Title:           Clouded Rainbows Take 2 *Updated July 2*
Author:          dirtymuffin00
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/MJcr1ApS
First Edit:      Wednesday 4th of May 2016 02:50:47 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Last edit on: Saturday 2nd of July 2016 09:40:51 PM CDT

>You fucked up.
>You’ve fucked up a million times before, but never this badly.
>Your ears are ringing.
>Your back is crippled by a tremendous, burning pain.
>It feels like you were stabbed with lit sparklers.
>Right now you’re lying face down on the cold ground.
>It takes all the strength that you can muster, but you manage to push yourself up a little.
>Only about a foot, just enough so that you could observe the situation.
>You struggle in doing so, not so much because of injury, but shock.
>There’s fire.
>Bits of gore everywhere.
>A satchel full of supplies that you packed for your practically suicidal mission is just out of arm’s reach.
>Directly in front of you is a familiar, light blue horse.
>She’s unconscious.
>Right next to her is a backpack that you packed with explosives that should be detonating soon.
>You try to get up, but it’s too much.
>You’re both in the shitter and it’s all your fault.
>You wonder how your time here would have been had you not been so recklessly stupid.
>Of course, that’s what got you to this land in the first place.
>You are Anonymous.
>That’s not actually your name, but it’s what these ponies called you.
>You aren’t very sure how you got here; however you were sure of a few things
>You’re an idiot
>Princess Celestia is a bitch
>Playing with fireworks is a bad idea
>You were going to die here because you did just that
>So was one of the few ponies that you truly cared about
>And Twilight was going to commission a statue, painting, plaque, or some other shit in your “honor”
>It’ll be a  monument to your sins
 
>You hope that the kid at least made it back safely, that would mean that you actually did something right for once
>However, in your current state you can’t do much more so you just kind of lie face down in the dirt
 
-   -  - - - -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6lWb39MYvE8
>You open your eyes and rub some of the crust away from them.
>The upbeat flugelhorn of Chuck Mangione shakes you from your slumber
>It’s your phone letting you know that it’s time to rise and shine.
>You let the alarm ring and enjoy the upbeat music as you prepare for the day ahead of you.
>First you need to pick your outfit
>You check your wardrobe
>The bulk of it is made up of worn and torn business suits
>Aside from that, you find some pocket tees, a few pairs of denim jeans, some shorts, a hotdog suit, and a pair of Groucho glasses
>That’s when you remember about IT
>IT is a suit, but not like any of your other ones
>IT is the type of thing one would normally only expect to see on a rapper
>It’s a special day though, so you might as well go out like a suave motherfucker.
>You pull out the spectacular suit and examine it.
>It’s a business suit, charcoal in color with barely visible pinstripes running up and down the blazer.
>Rarity embedded a lot of gems in the shell so the suit would glisten in the light.
>The tie that came with it has the same effect thanks to a handful of garnets and rubies in the threadwork.
>The buttons themselves are onyx
>The lining was made from a special material that Rarity bought from a designer in Baltimare.
>It’s as soft as silk, yet extremely durable
>Kinda needed considering the abuse you put all of your other clothes through
>Like most of your clothing, the suit is branded with a set of three diamonds just left of the collar.
>It is, without a doubt, the fanciest piece bit of clothing that you have ever owned.
>The suit itself was a gift from Rarity after you kept an eye on the Carousel Boutique while the marshmallow pony paid a visit to her store in Canterlot.
>A job well done considering there were only three times that Sweetie Belle almost torched the building to the ground.
>But you digress
>While you could stay here all day and admire the attention to detail and the sense of pride that went into making this, you have shit to do
>You head to the bathroom to brush your teeth and knock out your three “S” routine.
>Once you finish, you go downstairs and prepare a nice omelet with a bowl of oatmeal on the side.
>With breakfast out of the way, you go back upstairs to get dressed.
>There you realize that you never turned off the alarm and the song has just been repeating this entire time.
>You turn it off and don the clothes before looking in the mirror
>Kanye ain’t got shit on you
>As you look at the face of a man who now looks like a cross between Liberace and Agent 47, you can’t help but smile.
>Today is a big day after all.
>It’s the day that you are granted status as an Equestrian citizen.
>It’s been a long road, but through hard work, dedication, and a lot of help from Twilight and Cheerilee, you finally met the standard requirements for a provisional citizenship.
>You were now proficient with the local language, familiar with Equestria’s history, and educated on its culture and customs.
>Then there were the not-so-standard requirements
>Some were reasonable; others were what you referred to as “faggot shit”
>You have to live in the outskirts of whatever city or town you decided to reside in.*
>Both your income taxes and property taxes are to be considerably higher as a result of not accepting Princess Celestia as your deity.
>A special stamp will be placed on your identification indicating such heresy
>You are not allowed to mention anything relating to science or religion from your home without prior allowed from either Princess Celestia or her former student, Twilight
>Saying or writing anything that could discredit, deny, or disprove of Celestia’s role as a goddess
>Nor could you bring up any sorts of politics that could potentially damage the ruling oligarchy
 >You are forbidden to eat any meat other than fish
>You are to surrender any foreign weapons that you had to the government
>You are to have monthly meetings with at least one of the princesses at least once a month*
>Your house is subject to random searches*
>You cannot purchase alcohol, but others could purchase it for you*
>You are forbidden to wander outside between midnight and 07:00 AM without an escort, unless there’s an emergency or you were outside on official business. *
>You are  to have locks placed on your doors and have at least two locks in place while you are absent, and one while you were home*
>If you were to marry a full citizen or become the legal guardian of one, you would become a full citizen, lifting the conditions that were marked with asterisks
>Some conditions are to be nullified upon adoption of the state religion
>You are to keep a plaque of these conditions in your home as so you would not forget them*
>Lastly, as a way of saying “welcome”, Princess Celestia mercifully presents provisional citizens with two free root beers per day
>You check the time on your phone
>06:38 AM
>You still have 22 minutes to kill
>You decide to get undressed and rub one out real quick
>Can’t have Mr. Woodcock sticking out in Twilight’s face
>You undress and then start to think of the princess and her mom’s ass
>Aaaaand you’re done
>You clean up and check the time
>06:40AM
>You end up spending the next half hour crying