A Game of Fluffies

1/4

 

>You are Eddard Fluff, a fluffy pony.

>You're the smarty friend of House Fluff in the north.

>Your daddy was smarty friend before you, and his daddy was smarty friend before him.

>But that doesn't matter right now.

>Your friend Robert is taking the long sleep, and his baby Joffery is a big meanie!

>He's not even Robert's baby!

>And you have proof!

>Littlefinger said his men would protect your herd because Cersei, Robert's special friend, is a big meanie.

>Her herd are all big meanies!

>Joffrey has summoned you to declare your fealty to him.

>You don't even know what that means.

>But you don't want Joffrey to be smarty friend of all herds.

>You want Robert's brother, Stannis, to be smarty friend of all herds.

>You and your best friends go into the throne room.

>A lot of Cersei's herd are in here.

>Even she would be a better smarty friend of all herds than that meanie Joffrey!

>Joffrey has your baby Sansa on her lap, petting her red fluff.

>Joffrey starts to speak.

"Eddard Fluff, I command you as your king-"

"SHUT UP BIG MEANIE!"

>Everyone gasps.

"How- how dare you speak to your king like that!"

"Joffwey nu smarty fwen! Gofwey nu Wobet's bahbie!"

>Pycelle stutters back.

"That is a serious accusation, one of treason!"

"Eddawd have pwoof!"

"What proof is that?"

>Yay!  You get to use your proof!

>There's no way this can fail!

>You give the proof to Ser Selmy.

>He's really nice to every fluffy pony.

>He hands it to Cersei.

 

2/4

 

>Be Cersei.

>You were just handed the fluffy's supposed 'proof' of Joffrey not being Robert's son.

>This could ruin you, Joffrey, Jaime, and everyone else you love.

>You break the seal and unravel it slowly.

>It's a crude drawing of two stick people.

>You guess they're having sex.

>A whole lot of yellow's been scribbled near their heads.

>You guess this is supposed to be Jaime and yourself?

>This is laughable.

>You present it to everyone else.

"This? This crude picture is your proof?"

"Yeah! Gofwey not Wobet's bahbie!"

>This is stupid.

>You rip the drawing in half.

>Eddard just stares at you, mouth agape at what you did, tears at the corners of his eyes.

"This is laughable at best, Eddard."

>Your son speaks up.

"Kill his herd, and throw him in the dungeon.  This will not stand!  This will not stand!"

 

>Be Eddard Fluff again.

>That big meanie Cersei just destroyed the proof!

>You worked really hard on that!

>You're almost crying!

>And now that big meanie Joffrey told his herd to kill yours!

>Sansa's crying!

"Nuu! Don' huwt hewd!"

>It's too late.

>His herd are using their big metal sorry-sticks on yours.

>All of them are begging for the hurting to stop.

>Several of them make bad poopies.

>They shouldn't make bad poopies in the throne room!

>You're being lifted off the ground by your scruff suddenly.

>You're quickly turned around in mid-air.

>It's Littlefinger!

"I did warn you not to trust me."

"Wittafingah betwaeed Eddawd! Wet Eddard go!"

 

3/4

 

>Be Eddard Fluff in the dungeons.

>It's really dark.

>You can't see anything.

>Your tummy is giving you owwies.

>You were crying when they put the sowwychain on you, but you can't cry anymore.

>Suddenly, there's light!

>It's Varys.

>You don't like Varys.

>He always says confusing things.

>Other humans call Varys a 'uu-nik'.

>That means Varys can't have special hugs.

"Eddard, you know you're a dead fluffy walking."

"Pwease Vahwees, wan' nummies."

"The best I can do for you is bring you water."

>He places a flask in front of you.

>You grip the cap with your mouth and pull.

>The water comes spilling out.

>You're so thirsty that you don't mind licking it up, even if the floor tastes not pretty.

"You know, Eddard, if you want to live, you should confess to the queen your crimes and ask to be sent to the Wall. It's better than being dead."

"Eddawd nuu sowwy. Gofwey not Wobet's bahbie!"

"But think of your children. What would Sansa do with no father?"

>You remember Sansa.

>She was crying when they took you away.

"If big meanies nuu huwt Sansa, Eddard sowwy."

>Varys nods and walks away.

 

4/4

 

>Be Eddard Fluff in front of a bunch of people.

>Joffrey is saying mean things about you!

>Big meanie!

>He turns to you.

"You say you have a confession to make?"

"Eddawd sowwy! Eddawd nuu wan' caww Gofwey not smawty fwen. Eddawd wan' go 'way to Waww. No huwt Eddawd!"

>Joffrey smiles.

>He's going to let you go to the Wall!

"My mother, and my dear sweet Sansa want me to send you to the Wall. But they have the weak hearts of women and fluffy ponies! Off with his head!"

>No!

>You see the biggest meanie of them all come up!

>Ser Ilyn!

>He's really, really, REALLY scary!

"Nuuu!"

>Your head's been chopped off.

 

>Be Joffrey.

>Your ego just grew three sizes right then.

>You take Sansa to your private quarters and fuck her because no woman wants a little bitch like you.

>You have her call you King in-between tears.

>Shit so cash.

 

5/4 cause fuck it.

 

>Be Eddard Fluff.

>You're dead.

>Your baby Robb becomes the new smarty friend.

>All the stallions in your herd drown when Robb tries to go to battle in the rain.

>House Greyjoy raids Castle Fluff and kicks it down.

>Literally.

>Castle Fluff was a bunch of sticks stacked up on each other under a bush.

>They take all the mares as salt-wives and drown the foals.

>You have utterly failed your herd.