Title:           Thingpone 1
Author:          darthricardo
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/dBXhNiRG
First Edit:      Wednesday 29th of April 2015 10:00:27 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Wednesday 29th of April 2015 10:00:27 PM CDT

>You're Anon, and you're almost starting to regret ever getting into the occult.
"Dammit Thing, this isn't fair!"
>"Hwhy, sowndz like hyoo're jest med, Anon-theeng"
>You're still not entirely used to her (it's?) bizarre accent.
>A few weeks ago, you found a dusty old tome in the back room of Twilight's library, and after a few "Ia! Ia! Shiggurath R'lyeh!"'s, you had a new roommate.
>Of course, that's only becuase she was bound to the house by some strategic placement of salts and wards, by demand of he princess
>She didn't seem to mind, of course. >Apparently, your little corner of Equestria suited her just fine, so long as you kept her supplied with a steady diet of dead mice and spider legs.
>And right now, she was busting your balls in a way you never thought possible.
>You decided to challenge her to a few rounds of Mortal Kombat, thinking it might be a new experience for the eldritch monstrosity
>You were wrong
>As you were subjected to your 6th fatality in as many minutes, you contemplated asking twilight for some banishment ritual advice
 
>Looking dejectedly at the screen as Thing's character rips out your still-beating heart, you start to think of something else you could be doing
>"Hwell Anon-thing, huow about best sieven out ov thierteen?"
>She looks up at you, snakelike tongue hanging slightly out of her muzzle, eyes wide and puppy-like
>You try to ignore the misshapen face emerging from her chest cavity, contorted into a howl of torment and suffering
"Nah, we've been sitting on our asses for a while. Wanna take it outside?"
>Her eyes light up with excitement
>"Hyoo mean..."
>You smile devilishly
"Fuck yeah I do. Let's get our fight on, Thingaling."
 
>A few minutes later, you're outside in your combat clothes
>Really, you're just shirtless, wearing loose pants and light sandals
>You've grabbed your small sword and shield, made for you courtesy of the local blacksmith pony, and are practicing your moves against some trees
>Living against the edge of the Everfree forest away from Ponyville proper, you have lots of room around your house to run around >Thing emerges from the house after you've warmed up, happily flailing at the air with her tentacles and barbed hooks.
>She trots happily to your side, grin splittling her face from ear to ear
>Literally
>"So Anon-theeng, hwhat form zshall I take this taime? It Thaat is of Trees, The Fuorm of Stown, It That Burnsss and Freesess?"
>You've definitely never heard of the first two before, and your encounter with the latter left you sore for a fortnight.
"How about the Lashing? That one was fun last time."
>She beams, nodding happily
>"To be owf Lazsh is my vavourite song!"
>Whatever that means.
"Awesome. Oh, and Thing?"
>She tilts her head questioningly, unnerving-but cute smile still plastered in her face
>You wink
"Mix it up a little."
 
>You each take your positions, about 20 yards apart under the shadow of a tall, crooked tree
>You bounce on the balls of your feet, adrenaline pumping through your body
"Alright, ready when you are, Thing!"
>She nods, and suddenly explodes into an intangible, mind boggling array of lashing tentacles and hooks
>You dash forward into the fleshy maelstrom, hacking and cutting at the appendages as they dart around you
>Tentacles fly off around you, flopping against the ground, each emitting spurts of black, sulfur-scented ooze
>That's new; before, they just disappeared into smoke.
>From within the hail of tentacled assault, you can make out the distorted face of Thing giggling happily
>You're not sure she can feel pain; so far as you can gather, your little combat sessions appear to only tickle her
 
>You fight until you're nearly out of breath, littering the ground with fallen chunks of squirming tentacle meat
>You can see Thing furrowing her brow in concentration, trying to find a gap in your defences as she slowly ran out of arms
>Suddenly, you leap forward towards her, sword raised
>Sneak attack, motherfucker.
>Without missing a beat, she smiles, and disappears into a cloud of sulphuric smoke.
>Coughing, trying to get your bearings, you see the fallen tentacles rise up, each taking on a new form.
>Shit, this *was* new.
>Before you knew what was happening, at least 50 Things were leaping towards you, each copy of the cute little eldritch mare bearing her fangs and claws
>You close your eyes, preparing for the worst
>*thud*
>You open them, to find Thing's many, many arms wrapped around you, mouth firmly pressed against your own.
>Chuckling softly, you return the kiss, and hold her to you.
>"Faytawlitee!" She says, trying and failing adorably to mimic the Mortal Kombat announcer
"Fine, you win. At least I was close this time."
>You walk towards the door, holding her close as she nuzzled into your neck
>Immediately, you realize walking's a bad idea. You're sore as hell: you know you'd be bruised to shit tomorow.
"Goddamn, you fucked me up, Thing. Want to take a bath?"
>She looks up at you with eyes that seem to reflect some mad light from the depths of reality itself.
>Faintly, you can hear screaming off in the distance. You ignore it as usual, as she gently trails a bony, supple appendage up the inside of your leg.
>"Shyure"
 
 
FIN