sure enough, Superfluff is as lively and as happy as ever, playing around with his ball
- >You walk over to him
- >He remembers you as the one who gave him his favorite thing in the world, so he greets you as enthusiastically as you're sure a fluffy pony can be
- >”Hewwo hooman! Wan pway wif Supahfwuff?”
- >Get taken aback a bit; great minds think alike, you guess
- >”Sure! Can I see the ball?”
- >He gleefully pushes it with his nose over in your direction
- >You pick it up and pull a pair of scissors out of your pocket
- >”Wut mistah do wif shiny ting?” Superfluff asks, tilting his head to the side
- >He immediately starts tearing up when he sees you popping his favorite thing
- >”Wy huwt baww!?”
- >You drop the remnants on the ground, he responds by hugging it
- >After all, huggies make everything better
- >You go back to work as if nothing ever happened
- >Later on, during lunch time, you make sure to put food in each of the fluffies' bowls except his
- >Claim “You don't have enough for him”
- >He looks into his bowl, absolutely miserable
- >Superfluff lies in a corner of the playpen until closing, not really moving or acknowledging any of the other fluffy ponies
- >The next day, decide to take everything a step further and put in a claim for Superfluff
- >It's not uncommon for workers here to take fluffies home as pets
- >Your supervisor is here today and ends up confronting you about the rumors
- >”I'm not letting you take that pony.”
- >You pretend to look shocked, though he as every right to suspect what he does
- >'Why not!? All I want to do is give him a good home!”
- >”Bullshit; I heard what you did yesterday. There is no way that pony is leaving this place with you.”
- >Do your best to sound convincing: “Come on, sir! All of that was hearsay! I've changed my mind about these adorable little balls of fluff! All I want to do is give him a good home!”
- >He still glares at you. “Alright. If you love fluffy ponies now as much as you say you do, then you'd be delighted to go bring Superfluff this-”
- >He pulls out a big chocolate chip cookie
- >You take it from him
- >”You know what sir? I will!”
- >Make a b-line for the playpen
- >Stand right outside of it
- >Call Superfluff over
- >”Hey little dude! Come here! I have a present for you!”
- >He walks over, still fraught with suspicion
- >He sees the cookie
- >If there's one thing fluffy ponies love (aside from spaghetti and special hugs, of course), it's cookies
- >His eyes absolutely light up
- >”NUMMIES! FWUFFY WAN' NUMMIES!”
- >You lean over to hand it to him
- >”If it's nummies you want, nummies you shall receive!”
- >Superfluff bites your finger
- >It doesn't hurt, but it serves as a catalyst for all of your disgust toward these things
- >”YOU LITTLE SHIT, I'LL HAVE YOUR HEAD!”
- >In your rage, you trip over the actual pen and fall on your face, knocking yourself unconscious
- >Your supervisor walks by a few minutes later, just in time to see Superfluff piss on your head
- >He chuckles softly to himself
- >When you wake up, you're greeting with a splitting headache and the alarmingly fresh smell of fluffy pony urine
- >You sit bolt upright and examine your surroundings
- >Why was I sleeping in the fluffy pony pen!?
- >You hear laughter from behind you, it's your supervisor
- >”What the hell is going on here!?”
- >”I'm glad you're awake! It's about time you start getting used to your new job.”
- >”...New job?”
- >”Yeah! You got promoted! From now on, you're going to be Superfluff's personal assistant.”
- >”What!?”
- >”You heard me; now, he should be waking up from a nap here pretty soon, so get ready for play time!”
- >”Can I at least wash off my head!?”
- >”Not while you're on the clock!”
- >Your supervisor graciously provides the two of you with toys
- >You play with blocks for what seems like an eternity
- >He babbles and coos happily
- >Eventually you fall asleep out of boredom
- >You're woken up about an hour later to something warm and wet hitting your shoulder
- >The little fucker peed on you again
- >You wake up immediately and get in his face
- >”YOU KNOW WHERE THE LITTERBOX IS, YOU LITTLE SHIT! I DON'T NEED THIS JOB THAT BADLY! I WILL SKIN YOU ALIVE AND MAKE A WALLET OUT OF THE HIDE!”
- >You glare at him menacingly
- >He sets there completely unphased with a dumb smile on his face, his tongue sticking out
- >He kisses you on the nose
- >”Muah!”
- To be continued?
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