Laska and Me - Chapter 8

“So, what did you want to do for the wedding?” Eralia asked sleepily, nestled up beside me. It’d become rather late in the night – to the point where it may have been more accurate to call it morning.

 

“…Well…” I mumbled, trailing off.

 

It wasn’t that I had completely neglected to plan that far ahead; I just couldn’t decide on a course of action. Kind of like with the engagement ring scenario. Nor did I have much time to think about it since we’d returned to the room. Eralia had made sure my attention was focused elsewhere.

 

“You have no clue, do you?”

 

“…Yeah,” I said, sighing in defeat, adjusting myself to look her in the eye as she lay half-atop me.

 

Eralia simply trailed a paw across my chest, while smirking. “Something quaint and quiet would be nice, I think…”

 

We were more alike than I thought; I’d been tossing that idea around in my mind for a while. “What, like in our back yard with a couple of friends?”

 

“That’d be nice… of course we’d spruce it up a little, but yes. Maybe some flowers, dress up the fence…. a simple, intimate ceremony…” Eralia said, speaking in a soft, dreamy voice.

 

Seldom did I hear her speak with such wistfulness.

 

It was easy to imagine why, considering she’d never been married. All her previous long-term relationships had come apart due to her inability to have a child… and now here she was, sighing and speaking like a young woman. I suppose women had the right to act like girls every now and then, especially when it’s about marriage.

 

“So you want to wait until the summer then?” I said, scratching and rubbing one of her long, velvet-like ears.

 

Her eyes closed and she let out a satisfied sigh as I worked the length of it, giving extra attention around the base and tips. When I switched ears, the one I’d previously worked on twitched and swiveled, as if trying to draw my attention back towards it.

 

Delaying her response as I tended to her fluffy appendages, she then let out a wide yawn as I ceased.

 

She blinked her eyes a few times and took deep, slow breath. “June would be good, I think. Or maybe July? Considering our plans… or lack of them, we can probably wait to decide.”

 

Half a year of engagement was kind of a long time. I think? I had no idea how long of a gap was typical between a proposal and the marriage ceremony.

 

“Sure, that’s fine. Though I wouldn’t be adverse to seeking out a minister or judge today…”

 

Her soft, fluffy tail flopped lazily across my waist; Eralia had turned to lay on her side, back facing me.

 

She certainly loved to cuddle.

 

 Obliging the girl, I wrapped my arms around her and pressed up tight against her, adding a few kisses along her neck for good measure.

 

A throaty giggle escaped her lips, followed by a content sigh. “That’s kind of selfish, you know~ Besides, I’m… fond of the idea of an outdoor wedding… when it’s warm, and sunny, and…”

 

She didn’t finish her sentence, simply going quiet as she trailed off.

 

As I thought about what she said, my imagination reached out to the arrival of that day. Bright and sunny, with a cool breeze. Hardly any clouds in the sky. The backyard done up with trellises and flowers, their fragrance filling the air. A few of our friends…

 

And Eralia in a wedding dress. A dazzling white dress standing in stark contrast to her raven hair and bronze skin. Her hazel eyes sparking like jewels, her radiant smile, maybe a slight blush on her cheeks… though with her skin tone that last one may be difficult, I had to admit. Still, the mental image I had of her made my heart skip a beat, and I began to smile uncontrollably at the captivating beauty pictured in my mind’s eye.

 

I then thought about her walking down the aisle… who would be the one to give her away? She was completely without family… well, Laska and myself aside. While on good terms with Lydia’s husband, I couldn’t see him being the one to walk with her. Maybe the elderly owner of the shop she now worked at? They’d become fast friends, and the old man usually treated her much more kindly than the rest of the employees there. A little daughter-like, if I had to make the analogy.

 

Maybe there was more to this simple ceremony than I had initially thought.

 

Thoughts of Laska then drifted into my mind; more specifically, my daughter in a dress. Which, for some reason, proved to be most amusing.

 

“What’re you laughing about?” Eralia asked, reaching up to touch my face with a paw.

 

“Oh… thinking about… things. Then I imagined Laska in a frilly dress.”

 

Now it was her turn to laugh as the thought unfolded in her imagination. “That girl has never worn a dress or skirt, has she?”

 

“Not as long as I’ve known her.”

 

“First time for everything… though I wonder if she’d object…” She said, then yawned again. “How about we talk more later? I’m awfully tired.”

 

“Sure, we’ll talk tomorrow,” I said, stroking her ears once again. I felt her tail thump against me lightly a few times despite our closeness, then ceased as she faded rapidly into sleep.

 

How rare for the energetic anubis to fall asleep before me… the insatiable woman had finally sated herself. For one night, anyways.

 

Left to my own, I let images of the wedding dance through my mind. At least, until I felt the onset of dizziness settle in upon me, along with a sudden rush of fatigue. Letting my eyes close, I continued to think of all that was to come as my consciousness faded.

 

--

 

During the rest of our stay there, Eralia had seen fit to ensure we never left the room. Unlike before, she wasn’t letting herself be convinced otherwise, no matter what I did or pleaded. In fact, I think my pleas only seemed to fuel her…

 

A single night had not been enough for her, and she was all too eager to share her overflowing passions. My lack of vitality gave her some concern; my spirit was willing, but the flesh not so much. Proving herself the innovative one, she’d found several solutions to that problem… some of which were fairly creative and alluring. I’m fairly certain every bit of furniture and area of that room had seen been used in some fashion.

 

My condolences to the cleaning staff.

 

 

 

One thing that still bothered me was my guilt over not getting her something; anything, for an engagement gift. I’d kept quiet about it for a few days, then on the day we were to leave I mentioned how I wanted to get her something while we were packing up.

 

Surprisingly, it seemed to actually annoy her more than anything. “You gave me what I always wanted, and I know you didn’t just ‘forget’ a ring or some other silly trinket. You’re far too thoughtful for that,” she said in a huff. “So why worry about it now?”

 

A shrug was all I could muster. “I… well, I feel kind of bad for not getting you anything. Tradition and all that…”

 

She pressed her lips together, and took a few long, purposeful strides towards me. Then poked me in the chest with a claw. “Doing something because it’s tradition is just asinine. There’s no reason to be bound by something like that… not to mention, wouldn’t that make it a thoughtless thing to do? Since you already know what you’ll do because of tradition?”

 

“Well… when you put it like that…” I responded, slumping in defeat and hanging my head.

 

The paw that had extended out towards my chest then rose to my chin, lifting my head up. “Honestly, you know me well enough. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better than you; have more confidence in your decisions.”

 

Her annoyance had faded, leaving only delicate affection on her features.

 

She’d got to the heart of my concerns instantly, and managed say just the right thing to put me at ease.

 

Could a man have a better wife? I’d argue that’d be impossible.

 

“Thanks…” I began, pausing when I realized I was about to say something self-deprecating.

 

Her eyes twinkled, and then she let go of my chin. Perhaps she knew what I was going to say, and was pleased when I stopped myself.

 

With nothing further to be said on that topic, we both returned to finishing our packing and idle chatter.

 

--

 

When we arrived home, I realized that we’d never called the kids before we left the resort. Standing in front of the door, bags in hand, Eralia and I shared a worried glance just after I made mentioned of it.

 

The front door suddenly seemed rather foreboding.

 

So, I decided to play it safe. Setting my bags down and fishing the phone from my pocket, I called Laska. It rang and rang, then went to her voicemail.

 

Eralia set her things down as well, heading over to the garage. When she came back, she confirmed that Laska’s car was still there.

 

Ill tidings indeed.

 

I could knock or ring the doorbell, but I’d hate to... interrupt them. Entering without warning would likely lead to seeing things that could never be unseen.

 

Then, just as I was about to ask Eralia what she thought we should do, my phone rang – Laska called back. And she sounded rather… winded.

 

The safe option had paid off handsomely.

 

Since she didn’t realize we were standing at the front door, I told her we’d be home in about two hours, and then quickly said goodbye.

 

Let her get back to… whatever.

 

Eralia gave me a sympathetic nod and pat me on the back. I smiled weakly.

 

“Well, what now?” She asked.

 

Well, what to do for two hours, I wondered. While I thought I turned to look at Eralia.

 

Her ears perked and twitched when her gaze met mine.

 

“Want to just go to a cafe for a while or something? I’m not really hungry, and I can’t think of much else…” I said, shifting my weight from one leg to the other.

 

A wry smile curled the anubis’ lips. “So, you want to go on a date?”

 

“…Sure?”

 

Go on a date? Curious she mentioned that. While we had done plenty together with just the two of us, I wondered if they’d be considered dates. Especially considering the line between when we were mostly friends that shared in the comforting warmth of the flesh and when we became romantic lovers was hazy indeed. It just… sort of happened, I guess.

 

“Oh my! Who would want to go on a date with an old, married woman like me?” she said, feigning surprise and bringing her paws against her cheeks.

 

What a tired, clichéd line, I thought with a groan. But, may as well play along a little. “Why, I would of course – those young things pale in comparison,” I said, extending my hand towards her.

 

Giggling, she curled up one of her paws and held it in front of her mouth, letting me take hold of the other as she met my reach. “Oh my~ you flatterer you~ My heart is all aflutter~”

 

She wasn’t very good at the whole coy thing, but neither was I with romantic one-liners. I stepped in and gave her a kiss on the cheek, still holding her paw. Better than anything I could say, I thought.

 

Her facade faded, replaced by her usual lop-sided grin and glint in her eye.

 

“Well, where do you want to go, my dear?” I asked.

 

Eralia thought for a moment, then told me of a place not too far away that she’d heard about. Really, any place was fine so long as I was with her – though I abstained from telling her that detail. Gotta save the saccharine one-liners for when it matters.

 

 

 

Making good on what I’d told Laska, we returned just after two hours had elapsed.

 

With a bit of trepidation, we entered the house – and found things to be much like the last time we returned after our trip.

 

Certain rooms and areas appeared to have been thoroughly cleaned, and the young couple was planted on the couch. I wondered if they were trying to give the impression that they were wholesome, or if it was simply their default state when not being horny teenagers.

 

Dropping our bags off in our room, Eralia and I returned to the living room.

 

“So, how was your week?” I asked Laska and Adam after the introductory hellos. “Do anything fun?”

 

Laska was curled up against Adam, his arms draped around her when I first walked in. Seeing us, they began to shift and sit up.

 

“Nah, we just kind of stayed in the whole time,” Laska answered, picking up the remote to turn the television off.

 

“Well that’s boring, isn’t it?” Came Eralia’s voice as she walked into the living room from behind me. She made a bee-line straight for the easy chair and dropped herself into it, kicking her paws up onto the coffee table. She closed her eyes for a long second, and it seemed like she melted into the chair.

 

Good to be home after all, huh?

 

“Boring? Not at all,” Adam chimed in.

 

Poor boy needed to learn to quit throwing such soft lobs to Eralia. I knew what her reply was going to be. Laska knew it, and was already bracing herself.

 

Eralia grinned wolfishly. “Is that so? Well, I know Laska is such a fun girl. No doubt she’s very willing to try new things,” she said happily.

 

Well, she seemed to have exercised some restraint… though Adam still flushed red.

 

Laska simply sighed. “How about you guys? How was your trip?” She then glanced at me, regarding me with a questioning gaze.

 

I’d wanted to kind of tease her and talk about other things before answering her unspoken question, but other than my proposal all Eralia and I did was each other.

 

Having enough of standing, I wandered over and sat on the arm of the chair Eralia was in.

 

“Hmmm… The room was nice. The service I received was exceptional,” Eralia said, flashing me a lurid smile. “And the weather wasn’t too bad… and we did find a nice view.”

 

“Sounds like you two did about as much as we did,” Laska responded with a grin of her own, no longer one to be flustered by the anubis’ comments. She’d even shot back in the same style. Was that a good thing? I couldn’t tell.

 

Eralia moved a paw over, resting it on my leg. In return I laid a hand on her shoulder. “Sure seems that way, doesn’t it?”

 

To an outsider, I imagined it would seem like we were the most boring people around. Go somewhere for a week and hardly leave the room. Though I suspected those in love with women like Eralia would give a knowing nod.

 

“So… what else were you guys up to?” Laska pressed on. Not one for subtly, was she?

 

Eralia pat my leg a few times, then looked up at me. Though it was wedged between her legs and the chair, I could see her tail was attempting to swish back and forth.

 

“Go ahead,” I said.

 

Now her ears swiveled about. She was doing her best to contain her excitement, but she was practically bursting at the seams. “Well… I guess I did have a most unexpected surprise.”

 

Laska nudged forward on her seat; she already knew what the surprise was. However, Adam had gotten out a response before my daughter managed.

 

“Oh? What was the surprise? “ The boy asked innocently.

 

The anubis’ ears swished down against her head before springing back up, and her tail finally broke free and swished upwards. Then her paw squeezed my leg tightly.

 

“A man asked me… if I loved him enough to stay at his side, for as long as we live.”

 

Adam’s first reaction was mild confusion as he worked through her words. Then, with a cough and jab from Laska’s elbow, his epiphany arrived. “So you two are getting married? Congratulations!”

 

“That’s great!” Laska said, her words nearly overlapping with Adam’s.

 

Though she’d already accepted my love for her – my wish to be with her always – it was still hugely satisfying to hear her say it so joyfully to others, especially someone like my daughter. To know that Eralia had pride in me, was… uplifting.

 

No longer able to contain herself, Laska bound from the couch, practically dashing towards us. She then flopped kind of awkwardly onto the chair, half on the arm and half on Eralia. One paw wrapped around each of us as best as she could manage.

 

“It sure took you two long enough! I’m so happy for you, dad, and, and… mom… you really will become…” Her voice was bright, but rapidly began to crack. “I’ll… finally have…” she managed to croak out, but couldn’t manage to finish as tears began to stream down her face.  

 

It had been a long while since I last saw Laska become this emotional. I hadn’t expected her to cry, and with all that’d happened in such a short period of time, I could feel myself approaching the verge of tears.

 

Determined not to cry, I pursed my lips tight, practically biting them. ‘Try not to cry,’ I told myself several times.

 

I cried a lot.

 

Wrapping my arms around Laska, I pulled her tightly against me. It’d been a long time since we’d shared a cry like this, so it was okay. Or so I told myself.

 

“Dad! Don’t… don’t you too… it just makes it harder… for me…” Laska said, her own tears building into sobs when she saw me starting to lose it.

 

She slipped her other paw around me, but unfortunately it’d been kind of the support for us. We both tumbled onto Eralia off the arm of the chair. My wife-to-be sighed, then placed a paw on each of us and gave a few reassuring pats, chuckling to herself. And there we laid in an awkward heap, the three of us occupying one chair. Two of which were crying and clinging to each other.

 

Adam was entirely unsure of what to do; it looked like he made to get up a few times, but decided against it. He seemed to settle on shifting about uncomfortably on the couch.

 

We laid atop the anubis crying for a while… maybe a few minutes, at least. Eralia simply sat there, patting and rubbing us both, smiling beneficently. She then laid her lips on the back of one of Laska’s ears in a kiss, and whispered something I couldn’t make out. Whatever she said was short, and it sent Laska into around round of tears just as she was beginning to comport herself.

 

Unfortunately for me, her tears were infectious and I found myself being dragged along into another outburst with my daughter.

 

Apparently Adam was not immune either. I’d noticed him sniffling and turning away a few times, much to Eralia’s amusement.

 

Several more weepy minutes later, Laska and I had both managed to calm down, separating out of the tangled heap and each of us taking a seat on opposite arms of the chair.

 

“S-sorry,” she said, wiping away the last of her tears. “I knew Eralia would agree, but hearing it… well, kind of made it real… that I’ll have a real…”

 

Not again.

 

But, the woman in question pulled Laska’s head tight to her chest, muffling any sobs or tears that might leak out. It was then I noticed Eralia’s visage waver for a brief moment, like when I proposed. With an iron will she stopped herself, exhaling sharply into Laska’s hair as her eyes showed the barest hint of spilling over.

 

Someone had to be a font of stability around here, and it sure wasn’t me.

 

Once we’d all calmed down a bit more, Eralia released Laska, though her shirt bore the stains of quite a lot of salty water. Laska took several slow, deep breaths, wiped away the last of the moisture on her face, and stood. Ambling back towards the couch, she settled down next to Adam; he’d put his arm around her waist nearly instantly in a one-armed hugged. For his concern, Laska gave him a peck on the cheek and smiled.

 

“So how’d you propose, dad?”

 

“Well,” I began, taking Eralia’s paw. Starting at the discovery of the view at the top of the view, I detailed the events in as flowery and a dramatic fashion as I could. My fiancé smiled anew as she recalled events, and my daughter gave all sorts of happy sighs.

 

All the while, Adam was listening attentively; perhaps he’d tuck what I’d done away in his back pocket for future use.

 

Maybe with Laska.

 

 

 

Laska was somewhat disappointed that we didn’t have any grand plans, and was especially against wearing a dress. We told her that she wouldn’t have to if she didn’t want to wear something frilly, but as much as she complained about it she was oddly dead-set on wearing one whenever we suggested something else.

 

Made me wonder if she actually wanted to wear something girly for once, but felt like she had some sort of image to keep.

 

As talk of the marriage wound down, we drifted back towards the more mundane.

 

Adam had been pestering his parents for a motorcycle, but they’d been steadfast in their refusal. Not that it’d matter much, he said, considering his plans of moving here for school. Only half a year and then he and Laska would be able to see as much as they wanted, and he’d be able to own a motorcycle. Both of them seemed to linger on the topic of what they’d do together when Adam was here permanently.

 

She’d asked if Adam could live with us, but that was one thing I wouldn’t allow her. Not because I disliked the boy or anything, but simply because having two couple living in the same house would just be a rather… trying setting, I think. Eralia agreed with me from the beginning, and Laska seemed to finally come around herself after thinking about it.

 

During all this conversation regarding the future of Laska and Adam, my mind drifted a bit. To think I found the boy that Laska was so smitten and taken with in such an unlikely place. Even now I still couldn’t make up my mind on the events that had led to this, or why I had been so motivated to tail her.

 

If I’d not gone, the boy most likely would’ve simply left or taken up with one of the myriad women available. Who knows what would have happened to Laska? I doubt it’d be the love she’s finally found.

 

Eventually the conversation began to wind down, just in time for Adam’s departure. Like last year, Eralia and I drove the youngsters to the airport, and watched as they said their goodbyes. Once again they clung to each other at the terminal, not wanting to let go until the march of time forced them apart.

 

Laska sniffled some as she hopped back in the car, but otherwise looked to be the happiest girl in the world.

 

--

 

As winter bled into spring, life continued on as it usually did. Or had, maybe… Eralia seemed a little different now. She was a little more tender, both when we were with others and when we enjoyed each other’s company. She’d become somewhat less salacious, though she was still rather overt and teasing. But, at her core, she was still the same Eralia, and I wouldn’t have her any other way.

 

We’d also settled on our wedding plans – who we’d invite, how things would be setup, and of course, the date. We elected on a day late in June, just after Eralia’s birthday. She said that she wanted her new life to begin at the start of a ‘new year’ for her. I was simply thrilled to finally have a day I could look forward to, to know when I’d be able to slide the ring I’d bought over her fluffy finger and say those two words.

 

Excitement, anticipation… longing, would all be correct ways of saying how I felt.

 

I wonder if the me from 13 years ago could have possibly imagined I would now have a loving, fantastic family?

 

Other than that, Laska continued to do well in school, growing more and more excited as the days left until her graduation ticked down.

 

Then, in late May, her day finally arrived.

 

Her place on the honor roll meant that she would be amongst the last of those walking across the stage, forcing us to endure a lengthy session of boredom. We sat with Lydia and Steve at the ceremony, applauding with them as Zoe took her diploma.

 

Now at the age of 19, she was probably fully grown… though I couldn’t imagine the hulking wolf-girl getting any bigger. Not only did she tower over most of her peers at 203cm, but even through the graduation robes one could tell she had a powerful, muscular build. Yet, in spite of her frame, ash grey fur and hair, those pinkish eyes of hers and snaggle-toothed grin couldn’t let me think of her as anything other than the little pup that would play with Laska.

 

Finally it was Laska’s turn.

 

I think what got me the most, watching her on that stage, wasn’t so much that she’d graduated with honors. Nor was it that she’d even graduated at all, really.

 

Her strides were fluid and sure. Her back straight, her head held high. She moved with such poise. Her scars and tattered ears seemed to give her an air of dignity – though maybe it was in part due to how the robe hung from her small frame, fluttering and waving with every step.

 

It wasn’t all that many years ago she would have been meek and skittish, scampering across the stage as if afraid of the world, timidly taking the diploma.

 

Now, she shook the man’s hand with confidence as he handed her that bit of parchment. Then she turned to the audience, somehow finding me in the crowd.

 

And she gave such a cock-sure, proud smile, despite the tassel from her cap hanging in front of her face.

 

That little, scared, abused girl had managed to become a beautiful, intelligent, energetic, happy, and now confident, young woman.

 

Fortunately Eralia had foreseen how things would play out here, and handed me a small pack of tissues with nary a word.

 

 

 

The graduation party was a mix for both Laska and Zoe, and was held at my house.

 

Some of Zoe’s family had shown up along with friends of both the girls. I also finally met Zoe’s boyfriend; though apparently he wasn’t the one I’d first heard about. He was fairly short, and a little heavily built. I was beginning to suspect Zoe had a fondness for those sorts. The mighty wolf-woman, doting on and cuddling with someone 30-35cm shorter than her was an amusing scene.

 

It was a little less amusing when I caught them fucking in the garage, however. Though they weren’t the only ones I’d encountered through the day and evening. A side-effect from having throngs of 18 and 19 year old monstergirls and boys together that are riding high on the thrill of graduation, I suppose. Eventually I just stopped caring and even threw some blankets in the garage so they’d have something besides the cold concrete. Whenever I caught them in the house I’d just ask that they clean up.

 

When, exactly, did I become so used to this? As usual, Eralia was highly amused by it all… and a little turned on, I think, considering she kept pestering me to sneak off with her. When I finally gave in to her predations, she wanted to do it somewhere semi-public.

 

To no one’s great surprise, we were discovered. At least it was by Lydia, who laughed and then gave Eralia a playful swat on her behind before leaving.

 

Was it wrong I didn’t find any of this particularly strange?

 

--

 

June soon arrived – only three more weeks until the wedding.

 

We’d gone to the track twice now; once for a race, and once for a ‘fun’ day. Laska continued to improve, turning lap times that people with twice her experience would struggle to match. During the non-race day, the two of them had also taken to sort of a dueling each other within their group. They’d been yelled at once to quit ‘racing,’ but apparently it was too much fun for them to stop. So on it went.

 

I’ll admit that it was fun to watch them switch places around the track as I watched from an observation tower. Eralia held herself back, limiting her passes to the outside whereas Laska had free reign to dive up the inside whenever the opportunity presented itself. Apparently it was just the right amount of a handicap, considering the two of them were always within a few lengths of the other.

 

How many mothers and daughters, biological or otherwise, had bonding time like this?

 

Unfortunately towards the end of the day on their ‘fun’ day, I was slammed by a nasty dizzy spell that also kind of blacked my vision and left me feeling very… confused. It only lasted about ten minutes rather than the hour-long episodes I’d had before, so I elected not to tell Eralia or Laska about it.

 

Still, it was much different than others I had, so I made another appointment with a different doctor to get things examined. An ear problem wasn’t going to cause vision loss or leave me struggling to figure out where I was or what was going on, after all.

 

When we got home, I finally let slip what happened to Eralia. She became rather angry with me, demanding that I go to the hospital. No matter how much I said that I was fine, she insisted. Finally I broke down and agreed to go.

 

As I expected, the doctors on staff didn’t find anything wrong with me, but they too were concerned it may be something serious. They had a specialist at the attached clinic that they’d urged me to setup an appointment with. Again, Eralia would not let me leave until I scheduled an exam. But, due to the doctor being booked up I’d have to wait a week.

 

Eralia was somewhat satisfied, but not entirely happy. She asked that I go somewhere else for a more proper exam, but I was able to convince her that I would be fine waiting a week.

 

--

 

--

 

At some point in everyone’s life, tomorrow never comes. Sometimes that point comes earlier than we’d like, and sometimes we wish it’d hurry up. One thing is for sure though, it’s never when we want it.

 

Some people fade quietly away, others in terror from the encroaching darkness. Some people pass on forgotten, others remembered by millions.

 

And some are remembered by one scared, little girl, who thought she’d grown up, only to realize how wrong she was.

 

Reading through these diaries made me remember so many things, so many memories, so many happy moments. There was a lot of pain as well, but you need to take the bad with the good, right?

 

I asked myself many times when you found the time to write this, and how you managed to keep it a secret. Not even mom knew about it.

 

I thought that, after reading this, I should let you know what happened on that tomorrow and beyond.

 

Mom woke me up one morning instead of you, rare but not unusual.

 

Heh, a girl about to go into college that still needed to be woken up by her parents, how sad was that? I never did like alarm clocks.

 

Aside from it being mom instead of you, I thought nothing of it. Until I saw and heard the panic on her face and in her voice. I knew instantly that something was wrong, but there was no way I could have been prepared. No way at all.

 

At that moment I knew a terror, an icy fear around my heart that has never once been matched.

 

She then told me you weren’t waking up, no matter what she tried, and your breathing wasn’t normal. In a flash I was in your room, shaking and yelling at you to wake up.

 

Oh, how scared I was.

 

“Dad, wake up, wake up,” I shouted over and over and over, tears streaming down my face. mom pulled me away, saying she’d already called for an ambulance.

 

I railed against her, so desperate to cling to you; like I could will you awake, and everything would be fine. Just fine. Why couldn’t it have been fine?

 

At that time, I was no longer a confident, college-ready woman. Just a scared, five year old girl with no father to hold her and tell her things would be alright.

 

Though she had a good hold on me, it’s kind of pointless to restrain a Cheshire, isn’t it? I simply disappeared out of her paws and next to your bed. Realizing it was pointless, mom let me sob into your chest, crying for you to wake up all the while.

 

When the medics arrived, I finally released my grasp on you, but stayed close all the while. In hindsight I probably just made their job more difficult, but at the time, there was only one thing on my mind. Despite my interference they managed to load you onto a stretcher and into the ambulance in just a few scant minutes

 

I hurried into the ambulance behind you, while mom took the car. It was so, so selfish of me, but my stalwart mother took everything in stride.

 

The ride was short, but it felt like a cross-country journey. The medics in the back were all very worried about you, but maybe for my sake they didn’t say much beyond what was needed as they administered various drugs and hooked you up to various things.

 

Finally we arrived at the hospital, and they wheeled you into the Emergency Room. When doctors rushed up, the medics began talking about lack of eye response, irregular heart beat and breathing, and other such things I couldn’t understand.

 

They whisked you away through a set of heavy, imposing doors, and told me I couldn’t follow.

 

It took a team of nurses to pull me back, one of them a Cheshire like me that managed to somehow counter my ability with her own. Despite their attempts to calm me, my tears never stopped. It was kind of embarrassing, really – an 18 year old woman crying and screaming “Don’t take my daddy from me!” as you disappeared behind doors I could not cross.

 

A few moments later Mom arrived, and I told her the little I knew as she asked at the nurse station about you.

 

After so many hours passed by, every moment feeling like an eternity, a somber looking doctor asked for us. I approached him, my face undoubtedly red and puffy from crying until I had no tears left to shed. Mom was at my side, holding my paw with hers. Though she had yet to shed a tear, I could tell she wanted to be strong for me. She had remained the pillar that you and I depended on.

 

 

 

The doctor said that you’d had a major stroke, and from various scans and tests they performed, they figured you experienced many micro-strokes in your life. I still remember that doctor’s face as he looked at me. I always thought of doctors as an impersonal lot, but maybe he was new, or I just looked that scared. He struggled so hard to speak, as if every word he uttered was the same as him sliding a knife into my guts.

 

He said that you were essentially brain-dead, as too many parts had been without oxygen for too long. There was no chance of recovery – as it was, they were surprised enough survived to keep you breathing and your heart beating.

 

I wanted to cry and bawl, but I had nothing left to shed. Mom squeezed my paw so hard I thought she was going to rip it off.

 

We were led back to you, and you were quite a sight. All sorts of things were attached to you. I touched your body; you were still warm. Your heart still beat. You still breathed. And here I was being told you were dead.

 

The dad I knew I was gone. He’d never come back.

 

They left us alone with you for a while. Despite the noise of the hospital, the beep of the machine that measured your heartbeat, it was very, very quiet.

 

Maybe it was because your voice wasn’t there.

 

Mom and I didn’t say much. In a way we shared our thoughts and feelings without a word, as we sat there at your bedside, hugging each other.

 

Then another man came back, asking if Eralia and you were married, and other such questions. Since you two had not yet wed, they directed their last question to me, your daughter.

 

They asked me to let you die.

 

I found a new wellspring of tears, and collapsed onto the floor. Mom helped me up, glaring fiercely at the man.

 

They told me I didn’t have to decide now, but until I did your body would be kept on life-support, kept hooked up to all those tubes and contraptions.

 

Mom took me home, and held me tightly for many, many hours as I wept and wept. Finally, after I’d completely soaked her shirt, she told me that you were not gone, but rather that we were simply separated for a time.

 

Typical comforting words, I thought, dismissing her. You were gone. And there was nothing that was going to change that.

 

Still, she seemed to believe in them strong enough herself. She was sad, so very sad, but there was some kind of powerful hope to her as well. It confused me greatly back then, but seemed to lend credence to her words. When I asked her how she knew, she simply stated, “I’m an anubis, of course.”

 

I asked her what her supposedly being a judge of the dead had to do with anything.

 

She gave me a knowing smile, but said nothing further.

 

A week went by, with me lamenting the decision all the while. Every moment I wasn’t asleep, I was balled up somewhere in tears.

 

Your condition never improved, and in fact, by now worsened to the point where if they stopped the iron lung or whatever it was, you stopped breathing altogether. I had to write out a note saying to let you go, as every time I tried to speak the words my throat closed tight.

 

I spent that night feeling like I just murdered my father with my own paws. It took weeks until I could look at myself in the mirror.

 

The funeral was small, personal. As you had no will or last testament, we had to decide how to bury you. Ultimately we decided on cremation, and we scattered your ashes where you proposed to mom. Our final farewell, attended those who knew you well.

 

In the aftermath, mom did her best to help me, and I don’t think I could have made it without her. She got me back on my feet, and pushed me to get on with life. “Adam will be here soon, you don’t want to be a weepy mess when you greet him, do you?” she’d say, and then mention how you wouldn’t want me to revert back to the lonely, scared girl you found me as.

 

I realized, after a time, that she really did love me like a mother would. She did all those… mom things, in your absence. Her cooking wasn’t quite as good as yours, and she was a little messy without you to keep her in line, but she picked up the pieces as best as she could.

 

So, I decided to show her the rings you gave me for safe-keeping. Fishing the velvet-lined case from its hiding place in my room, I showed the box to her.

 

Inside were two tungsten-carbide rings. One smallish, the other sized to fit one of her large, furry fingers.

 

As she took the rings from me, I told her how you’d needed my help to figure out sizing. I also told her what you had told me regarding the choice of material for the rings. You’d gotten that material instead of gold, because you knew she wasn’t a flashy woman. You got them because they were strong, unyielding, and could endure the ages – just like your love for each other.

 

While I spoke, she stared down at the rings. Repeating your words made me tear up some, but Eralia simply sighed. She then pulled the large ring from the box, and slid it over her finger, then raised her paw into the air and stared at it.

 

Then she whispered “I do.”

 

That was the first, and only, time I saw her cry.

 

Tears began trickling down her face, though she made no attempt to conceal them. Pulling her paw back down, she seemed to hug it, and the ring, against herself with her other paw.

 

“I love you,” she said in a hushed tone.

 

After a few minutes her tears dried up, and she slid the ring off her finger and placed it back in its case, next to the other, then handed it back to me. She told me keep them somewhere safe, and that was it.

 

In the days and weeks that followed, she made no further mention of the rings, nor the wedding.

 

She did, however, tell me that Adam could live in the house with me. There would only be one couple now, she’d explained, so it was fine. Plus, the property had fallen into my name, so I could do with it as I saw fit.

 

When I was hesitant about it, she insisted. Very strongly. She said I’d need Adam’s support. When I asked why, she simply smiled.

 

On the night I picked up Adam from the airport, I discovered why.

 

Just before I left, she asked me if I would be okay. When I inquired as to what she meant, she shrugged and asked again, more firmly. I thought about it for a while, and finally said that yes, I think I would be. She smiled brightly, and told me ‘I love you, you know. You’re the best daughter anyone could ask for.’ Then she told me to drive safe, and she’d see me later.

 

I thought she meant later that night.

 

When I got back with Adam, the house was empty. I looked all over for her, but couldn’t find anything. Fear began to grip me as I wondered just what happened, but then Adam yelled for me. There was a note on my bed.

 

It read as follows:

 

“Laska, I love you very much. I also love your father, and he must be awfully lonely by himself. I apologize for leaving you, but I know you’re a strong girl, and you have Adam to help you. Cherish him always.

 

Your father and I will be waiting for you.”

 

 

 

 

 

I had no idea what to think or say. My paws trembled as I read the note, but… I did not cry. Adam hugged me from behind, lending me his strength.

 

My first impression was that she had killed herself, but then I wondered about her being race being related to death, and what she told us of her past.

 

Maybe – just maybe – she knew exactly what was going on. Maybe that’s why she wasn’t quite so sad at your passing.

 

Her sudden departure had left me… sad, and alone, but it… gave me some profound strength that I can’t explain. Some kind of hope that I really would see you both again. I felt determined to make you two proud of me as you watched from wherever you were.

 

So I entered college with… a heavy, but happy, heart.

 

 

 

Now I’m in my senior year, and graduation is just a month away. Assuming I don’t totally screw up at the end here, I will be graduating on the dean’s list. Not too shabby, huh?

 

Adam is doing well; he wound up pursuing 3d design and modeling. We worked together on a small project to turn one of his motorcycle designs into a scale model, complete with various machined parts that I created. It’s kind of neat, really – I have it sitting on the coffee table as a display piece.

 

I suppose I should also mention that we married two years ago, using your plan for a wedding, as well as your rings. It really was a great idea; very personal and intimate.

 

And… well, I’m expecting – I should be due around August. Funny how that works, huh?

 

I found out about my pregnancy not too long ago, and that’s kind of how I discovered your diaries. We were clearing out your old room, and a small drawer on an end table slid open, revealing all those smallish books.

 

So here I am, writing on some of the last few pages in the one book that wasn’t completely full. It seems silly that I’m doing this, but I hope that my words and feelings might reach you this way. I’ll be tucking this book back where I found it. Maybe someday one of my children will discover them, and learn just how great their grandfather and grandmother were.

 

Oh, and we instantly decided on what to name our first child, be it a girl or boy. I think you can figure this one out.

 

 

 

Just remember, dad. I’ll always be your little girl, and I love you. Forever and always.

 

I didn't really lose you, I just lost it for a while.

 

I miss you so much.

 

-Laska

 

 

--

Various images drawn by .less for your viewing pleasure

 

http://imgur.com/83naLXr,cDKZ3Rt,I6aJ0Cm,SUbCxPp,bHl2Sbs,mzuKE5h,hLBX88I#0

 

By EmiW http://i.imgur.com/RAAs213.png

 

Questions or comments, feel free to toss me an e-mail at [email protected]