day 38, 39 part 1

 

>Day 38

>You plop down on your couch, exhausted by the move.

>Even with your ultra-bro trifecta of Spike, Big Macintosh and Rainbow Dash helping, you are still beat. You never thought you’d hate having 5000 square feet of house to fill with furniture.

>Luna helped pull a few strings and got you this big house, most of the furniture, and even gave you one of her ornate telescopes and star charts. You jelly, Twilight?

>The only thing she asked in return was to come and visit you from time to time.

>Whythefucknot?.jpg

>Rainbow calls yells at you from the kitchen, “Hey Anon, we done? How about we celebrate a little?”

>You hear the fridge open and close and out comes Rainbow Dash, holding a bottle of scotch in one hoof and three glasses.

>”Sounds like a plan,” you answer as you take the glass of scotch in your hand.

>Another idea percolates in your head. You head up to your room and dig a few cigars out of the nightstand. Damn they were expensive, but sooooo worth it.

>All four of you hit the couches and just drink and smoke.

>Well, all but one.

>Spike looks at you, drinking a glass of water instead, looking kinda left out,

>Can’t leave a bro hanging

>You hand Spike your glass, with a few swigs left to go.

>”Hey Spike, don’t tell Twilight, ok?”

>His eyes light up. He’s gonna be one of the grown-ups tonight.

>”Thanks Anon!” He takes the glass and tries to gulp a mouthful down, but the scotch fights back.

>Spike loses.

>All three of you laugh as Spike sputters and belches fire.

>”You can’t gulp it like that, Spike! Just sip it. I don’t want to burn down my house for the insurance money yet!”

>Spike laughs along with you

>You hand him a freshly clipped cigar instead.

>Before long he’s blowing smoke rings and laughing at Dash’s dirty jokes. Guess smoking comes natural to dragons.

>mylizard.jpg

>Dash and Mac part ways a few hours later while Spike is asleep, drooling on the couch.

>You consider letting him stay the night, but you imagine a worried Twilight knocking on your door at two in the morning, so back to the library he goes.

>Spike’s a sound sleeper; he doesn’t even twitch when you sling him over your shoulder like a Rarity stalking sack of potatoes.

>You head back home after dropping Spike off. Twilight looked a little suspicious, but she didn’t say anything. Let’s hope Spike can keep his mouth shut. You’d never hear the end of it...

 

>Knock Knock knock

>You roll over. You want to enjoy your Saturday...

>BANGBANGBANGBANGBANG

>You look out the window. The “hurr durr imam hoers”-iest face in existence greets you, hovering just outside your second story bedroom window.

>You wonder if ponies can have Down syndrome.

>”Mail for ya mister!” The grey Pegasus chirps up.

>You open the window groggily and take the mail from her.

>”You’re new around here aren’t ya? I’m Derpy! What’s your name?”

>Really, universe?

>These parents here must hate their children.

>”I’m Anon, I just moved here.”

>She smiles warmly at you and tosses a freshly backed muffin at you.

>”First one’s free mister Anon!” She promptly flies away.

>You sigh and chalk up another insanity point for you.

>After getting dressed and eating your muffin (which was far above and beyond any of your atrocious baking nightmares), you actually look at your mail. One from the mayor of Ponyville (typical  official welcome, blah blah blah...), one from Celestia (wants you to help Twilight with an essay or something on humans, their culture, blah, blah...), and one from Luna.

>Apparently Luna has invited you to some shindig called the “Grand Galloping Gala” or some nonsense. She explains how it’s effectively a ball, and it’s the most wonderful night ever and that she’d be delighted if you’d come and enjoy the night with her.

>Keep reading.

>She must be really excited about this; the letter’s only a page and a half long.

>The event’s only three weeks away, it’s fancy as hell, there’ll be dinner, dancing the night away, etc, etc.

>You sigh.

>You always hated those military balls. Too formal, had to dress up, dance and act like you were having fun.

>No thanks.

>But Luna is pretty much your closest friend, especially after that first night in Canterlot. That, and she spent a lot of time with you there, helping you get acquainted with how life in Equestria is like, and she set you up with all this stuff.

>You feel like you owe it to her.

>With Luna, who knows? You might just have some fun.

 

 

>After sending a response letter to Luna through Spike (you mention in the letter that you need to brush up on your ballroom dancing), you hit up Twilight and ask about her essay you’re supposed to help her with.

>”Oh right! Princess Celestia wanted me to write a report about what humanity is like and culture is like.  Please Anon, have a seat.”

>Twilight conjures a up a notepad and a floating quill.

>”Let’s get started...”

>5 hours later, Twilight closes her notepad.

>You’ve told her about everything from world history to why niggers nigger niggers.

>Ok, maybe not that last part.

>”Thanks for doing this Anon, same time tomorrow?”

>lolwut

>”That wasn’t enough?”

>”Of course not! I need to have a COMPLETE report to send to the princess!”

>You sigh. “Am I at least getting paid for this?” You ask, somewhat annoyed.

>”As a matter of fact, yes. The princess said this will be a paying job until you manage to get a real one in town.”

>Maybe today wasn’t a total loss after all.

>You both hear a loud belch from the other room.

>Spike totters into the room with a sealed black scroll, bearing Luna’s moon insignia.

>”Letter from Princess Luna for you, Anon!”

>Twilight looks a little surprised.

>”Luna’s never sent any of us letters before.”

>”Really? This is the second one for me today.”

>Twilight looks surprised, and a little jealous.

>You read the letter

>Luna writes that she’s coming to visit tonight, both to help you with your dancing skills and go stargazing later that night.

>”So? What does Princess Luna want?” Twilight says with barely disguised curiosity.

>You explain.

>A sly grin creeps its way across Twilight’s face.

>You don’t know whether your jimmies should be rustling or not.

>”What?”

>”Nothing, nothing. I’m sure you two will have fun.”

>You’re getting a little nervous. She can’t possibly be thinking of THAT.

>The very thought of fucking a horse makes you want to vomit.

>Even if she is *more* than a horse.

>If she were human, though... That’s another question entirely

>You don’t notice that Twilight’s horn has been glowing throughout most of your internal dialogue

>Still though, Luna’s your friend. She knows you better than anyone in Equestria, and you probably know her more intimately than even her sister.

>You don’t know. Twilight has never come across as someone who knows of such things either, so you’re probably reading into the situation too much.

>Whatever. You have to prepare for tonight.

>You thank Twilight for your 30 bits and head towards the door. You hear her dictating a letter to Spike, “Dear Princess Luna...”