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Marriage Counselor

By: denvernon on Jul 15th, 2013 | syntax: None | size: 8.57 KB | hits: 107 | expires: Never

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>Day Easy money in Equestria,
>You are Anon the Marriage counselor.
>At first you thought this job would be easy.
>These Canterlot ponies may be stuck up , but they pay good money to cling to their trophy husbands and wives.
>Seemed easy enough, counsel fighting couples, with your usual "uh huh, mhm"shit and take their bits.
>But too bad for you, these couples, didn't want any of your long haired, goatee counsoling.
>Things would start out somewhat stable, but then the couples would start to yell and scream at each other in your office. No matter what you did , they would be at each others throats until their sessions were over, and they would leave angrier than they came in.
>Your practice began to take a nose dive.
>Every week you would see fewer and fewer clients.
>Then the day came when you lost it. You couldn't take anymore of their bitching and moaning and yelling and screeching.
>You remember clearly the first couple you yelled at. A stallion named Caesar and a mare named Autmn gem. And boy were they shocked.
>For the last hundred visits, the both of them had been bitching and moaning about how neither of them were felling as if they were being treated fairly and it all came down to who was spending more money than the other.
>Caesar was unshockingly, the bread winner out of the two. Apparently he owned several mine somewhere in the north and he met Autumn Gem while on a business trip.
>They seemed good together otherwise, but you could tell that Autumn had a taste of the good life, and she wanted more.
>You finally snapped at the two when the were arguing about how one wanted some shit because the other had bought some other shit and that it was only fair that they got the shit they wanted.
>You can't remember exactly what you said, but it was something along the lines of: Your husband swept you off your feet, and pampers you daily, so be happy that your husband love you enough to buy you the world.
>And: Quite using stuff to make your wife happy. If she's upset, don't buy her another ring or necklace, watch a movie with her, pick her up and dance, eat dinner with her in some romantic place. Just stop buying her so much shit.
>Servicing to say they were speechless.
>They just sat there and stared at you.
>You remember imaging you kissing you practice i.e. you ass, goodbye.
>Then they both broke down into tears.
>They both hugged each other and started apologizing for this and saying how much they loved each other.
>It took another hour for them to calm down, but time really didn't matter considering they were you only appointment that day.
>After talking to them about whatever, they left nuzzling each other while walking out the door.
>The weeks to follow, were some of the busiest weeks you've ever experience as a practicing therapist.
>Not only had Caesar put in for more appointments, but he had also put in a good word for you, with all his married friends, as did Autumn.
>With each passing appointment, your clientele only increased. Couple after couple came in seeking to mend their marriages and their financial futures.
>And with each client, came more you, telling off each couple. And every time, your words seemed to do the trick.
>Literally no couple left you office unhappy.
>You began to wonder why you never did this back home. Then you remembered all that sensitivity and tolerance training you went through.
>But your new method spread through Canterlot and neighboring cities like wildfire. You even got an article written on you and your method in several magazines.
>And the money you raked in from this, allowed your home and office out of the lower ring of Canterlot.
>You even raised enough money to hire a sexy sexy full time assistant.
>Safe to say life was pretty freaking good.
>Then. Then it happened.
>Your assistant got a call.
>You don't think you've ever seen her as excited as she was when she handed you the pone. And you don't think you've ever been as excited as you were when you hear the voice on the other line.
>It was Princess Celestias steward. The mare who took care of day to day occurrences for the ladies up in the castle.
>Princess Cadence and Shining Armor. THE Princess Cadence and Shining Armor, wanted to book an appointment with you.
>It was to be three days from then.
>If you nailed this appointment, then you would be set for life. You quite you practice early and leave with fewer gray hairs than expected.
>Then, you got another call from the Steward and what she said turned the game against you.
>You remember to this day what she said.
>"Hello Mr. Anonymous, I believe you already know who I am so we can skip introductions. I'm just calling to tell you that the crown requests that you follow a certain code of conduct when dealing with the royal couple."
>That word. That fucking word. C-O-N-D-U-C-T. When you heard her utter that word, you knew the rule were about to change.
>"The Crown wants you to be aware, that Prince Shining Armor, is very sensitive when it comes to the current situation with his marriage. So we ask that you refrain from coming off too hard and too direct when dealing with the royal couple."
>Fast forward to today.
>You lean against the door, and walk into the front office with all your shit under one arm and a cup of coffee in another.
>"Morning boss."
Mornin Sunny.
>"I'm guessing I don't have to tell you what day, today is..."
>You set you coffee down on the granite counter and rub your temples.
No. No you don't.
>"They should be here in an hour."
And the hour between now and them coming in, won't be long enough.
>Sunnny gives you a warm smile.
>"Listen, I know its tough, but I'm sure you'll be able to find away around the Stewards rules."
>You smile weakly back at her.
Eyah. Let's hope so.
>You take you coffee into the back office where everything still smells of the glaze and shame from the last time Cadence and Shinning were here.
>You lost track of time, among all the crying when they last payed you a visit.
>Jesus fuck just the memory of the Captain of the Royal guard balling his eyes out in front of you, still gives you douche chills.
>But you can't say anything bad about him, because if you DO, then you'll be thrown in jail.
>Words can not describe how much you hate that steward.
>The one question that has been haunting you since they booked their third appointment was: WHY DO THEY KEEP COMING BACK!!
>What force is propelling them to keep coming back to you!? Nothing has worked and their relationship is as bad as it was the first day they came in.
>Cadence is still domineering and needy with a hint of coldness and Shining is still castrated and overly emotional.
>By what cosmic trick have the gods played on you, to make them want to come back , time after time after TIME.
>Alright, calm down Anon... Just calmdown.
>Just a matter of time now.
>It is probably best if you just sit in your chair and enjoy your coffee while you wai-
>Your thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a slamming door.
>"Cadence, why don't you understand!!!??"
>Oh god why.
>"We're in public!"
>"I know but-"
>You put on your headphones to block out the sound, or the horror, that's going on in the lobby.
>You sit there and close your eyes for a few minutes, before you feet the door slam from across the room.
>You make a quick effort to immediately remove the device and put on a warm smile for the happy couple.
>All your show is for not.
>Cadence simply stand staring at you with her eyebrow raised and with Shining shaking next to her.
Good morning you highness.
>"Where were you-"
LISTENING to music, heh heh heh...
>She can smell your nervousness.
Shall we begin then?
>"Cadence looks at you for a few more minutes before sitting on the couch followed by her husband."
>The sight of a red spot on Shining leg manages to catch your eye.
Wow, Shining what happened?
>"Well, this week she yelled at me fo-"
I mean your leg.
>"Oh *sniff* I was on a patrol and we were attacked."
Wow! Are you sure you're alright like this?
>"Y-Yeah... *sniff* But you know who is not fine?"
I...
> "NOAH CALHOOF!!"
>Oh god.
>"SHE LOVED HIM!! AND HE LOVED HER!! AND NOW SHE'LL NEVER REMEBER HIM FOR WHAT LITTLE TIME SHE HAS LEFT!!"
>Ah Christ, you know what he's talking about. He's talking about a shitty romance movie that is eerily similar to the Notebook back home.
>"Here we go again..."
>"Why don't you understand how tragic it is!!??
>Here we go again.
>"I'm not saying it isn't sad, but do you HAVE to act like this!!??"
>"See doctor what did I tell you!!"
>Ah Christ.
>And here they go with the arguing. Quite frankly this could have been solved ages ago ,had you been allowed to tell the both of them off.

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>Day Easy money in Equestria,
>You are Anon the Marriage counselor.
>At first you thought this job would be easy. 
>These Canterlot ponies may be stuck up , but they pay good money to cling to their trophy husbands and wives.
>Seemed easy enough, counsel fighting couples, with your usual "uh huh, mhm"shit and take their bits.
>But too bad for you, these couples, didn't want any of your long haired, goatee counsoling. 
>Things would start out somewhat stable, but then the couples would start to yell and scream at each other in your office. No matter what you did , they would be at each others throats until their sessions were over, and they would leave angrier than they came in.
>Your practice began to take a nose dive.
>Every week you would see fewer and fewer clients.
>Then the day came when you lost it. You couldn't take anymore of their bitching and moaning and yelling and screeching.
>You remember clearly the first couple you yelled at. A stallion named Caesar and a mare named Autmn gem. And boy were they shocked.
>For the last hundred visits, the both of them had been bitching and moaning about how neither of them were felling as if they were being treated fairly and it all came down to who was spending more money than the other.
>Caesar was unshockingly, the bread winner out of the two. Apparently he owned several mine somewhere in the north and he met Autumn Gem while on a business trip.
>They seemed good together otherwise, but you could tell that Autumn had a taste of the good life, and she wanted more.
>You finally snapped at the two when the were arguing about how one wanted some shit because the other had bought some other shit and that it was only fair that they got the shit they wanted.
>You can't remember exactly what you said, but it was something along the lines of: Your husband swept you off your feet, and pampers you daily, so be happy that your husband love you enough to buy you the world.
>And: Quite using stuff to make your wife happy. If she's upset, don't buy her another ring or necklace, watch a movie with her, pick her up and dance, eat dinner with her in some romantic place. Just stop buying her so much shit.
>Servicing to say they were speechless.
>They just sat there and stared at you.
>You remember imaging you kissing you practice i.e. you ass, goodbye. 
>Then they both broke down into tears.
>They both hugged each other and started apologizing for this and saying how much they loved each other.
>It took another hour for them to calm down, but time really didn't matter considering they were you only appointment that day.
>After talking to them about whatever, they left nuzzling each other while walking out the door.
>The weeks to follow, were some of the busiest weeks you've ever experience as a practicing therapist.
>Not only had Caesar put in for more appointments, but he had also put in a good word for you, with all his married friends, as did Autumn.
>With each passing appointment, your clientele only increased. Couple after couple came in seeking to mend their marriages and their financial futures.
>And with each client, came more you, telling off each couple. And every time, your words seemed to do the trick.
>Literally no couple left you office unhappy.
>You began to wonder why you never did this back home. Then you remembered all that sensitivity and tolerance training you went through.
>But your new method spread through Canterlot and neighboring cities like wildfire. You even got an article written on you and your method in several magazines.
>And the money you raked in from this, allowed your home and office out of the lower ring of Canterlot.
>You even raised enough money to hire a sexy sexy full time assistant.
>Safe to say life was pretty freaking good.
>Then. Then it happened.
>Your assistant got a call.
>You don't think you've ever seen her as excited as she was when she handed you the pone. And you don't think you've ever been as excited as you were when you hear the voice on the other line.
>It was Princess Celestias steward. The mare who took care of day to day occurrences for the ladies up in the castle.
>Princess Cadence and Shining Armor. THE Princess Cadence and Shining Armor, wanted to book an appointment with you.
>It was to be three days from then.
>If you nailed this appointment, then you would be set for life. You quite you practice early and leave with fewer gray hairs than expected.
>Then, you got another call from the Steward and what she said turned the game against you.
>You remember to this day what she said.
>"Hello Mr. Anonymous, I believe you already know who I am so we can skip introductions. I'm just calling to tell you that the crown requests that you follow a certain code of conduct when dealing with the royal couple."
>That word. That fucking word. C-O-N-D-U-C-T. When you heard her utter that word, you knew the rule were about to change.
>"The Crown wants you to be aware, that Prince Shining Armor, is very sensitive when it comes to the current situation with his marriage. So we ask that you refrain from coming off too hard and too direct when dealing with the royal couple."


>Fast forward to today.
>You lean against the door, and walk into the front office with all your shit under one arm and a cup of coffee in another.
>"Morning boss."
Mornin Sunny.
>"I'm guessing I don't have to tell you what day, today is..."
>You set you coffee down on the granite counter and rub your temples.
No. No you don't.
>"They should be here in an hour."
And the hour between now and them coming in, won't be long enough.
>Sunnny gives you a warm smile.
>"Listen, I know its tough, but I'm sure you'll be able to find away around the Stewards rules."
>You smile weakly back at her. 
Eyah. Let's hope so.
>You take you coffee into the back office where everything still smells of the glaze and shame from the last time Cadence and Shinning were here.
>You lost track of time, among all the crying when they last payed you a visit.
>Jesus fuck just the memory of the Captain of the Royal guard balling his eyes out in front of you, still gives you douche chills.
>But you can't say anything bad about him, because if you DO, then you'll be thrown in jail.
>Words can not describe how much you hate that steward.
>The one question that has been haunting you since they booked their third appointment was: WHY DO THEY KEEP COMING BACK!!
>What force is propelling them to keep coming back to you!? Nothing has worked and their relationship is as bad as it was the first day they came in.
>Cadence is still domineering and needy with a hint of coldness and Shining is still castrated and overly emotional.
>By what cosmic trick have the gods played on you, to make them want to come back , time after time after TIME.
>Alright, calm down Anon... Just calmdown.
>Just a matter of time now.
>It is probably best if you just sit in your chair and enjoy your coffee while you wai-
>Your thoughts are interrupted by the sound of a slamming door.
>"Cadence, why don't you understand!!!??"
>Oh god why.
>"We're in public!"
>"I know but-"
>You put on your headphones to block out the sound, or the horror, that's going on in the lobby.
>You sit there and close your eyes for a few minutes, before you feet the door slam from across the room.
>You make a quick effort to immediately remove the device and put on a warm smile for the happy couple.
>All your show is for not.
>Cadence simply stand staring at you with her eyebrow raised and with Shining shaking next to her.
Good morning you highness.
>"Where were you-"
LISTENING to music, heh heh heh...
>She can smell your nervousness.
Shall we begin then?
>"Cadence looks at you for a few more minutes before sitting on the couch followed by her husband."
>The sight of a red spot on Shining leg manages to catch your eye.
Wow, Shining what happened?
>"Well, this week she yelled at me fo-"
I mean your leg.
>"Oh *sniff* I was on a patrol and we were attacked."
Wow! Are you sure you're alright like this?
>"Y-Yeah... *sniff* But you know who is not fine?"
I...
> "NOAH CALHOOF!!"
>Oh god.
>"SHE LOVED HIM!! AND HE LOVED HER!! AND NOW SHE'LL NEVER REMEBER HIM FOR WHAT LITTLE TIME SHE HAS LEFT!!"
>Ah Christ, you know what he's talking about. He's talking about a shitty romance movie that is eerily similar to the Notebook back home.
>"Here we go again..."
>"Why don't you understand how tragic it is!!??
>Here we go again.
>"I'm not saying it isn't sad, but do you HAVE to act like this!!??"
>"See doctor what did I tell you!!"
>Ah Christ.
>And here they go with the arguing. Quite frankly this could have been solved ages ago ,had you been allowed to tell the both of them off.

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