Title:           Shy-Pie 5 - Punchline
Author:          bettyspaghetti
Pastebin link:   http://pastebin.com/ADvi3emC
First Edit:      Saturday 1st of December 2012 07:20:20 PM CDT
Last Edit:       Saturday 1st of December 2012 07:20:20 PM CDT

Shy-Pie 5 - Punchline
 
Previous Chapters:
http://pastebin.com/u/bettyspaghetti
 
>"Catch that mare!"
>you snap back to reality
>the elderly employee trots over to you
>"Young man, could you go catch that mare for me? She's shoplifting!"
Uhhh...
>you freeze
>"I'll pay for your groceries! Just go!"
O-okay!
>you start to run after Pinkie Pie out of the store
>you almost run into the automatic door on your way out
 
>it's easy to spot Pinkie running off
>she's crying tears like a garden hose off into the distance
>however, she's running at sanic level speeds
>Pinkie is somehow the fastest mare in Equestria on hoof
>considering all she eats is cakes and candy, this is surprising
>she's also easy to spot since she's bright pink and Ponyville is covered in snow right now
>you run as fast as you can, but you just can't keep up
>you assume she's going to Sugarcube Corner, so you head in that direction
 
>on your way there, you spot a large crowd of ponies in the street
>you push your way through the crowd
>Pinkie is on the ground in the snow, she tripped on a rock
>she's crying her eyes out and babbling non-sense
>there are adult mare diapers spread all over the place
>the ponies of the crowd are muttering about what to do
>you step forward and scoop the crying mare up in your arms
 
>she opens her eyes and sees it's you
>PP:"AHHHHHHH! KIDNAPPER!"
>nop0ny pays it any mind, everyp0ny in town knows you're a stand-up guy
>Pinkie is trying to wiggle out of your arms
>PP:"OWIE!"
>it seems she hurt her hindhoof in the fall
Let's get you home.
>PP:"N-NO! You're just going to..."
>she's breathing heavily
>her hooves dart for her stomach and she starts crying gallons of tears again
>you're soaked
 
~~~~~~~
 
>the Cakes are on their first family holiday with the foals
>Pinkie has the place all to herself
>you set Pinkie down on her bed
>you've never been inside Pinkie's room before
>it's how you would expect it to be
>balloons everywhere
>party shit
>the usual
>except, now there's a crying Pinkie in the bed
>you're sure that doesn't happen often
 
Pinkie, what's wrong? You've been acting weird lately.
>PP:"*sniffle* What's wrong? WHAT'S WRONG?! YOU'RE WHAT'S WRONG!"
What!? Why?
>PP:"I hate you... I don't know why exactly... I JUST DO!"
I'm confused. What did I do? Are you jealous of me? That's what Twilight said.
>PP:"Jealous!? No WAY! I'm not jealous! You just... make me feel bad!"
Huh?
>Pinkie Pie bites her lip
>PP:"It's embarrassing..."
Please! Tell me. I really want to be friends again.
>PP:"W-well... *gulp* whenever I think about you... I get a fever-- AND I NEVER GET SICK!"
That's weird.
>PP:"I know! And... sometimes... when I think of the times we shared... my tummy gets all rumbley and there's a PARASPRITE in there I'M SURE!"
That sounds improbable...
>PP:"It's NOT since I KNOW you snuck into my room when I was sleeping and FED ME A PARASPRITE!"
I didn't do that!
>PP:"YEAH! You DID! I would NEVER eat an icky wiky parasprite! You opened up my mouth and you shoved it in!"
Do you have any evidence?
>PP:"YEAH! I..."
>...
>PP:"No... I don't..."
>Pinkie's face turns blank as it seems she'd just remembered a lesson from long ago
Pinkie... I think--
>PP:"AND THEN! When I go to sleep, I dream of you and... *sniffle* and..."
>she bursts into tears again
>you reach over and try to give her a hug, but she dodges your advance
>PP:"W-when I d-dream of you I... wet the bed-- BUT IT'S NOT PEE! So that's why I bought diapers and it was super wooper embarrassing and you saw me and.... WAHHHHH!"
>more tears soak the bed
Pinkie--
>PP:"Th-then you h-hugged me and I c-couldn't even breathe!"
Pinkie please liste--
>PP:"AND the WORST part is! *gulp* I've NEVER hated anyp0ny before! And I really really majorly super don't want to hate you! I just DO!"
Pinkie will you just--
>PP:"I'm so scared!"
PINKIE!!!
>she quiets down
Pinkie... you don't hate me. I think you have a crush on me.
>...
>PP:"B-but!"
The parasprites? Those are just butterflies in your stomach. You're nervous to see me.
>PP:"BUTTERFLIES!? I should ask Fluttershy! She knows all about--"
>you put a finger to Pinkie Pie's mouth
>her little mouth scrunches
It's a figure of speech.
>Pinkie's mouth muffles a response around your finger
>PP:"Mmff... Oh... what about the hugs? I couldn't breathe!"
Well, I hate to toot my own horn but...
>Pinkie Pie pokes your nose
>PP:"Honk! *giggle*"
I think you're just enamored with me.
>PP:"What about the dreams?! The ones that make... a mess..."
Uh... I think you're... uh... *cough* Um... *ahem* turned on by me? Maybe?
>PP:"I don't understand."
You're... horny...
>PP:"*giggle* I'm not horny! I'm poofy! Look at my mane, silly! Twilight and Rarity are horny!"
R-right... Anyway, I think the fact that you're talking to me this way proves you don't hate me.
>Pinkie puts a hoof to her mouth in thought
>PP:"Hmmm... I guess you're right... what is a crush!?"
>well then
A crush is when you fall in love with someone... but you're not sure if they feel the same way.
>PP:"Like Mr. and Mrs. Cake!?"
They're married, so... no. This is like the beginning of love.
>PP:"Heh Anon... you're sure a smart guy, but riddle me this. I love cakes and candy, but I've never had a CRUSH on candy! Unless... it's crushed candy but-- ANYWAYS! Crushes don't exist and I just proved I know more about love than you, kissless virgin!"
Okay. First of all, where did you learn that term?
>PP:"*giggle* I heard Rarity say it to a nerd once! Hehehe!"
>you nod, that makes sense
Second of all, romantic love doesn't work the same way as love for food does.
>PP:"Oh..."
Third of all, YOU'RE actually the kissless virgin.
>PP:"WHAT!?"
Yeah, unless you've had sex.
>PP:"I play the sax all the time! Just watch!"
>you grab her hoof just before she zooms off
Sometimes, I think you misinterpret what I say on purpose.
>PP:"PORPOSE?!! That's funny because I have this inflatable dolphin under my bed and--"
>...
>PP:"Okay. You caught me. I was doing it on pOrpose that time. Heh heh..."
 
>PP:"So how do I end this crush?"
You have to fall out of love with me or date me I guess.
>PP:"Dates huh? Like PARTIES?!"
Kinda. You should ask Twilight about it. She's probably read a book or two about them.
>...
I gotta go.
>you turn to leave
>Pinkie grabs your wrist with her foreleg
>you turn around
>Pinkie has bedroom eyes
>PP:"Anon. Do you want to go on a date with me?"
>...
*gulp* Y-yeah sure!
>her demeanor changes completely and she springs out of bed
>PP:"WHOO HOO!"
 
~~~END PART 5~~~
 
>PP:"I was honestly worried you were going to have me poop or fart or something."
---Oh come on!---
>PP:"You're BETTY! What else should I expect!?"
---...---
>PP:"That's what I thought. I liked how I'm a virgin though. Just like I asked~?"
---Don't wet yourself.---
>PP:"SHUT UP!"
---Hue Hue Hue---
>PP:"Gibe anon pls i report u"
---Oh yeah. This one is for you Holy Oats! Love ya bud!---